Under the Lights

by Dahlia Adler

June 30, 2015 · Spencer Hill Contemporary

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A few weeks ago, I was telling folks on Twitter that I’d made a rather large dork of myself (not like that’s at all difficult) by begging a publisher to approve a NetGalley request for a New Adult F/F novel about actors on a teen drama. Someone pointed my ridiculousness out to the author, who contacted me very kindly and sent me an ARC – which was very cool of her – and so I read it.

A few things of note: I don’t usually read NA. It’s not my thing much of the time. But this book was composed of a few fine, high-grade samples of my catnip, including the behind-the-scenes setting on a tv show or movie (thanks to Judith McNaught’s Perfect, that is always tempting).

I really wanted to read this book, and I’m glad I did, even though I wish it had been more of what it almost was, instead of what the cover copy sort of said it was. The back cover copy talks about both Vanessa and Josh, almost setting them up as the lead pair. But as the cover illustration makes clear, this is Vanessa’s romance, and her romance is with Brianna, who is the daughter of her publicist, Jade. That’s what I wanted – that story was terrific.

Vanessa is the lead actress on a teen drama, Daylight Falls, and Josh is the new guest star – and their chemistry is perfect for the show. They do not like each other much, but their characters on tv are wildly attracted to each other. They’re in each other’s company more and more, since Vanessa’s best friend Ally has moved to New York for school, and Vanessa is left without a major element of her support network. It’s not so much a network, really; it’s just Ally.

When Vanessa meets Brianna, at first there’s an almost parallel relationship that mimics Vanessa’s relationship with Josh. Vanessa is really confused by her attraction and frustration with Brianna, but again, they end up spending a lot of time in each other’s company, which gives Vanessa time to figure out that what’s she’s feeling is attraction. And that Brianna knows it, and is attracted to her, too.

This is book 2 of a series, and I don’t know if you have to read book 1 in order to get book 2. I didn’t read book 1 because I’m impatient, but I believe that the continuing story of one of the major characters in this book, Josh, has more meaning if you read book 1. So my half-baked opinion on series order: there’s more story if you read both, and one character probably makes more sense if you read both, but I was reading this book for Vanessa, and her story seemed complete in this book.

Which leads me to my next point. As I mentioned, the description of this book matches what the book is, but the cover shows more of what I wish the book had been. I wanted more of Vanessa, and less of Josh. The chapters alternate between first-person point of view, with Vanessa and Josh narrating their own stories. Most of the time, I could tell within a paragraph who was narrating, but sometimes I had to check the name at the top of the chapter heading to confirm that the narration had switched.

Josh’s storyline is basically his growing a pair and cashing in on his fame and connections to establish an income enough for him to figure his own life out independent of his parents. Not a lot of character evolution amid the drama, there. His parents are manipulative, especially his mother, who corners him into being on a reality show based on their family, which he doesn’t want to do. If he doesn’t, though, his parents will kick him out of the beach house where he lives, because they own it and he doesn’t pay rent. I did like watching Josh move from self-absorbed dicksatchel to being a more considerate dude who doesn’t get everything he wants and has to deal with it. He has offensive nicknames for people (he calls Vanessa “K Drama” for instance) but then drops those nicknames once those people become actual people in his estimation. Like, other people have feelings and, dude, whoa. He’s a dick who learns to be slightly less dickish.

But he didn’t necessarily need to be in this book. Josh learns pretty quickly that doing what he wants to do instead of what other people (his parents) want him to do would result in his life being a bit uncomfortable. His is a tepid reflection of Vanessa’s storyline. It enhanced Vanessa’s a little, but his presence also detracted from the story I wanted more of.

And most of all, I wish I had more of Vanessa, and of Brianna’s perspective, too. I didn’t want to see Brianna through Josh’s narration. I wanted to know what Brianna was thinking and feeling. Part of Brianna’s conflict with Vanessa is that Bri is the first female Vanessa has been attracted to. She’s the cause of Vanessa’s realizing that she might be bi, or maybe lesbian. (I did like so very very much that each characters’ understanding of sexuality was fluid and not bound by specific rules and limitations.) Brianna figured out in high school that she was bi, but she also had the painful experience of having someone she was attracted to make out with her and then insist their feelings and actions weren’t real, that she wasn’t “like that.” When Bri came out, that friend spread rumors about her and dropped her entirely. Brianna has very little patience for what she calls “straight girls playing” with her feelings.

Meanwhile, Vanessa struggles with being both hyper-aware of herself and her role in the world, and blindsided by a major discovery of who she is. She’s a Korean-American actress, and she mentions several times that she’s one of very few who have lead roles, and the only one who is the lead on a teen drama. She has to manage her publicity just right to keep her career going. She says a few times that she doesn’t ever get calls for rom-coms (unless it’s an ensemble comedy, like “St. Patrick’s Day,” which made me laugh so hard because yes that is totally true and I’m sure there’s an ensemble rom-com in the works with that title right now.) There are so few Asian actresses getting lead roles to begin with that she’s fearful her current job may be her last. She knows that many young people look up to her and idolize her, and she has to be so careful about being seen drinking or doing anything improper or inappropriate. Not only would her publicist be furious with her, but her parents, who are barely tolerant of her career as an actor and expect her to quit acting when her show ends and go to college already, would probably throw her out of their home. Her coming out and having a public relationship with Brianna would be an even bigger deal.

I wish there had been more scenes with Vanessa’s parents. She had an extraordinary amount of freedom, which fits for a person who is over 18 and working as an actor in LA, but she also worried a lot about what her parents would say and do if they found out about various things she was doing. That didn’t make a lot of sense to me because we only had two scenes with her parents, and they’re both toward the end. Her parents are a shaming influence for Vanessa in her mind, but they’re not actually present.  Vanessa is scolded and addressed by her parents in only one scene, and it’s in one of the last chapters. If her parents were really a monitoring presence in her life, I’d have expected to see more of them.

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The fake relationship might have seemed too fragile and too flimsy a reason for Vanessa to deny her attraction to Brianna, but I think Adler extended its lifespan to its useful limits. The fake relationship – and its purpose as a publicity tool – matches Vanessa’s realization that in order to be who she is, she has to not only give up that relationship, but she also has to potentially give up her dream of continuing to have a successful career. As she points out, there aren’t that many lead roles for Korean-American actresses already; there would be even fewer if she came out. She knows her industry, too: as she puts it, the actresses that have come out publicly either already had enough income, residuals and money in the bank that they didn’t have to worry about it, or they were ok with not being as successful. Vanessa and Brianna recognize that Vanessa’s coming out potentially damages her future career prospects.

NB: In terms of what age group this book is for, it’s tagged as both YA and New Adult. The characters are over 18, but under 21, and there is one on-the-page sex scene, should you be wondering if this book is suitable for a reader you know.

I found this book very easy to get into once I picked it up, and very difficult to put down. My interest waned every time Josh narrated a chapter, but at the end of each of Josh’s chapters there was more of Vanessa, and so I kept going. While I still very much wish this book had featured more of Vanessa and less of Josh’s story, his story did reflect Vanessa’s in a way that highlighted how painful and difficult her choices were compared to his. He just didn’t necessarily need to be half the narrative. Either way, I’m definitely glad I made a giant dork of myself by asking for a review copy.