687. RT Rewind: May 2016 Reviews and New Releases

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Sarah Wendell: Hello, and welcome to episode number 687 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell; Amanda is with me. We’re hopping in the time machine again to go back to the May 2016 issue of Romantic Times to take a look at the new releases and the reviews. This issue has led to some very big questions, and I am going to share them with you: Coke or Pepsi? Backstreet Boys or NSYNC? Do you worry about spontaneous combustion? Should I read the Midnight, Texas trilogy by Charlaine Harris? Can you guess how many erotic romance titles in this issue contain the word Dirty? We have lots to talk about.

First, I have some housekeeping. I am away for part of October, and I am going to attempt to turn my brain off and disconnect from, you know, all, all of the things. So next week, October 10th, there’s going to be a treasure from the podcast archives. Then, on October 17th, Amanda and I will be back for the May 2016 ads and features. This also means that I won’t be able to do weekly updates on the progress of our Patreon campaign that I am calling Feist campaign. I will be updating on the Patreon Discord if you’re curious as to how we’re doing, but thank you again for your support.

Speaking of Patreon, I have a compliment!

To Emily B.: You are the personification of the perfect brunch: you are the exquisite cocktails; the superb coffee; the warm, ethereal pastries; the wonderful restaurant that is not too crowded, nor too loud; and you are the very, very greatest company for anyone who gets to join your table.

If you would like a compliment of your very own or you would like to join the Patreon and help us turn off all dynamic insertion ads forever before and after the show, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. As I’ve been saying in previous episodes, Patreon pledges right now are going to help me turn off the dynamic insertion ads because an ad for ICE ran during my show, and that is not okay. We are more than halfway right now! Holy crap! Thank you so much! We are more than halfway. And if you’re wondering what Patreon support means, well, it means that I get to find more issues of Romantic Times; I get to keep going week after week; I get an artisan, handcrafted transcript from garlicknitter each week – hi, garlicknitter! – [Hi, everyone! – gk] – and you get nifty benefits: you get a monthly bonus episode; you get the full RT scans – and the magazine is not available on the internet – you get a wonderful Discord community, truly one of the nicest places on the internet – [Can confirm! – gk] – and you get to hang out with all the people who listen to this show, and trust me, they’re all lovely people. So if you would like to join, patreon.com/SmartBitches, your support right now means that if we hit our goal of two hundred dollars, I will be able to turn off all dynamic insertion ads, which I understand is very popular with many of you, and I get it. Thank you. Thank you, thank you for your support and for your pledges.

Most of all, thank you for listening! I’m really happy you’re here!

All right, shall we get started? Should we get in the time machine? I think we should get in the time machine. Let’s do this: on with the podcast.

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Sarah: Shall we talk about the reviews from this issue?

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: I –

Amanda: I mean, this was – I mean, maybe, believe it or not, this one was kind of boring.

Sarah: This, the books, okay, the books in this one really didn’t move me that much? But there was one –

Amanda: No!

Sarah: – where I was like, Oh, hang on. Do I want to read this? Maybe I want to read this. This sounds cool? But the ads, I have so much to say about the covers and the ads and the features and the things that were being talked about at this time. And it’s, it’s highlighting, for me, one of the major shifts, shifts in how, how authors interact with authors that they’ve already talked to on social media? Like, right now we have really out-of-line conduct on the part of authors, or on the part of readers trying to find out where authors really live, and putting AirTags in their mail so they can find out their home addresses and, like –

Amanda: So weird.

Sarah: – people and authors are, you know, canceling appearances because of threats or being on some, you know, behaving-badly lists, so they’re canceling personal appearances. I mean, there’s a whole difference in how social media readers and authors interact now in 2025 versus nine years ago in 2016. Like, it’s totally different. That’s the part I found the most interesting, because this is really a time capsule of how the internet is changing reader-author relationships, and it looks much starker when you look at it nine years past from where we are right now. That part I’m fascinated with.

