I thought it would be fun to check out an older romance that has been mentioned on the site and in comments for years but never had its own review. People, Breath of Magic, first published in 1996, is completely bonkers and while it has definitively not aged well, it has a certain dreamy charm. While I usually try not to recap the whole plot, buckle up, because this plot deserves some serious recapping. Spoilers ahead.

Our story begins in the present day (which for this book is 1996) as billionaire Tristan Lennox argues with his BFF, Michael Copperfield, about Tristan’s new decision to offer a million dollars to anyone who can show proof that magic exists. Behold the 1990s:

His [Tristan’s] fickle attention shifted to his fax machine. The display’s artificial light carved hollows beneath his cheekbones and cast an eerie glow over his implacable features. As his deft finger tapped a button that would send a fax authorizing a corporate takeover of a multimillion-dollar software conglomerate, Copperfield wanted to tug his own sleek ponytail in frustration.

Meanwhile, back in 1689, Arian is trying to be a Puritan but frankly she’s not trying very hard. Her mother was a sex worker who dragged Arian all over Europe before marrying Marcus, a Puritan, after which she (the mom) dies, leaving Marcus to raise Arian in Massachusetts on his own just a few months after the wedding. If you find this confusing, rest assured, so did I.

Anyway Arian has a lot of trouble coping with Massachusetts life after growing up in Europe. She is blatant about practicing witchcraft and is sentenced to death by being tied onto her broomstick and thrown into a pond. Let us pause for four minutes of historical background:

Arian ends up flying (just go with it) through time (I SAID, just go with it) and lands on top of Tristan’s skyscraper, very confused. He thinks she’s trying to win the money. She realizes she’s going to have to try to blend in. He installs her in his own bedroom, which means he has to sleep on an office couch. Apparently he only has one bedroom, which is located at the top of his very phallic corporate tower.

Arian overhears Copperfield speculating that she might have “amnesia” and she, too, goes with it:

“I don’t remember how I came to be flying past. I’m afraid I hit my head when I crashed and have been afflicted with an unfortunate case of…manesia.” She set the tray aside, looking immensely pleased with herself.

Tristan didn’t know whether to laugh or back away and call the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta. “You wouldn’t, by any chance, mean ‘amnesia’?”

He had to give her credit. She recovered with nothing more than a thoughtful blink. “That’s right. Amnesia. Sometimes when you have it, you can’t remember what it’s called.”

Thus commences a very confusing slow burn romance. You see, Tristan is a troubled soul who cannot trust. His birth mother left him at an orphanage. He never got adopted. His best friend died (not Copperfield, a different BFF) and Tristan was suspected of the murder. If only…if only there was someone…someone who could teach this wounded soul how to trust his heart!!!!

The rest of the book includes but is not limited to the following:

• A shopping montage
• Mild but definite homophobia (Tristan at one point sneers at someone he perceives as effeminate)
• A gala with ice sculptures (classy!)
• More time travel, during which Copperfield, who is Native American, has to dress up in a cheap Halloween costume and carry a rubber tomahawk, which he has the grace to be amused by but I was certainly not
• A feud with another magician (the father of the dead BFF)
• A brief but specific threat of incest (?!?!?!?!?)
• A kitten (a black one, of course)

Obviously this book has problematic elements that would never fly today (I hope). It is also neither consistent nor logical. Its biggest problem, however, is that the “hero” is an utter asshole. Tristan makes bizarre decisions, is wildly inconsistent with his actions, is emotionally manipulative and abusive, never trusts Arian despite every indication that he should, and basically keeps Arian a prisoner. He is cruel to his employees. He is a bully. I find him irredeemable.

Arian, who, as an energetic witch, is almost literally a manic pixie, loves Tristan because she sees the wounded boy within. Bitches, if you want to fantasize about healing the wounded soul, rock on. My husbands Sayid (Lost), Loki (Marvel Cinematic Universe) and Amos (The Expanse) have certainly benefited from my caring (imaginary) attentions. But in real life, RUN. Tristan is a douchebag and no amount of kitten-giving is winning this guy back from the void.

By the way, this is not an “eat the rich” book. Tristan never starts giving to the poor or anything. There is literally a scene involving a bed covered with money. There is a point at which dollar bills are rained on the streets of New York from a helicopter – which, I guess is kind of giving to the poor but very much in a “worship capitalism” kind of way. It’s the uber billionaire romance, so if that’s your thing you will enjoy and if you are a cranky democratic socialist like me you’ll grumble the whole time. Although I will concede that the food and the clothes sound amazing. I may have found myself Googling “green Givenchy ball gown.” Then I may have searched “best ball gowns for apple shapes” for like an hour when I was supposed to be writing. No, I’m not going to a ball. That’s just how the Internet and I roll. It’s a dangerous place.

Arian is…fine. She’s a kind soul but not so kind that she doesn’t like living like a billionaire. She does a wide range of idiotic things. She is variously described as a lamb, a baby owl, a wee lass, and, of course, a witch. She watches all the witch movies she can find in an effort to learn how witches are perceived in 1996, and when the house falls on the witch in The Wizard of Oz she cries. She makes friends everywhere she goes. Tristan has to rescue her a lot.

The saving grace of the book is its playful and dreamy tone. This book has such a goofy, off-beat, fantastical quality to it that neither the highs nor the lows can be taken seriously. It’s a pretty and funny fairy tale. The imagery relies heavily on full moons, black kittens, flowers both real and artificial, the “glittering” city, ballgowns, nice fabrics, and Halloween decorations. It’s packed with wish fulfillment (did I mention the clothes and the food?) and fairy tale references including Rapunzel (the tower), Beauty and the Beast (Tristan’s inner beastliness must be tamed), The Wizard of Oz, and Snow White, although I never reacted to Snow White quite like Tristan apparently did:

Arian’s ebony hair was spread in a shimmering fan around her shoulders, reminding Tristan absurdly of Snow White in her glass coffin. Even in death, hadn’t the deceptive blush of life stained Snow White’s pallid cheeks? Hadn’t her rosebud lips parted as if to welcome a kiss from a prince who might never come? Hadn’t the creamy swell of her breasts tantalized every hopelessly naive kid in the theater into daring to believe her chest would rise just one more time?

Um…no, but you know what, Tristan, you do you.

I have no idea how to grade this, largely because it’s so very much a product of its time. This is so very, very 1990s, the decade that brought us Practical Magic, Hocus Pocus, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed, and The Craft. It’s also a decade that at times wanted to present itself as Woke, but so very much was not (everyone in every fiction medium had a sassy Black friend and a Sassy gay friend). These qualities of the 1990s – the celebration of consumerism, the witchy aesthetic, the casual homophobia, the use of “positive stereotypes” that aren’t actually positive…these are all to be found in the book, for better and for worse. I suggest readers treat this strictly as a period piece, with belief fully suspended.