The Unhoneymooners

by Christina Lauren

May 14, 2019 · Gallery Books

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The Unhoneymooners is an enemies to lovers romance set in a romantic destination. It has Christina Lauren’s trademark humor and wit, but a plot twist and tonal shift knocked me off balance and left me unable to regain my footing.

Ami and Olive Torres are twins. Ami is the lucky one, winning many of her wedding planning items from the dress to the food to even her honeymoon, through a mix of contests, sweepstakes, and agreeing to use her wedding as promotion. But when ciguatera toxin takes out the entire wedding, Ami and her groom Dane included, Olive and the man she hates most, Dane’s brother Ethan, are the only ones left standing. With the honeymoon nonrefundable, Olive and Ethan begrudgingly agree to pose as newlyweds to get to Maui and plan to spend 10 days in tropical paradise, separately. Things get complicated when Olive runs into her soon-to-be boss and Ethan bumps into his ex girlfriend, meaning that they’ll have to be a little more convincing as husband and wife. The all-expenses-paid vacation is dependent on their posing as Ami and Dane. If anyone gets wind that they aren’t who they say they are, they have to pay out of pocket for the cost of the entire trip.

Forced proximity, a gorgeous vacation, and rum-filled drinks give way to romance.

After finishing the book, I knew it was going to be a challenge to review and grade. As a romance reader incredibly familiar with Christina Lauren’s backlist, The Unhoneymooners felt off. Maybe my expectations were elsewhere, but this romance seems like a departure from what my Christina Lauren norm. A couple things stuck out: there were no explicit or really any on-the-page sex scenes and there was a huge emotional twist in the plot that I didn’t see coming.

Neither of these things are bad as an element in romance, but it was as if my favorite jeans designer changed their pants pattern. The fit doesn’t feel quite right, despite being super comfy.

I’m trying to reconcile whether I’d have different feelings about this book if were written by someone else.

Point of views in books are very subjective for readers and I’ll just tell you now that a majority of the book is from Olive’s POV. The exception is the epilogue, which is told from Ethan’s POV. Normally, I don’t mind only being in the heroine’s brain, especially in a Lauren book. I love their heroines. However, after reading the epilogue, I really liked being in Ethan’s awkward head and having his POV throughout would have offset some feelings I had about the Big Twist and its resolution.

The book is still wildly funny and has several little Easter eggs for fandom nerds. The rapid-fire banter between Ethan and Olive is top notch and yes, I did literally L-O-L a few times. One of my favorite scenes references one of my favorite movies: Fried Green Tomatoes. This is after they run into Olive’s soon-to-be boss and his wife as they’re leaving their vacation:

“I was serious about the spouses club,” Molly tells Ethan conspiratorially. “We have fun, if you know what I mean.” She winks. “Give us a call when you’re home.”

The turn back to the reception desk, and we wave as we weave through the crowd toward the restaurant. Ethan leans down, muttering in a shaky voice, “I really don’t know what she means by fun.”

“Could be innocent, like a bunch of wives drinking merlot and complaining about their husbands,” I tell him. “Or it could be Fried Green Tomatoes complicated.”

“‘Fried Green Tomatoes complicated’?”

I nod somberly. “A group of women looking at their labia with hand mirrors.”

Ethan looks like he is literally fighting the urge to run down the curved driveway and into the ocean.

Olive and Ethan, though, really are good together. They’re adorable and when they aren’t sniping at each other, they have these lovely, pleasant moments. I mean, I’m sure it doesn’t hurt that they’re in Maui. That’d make any two people fall in love.

One of the first times we see their tentative companionship is during their snuba outing. If you’re like me, and hate any activities that require a bathing suit, snuba is a mix of snorkeling and scuba.

I don’t know how it happens, but one minute I’m struggling to swim faster and the next Ethan’s hand is around mine, helping me move toward a small cluster of gray-dotted o’ili. It’s so quiet down here; I’ve honestly never felt this sort of weightless, silent calm, and certainly never in his presence. Soon, Ethan and I are swimming completely in sync, our feet kicking lazily behind us. He points to things he sees; I do the same. There are no words, no verbal jabs. There is no desire to smack him or poke his eyes out–there is only the confusing truth that holding his hand down here isn’t just tolerable; it’s nice.