The releases? Maybe this is just a ten-year cycle, because I’m in one now where the popular things in romance are not of interest to me in the least. I am not interested in thousand-page Dramione fics. I’m not mad that they exist?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I just, it’s just not for me! Same with ReyLo! Not interested. I think it’s fascinating that in-, indie publishing and fanfic is now the slush pile, and I think it’s very curious from a business perspective; I’m looking forward to the analysis of that trend. But I think this, this period of time and right now? The things that are super popular in romance are not the things that I like to read, and it, you know, it’ll cycle in and it’ll cycle out. But this was –

Amanda: Well –

Sarah: – I look at this and I was like, Oh, I remember this time: I didn’t want to read any of these things. [Laughs]

Amanda: It’s interesting ‘cause, like, I was looking at – this is not, like, super related to RT, but I was looking at, like, the new releases, and I was putting books in and, you know, whatever, and I was thinking about, like, dark romance right now and how, like, that’s the thing –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – is dark romance.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: And I think what I see from dark romance and some of the reviews that I read in here where it’s like, there were a lot of reviews that were, had negative critique of the heroine and her personality? And there’s a book coming out, or that just came out, that has some pretty scathing reviews ‘cause it’s a matriarchal society; the heroine kidnaps a man to marry him to produce an heir, so a bit of the role-reversal than what we usually see; and it’s pretty dark from the reviews that, like, you know, men are essentially subjugated and that sort of thing; and they’re like, Oh, this is supposed to be a critique on how, like, absolute power corrupts –

Sarah: Uh-huh.

Amanda: – and, you know, women want a, a turn at being dictators and powerful, terrible people. Like, that’s not the critique that this is, and so they’re, like, dinging the book for having this society, but you have dark romances where men are stalking women and kidnapping women, and that sort of fantasy, that power fantasy is, like, hand-waved away –

Sarah: Yeah, it’s –

Amanda: – because that’s what people want to read –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – but if we have women as the, like, aggressor, the kidnapper, the stalker, the abuser –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – people don’t buy into that fantasy as much and seem to expect that that fantasy, you know, be dissected a bit more within the text of the book –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – rather than these other dark romances. And I thought that was very interesting, and bummed me out a lot – [laughs] – I’ve got to be honest! But yeah, it just, it reminds me of how, still, I feel like we’re harsher –

Sarah: Always.

Amanda: – on heroines.

Sarah: We, we judge women so much harder in fiction than in real life. Like, we’re never getting away from that.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Shall we get started with Historical Romance?

Amanda: Yes. I’ve got so many screens open right now. I need to figure out where I’m looking –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – at one time.

Sarah: So one of the thing I noticed right away, especially in Historical, is that these are not reviews! They’re promo quotes. They’re just paragraphs of promo quote. There’s not even the least little bit of criticism in here. And that’s not true –

Amanda: There’s so many, like, four-star ratings, just across genres in this one.

Sarah: Oh yeah. Like, I, I was reading this while hanging out in the living room, because we were, we, I was doing this while Adam was listening to services for Rosh Hashanah, and in the middle of, like, something I’m muttering, All right, give me some ones, give me some ones, like the worst gambler in the world, give me some –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: No one – everything is a three and a half and above; there’s like five twos, and most of them are in Series, and you won’t believe how many are in Kimani. Like, these are all promo quotes! These weren’t even reviews! This is like, Here’s a book, yay! Here’s another book, yay! Here’s a third book, woohoo! What’s going on here?

Amanda: I wonder if this is where we can start seeing like the reviews are a little phoning it in –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – and the magazine is becoming more, mostly features and ads. I think at the back of the book there’s a note from, like, Kathryn Falk about, like, What do you want to see more of?

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: Like, that sort of thing, and I wonder if this is sort of the beginning of the tipping point for RT –

Sarah: I think it is.

Amanda: – in, in reviews and rethinking how the magazine is laid out, what content they’re featuring, and that sort of stuff.

Sarah: And how relevant the magazine is, because it’s print once a month, and they do have a website, but the print was the thing that people were after, and that’s obviously how they made money selling ads. If the print is out of date by the time it’s published because online reviewers and bloggers have already talked about these books, that’s a, that’s a problem! Like, I have that same problem now, because I cannot possibly review all of the books that are coming out; there are too Goddamn many!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: But I am starting on page 41 of the PDF, 40 and 41. Historical Fiction – I found the Historical Fiction offerings much more interesting than, than the Historical Romance? This is Promised to the Crown by Aimie K. Runyan, four stars, Hot. The setting is Quebec in 1667. That’s a new one! I hadn’t done that before. So here’s the, here’s the review (“review” in quotes):

>> Runyan debuts with what may be the ultimate marriage of convenience/mail-order bride novel of the season! This lively adventure prevent, presents readers a fascinating glimpse into 17th-century New France – also known as Canada – through the lives of three disparate woman, women. The hardships and wonders of the New World come to vibrant life through Yunyan’s, Runyan’s vivid prose and well-crafted characterizations, which are both realistic and romantic.

