If I Loved You Less takes on a tricky Austen story (Emma) and fails to hit the right tone in retelling it. In Emma, the heroine is clueless but well-meaning as she tries (and fails) to play matchmaker. She makes mistakes, but with the help of the love interest (her older neighbor, Mr. Knightley) she learns from those mistakes and grows as a person. Unfortunately, the heroine in If I Loved You Less is annoying – not annoying yet endearing, but rather simply annoying. However, the food sounds delicious and I enjoyed the diversity of the characters and the sense of place.
In this book, Theo is a young woman who works in her father’s surf shop on Kaua’i, one of the Hawaiian Islands. Her childhood friends went to college on the mainland or the Big Island, but Theo is more than happy to stay with her overprotective father who lives next door to her childhood nanny, Charlotte. Theo’s mother died many years ago. Kini (the love interest), a baker who runs a shop down the street from the surf shop, has been a mother figure to Theo. See below for squick factor on that. When a new girl, Laurel Kim, comes to town, Theo gets into matchmaking with mixed results.
This is a f/f romance with diverse characters. Multiple races and skin tones are represented. Kini is a Native Hawaiian. There’s also class diversity and although Theo insists that she lives in paradise, there are nods to the fact that living in Hawaii is expensive and can be very difficult.
If you are going to set a book in Hawaii, it better be pretty, and this book has a lot of pretty. I loved the descriptions of surfing as part of a daily routine, and of the town as being green, quirky, and a little run down. The occasional boredom of living in a small place was also well done. I laughed at Theo’s exasperation with tourists who are obsessed with buying “Sex Wax” (it’s for surfboards). And because Kini runs a bakery, there are a LOT of descriptions of food, and it all sounds wonderful.
This is a retelling of Emma, and retelling Emma comes with some extra challenges. For one thing, Emma (or the stand in for Emma, in this case Theo) is supposed to be irritating but ultimately redeemable. However, unlike Emma, Theo is so immature and annoying that I didn’t want to spend any time with her. Theo is supposed to be in her early twenties but acts like she’s much younger. She holds a stuffed animal and makes a blanket fort when upset. She hides the stuffed animal when she masturbates so the stuffed animal won’t have to watch. She exists in a sort of teenaged stasis: she has no responsibilities, no goals, and no interests beyond matchmaking, surfing, and clothes. She mooches sweets from her friends without paying. Unlike Emma, she does not take care of her father; she just eats his food, lives in his house, and works in his shop. A lot of her traits might be OK on their own (hey, I have a stuffed animal, too) but when the traits are taken together, Theo comes across as a young adolescent instead of a floundering twenty-something.
Also, unlike Emma, Theo doesn’t learn anything. Everything works out for her perfectly, and she never truly cares about anyone else (unlike Emma, who genuinely does). Whether on purpose or accidentally, things always work out in her favor:
She did not, however, have Jessica’s good opinion back, which was very frustrating. Theo had sent her a few texts, asking if she wanted to get together, offering Queen’s, Jasmine’s, the beach, or a drink out. But nothing, no response. Even when she went by Bea’s house later with some of her father’s special cherry almond smoothie that he swore by to get rid of headaches. But Jessica wouldn’t see her and wouldn’t even take the damn thermos, even though she’d walked it over to Bea’s.
On the walk back to the shop, she downed the smoothie herself so her father wouldn’t be hurt by his offering being rejected – also, on the scale of things, it was one of his tastier concoctions.
The other difficult element to incorporate from Emma is its May/December romance. In the original, Emma and Mr. Knightley have a somewhat younger sister/older brother vibe, but they are friends, first and foremost. However, in If I Loved You Less, Kini is such a completely convincing motherly figure that the romance felt incredibly uncomfortable, especially with Theo’s character reading to me as so much younger than she was.
Here’s how Kini is introduced:
She could go to the bakery, but she didn’t want to annoy Kini. Not that she ever seemed annoyed with Theo. Not really, even though Theo had been wreaking havoc on Kini’s serene existence since she was born when Kini was fourteen.
