D+
Title: Lover Revealed
Author: J.R. Ward
Publication Info: Onyx March 6, 2007
ISBN: 0451412354
Genre: Paranormal
15 minute break per union regulations.
Marissa: Man, I am beat.
Butch: Me, too. This “your angst, my angst” thing is way tiring, you feel me?
Marissa: Frankly, I’m a little tired of feeling you. You’re all up my skirt with lust ahoy and then in the next chapter, if it’s not about some blonde baby powder monster man, you’re freaking out about your own worth or some shit, so you get drunk and you blow me off.
Butch: Hey, that’s how it’s written.
Marissa: I’m just saying, if I were an actual woman, I’d have kicked your ass to the curb by now with this, “I want you so much my balls are on fire but I’m not worthy of you” routine. You go get drunk off your ass and whine for awhile while I consider my perfect yet lonely life? Boring.
Butch: What can I say? I’m a sensitive man beneath a crusty exterior, both of which are intimidated by your beauty and perfection.
Marissa: Perfection? Please! I’ve never had an orgasm and don’t know what my vagina is for.
Butch: Like I said, that’s how it’s written.
John: *walks in and waves*
Butch: Time for the obligatory appearance of John?
John: *nods and walks out*
Marissa: (growling) Man, this overemphasis on purity is driving me batshit. What is it with the focus being so heavy on the men to the point that us women are merely beautiful repositories for your manful lust?
Butch: Hey, like I said….
Marissa: Yeah, that’s how it’s written. But come ON now. The women in this series are such conduits to male homosocial eroticism it’s as if they aren’t real. Eve Sedgwick would pound her head on her desk if she read these books.
Butch: Male homo-what now?
Marissa: The homoerotic triangle as described by Eve Sedgwick, in which two men use a woman as a conduit to express their homosexual desire. All the women in these books are merely homoerotic conduits instead of fully-fleshed characters.
Butch: I hate to break it to you, but you weren’t there for the other scene we shot today. You were not needed as a conduit. Trust me.
Marissa: Oh, the hell I’m not. I’m the barrier and the conduit and-
Butch: Can you stop making such weird gestures? You’re getting coffee on my suit.
John: *walks in and waves, then walks out*
Marissa: What, you’re not going to name drop your tailor?
Butch: Like I actually know who made my suit?
Marissa: While we’re on the subject, I do not get the forcible mixing of female stereotypes on top of male stereotypes – it makes for very lopsided characterization. The men are exceptionally metrosexual males with uber-violent tendencies, and the women are barely fully written.
Butch: Hey, at least all us giant well-dressed high-end-Scotch-drinking men are told around by a floating glowing chick in a cape.
Marissa: And what IS her damn problem with questioning authority? You can’t ask her a question? What the shit?
Butch: Like I said –
Marissa: Yeah, I know. You didn’t write it.
Butch: Nope.
Marissa: Let me ask you a question.
Butch: Is that allowed?
Marissa: Bite me.
Butch: *snickers*
John: *walks in and waves, bursts into silent yelling, then walks out*
Marissa: Nice show of angst, there, John.
Butch: You’d think the Brothers or someone would have a clue that that kid needs more guidance than letting him sleep in his missing adoptive father’s office chair. But no, they let him go on in his own agony and pay more attention to the labels on their shoes.
Marissa: Seriously, Butch. Let me ask you a question.
Butch: Shoot.
Marissa: Black jism? Seriously? Black jism? As a male, would you write that?
Butch: Oh, fuck no.
Marissa: I didn’t think so. There are so many potential interpretations of the symbolism of that particular scene.
Butch: Don’t go there.
Marissa: Hell, I have nothing else to do. I show up and stand around looking perfect and give you a complex every other scene. And then I get to have an orgasm but only if you can’t control your raging lust and aren’t drunk off your ass again.
Vishous: Hey, don’t even talk to me about controlling the raging lust.
Butch: Man, did you ever get the short end of the stick.
Vishous: Very funny.
Marissa: Now I’m “feeling” you. You two were more “will they or won’t they” than Butch and I, and we were setup to be together on the back cover copy, for God’s sake.
Butch: True that, true?
Vishous: Double true.
Marissa: Oh, shut up.
Butch: I gotta say, Marissa does have a point. I don’t get it – in one scene I totally get that you dig me, and I let you know that I understand, and then you get all close and I grab your ass and am freaked out by “the vibe” to the point I won’t think about it.
Vishous: I think that was meant to leave something to the reader’s imagination.
Marissa: Yeah, imagination. Imagining them tossing the book at the wall.
Vishous: I feel that.
Marissa: Oh, shut up. And take your boots off the table.
Vishous: “Shitkickers,” ma’am. They’re “shitkickers.”
Marissa: Yeah, that’s real bad ass coming from a man whose name reads way too easily as “viscous.”