Again, there’s no, this isn’t a review; this is a promo quote. So here’s the summary of this book, in case anyone wants to read it, ‘cause I thought this was fascinating:

>> When King Louis XIV realizes his colony in New France is surrounded by his enemy, the British, he sees the need to populate Quebec and requests that young women become filles du roi, daughters of the king –

Forgive my French pronunciation.

>> – and journey to the New World, where they will begin new lives as brides to men they have never met.

I, I, I, I’ve got to admit, I love a mail-order bride plot –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – I think they’re fun.

>> Among those who accept the challenge are Elizabeth, a bank, a bank, baker –

Banker? Baker. Baker!

>> – a baker’s daughter who craves the opportunity to use her skills to be a wife and build a business; Nicole, who is running away from heartbreak and betrayal and finds a man to heal her heart; and Rose, who, scarred by her past, hopes to join the Church, but is encouraged to wed. Though different as night and day, they form a bond aboard the ship that lasts through the rest of their lives.

This sounds actually like a really cool book that’s like a blend of historical fiction and women’s fiction, but it sounds like there’s some romance in there. That, of all of the books – and there are many – this was really the one that I thought, Oh, okay, this is cool.

What about you? Did you have trouble finding one in this section?

Amanda: Yeah! This one I picked is only three stars, but it seems sort of interesting, the – [laughs] – I know! – the setup, but it, it is set in Colonial America, and I have to be honest of, like, I don’t love American historicals, and American historicals, for me, my brain automatically thinks, like, oh, this might be an inspirational. Like, there are a lot of American historicals that are inspirational or closed-door, and that’s not my bag. So, like, I’m always worried there’s going to be, like, a bait-and-switch, a surprise Jesus in there somewhere.

Sarah: [Laughs] Not surprise Jesus!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: My theory on American historicals right now is if it’s not Beverly Jenkins and it’s not a Sunfire book, you’re going to have to really convince me to give this a try, because just imagine the road of American historicals and imagine all of the problematic elements that you can run straight into like walls on the highway. Like, there’s just too many. You’re going to have to convince me if it’s not Sunfire or Beverly Jenkins.

Amanda: But –

Sarah: But!

Amanda: – the de-, the, the description sounded interesting. It’s on page 38.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: Printer in Petticoats by Lynna Banning, three stars –

Sarah: Great title!

Amanda: – Mild. So who knows?

Sarah: Totally for Amanda, then! Amanda loves a good Mild!

Amanda: Mild means may or may not include lovemaking; no explicit sex.

Sarah: And again –

Amanda: So –

Sarah: – do you know the difference? No. [Laughs]

Amanda: Might not be for me.

Sarah: Do you know the difference?

Amanda: >> Banning’s warm, engaging Smoke River series continues to thrive and grow, especially when a competitive newspaper arrives and sets sparks flying between the editors, on and off their editorial pages. Familiar characters and the town’s favorite haunts all lend support as the at-odds editors find a way toward harmony.

Sarah: Ooh, rival journalists!

Amanda: I know!

Sarah: In the colonial west.

Amanda: [Laughs]

>> Jessamine is doing the best she can after inheriting her family’s newspaper. With no formal training and the grief over her brother’s murder still lingering, it is no wonder she goes to war with the town’s newest editor. On and off the page, Jessamine battles Cole’s editorial brilliance and rugged handsomeness before real danger threatens them both. Writing the truth got her brother killed, and it may do the same for Cole unless Jess can take courage and matters into her own hands.

In-, you inherit a newspaper.

Sarah: I got, I, I have, I have a question here. You’re, you’re mourning your brother’s murder, you have inherited a whole-ass newspaper that you were not formally trained for, so your decision is to start some shit with the other editor. This is the – okay. Sure! I mean, it’s a good plot!

Amanda: Look, if you, if you want to sell papers, I guess –

Sarah: Start shit, I guess! I mean –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – you can’t have Backstreet Boys without NSYNC; you can’t have Coke without Pepsi; you need two to do battle, I – okay! But all right then.