Their romance is such a joy until they leave Maui. Everything kind of goes tits up after the change of scenery, both for the characters and overall feel of the book.

Family plays a huge part in the conflict of the story, especially for Olive. She’s a twin in a large Mexican-American family. There are a gazillion cousins. Everyone is in each other’s business, but the way they rally around a problem or struggling family member made me cry. Twice.

Natalia is the fourth family member this week to just happen to stop by Camelia at exactly four o’clock. She said she wanted to say hi to David because she hasn’t seen him in forever, but I know that’s bullshit because Diego–who came by yesterday to hassle me using a similarly flimsy story–said both David and Natalia were at Tia Maria’s less than a week ago.

As much as the size and presence of my family can feel oppressive at times, it’s the greatest comfort I have right now. Even if I pretend to be annoyed that they’re constantly checking up on me, they all see through it. Because if it were any of them struggling–and it has been, many times–I would find a reason to drop by at four o’clock where they work, too.

“Mama, when we’re sad, we eat,” Natalia says, following me with a plate of food as I adjust the placement of two wineglasses on a table.”

My only complaint–and it’s the best complaint I can give–is that I wanted so much more of them. I’d petition for a whole book of the Torres family if I could.

The basis of Ethan and Olive’s dislike for one another hinges on a huge misunderstanding that happened years ago over some cheese curds. They met for the first time at the Minnesota State Fair and, at first, hit it off, but then Olive ordered cheese curds. The face Ethan makes is of revulsion and disgust, leaving Olive to believe he has some sort of issue with her body or diet.

Since then, they’ve had a relationship that switches between frosty and antagonistic every time they meet. All over some cheese curds. Body sensitivity and insecurity is a very real thing that many of us experience, and I can completely understand Olive thinking Ethan was a jerk for his “judgment” over what she chooses to eat. However, years of hatred from this unpleasant first impression was a harder sell. With Ethan already on Olive’s shitlist, everything he did and said was under bigger scrutiny. For their enemies-to-lovers relationship, I had wanted a meatier (no pun intended) foundation for their dislike.

Toward the end of Ethan and Olive’s fake honeymoon a big revelation hits the both of them. I didn’t really see it coming, but if you want to know, click that little spoiler bar!

I expected so much more from the people who cared about Olive. It also was a large tonal shift from the majority of Ethan and Olive’s time in Maui. I know this was a matter of popping their paradise bubble, but this level of damage and emotional turmoil was unexpected and caught me completely off guard.

I was angry on Olive’s behalf over the apologies she received because I didn’t find them very satisfactory. Granted, what happened and the things that were said aren’t things that can be fixed with a simple “I’m sorry” or grand gesture. While I was confident that the characters would all get to a good place and heal, eventually, what we see was really the most basic groveling that could be done. This needed months of kind gestures, apologies, etc. because Olive was fucked over real hard. I wanted better for her.

I’m all over the place with this book. The way I feel about Christina Lauren is similar to the way I know some readers feel about Lisa Kleypas or other favorite authors. Even middling books by them are still really good. And the first three-quarters were exactly what I had hoped it’d be. The return to the continental U.S. is where everything went wrong.

Olive deserved the life and love she had while on her fake honeymoon and I hated how she was so readily abandoned. Honestly, my recommendation is to just close the book with Ethan and Olive leaving Maui because the pain that comes afterward was a markedly different experience than what I typically associate with Christina Lauren titles.

I so loved a majority of The Unhoneymooners: the humor, the banter, all the fun exciting things Olive and Ethan get to do! Their gradual dislike to like to love trajectory felt real and natural; I’m sure the fact they had ten gorgeous days in Maui had nothing to do with it. Where the book stuttered for me was the abrupt shift from bliss to THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN. The fallout was so awful for Olive and I wasn’t seeing what everyone else was, that she was cynical and angry and bitter. That wasn’t the heroine I had been reading.

With romance, I want the main couple to be at the best place in their relationship at the end of the story. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but I definitely don’t want to feel lower than when I started. By the end of The Unhoneymooners, I didn’t think Olive and Ethan were as happy as when they were in Maui. There’s an epilogue that gives them more of a nudge in that direction and indicates a passage of time, but to feel secure in their HEA and in Olive’s repaired relationship with her sister, I needed more on-page reconciliation and groveling.