10 Rules to Sex Up a Blind Date

by Heidi Rice

October 8, 2014 · Cosmopolitan Red-Hot Reads from Harlequin

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This RITA® Reader Challenge 2015 review was written by Erica. This story was nominated for the RITA® in the Romance Novella category.

Here is Erica's review:

10 Rules to Sex Up a Blind Date is…problematic. Or at least it was for me. It’s a “Cosmo Red Hot Read,” and it feels very Cosmo-ish. It’s very short, very heavy on the sex, and kind of tries to shoe horn in some emotional depth at the end. You know, like when you were in college and you’d stay up all night with a guy (or girl) and in between bouts of sexytimes, you’d talk about philosophy and politics to try to sound deep? That’s what this book is.

Now, SPOILER ALERTS ahoy. I’m sure I get extremely spoilery, but… Well, I don’t feel like there’s much to spoil because there isn’t a lot of depth here. So to address the issues with the book, spoilers happen. My bad. Proceed at your own risk.

Anyway. We open our story with Tally, a young singleton (she’s British and the story starts out very Bridget Jones-ish), on another disastrous blind date with another gay man. Her luck has been so bad that she’s started an anonymous Twitter account where she recounts her dating troubles as @BlindDateBitch. This gay man decides he’s going to be her matchmaker and set her up with some yummy man meat. Her requirements for a date: hot, hung like a horse, great in the sack, and, you know, yeah, not already involved with someone. (Do you hear the trilling sounds of Tragic Past Relationship Backstory bells?) Apparently he has the perfect guy in mind, but they need to be sly about the set up because he has Woman Issues since his divorce (more delightful Tragic Past Relationship Backstory bells! Drink!) and he enjoys a chase.

She and Brent meet and already I am having issues. At this point, I said to my husband, “Okay, I’m at 16% and if this chick’s clit keeps throbbing, I’m going to recommend immediate medical attention.”

And then I’m introduced to Brent’s POV as they decide yes, they are going to go upstairs and get with the sexing. He really creeped me out at first, so I was totally bummed that he was the hero (not reading book descriptions for the win!). I guess I was hoping for more of a chick lit/woman’s fiction story of having multiple bad dates before the Right One comes along, but no such luck. Brent is our hero. Boo.

Then Brent and Tally proceed to have extremely ridiculously epic amounts of sex. To be clear, they have exchanged names and the willingness to bone, AND THAT IS IT. While I’m all for casual sex whenever consenting adults want…. Well, he goes for anal play. Just sticks a finger in there. Without asking. In fact, she’s upset about it, and he’s like, if you don’t love it, I’ll take it out. HOLD UP THERE, HOSS. THAT’S NOT HOW THIS WORKS. You ask first. This is why people need to have a conversation, so they can establish ground rules and boundaries. But she eventually likes it, so I guess that makes it okay? *growl* Anyway, weird consent issues aside, the epic sexing continues through the night. (Yay stamina!)

And then they wake up with feelings. But due to Tragic Past Relationship Backstories they’re both freaking out about it.

Brent decides to clean up Tally’s stuff, because it kind went everywhere during the sexing, he likes her and wants to do something nice. He finds the business cards for her Twitter handle @BlindDateBitch and her quest for sexytimes.

And he decides she’s a hooker

And he leaves her an envelope of money.

Here, I had to put my phone down and pull my hoodie over my head to hide.

So, obviously Tally’s pissed and retaliates, and Brent figures out who she is on Twitter (he’s somehow involved with tech stuff – super-unclear about what the hell that means – and he doesn’t know about Twitter? Okay), and after a minor bout of sulking, they wind up fighting it out.

Now, here (during the fight) and during Brent’s internal monologue immediately after the night of sexytimes, the writing is kind of excellent. Prior to this, I was cackling every other line because it was SO ridiculous (“cock whisperer!” HA!). But Brent’s issues hit me and I found myself liking him and finding him sweet. And the fight was brilliant. They talked their shit out and Tally brought up some excellent points about a woman enjoying a one-night stand being problematic when compared to a dude, and why would he assume that a woman looking for casual sex was a hooker, and so on. It was really great. I just wish this level of writing had happened sooner.

And then Brent decides they need to go on a “real date” because they need to be in a relationship. And Tally tries to derail all sweetness and caring with sex, which comes close to working, because apparently men are easily derailed with sex and she is all but wearing a flashing neon sign that says, NO RELATIONSHIPS, EMOTIONALLY SCARRED WOMAN HERE.

And then they have the Big Talk about Tragic Past Relationship Backstories. Then she closes her Twitter account and they live happily ever after.

I’m not convinced. They don’t know anything about each other. I’ve read books that happened in compressed time frame and I bought the HEA because they talked. Here? Not so much.

And then, more than half of the book is about sex. Yay sex (seriously, yay!), but it’s just good sex. They don’t talk. I don’t see any connection between them beyond sexual chemistry. If there was another night or two, because they just enjoyed it so much they came back for seconds, and each time they shared a little bit more, that would have been a fantastic romance. But just shoving in a couple of (admittedly well-written) emotional epiphanies after a night of great sex does not a romance make. I have read erotica with great character growth and a great connection between characters and finished those stories, even though they are short and sex-driven, and I knew that those characters were going to make it. There’s not enough depth here, not enough connection between Brent and Tally to make a convincing HEA for me. There were some bits that were lovely and emotional and fabulous reading, but the rest of it was just fluff.