Butch: Viscous? You mean like black jism?
Vishous: Shut up both of you.
Rhage: What up, yo.
Marissa: Hey there. You’re totally an accessory character in the book but you have the best line in the whole damn novel.
Rhage: What can I say? I’ve got the best extra “h” name in the book, so I get the funny funny.
Vishous: “Bus exhaust.” Now that was some funny shit right there.
Butch: Yeah. Lucky Bhastarhd.
The short review? This book went around in a damn circle sixteen times, and I finished it solely so I could find out what happened to everyone BUT the main characters. I couldn’t have given less of a shit about Butch and Marissa, and I had to wade through 300+ pages of anghsty crahp before I could find out any progression of character for John, Vishous, and the rest of them.
And also, the villain? WAY too easy to kick the shit out of the villain. They are crafty and everywhere, but it’s amazing how easily they get the can of whoopass opened on their powdery behinds, and how utterly unscary they are, because so much time is spent WITH the villains and their amazing disorganization that they seem more like pale slapstick mimes more than actual menaces. I don’t give a shit about Mr. X. He’s less malevolent and more whiny with every page. The freaking Scribe Virgin is more unsettling than the Lessers, and she’s supposedly part of the forces of good.
But what really twists my knickers is the violation of rules: spoilers ahoy, ya’ll.
So Butch is allegedly part vampire, only he never went through the change at the appropriate time. But because his father was likely or hinted to be a vampire which, according to the laws of the created universe in which this book operates, should have caused him to at least have some transitional indications but didn’t, the Brothers can still force him over to their side through a very strange ritual.
What the crap was that? It’s so fudgy it’s like cheating on the rules.
And that’s how I felt after I finished the latest morsel of vampire crack: cheated. And cranky. Sorry. Crahnky. The books are still eminently readable, but the almost campy, addictive prose is less enjoyable when the story suffers through the lead characters and is only interesting due to the ancillary folks. Of course, I’m told all hell breaks loose in the end of the next one, so I have to decide whether to read it or just leave the series at this book.
Homophobia? (There, I said it. *g*)
Sarah, I shit you not, that’s the best, most simultaneously entertaining and enlightening review I’ve read in ages.
I’ve been doing the “Should I or shouldn’t I?” two-step with this series for a while now. I’ve read comments similar to yours before; I’ve also read the Yeah, it’s maddening crap but addictive crap comments.
I think you tipped the scales for me.
The “h” affectation would drive me batty—and already does, actually, just based on the reviews I’ve read. Any Mary Sue heroine would/does drive me batty. A storyline that backs away from a potentially complex and hot m-m relationship would drive me batty. Dialogue that includes clumsy, sore-thumb “street lingo” would drive me batty. A book larded with brand-name references, considering I’ve yet to recover from Nikes with swooshes…
Okay, you get the picture.
Ergo, why the bloody hell do I need to be battier than I already am?
Guess I’ll have to pass on JRW without even cracking a spine. Lucky me, since Christmas and birthdays are coming.
THANK YOU!!
I kept hearing about this series so picked up this book to start.
I dumped it after five chapters. I don’t remember ever being this disappointed—probably because my expectations were so high.
Everything you said: boring angst masquerading as conflict, superficial characterizations and pointless dragging in of characters who brought nothing to the table. I’d read LKH Anita #57 before another of these.
P.S. This is funny. My verification is never64.
I disliked LR the most I think, and I hated Marrisa… it dragged on and kind of pissed me off. But I’m sticking with the series and I enjoyed LU way more than LR.
Marrisa is and will always be a doormat in my opinion, (which gets people mad when I state it.) And Butch- I never wanted to read about him and even though I’m not into reading the m/m thing its seems that V and Butch would have been a better couple.
Jane (LU) gets so screwed over and she was such a strong character.
But its addictive.
I am the only one OBSESSED with John’s story? I want him to hook up with Xhex (however you pronounce that bitch’s name), have sex that doesn’t involve a stairwell (tear) and find his HEA.
I was disappointed in myself that I didn’t expect more from the Butch/Vishous/Marissa triangle. Don’t get me wrong, I would have adored it if B & V hooked up and Marissa left to “find herself†and a new man…or woman (I wouldn’t have minded either way, b/c I wasn’t invested in her character all that much ). But because this is mainstream romance and the JR ward universe would have BLOWN UP if B&V got together, I knew the M/F relationships are almost all that’s allowed.
I knew I couldn’t invest too much of myself into the B/V relationship because I would be disappointed. The thought had crossed my mind that MAYBE like in some erotica I’ve read that they could ALL end up together as a M/F/M couple and could all screw each other’s brains out till kingdom come and satisfy all those straight, gay, and bi urges that seemed to be racking them through the books.