I have no idea why Theo was wreaking havoc in Kini’s life, especially as an infant. Kini is never shown spending any time at Theo’s father’s house. Did Theo’s dad just show up at the bakery with an infant and say, “Here Kini, help me raise this baby?”
Here are a few more bits with Kini:
Without even asking, she walked around the counter and put a piece of haupia shortbread on a plate and poured a small cup of milk, placing them in front of Theo as as she settled herself across the table where Theo had plopped. In return, Theo bussed Kini’s soft cheek.
A little later in that scene…
Kini knew everything. It was just one of those things that was true. Like the sun came up in the east and the ocean was salty. Kini knew everything. All those things had been true since Theo was born and she didn’t see them changing any time soon.
While Theo munched, Kini sat there. She must be tired after a long day…Kini never seemed in a hurry when Theo came by. No, she always sat for a bit, her silvering-black hair either still in its bun or rolling down her back in big curls, depending on what part of closing up Theo had interrupted.
GUYS. This read to me as a description of a mom, not a buddy, not a possible suitor, not a “oh he/she is really like a sibling to me, I’m ignoring my attraction.” It’s a good description of a good mom. I adore Mom Kini, but that makes it all the more uncomfortable when they start making out. It doesn’t help that there’s very little transition. Theo gradually gets more flirty but Kini stays exactly the same until suddenly she’s declaring her love.
Even though I liked the descriptions and the diversity, I disliked Theo and her romance with Kini so much that this was almost a DNF. Theo ends the book as the same spoiled and self-centered person she was at the beginning of the book. The motherly relationship she had with Kini warmed my heart, only to completely squick me out when it turned romantic. I liked the book’s concept but the execution was so, so disappointing.
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Emma is such a very tricky JA story to get right, for all the reasons you mentioned. The original novel is not just a redemption story but also social commentary, and Emma is a hard character to root for for much of the book.
I think in a contemporary setting it’s particularly tough because no one wants to read about a selfish twit and the age difference is hard to justify. Clueless really does do both of those things right, as Cher (like Emma) is clueless but caring, and not straight up immature. It also ages down the love interest quite a lot. I find a 6-7 year age difference a lot more believable with a YA heroine.
If you’re of a certain age (older or younger) and have never sat down to watch Clueless I highly recommend it! It’s so funny, a terrific Emma retelling, and a highly rewatchable 90s time capsule of a movie.
I’m always leery of Austen retellings—it’s so hard to get the tone right. And the mother-lover squick would definitely mean a huge nope for me. However, if you’d like to read something else (something good) by Tamsen Parker that is also set in Hawaii, I’d recommend PERSONAL GEOGRAPHY and INTIMATE GEOGRAPHY. These are bdsm romances, and do not have as much diversity as IF I LOVED YOU LESS, but a good portion of the story takes place in a lovely home on one of the islands and the hero/dom is a surfer.
@discodollydeb Personal Geography is free on kindle!! I bought it, but probably won’t read it until tomorrow. I’m always searching for new books with a hero that’s a cinnamon roll in the streets/dom in the sheets. I like (from the blurb, not a spoiler) that the hero is the one pushing for more emotional intimacy though, so I’m excited to finish my work and get to reading!
Not going to read this one though. I’m not a fan of age differences, and as a nanny the idea of one falling in love with someone they nannied is a huge NOPE from me.
Ew, ew, ew, this reminds me of this manga that I had loved called Usagi Drop (aka Bunny Drop). There are two parts to the story. The first part is that 30-year-old Daikichi takes in Rin, a 6-year-old relative that no one seems to want and essentially becomes her father. It is such an adorable story as they become this tiny found family. The father-daughter relationship is amazing.
Aaaaand then comes the second half of the story.
