I apologize in advance for this cover, as I know you're all going to scream. I tweeted it last week and people were hollering at me on Twitter for hours afterward. Nightmares, twitches and phobias, all awakened by a single romance cover.
It's so awful, I'm going to put a second silly cover beneath it to help sooth your ravaged psyche. You ready?
Ok, breathe! Breathe again! And look at this guy sniffing a glowing wangsword. Focus on the wangsword before you caption the clown. Breathe in, breathe out.
I think “Focus on the wangsword before you caption the clown” might be one of my most favorite sentences ever. The glowing wangsword spent a lot of time in the sidebar a month or two ago, and many of you commented on his glowing majesty. Let him guide you to mental peace and clarity before you behold the clown romance again.
Anyway, caption that clown! Leave your favorite caption for the clown in the comments, and I'll pick the winner. You can “like” your favorite comments to try to influence my voting. You've got 48 hours, and the winner will receive a $25 gift card to the bookstore of his/her choice.
And if you want to cleanse your palate by captioning the glowing wangsword, go ahead – just tag it “THE WANGSWORD” in the comments so I don't get turned around.
Standard disclaimers apply: I'm not being compensated for this giveaway, except that the clown is now on my harddrive. Void where prohibited. Winners must be over 18 years of age and wearing a nose. A big red one. One Direction gives me the jibblies. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Don't take candy from a bowl if the candy isn't wrapped. Not only do most people not wash their hands enough, but maybe the clown touched it.
So, bring on the captions. And try to keep breathing. Gaze at the wangsword and you'll feel better.
The Hungry Ones: A fanfic extravaganza featuring Hermoine toying with Dr. Whiteface of the Fool’s Guild, and trading angst for anxiety disorder.
(Is there a runaway BDSMC bestseller in the offing?)
Jane knew she shouldn’t have made that last wish while still nursing her head cold. What she’d really said was, “I want someone to go down on me.”
Ordinarily I’d be terrified of you Clown Man but I’m in so much pain from my jeans riding up so high I need the distraction.
THE WANGSWORD: He knew the Hitler moustache was a mistake. Until he could make it to his shaving kit, the sword was his only hope.
THE WANGSWORD: He knew the Hitler moustache was a mistake. Until he could make it to his shaving kit, the sword was his only hope.
The Hungry Ones:
Pogo: “Hey Candy, want me to show you a magic trick in that dark, deserted alley over there?”
Candy: “What the hell. You’re only sixteen once right?”
Wangsword: Does this sword make my nose look big?
Cindy Lou was so excited she felt her panties go damp. Sure, she knew it was wrong but clowns just did it for her and this one was one fine piece of clown ass!
“Hey, is that a horn in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
Bringing new meaning to the term “big top clown”.
Hey, little girl, I have a lollypop in my pants for you
Maybe, Bobo would later reflect, Susie had been the wrong person to go to for a makeover.
Has anyone found a description for this book yet? I’m twisted enough to be dying to know.
Also, I can’t stop looking at it. Help. I’m hypnotized by Bozo and Pigtail Girl!
She’d tried. Highwater flares, pigtails and bows…but she still wasn’t enough clown for Mr. Checkers.
Find the Hidden Theme:
Wangsword has Krusty the Klown emblem below the hilt.
Win!
The Hungry Ones:
Katie knew she was one of the hungry ones who wanted a successful career. She knew the way to get there was via casting couches but just how badly did she really want to be on The Bozo Show?
Mage of Silence:
“If you think my sword smells bad you should smell my finger!”
Thanks!
Laura
“Grandma, I said I was looking for a copy of The Hunger Games, not The Hungry Ones.”
and
When Katniss saw the District 2 contestants, she knew by their clothes she could take ‘em.
I’m sorry but the glowing wangsword has Homer Simpson with a mustache on the middle of it and that’s absolutely all I can see.
Thank god, because you SHOULD NEVER SPRING A CREEPY CLOWN ON SOMEONE, EVER!
L Violet- I didn’t take the time to ready comments before posting.
Great minds think alike- or at least along the same cartoonish theme!
Instead of class clowns, they were all clowns and no class.
With the Great Pie Shortage going on it was every man…er clown for himself.
“I bring a whole new meaning to “Clowning Around’‘.
Wangsword: see the pretty dog face? No, not there, lower…lower…keep going…
(Seriously, am I the only one who see the little doggie face on the guard?)
Wangsword: Oh, sorry. I didn’t know. I’ll put it in you and not up my nose.
the clown: He had always been awkward, clumsy even, and couldn’t seem to attract women. But with a name like Bobo what’s a guy to do? Vickie looked like the wholesome girl-next-door type. But deep in the shadowy recesses of her mind lurked dark, depraved, and wicked fantasies. Just what was it about red checkered onesies and guys with monosyllabic names? Luckily she also had a foot fetish.
As for the wangsword….I just can’t get past his fantastic eyes.
“I don’t know, honey. The shoes, I like, and the red satin is to die for. But the ruffles are, shall we say, un peu de trop?”
The wangswordsmith is about to make sword swallowing old hat – and fix that chronic sinus infection at the same time!
Penny