Amanda: Yeah. And, you know, for the record, I’m Team Coke, and I’m Team Backstreet Boys. NSYNC is a pale comparison. Sorry to our listener Sue, who is going to hate that I said that out loud.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Sorry, Sue! Actually, not sorry. [Giggles]

Sarah: She’s not sorry. Don’t let her lie to you.

This was not a truly gripping section, and the next one was Mainstream Fiction, and I, I passed! Like, nothing grabbed me. No –

Amanda: We’ve had a few passes in here…

Sarah: Yeah, we, we passed on a couple; sorry.

Amanda: I did pick one in Mainstream.

Sarah: Tell me what you picked, and was it Happy People Read and Drink Coffee?

Amanda: Okay. I mean, I do both, and I don’t know if I’d say I’m a happy person. [Laughs]

Sarah: So which one did you pick?

Amanda: I picked, on page 43, A Robot in the Garden?

Sarah: Again with these titles that would never fly right now.

Amanda: Yeah, A Robot in the Garden by Deborah Install, four stars.

>> Install’s debut novel is quirky and witty, full of true human and robot emotion that will have readers both laughing and crying. This unusual cast of characters, including the robot Tang, come from all walks of life and set up situ-, situations that are interesting and thought-provoking. A Robot in the Garden is a breath of fresh air.

And this is the description – [laughs]:

>> When Ben looks out his window to find an old, funky robot in his garden, he is perplexed, as robots don’t often just show up out of the blue. Ben reluctantly decides to take care of the robot, to the dismay and disapproval of his wife Amy. Soon, Ben and the robot Tang are on a worldwide adventure to find Tang’s creator. Along the way, Ben realizes things about himself that change his perspective on life, love, and what it truly means to heal.

So you bring this robot into your home; your wife is like, What the fuck is that thing? Get it out of the house; and then you’re like, Sorry, I’m going to go on a road trip with this robot; bye. [Laughs]

Sarah: This is a Reddit post. Am I Overreacting? My husband brought in an unknown robot from the garden and is now going on a life, trip of a lifetime to find out where this ro-, robot came from, and has nothing to say about me, the house, our marriage, or anything, and I’m just expected to tolerate this. Justice for Amy! I’m telling you.

Amanda: He just fucks off with this robot!

Sarah: He just fucks off with the robot! Like, come on, bro! You made –

Amanda: That’s what got me is, like, his wife is disapproving, and the next thing you know he’s on a worldwide adventure with said robot.

Sarah: Yeah, I can’t say that that’s a really great set of –

Amanda: He’s going to come back to –

Sarah: – priorities.

Amanda: – divorce papers…

Sarah: He’s going to come back to an empty-ass house and be like, Robot, I need your help cleaning.

Moving on to Teen Scene. I just want to point out, everybody, A Court of Mist and Fury is in here; it got four stars, and the first line of the summary is:

>> Feyre should be happy.

[Laughter]

Sarah: I’m like, Yep, okay! Story checks out!

[Laughter]

Sarah: The book that I picked is also on 51. This sounds so wild to me. This is Summer of Supernovas by Darcy Woods, and you will not believe, Amanda, this sounded familiar to me, because we had a RITA reader challenge review for this the following year. This was a finalist for a RITA for Best First Book, YA Romance.

Amanda: I saw you linked it, and I was like, Holy shit! How did – [laughs] – Sarah remember?

Sarah: Listen, every now and again there’s synapses that are like, Oh hey, yeah, hang on; I got, I got one! Okay, thanks. Going back to sleep. Yep!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: My synapses are, like, sleepy. So this, this guest reviewer was HeatherMac, and HeatherMac gave it a B! Over in RT, Summer of Supernovas got four stars, so, you know, I’d say we’re in line here.

>> In this novel, the characters are multifaceted and more or less hiding a part of themselves, allowing each one to be a favorite at certain junctures in the story. Whenever the action starts to slow down, things take a turn for the unexpected. Astrology lovers and YA fans alike will adore this entertaining read.

So do you have any idea what’s going on here? Nah.

Amanda: No.

Sarah: There’s just, like, here are some things. The reviews that are not reviews still making me mad. Here’s the actual summary:

>> Wilamena Carlisle has let her astrology charts decide her fate ever since the passing of her mother, an expert astrologist. While looking for clarity, she stumbles upon a seemingly perfect match, but he’s a Pisces, the one sign her mother made her swear to never get romantically involved with!

