I apologize in advance for this cover, as I know you're all going to scream. I tweeted it last week and people were hollering at me on Twitter for hours afterward. Nightmares, twitches and phobias, all awakened by a single romance cover.
It's so awful, I'm going to put a second silly cover beneath it to help sooth your ravaged psyche. You ready?
Ok, breathe! Breathe again! And look at this guy sniffing a glowing wangsword. Focus on the wangsword before you caption the clown. Breathe in, breathe out.
I think “Focus on the wangsword before you caption the clown” might be one of my most favorite sentences ever. The glowing wangsword spent a lot of time in the sidebar a month or two ago, and many of you commented on his glowing majesty. Let him guide you to mental peace and clarity before you behold the clown romance again.
Anyway, caption that clown! Leave your favorite caption for the clown in the comments, and I'll pick the winner. You can “like” your favorite comments to try to influence my voting. You've got 48 hours, and the winner will receive a $25 gift card to the bookstore of his/her choice.
And if you want to cleanse your palate by captioning the glowing wangsword, go ahead – just tag it “THE WANGSWORD” in the comments so I don't get turned around.
Standard disclaimers apply: I'm not being compensated for this giveaway, except that the clown is now on my harddrive. Void where prohibited. Winners must be over 18 years of age and wearing a nose. A big red one. One Direction gives me the jibblies. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Don't take candy from a bowl if the candy isn't wrapped. Not only do most people not wash their hands enough, but maybe the clown touched it.
So, bring on the captions. And try to keep breathing. Gaze at the wangsword and you'll feel better.
Jenny and Honker were hungry indeed.
Honker: “May I have your cherry?
Jenny: “Only if I can have some of your whipped cream…”
Gotta tell ya, that sentence would work better for me without the word “backseat.”
Clown: Hey, little girl. I gotcher “candy” right here.
Wangsword: It really does smell like teen spirit.
And if you’re really good, I’ll let you pull my “finger”.
Clown pic: “Jan wondered just how much ahead she could go if she slept with the Clown College dean.”
Wangsword (just for the heck of it): “Want to see my REAL glow worm?”
Hey sweetie! I got a few toy balloons that I can use on you. Wanna see if you can make them pop?
I have no caption. All I can say is I prefer the clown to wangsword. Sorry but that guy is U-G-L-Y and he ain’t got no alibi!
How about “Pancake Makeup and Sausage Gravy”?
Or “Big Shoes For A Big Ho”
And did you notice the clown has his shoes on the wrong feet?
Is that a red nose in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
The top one: “I Was a Teenaged Clown Fetishist”.
“Hey there Sue-Ann, want to see my funny bone……..er”
Everyone is apparently thinking the same thing: This is rule 34 at work.
My offering because I’m a team player:
“Hey girl, just doing a white glove test to see how dirty and naughty you are.”
I know. My offering is horrible, but that cover is just wrong. As for the wangsword (love that word. lol)
“Hmm, maybe I should have washed my hands better.”
Fortunately, Snowqueens Icedragon’s fanfic regarding John Wayne Gacy was not as popular.
After one too many lonely nights watching TV shows about serial killers and the women who love them, Daniel hatched his sick plot to meet the woman of his dreams…or his nightmares. Is Susan just a misguided fool looking for love in all the wrong places? Or is she one of…The Hungry Ones?
Re #2-
Legolas, quit holding your sword there. It’s not hiding your cold sore.
For her face, her fringe, her expression and her 80s fashion –
Diana and Charles: the premonition
When she asked her husband to dress up for dinner she was sure she didn’t say it was a costume party.
The adventures of Silly Sally, The Clown Slayer
Hey Sweet Thang, do you want to see my deadlights?
“Hey, little girl – wanna see how fast you can pop my sausage balloon?”
Here’s a little bit about the cover artist for this 1966 romance, Elaine Duillo (which is where I suspect people saw this cover and started winging it around the Internet) http://gurneyjourney.blogspot….
“I saw how you watched me make those balloon animals, and you were riveted by my powers of prestidigitation. How would you like to have these hands on your body? We’ll make magic together!”
BTW, that cover is seriously creepy. SRSLY! *shudder*
As for the wangsword, I can totally see the little dog face. Now his eyes don’t suck me in, because the little dog is yapping and distracting me. You’ve saved me!
He was…The most interesting man in the world. It was such a tragedy that Sally was blind and couldn’t appreciate all he had to offer her.
But the very worst part of bearing witness to Sally and Jo-Jo’s love affair was when they did a duet of Send in the Clowns.
THE HUNGRY ONES
Clown: “Can I put my face in your cream pie?”
Woman: “That depends – are your shoes a good indication of your size?”
WANGSWORD
“King Arthur had been wondering about Guinevere’s fascination for men with big swords………..”
She is wearing pigtails. This unnerves me even more. 0_0
Caption for Clown Cover:
A little song, a little dance, a little Chuckles in your pants.
“Michelle? My name is Jim Bob. Let’s prove a vagina really *can* be a clown car.”
Hey baby, ever do it with a clown before. I let you honk anything you want.
Hey this sword smells funny. Here you smell.
Just the first things I thought of.
christinebails @ yahoo.com
Infallible birth control!
Lucy had been excited when Michael mentioned he had a fetish he wanted to try out to spice up their love life. This, however, was not quite what she had in mind…
As for the second cover:
Wangsord 2.0 – now comes with pheromones
Me, too. I wore pigtails in the 80s, but I was 13, and even so, I didn’t tie ribbon bows around them.
The Hungry Ones: If you don’t unhand me, I’m gonna stick that nose where it hurts.
Mage of Silence: Vicks Vapor Wand – it really works!
Kelly was aware if the adage “big nose, big feet, big . . .”. She wondered what else was happening under the big top.
[imagine soulful photo of Ryan Gosling here]
Hey girl, sorry about this costume, but it’s the only way we can be together in public without my being mobbed. Your skin is so soft.
Sally liked Jojo, but she was a little concerned about starting an affair. If she let him in, how many of his friends would try to cram in at the same time?
Even though she was ashamed Lucy kept coming back to Charlie, only he truly understood her balloon animal fetish.
You can leave your hat on!
I dig em’ in pigtails.
1. Cirque de Psycopath
2. This sort of thing is exactly why we don’t talk about Fight Club.
Tanya and Gary both hungered for freedom – from extremely bad fashion choices and their unfortunate career choices. Could they find it together?