(Sigh) But I’ll still read everything else in this series and I’ll even buy it in hardback. And I FUCKING hate hardback. (Sigh) Goddamn crack.
I was disappointed in myself that I didn’t expect more from the Butch/Vishous/Marissa triangle
Ward should have gone the menage route. It would have been way more believable.
Never understood why these books were popular… Thank fucking god someone finally agrees with me. I stopped reading the first book in this series half way through, a personal first. I wanted to punch a wall every time someone spoke.
Karen, from your mouth to Ward’s ears.
I suspected with the first book, I knew it by the second. Ward has written herself into a corner with the ‘vampires are born and not made’ theory. Most other vampire books, if a vampire falls in love with a human, the human goes through the sometimes arduous process of becoming a vampire and, Viola! happily EVER after. Or in some cases, the vampire becomes human again, but that usually comes off like a cop-out to me. I always thought it would be interesting to explore what happens when, after a couple of hundred years or so, the Happy Vampire Couple realizes that Ever After is a long time and they are heartily sick of one another, but I guess that would not go over too well.
Anyway, Ward is in the position of inventing a (somewhat) new and different way of giving the human half of the couple a vampire-length existence with every book. Going by recent books, I’d like to think she’s running out of ideas. Not to mention violating her own mythology more than once.
Am I still reading the series? Yes. Addiction is a terrible thing. Although, I do plan on getting the hardbacks from the library. I’m hooked, but I’m cheap.
Yesssssssss! Someone else who agrees with my Kinsale hate! (Her work, not her; undoubtedly she’s a nice person who cares for children and small cute animals)
I’ve enjoyed John’s story so far. I’ll probably read the rest of the series sometime. I like the first four books very much. Yeah, they’re campy and silly; so’s Better Off Dead, and I like it just fine.
“Why is bondage always a sign of bad/wrong/issues with more ‘mainstream’ romance?”
I can recommend a romance where finding that they liked BDSM saved the secondary hero/heroine relationship: Something Deadly by Rachel Lee.
Not addicted at all. I found the popularity of this series a bit of a head-scratcher, having only read Butch’s book. Then after your initial post, SB Sarah, I read some of the earlier books. And yeah, I can see the novelty factor is interesting but DUDE. The language, the melodrama, the angst! For uber-masculine guys, they kind of need to straighten up (ba-dum, tish) and be men, and not wussy cry-babies. D grade is definitely deserved for this book. I skipped the bits with John, Mr X and the Lessers (don’t care, don’t care) and it didn’t affect my understanding of what was going on at all. Surely this is a BAD thing? Kind of like random capitalisation…
Also, on a tangent, I find it very annoying the way she refers to the male characters in prose by their initials. I can just about accept it in dialogue, but it’s just lazy writing in prose. If the author doesn’t want to type “Butch” or “Vishous” then that is the time to use a personal pronoun. Grr. I’m glad I got that off my chest.
“Butch: I hate to break it to you, but you weren’t there for the other scene we shot today. You were not needed as a conduit. Trust me. “
ROFLMAO.
I too no longer have the ‘I can’t possibly wait 6 months’ syndrome, which I’m very grateful for.
I think it was a combination of LR and LU that cured me. I’ll buy Phury’s book when it comes out, but it’s not a desperate thing any longer.
Though I do want to read John’s book. He’s been my favourite character since his first appearance.
She might not have had the cojones to do it with main characters, but she is bringing along one of her baby vampires, can’t remember his name, who is going to be gay.
I’m in through Phury because he’s always been my phavorite, but unless that book is perphection, I may be done.
IMPO, I think Ward might be sort of a victim of her own success? First it was a contract for 3 books, possibly a 6 book series. Then it was a 10 book series. Now it’s a “limitless” series. She’s gone from a world-building scenerio with finite boundaries to one that has no end. That whole fangirl keep reeeeeeading thing makes me batshit crazy.
The only character out of these vamp books I’ve ever enjoyed was Rhage, and that’s because JR cheated by not only giving him shape-shifting abilities into a dragon complete with identifying tattoo (I so heart dragons), she pulled the “BRAD PITT” card whilst describing him.
I am allllllll about Brad Pitt.
My complete review of that Lover book—- was that Dark Lover? Whatever—- is on Amazon, and of course, my own website… And amongst my bitching, I definitely had to bring up the centuries-old vampire men and their strange bizarre urges to talk like wanna-be American Gangstas as opposed to the highly intelligent uber-beings they must be. Or at least, I’d like to *think* they must be after having lived through the eons. I would hope that after *I* have lived through a few centuries, that I could come up with a better greeting than “What up, yo?” which is a salutation I used in high school.
Sarah… You so totally rock. I loved your script. You still have those Percocets handy, because that’s the only way anyone’d ever get me to read through that drivel. 😉
~ Krysia
Don’t you mean he’s going to be ghay?
(Sorry, couldn’t resist.)