Amanda: Sorry to any Pisces who are listening.

Sarah: I mean –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: >> With the help of her friends and grandmother, Wilamena must decide between staying with her cosmic match and respecting her late mother’s wishes or going with kismet and rejecting her mother’s legacy.

Everybody in this book needs to calm the fuck down.

Amanda: Yeah, it’s like, Oh, if I date a Pisces I’m rejecting – [laughs] –

Sarah: My mother’s legacy?

Amanda: – legacy!

Sarah: As I said to Adam, Sometimes tradition connects you to people who are part of your past, people who may not be with you anymore, people whose legacy you may not fully understand, but that you have, and sometimes tradition makes you feel good, and sometimes tradition is peer pressure from dead people, and you can just say no. I have met this incredible man, but I can’t date him because my mom said I should never date a Pisces, and she’s dead, so I have to honor her legacy. This is like you inherited your aunt’s travel agency, and it can’t go out of business. Okay, but why?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah. So there you go. It still got a, it still got a B on, on Smart Bitches, which, okay. This is a part of the review that I just want to add for additional color:

>> By some freak of planetary alignment, her chart says she only has a window of twenty-two days to meet the love of her life before the next auspicious opportunity comes along in ten years, when she will be a wizened crone of twenty-seven.

[Laughs] And the GIF is, I just rolled my eyes so hard I saw my brain.

Amanda: Speaking of old crones, I was –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – talking to a friend yesterday, and I think she’s thirty-one, and I’m thirty-six, and we were talking, and I was like, Oh, I remember really enjoying my early thirties; I thought thirty-one was a good year. And my friend was like, Yeah, you would, ‘cause you’re saying that as a thirty-sex-year-old.

[Laughter]

Sarah: Ouch!

Amanda: [Still laughing]

Sarah: Yowch!

Amanda: And I just started laughing! She got me; she got me. [Laughs]

Sarah: You would say that!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Moving on to Romantic Suspense, this was two pages, and I confess that I did pass on this one, because this is not my favorite genre, and there were very few books. I do want to point out, though, that there is an early Chanel Cleeton in this section where she was writing about Air Force fighter pilots. Remember when the Air Force was The Thing that everyone was writing about? It was like Top Gun…

Amanda: I remember those covers were really good, too.

Sarah: The covers are gorgeous?

Amanda: I liked them!

Sarah: They were gorgeous, but Fly with Me by Chanel Cleeton got three stars and is a Scorcher, and now her career has taken off writing historical fiction, which is –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – very cool.

What –

Amanda: I just – [laughs] –

Sarah: What did you pick? I am so excited to hear about this from the note in our document.

Amanda: I just wrote – ‘cause I was, like, skimming – [laughs] – and I was like, Alert: page 56 of the PDF, there’s a pregnant amnesiac, so –

Sarah: Wh-wh-what?!

Amanda: [Laughs] So it’s called The Trouble with Temptation by Shiloh Walker.

Sarah: Shiloh Walker’s book! Yeah, okay!

Amanda: Yeah. Four stars, Hot.

>> The trouble continues with the second book in clever and versatile Walker’s, in the clever and versatile Walker’s series featuring the McKay siblings. The repercussions from a murder keep rippling out and entangling these protagonists deeper in danger. Walker’s storytelling style utilizes complex characters who must face internal and external danger head on or risk losing everything. Engaging as always.

So the summary is:

>> A terrible accident has left Hannah Parker in a coma for seven days. Compounding the concern are two issues: first, Hannah is pregnant, and second, she may have been a witness to a murder.

[Laughter]

Amanda: >> Learning that Hannah –

Sarah: Holy crap!

Amanda: >> – is pregnant –

I know! [Laughs]

>> – shifts everything for Brannon McKay. Ironically, Brannon catches a break when he learns that Hannah is suffering from amnesia after her accident.

Sarah: What?!

Amanda: I know! [Laughs] Like, whew! Good thing she has amnesia!

>> He had previously destroyed their budding relationship, but now he has a second chance to make it right. As Hannah struggles to recover physically and regain her memories, she puts her trust in Brannon. Will she regret it when she remembers? Ominously, there are also others who may want her memories to stay buried.

