So we open back in Malta at the Pre Dreaded Rose Ceremony where Maria is crying. There was beef between Sydney and Maria (that appeared to be manufactured entirely by Sydney). Joey sent Sydney home, but now Lea has taken over having pretend drama with Maria. None of this makes any sense by the way. Don’t try to think about it too hard. Then it’s time for the Dreaded Rose Ceremony. Maria has a date … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S28 E5: My Heart is in My Ass →
My husband, Rich, wanted me to wait until he got home to recap this episode because said the first episode is always the best one. That’s like picking the best turd out of the litterbox. In case this is your first time reading one of my recaps I have a theory regarding The Bachelor. No one wants to win this show. You want to stay on it long enough to enjoy the free booze, free travel, … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S28 E1: Even Canada Says No…Thanks →
A special bonus Hide Your Wallet! I met Dr. Jodi McAlister in Australia a bunch of years ago, and I knew she was writing a series inspired by The Bachelor and The Bachelorette – which, y’all, the Australian version is allegedly extremely good. Jodi has recapped that series for BookThingo. Since I follow Jodi on various social medaes, I knew she’d released Here for the Right Reasons, but it was only available in Australia. Oh, … Continue reading Jodi McAlister’s Bachelor-Inspired Series Available in the US for a Limited Time! →
We are closing in on July, which might be my least favorite month. That or August. Depending on your part of the world, I hope you’re staying cool or warm! It’s a sweat fest here. My brother will be back on base after his deployment ends next month, and I’m ready to travel! He’s stationed in Europe and is excited for me to visit. Can’t wait! Anyway, let’s get into some links, shall we? … … Continue reading Links: That’s a Moray & the Bachelor →
Romance fans, there is a version The Bachelor that isn’t terrible! Let’s visit New Zealand, where at least one man will fall for you when a koala poops in your belly button. My reading took a nosedive as we hit the March pandemic anniversaries, so I turned to television. Every season I try to enjoy The Bachelor, and most years I angrily give up midway and read Elyse’s recaps instead. I want my dating shows … Continue reading Squee: Bachelor New Zealand →
Strange Love by Ann Aguirre is a delightfully weird, heartwarming romance featuring a virgin alien hero, an abductee heroine, and a talking dog. It’s a blend of Alien, The Bachelor and The Hunger Games. It’s also a middle finger to people who claim that romance novels are formulaic and rely on rich, handsome heroes to seal the fantasy. The hero in this book is Zylar of Kith Balak, a vaguely insectoid alien who comes from … Continue reading Strange Love by Ann Aguirre →
It’s a new year and with that comes a new season of The Bachelor. If you’re new to my recaps, please understand that I have exactly zero faith in the show’s ability to produce true love between its contestants. No, I watch The Bachelor under the premise that the last thing any of the contestants want to do is actually win. So why go on the show? Think about it: you get to live in a mansion … Continue reading The Bachelor–S24 E1: Pilot Pete →
We’ve reached the point in the year where I watch The Bachelor so you don’t have to, an act of charity that requires the consumption of alcohol. (These are our archives, in case you need a few hundred thousand words of horror-tinged hilarity as a distraction today.) This year might actually break me. This season’s Bachelor, Colton, is a virgin, a fact that has been mentioned approximately eleventy billion times in the previews I’ve seen. I’ve … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S23 E01: Happy Fucking Birthday →
It’s that time of week again, when we gather around the TV to watch fifteen women compete for the love of a man who can’t figure out how couches work. Fortunately we have travel to exotic locations and champagne to get us through. Previously on Elyse Watches The Bachelor… Nick took the ladies to his hometown of Waukesha, WI where they milked some cows and no one was happy about it–not even the cows. Nick … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor – Episode Five: Murder Forest →
Previously on Elyse Watches the Bachelor… Thirty women show up at a McMansion somewhere in LA to meet the 21st Bachelor, Nick Viall AKA This Fucking Guy: In my previous post I put forth my thesis that no one actually competes on The Bachelor to win The Bachelor. So why go on the show? Because you get to hang out with thirty other awesome women, drink up all the wine in Chateau ABC’s cellar, and … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–Episode Two: Slut Shaming →
If I were single, ten years younger, and a dental hygienist, I would totally try out for The Bachelor. Maybe that surprises those of you who know me for who I am: a pixie-haired, foul mouthed, eye-rolling feminist. But here’s the thing–I contend that no one actually participates in The Bachelor in order to win The Bachelor. He’s the shittiest prize of all. No, my friends, I am here for the amazing free travel and potential … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor – Episode One: Strategy →