It leaps ahead to when Rin is 15 and becomes a high school drama story that at first seems to focus on her feelings for another boy and a future career. Pretty standard stuff. BUT THEN CRAZY SAUCE HAPPENS. Rin discovers that she is not related to Daikichi after all, decides she loves HIM, and wants to marry him and have his children. And despite being nothing but a father figure throughout the rest of the series, and despite having feelings for someone else, despite telling Rin that he only sees her as his daughter, DAIKICHI DOES THIS. AND THEY GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES. SHE IS 18 AND HE IS 43. AND HE IS ESSENTIALLY HER FATHER.
Ew, ew, gross, nope, nope, ABORT.
The second half of this manga is so reviled that the anime adaptation refuses to go near it. It only focuses on the first half of the story, which is a gorgeous story about parenting and found families. But how the series ends is enough to ruin it for me entirely. BIG DNF there.
@Meg: I saw the Usagi Drop anime and loved it so much that I went on Wikipedia to see why there wasn’t a second season. The horror. The horror.
I agree that Emma is tricky to get right in modern day but it can be done. The web series Emma Approved (made by the folks who created The Lizzie Bennet Diaries) is a fine example and they’re even doing a new season that brings in other JA characters from that universe!
I did read Alexander McCall Smith’s take on Emma for the Austen Project and was rather tone deaf-not only did most of the book focus on Mr.Woodhouse, at one point Emma posesnude as part of a matchmaking scheme ,which doesn’t compute at all:(
Ugh. My husband and I have a fifteen-year age difference, so I’m completely cool with May-December. But we met when I was 31 and he was 46, which meant we were both fully- functional adults with no weird power or caretaker dynamics. It would NOT have worked when I was 20 and he was 35.
How absolutely gutting. I love JA and I’ve like most of Ms. Parker’s work, so I had high hopes, but this sounds like a big nope for me. Her f/f romance she did for the winter Olympics was quite good, as were most of the rest of that series. The m/m in that series had a big age gap (10 years I think) and a friends to lovers theme that was also well done, so this should have been well within her wheel house. Maybe she got too hung up on trying to modernize Emma and forgot that the relationship had to work for a modern audience, too?
I liked the Gywneth Paltrow/Jeremy Northam adaptation of Emma, if you are looking for one that is set in the original time period.
On the topic of other Emma adaptations, I recently read a really neat Kindle Unlimited retelling of Emma called Aisha by Ikhlas Hussain. I felt the author did a great job with the progression from naivete to self awareness and with having a plausible setup for the modern matchmaking and meddling.
@DiscodollyDeb: Thanks for the recommendation, that sounds great. Personal geography is not free, however, at least not in Germany.
I read the review this morning and then came back repeatedly for comments, love the discussions on Austen adaptations. Their all tricky in their own right – recently Persuasion was the topic, which has its own issues for modern audiences.
I’ll go with Mansfield Park, however, as the hardest of her novels both to read and to adapt in the modern age. It combines the creepy age difference from Emma (BTW, it’s not just the difference, mostly it’s just so obviously portrayed as positive that both Mr Knightley and Edmond have groomed the girls into perfect wives for them… Ick!) with the passive and morally upright (read: boring, for many people today) protagonist from Persuasion. I loved Mansfield Park as a teenager (loved Edmond especially) and still appreciate its writing, but… Austen does need to be changed to work in a modern setting. And just because I adore her sarcasm and social commentary doesn’t mean I have to agree with her morals.
Love to read all your opinions, glad I’ve found the bitchery!
I don’t have a problem with age-gap relationships in fiction – probably because there’s a fifteen year age difference with my husband and I, and we met when I was nineteen (university club). For me, though, it’s more about the characters and how their relationship is framed, and a relationship that starts out as quasi-parental is a big No for me. Also, where either of the characters is still a child – OH HELL NO!
I am interested in reading characters with an age gap because to make that work well you have to have a heroine and hero whose own character and whose relationship together is solid enough to work in spite of the potential imbalances. I guess the way I see it, a fifteen year age difference and getting together when one of them is relatively young can work (nearly 25 year married to the love of my life) but it’s almost in spite of the gap, and I’m interested in the type of characters who would make it work.