Sarah: Pregnant amnesiac!

Amanda: If that’s your bag! [Laughs]

Sarah: Dear editor: Am I the Asshole? I broke off a relationship with a hot chick, and now she’s back, she’s pregnant, and she’s got amnesia so she doesn’t remember me, and I really need her potential knowledge for this case I’m working on. Would I be the Asshole if I, like, hooked up with her again, since she doesn’t know I’ve already dumped her?

Yes, you would be the Asshole! [Laughs] Oh my God!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Moving on to Mystery and Thriller, there’s a book in here that absolutely scared the shit out of me. On PDF page 62, I read this book, and I still think about how much it creeped me out: City of the Lost by Kelley Armstrong? Four stars, suspense.

>> Imagine a city where the inhabitants have willingly left their lives behind. Readers will be able to understand why these people want to leave their lives, but the mystery of how the town collectively came to be and where the story goes moving forward is what will bring them back. The lead character Casey is a compelling and a-, is compelling and attractive enough –

Hm?

>> – to gain a following. This new series is off to a promising start with twists at every turn.

So here’s the summary:

>> Detective Casey Duncan is good at what she does, but a shooting that seriously injures her male companion alerts her to the fact that the past she’s been hiding from has found her. Added to this, her best friend is fleeing her abusive boyfriend, and Casey decides it’s time for both of them to disappear. Rockton, in the Yukon Territory, will purportedly take in people who want to vanish for a fee. When Casey and her friend are interviewed, it becomes obvious that the town needs a detective to investigate mysterious disappearances and murders.

I also just want to make a note for Decanting a Murder by Nadine Nettmann, which is the first in the Sommelier mysteries? You know, the sommelier is the guy who, like, tells you what wine to go with? So apparently the quest, the, the test for being a master sommelier is one of the hardest tests; it’s deeply subjective? I watched a whole documentary on it, because that’s who I am? This is the first line of the summary, and I’m just like, I don’t trust this person’s ability to look after themselves.

>> Katie Stillwell hopes that attending a party at the Frontier Winery with her best friend Tessa will lessen the sting of failing the certified sommelier exam.

So the place you should go when you are bummed about failing a test for your career is a winery, because you wanted to be a professional wine person. Let’s go to a winery. Isn’t that pressing on a bruise?

Amanda: Yeah, that feels a – [laughs] – little insensitive!

Sarah: That feels like a weird decision for me.

All right, so what book did you pick?

Amanda: So page 65, it’s a historical mystery. It’s called A Front Page Affair by Radha Vatsal?

Sarah: I looked this up. Tell me everything.

Amanda: It’s two stars, and two stars are hard to come by in this issue, so –

Sarah: [Laughs] Yeah. You can count them on one hand.

Amanda: – I latched onto it. The review is:

>> This story is hard to follow, as much of the information given is irrelevant to the story.

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: [Laughs]

>> The parts of the book that have to do with the actual murder are overwrought with historical references, making the story drag on in several areas. Overall, this book is not an easy read, and it will require intense concentration and several days to digest all the information given.

But the summary – so the – [laughs] – the heroine’s name is Capability. So let me just get that out of the way.

>> Capability “Kitty” Weeks is the –

Sarah: How’d you get Kitty from Capability?

Amanda: Look, I don’t know! [Laughs]

Sarah: Okay. You know what? Fine.

Amanda: Cool. I think it’s the I-T-Y, I suppose.

Sarah: Kitty, Ability, okay!

Amanda: >> – is determined to learn how to be a serious reporter, but in 1915, she’s lucky to be given a part-time job in the society section. When a guest gets killed at a society party she is covering, her news-, her newspaper’s publisher recruits her to assist in an article about the murder. While she interviews partygoers, the police make arrests, a possible suspect commits suicide, and Kitty makes it her mission to make sure the true killer is captured.

Sarah: Well, I looked it up on Goodreads –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – where it has a 3.59, and there is a review from K. J. Charles, who writes great reviews:

>> A nineteen-year-old rich girl and wannabe journalist in 1915 gets sucked into a mystery when a corpse turns up at the country club. It’s got a lot of historical detail – like a lot – some very well worked-in and much completely new to me and really interesting, and some of it obviously “people reading the news to each other.” The editor needed to take a hand here, because when it, when it worked in this it was very convincing and vivid.