Actually I despised Butch’s book and loved Vishous’s (though shame and crack are excellent terms). I liked the kink in Vishous’s book—it didn’t make me squirm like some erotica does.
But I’ve been tired of every male voice being the same, been revolted by Butch for a long time, and wish to god I didn’t have to overlook so much crap to get to the good stuff.
And Laura Kinsale is a god.
Like everyone else, I got through Dark Lover by missing out Mr X and the Lessers entirely. Perhaps they should instruct you to do that in the blurb on the cover? Along with warnings about Mary Sues, today’s letter is H and a warning that this-is-part-of-a-series.
2 out of 5 – I got through it but will never read this author again.
“What is it with the focus being so heavy on the men to the point that us women are merely beautiful repositories for your manful lust?”
Word!
(excuse me, I meant, “Whord!”
The next books are coming out in hardcover? Bwaahahahahahahahahaha. That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all week. Oh, oh wow. Wow. That’s. Hmmmm.
“the Happy Vampire Couple realizes that Ever After [is boring]”
Sorry, didn’t get the whole quote.
That idea gets kind of explored in the Forever Knight tv series. Nick and Jeanette would be together a while, then Jeanette would get bored and go off on her own.
I’m almost finished this book but your review is way better! I read the entire review, laughing hysterically. I’m skimming the book just to get through. The sad part is I think this one is better than several others. I can’t even work up the interest to skim past the first few chapters, especially since I know how they end…
I’m about 45 pages into LU, having finished LR over the Thanksgiving break. I can’t decide if Ward is doing something interesting and complex with the B&V sexual tension or if she’s being a wimp. To have B&V in this intense, passionate, connection could be a redefinition of male friendship. It could be breaking all the boundaries of what we have come to expect from m-m storylines. Perhaps she’s getting at a new way of being for male characters—rather than either being pigeon-holed into “best friend” or “lover”, there’s both going on at the same time.
Or maybe not.
The rest of the wanna-be gangbanger dialog, weak female characters, and inconsistent and contradictory world-building makes me believe otherwise.
Thanks for your review. I totally agree that Marissa is a Mary-Sue to the point of being a wallbanger. All I can say is read on, it looks like Phury is going to get one that is a step or two worse than Marrisa.
LU cured me a little from my addiction. I am not hanging out for the next one like I have been for the others. I think it will get even easier when we get to Rehv’s book. I am not risking the price of a hard cover. Plus the books are now Fiction not Romance. That means that JR can change the HEA rule.
Wow, I thought the review itself was funny, but the ensueing amount of snark on this is out of this fricking world! Can anyone say ‘bhitches’? And not in the good way.
I liked the book. I liked the ones before it too. Yes, I thought it had some problems, and yes, the superfluous Hs can be annoying. And YES, I thought V & B should have gotten together.
But HELLO!!! Has anyone actually read any other romances lately? What’s allthis shit about Mary Sues? LIKE ANY OTHER ROMANCE IN THE FRICKING WORLD bar a small few AREN’T POPULATED BY MARY SUES???? I mean, Nora Roberts anyone? (I like Nora too in small doses). But no, pens at thirty paces against this one.
I’m not saying the books are perfect, but they’re a lot less deserving of the amount of snark they are receiving here.
So there everyone – right back at you!
Love, P
Ok note to self, must do the Preview thing next time.
I have noticed I just called everyone here a ‘bhitch’ – not quite what I meant. I disagree with just about every one of you, but it’s not a crime you don’t think my way, is it? Nope. Damn.
Also, the fake and insincere ‘Love’ at the end also annoyed even me. So please strike that from the record.
Still disagree with y’all though.
Ooo, my code is death23! Wow, how in keeping with my general mood of the day. Cool.
How did I miss this review when it first posted? This took me past LOL and into UGSK territory—uncontrollable guffaws scare kids. You completely nailed my problems with this book.
And Phury’s book? I will not be buying, which is sad because at one time, his was the one I was most looking forward to. She’s completely ruined him for me since Zsadist’s book. His twin, who had suffered horribly and for whom Phury had sacrificed so much, is now happy and healing. What kind of ass wouldn’t at least attempt to be happy for him?
Besides that, I’m not into drug addicts at all, and he whines WAY too much. “Oh, I can’t have my brother’s wife, so instead of making any sort of positive move like trying to find a woman of my own, I’ll just drink even MORE—and I already drank like a fish—and smoke drugs all the time. And think about suicide. And do more drugs, too.” This is not heroic behavior. Even the “damaged hero” doesn’t stretch this far, IMO. When I read about a dangerous hero, I need to believe that he might be bad for everyone else, but he’d be good to his woman. Phury is in a self-destructive pattern that would destroy anyone around him. NOT romantic!
So no, definitely no Phury book for me. My walls need no additional dents.