Ugh, just reading the review made me full-body cringe. I actually don’t find the age difference or dynamic in Emma creepy because Emma and Knightley have a pretty casual and informal relationship as family friends (and live in a small village in an era when you tended to marry someone nearby). Making it a surrogate parent role is mega-creepy. Emma is also hard to modernize because so much of Emma’s behavior is contextual. A rich 19th century country girl would’ve had very limited exposure to the world and very limited options to fill her days. Clueless works by putting them all in high school where too much gossip and meddling is age-appropriate and narrowing the age gap to about 5 years. Being too literal with the source material just doesn’t work.
Sorry, but I have to put a plug in for the BBC (I think?) adaptation that’s about 10 years old with Jonny Lee Miller and Romola Garai. I love the Clueless version (of course!) but I felt like JLM and Garai had a very natural comfortable chemistry that didn’t lean too hard into a paternalistic vibe. It felt more “brother’s best friend” to use the tropey shorthand 😉 I also liked how this version really deepened Emma’s relationship with her father (played by Michael Gambon and he is an adorable scene stealer). The Paltrow Northam version does have its charms, but I think this one is better and it’s available free on Amazon Prime!
@Jill Q- absolutely agree about the JLM and Romola Garai miniseries adaptation! For period adaptations that is absolutely my favorite and I find the romance and age difference believable and adorable. I never feel like he’s an older brother, but rather the neighborhood kid next door that you just never looked at that way until someone else does (which is, of course, exactly what happens. Jane really is the great-grandmother of all romance isn’t she?)
Is it harder in general to pull off a May/December romance involving previous acquaintance when the older character is female (regardless of the sex of the younger character)?
Younger man/older woman is one of my favourite tropes, but I can’t actually think of many examples offhand where the couple has known each other for a long time. It’s an absence I’ve noticed before, because I’m actively interested in the ones where they do have a previous acquaintance, but can think of exactly two examples, one that was reviewed here a while ago that is somewhere in my TBR pile, and one Harlequin Blaze novella where he was her best friend’s younger brother (literally the only things I remember about it were that the age difference wasn’t more than a few years and that I was disappointed), and all the other examples of younger woman/older man I can think of involve a couple that has only just met. Whereas when the hero is notably older than the heroine, they quite often have a previous acquaintance. Sampling bias or something else?
@anonymous (comment 15), I think it’s because men (are)were allowed to completely ignore all the “children “ around them while women were expected to engage/ caretake communally for any large gatherings that would allow these fictional future lovers to meet/ know each other/be in an extended family or friends group/ interact.
@Anonymous: Don’t know if you’re looking for a Regency that might fit the bill, but Mary Balogh’s A PROMISE OF SPRING has a heroine who is ten years older than the hero. They have known each other for many years. But when her brother dies, leaving the heroine essentially homeless, the hero offers to marry her. It’s then that he learns she’s more than the quiet spinster she appears to be. It’s been a while since I read it, but I thought it handled the age gap quite well.
@DiscoDollyDeb — Thank you! I am basically always looking for this premise wherever I can find it, so I will have to check that out.
@QOTU — Mm, yeah, I suspect you’re right. It’s interesting because like if you insert a strategic few years where people happened not to see each other because blah blah the younger person was at college or whatever, there isn’t actually any reason why a woman wouldn’t have the same ‘ho dang you are NOT A KID NOW’ reaction that a man might, with the additional bonus that if anything, the dramatic potential for the older party’s resulting confusion is even greater if it’s a woman, thanks to the societal conditioning. I wonder if the vague expectation that all women have vaguely maternal feelings towards anyone visibly younger than they are plays into this too.
@Anonymous:
LaVyrle Spencer’so Family Blessings features a heroine 15 years older than the hero. She is the mother of his ex-roommate, whose death brings them closer.
In Pamela Morsi’s Courting Miss Hattie the h/h are best friends with the heroine being older by 5 years.
@Anonymous:
In Dakota Harrison’s _Exhale_, the hero is the heroine’s son’s best friend, who she knew in his late teens (and she had her son as a teen herself – tragic backstory). The age gap is around 15 years, I think.