>> Kitty is very naïve, prone to letting men tell her what to do – highly plausible for the character and the time and clearly a series arc. I thought she was being set up for a really interesting relationship with an older man, but a hand-, sadly a handsome young law enforcement professional turned up. Oh well.

>> The mystery is well-thought-out and clever in construction, but either I missed something or an entire plot thread comes completely loose at the end, because I couldn’t make sense of it, but it may be me.

Okay!

Amanda: But there, there’s also a hat. The hat alert.

Sarah: There is a hat.

Amanda: [Indistinct, laughs]

Sarah: This is a fine hat. This is a –

Amanda: Hat watch.

Sarah: – very fine hat. Very good hat watch.

Amanda: Oh my God! This shooting is at J. P. Morgan’s mansion.

Sarah: Yeah! You know!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: It’s got some high-falutin’ business here.

Amanda: I guess so!

Sarah: So moving on into Inspirational, I picked Fading Starlight by Kathryn Cushman, three stars. It’s interesting to me that a lot of the books that I picked are three stars, or maybe four, but they sound really interesting, whereas the things that were Top Picks and four stars and a half Gold and whatever, I was like, eh.

Amanda: I’m also always amazed at how big the Inspirational section is, as someone who doesn’t read inspirational books.

Sarah: Oh.

Amanda: I’m always amazed at how beefy this section is.

Sarah: There’s at least – I’m just doing a quick count – I’m going to say at least thirty books in here? Probably thirty-five? Wait, and wait till we get to, to Paranormal, y’all; it’s, it’s wild.

So I picked Fading Starlight, PDF page 72. Three stars.

>> Colorful, though at times exaggerated characters flank an inspiring plot that brims with old Hollywood suspense, vintage fashion, and modern frustrations. The book’s strength lies in both Cushman’s talent with a pen and in her main character’s skill with a sewing machine. While the plot does occasionally border on unrealistic, the novel’s themes are ideal for book clubs or reader groups.

We just had a pregnant amnesiac, so what are you calling unrealistic?

>> In one humiliating moment –

Oh, it’s a crushing-the-heroine book.

>> – Lauren Summers’ dreams go up in smoke. Blackballed by the fashion industry, she manage, manages to find an unpaid job making costumes for a school theater department, but it comes with free lodging. The run-down cottage seems like a perfect haven, except for the reclusive Hollywood legend who lives next door and refuses all of Lauren’s attempts at friendship. When a reporter asks Lauren to spy on this neighbor in exchange for information that could restore Lauren’s career, she isn’t sure what to do.

Okay! Sounds kind of, kind of cool. I do love a reclusive famous person who’s like, Fuck off!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: What did you pick?

Amanda: So the next page, page 73, I saw the name Sean Patrick Flanery –

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: – and I was like, Huh! Actor Sean Patrick Flanery from The Boondock Saints.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: And sure enough, it is the actor Sean Patrick Flanery – [laughs] – from The Boondock Saints.

Sarah: Surprise!

Amanda: Took a turn at writing an inspirational novel.

Sarah: As you do!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: As you do.

Amanda: When I, when I think of that movie, my brain does not immediately think, Oh, he’s got a future career as an inspirational writer.

Sarah: With some Jesus by volume.

Amanda: Yeah! So the book is called Jane Two, Sean Patrick Flanery. It got two stars, so didn’t work out so well for him.

Sarah: No, it sure did not.

Amanda: >> Actor Flanery’s first novel suffers from an incredibly slow plot which never truly gains momentum. An extreme amount of gratuitous profanity makes this book impossible to recommend for the inspirational audience. The ending is heartwarming, but most of the tale is plodding and dull.

Sarah: An extreme amount of gratuitous profanity. I am making that a potential subtitle for this episode. That’s a good subtitle.

Amanda: Extreme amount of gratuitous profanity. But I just don’t understand, like, curse words as inherently bad. Like, there’s a couple curse words that I understand would be antithetical to some people’s beliefs, but, like, I don’t get it!

Sarah: It’s very funny, because there are some genres, including inspirational publishers, who have very strict rules about cursing, because the audience expects very specific things will not be present. It reminds me of the Love Inspired Things You May Not Do list, like they can’t gamble, they can’t talk to God and have God talk back, there’s no drinking, there’s no men staying overnight in the home of the heroine unless they’re married, like that kind of thing. And, I mean, I get it, but also that’s why it’s not interesting to me, because, well, I mean, my kids grew up knowing what bitches meant from the time that they were learning to talk.

