I came home from work, kissed the cat and the husband (in that order), ate something, poured a drink, turned on the TV and went “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” The Bachelorette finale is three hours long. I can’t drink that much on a weeknight. I wanted to be in bed by nine. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME ABC? WHY?! Anyway, we’re down to three dudes, Peter, Eric and… um… oh, yeah Bryan. Everyone … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette – Episode 11: FML This is a 3 Hour Finale →
Yesterday afternoon my husband texted and asked if this was the finale of The Bachelorette. I pointed out that there were still three dudes left. “Who is the third?” he asked. Bryan. Everyone forgets Bryan. Anyway, it doesn’t matter because tonight is the two-hour Men Tell All Special which is basically a clip show with Chris Harrison stirring up some shit periodically. According to Chris this episode is a “very” special episode. Oh, fuck. I … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette – Episode 10: Ocular Facts →
We had a two-hour Bachelorette last night, and now we have another two-hour episode tonight. If I’m coherent at the end of this recap, it will be a miracle. Pour yourselves a drink, people. I’ve got just enough rum to see me through the night. Last night everyone went to Norway. Well not everyone. The cast of The Bachelorette. Peter and Rachel may have had sex in a hot tub. Lee and Kenny went on … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–Episode 6: Goodbye Mr. Tweeters →
It’s Monday night, the night when I get drunk on Kraken rum and watch The Bachelorette for your entertainment. This week we have a two-hour episode on Monday, and a two-hour episode on Tuesday. Pray for my liver. Is anyone out there a doctor? Because I’m really going to need a note for work on Wednesday. Boss: “Elyse, why are you in pajama bottoms and is that a tortilla chip in your hair?” Me: Anyway, … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–Episode 5: Pray for my Liver →
It’s that time of year again…the season I like to call “Hangover Tuesdays,” when I get drunk on Monday night and watch The Bachelor for your entertainment. This time around it’s The Bachelorette. After thirteen seasons of this shit, ABC finally got their act together and gave us a Bachelorette, Rachel Lindsay, who is a woman of color. Slow clapping it out for you, ABC. Rachel is 31, a civil litigation attorney, and hails from Dallas, … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelorette – Episode One: Who the Fuck are These Guys? →
Previously on Elyse Watches the Bachelor… Thirty women show up at a McMansion somewhere in LA to meet the 21st Bachelor, Nick Viall AKA This Fucking Guy: In my previous post I put forth my thesis that no one actually competes on The Bachelor to win The Bachelor. So why go on the show? Because you get to hang out with thirty other awesome women, drink up all the wine in Chateau ABC’s cellar, and … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–Episode Two: Slut Shaming →