Moving on to Contemporary, what did you pick?

Amanda: I think I picked another low-rated one on page 84. I’m like a moth to a flame when I see like a two-star.

Sarah: Two stars! What, what’s it say?

Amanda: It’s Outlaw Cowboy by Nicole Helm, two stars, Hot. And the review is:

>> Outlaw Cowboy has such promise and potential at the start, but the story wanes when the characters’ personalities tarnish the great premise. Caleb’s anger manifests itself in unfavor-, in unfavorable ways. The convoluted relationship between the Shaws and their father further muddies already murky waters. Mel’s annoying holier-than-thou attitude and unnecessary interference would pop up as the story finally gained some traction. Lastly, when Delia’s history of using others in order to survive is revealed you sympathize with her, but the feeling is lost when she plans on using those skills on Caleb. While there are some shining moments, they aren’t enough to allow this story to grab you.

And then the summary, ‘cause I was like, I was confused about, like, the anger manifestation? I was like, what are we talking about there? The summary is:

>> Trying to remain sober while attempting to past right – pa- – trying to remain sober while attempting to right past wrongs is a hard enough task for Caleb Shaw, but when Delia Rogers returns with ulterior motives his problems all come to a head. Will the feelings Caleb and Delia have for each other be enough to make them see reason and realize that love can overcome the pain they are both fighting, or will they give into the despair that love is just not enough?

So what I talk about is Caleb has a drinking problem, and –

Sarah: And is trying to remain sober.

Amanda: Yeah! And is, he’s an angry drunk is what I’m getting at. [Sighs] Yeah –

Sarah: I –

Amanda: – that’s a hard one to reckon with. Not that I think, you know, addicts can’t be redeemed. I have addicts in my family, but I don’t know, if you’re an abusive addict? That’s tough.

Sarah: That is very tough, and it’s also, you’re doing a lot. If you’re trying to remain sober and you’re in the part of recovery where you’re making amends and trying to right past wrongs? Delia coming up with ulterior motives, like, that’s a lot to take on? That, that seems like, to me this, this sounds like it would be very sad and depressing and frustrating.

Amanda: Yeah. Bummer of a book, yep.

Sarah: Moving on to Science Fiction and Fantasy. Again, nothing but three to four and a half stars TP. I picked The Fireman by Joe Hill. This was a four and a half star Top Pick. I don’t remember why I picked this, but let’s figure it out together.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I honestly, I’m looking at this going, Why’d I pick this? No idea. Fantasy and horror.

>> Hill’s new epic, epic new release is nothing short of a marvel. He manages to blend the bleakly believable breakdown of society in the face of a genuinely terrifying plague with a haunting narrative that is as compulsively, compulsively readable as it is starkly chilling.

These were never meant to be read alive, read aloud, people.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Read alive, read aloud, whatever.

>> The literary allusions that are woven throughout add another layer of interest to a work already rich with meaning, despair, fear, and somehow hope. Like the disease it describes, this book finds its way under the reader’s skin –

Ugh.

>> – lingering long after they finished.

>> No one knows when the condition began or why, but a horrible plague has swept the country –

Now we have done horrible plague sweeping the country. This is a recent memory for most of us.

>> – leaving its victims with fascinating markings across their skin before causing them to spontaneously combust.

That would be why I picked this one. [Laughs] We need a little spontaneous combustion!

>> Nurse Harper Grayson remains dedicated to helping the sick un-day, until the day she realizes that she is pregnant – and infected with dragonscale. As her marriage and society dissolve around her, Harper finds an unlikely ally in the enigmatic and fearless Fireman, a man who has learned to control the fire inside him and promises to deliver Harper and her unborn baby to safety.

So it’s called dragonscale. Are they becoming dragons? Is this actually paranormal? How are they spontaneously combusting? Now all of a sudden – all you had to do in all of those words was talk about spontaneous combustion. I am so in! [Laughs]

Amanda: I watched –

Sarah: And that’s why I picked that one! [Laughs]

Amanda: I watched a lot of Unsolved Mysteries as a…

Sarah: Oh my God! There were so many spontaneous combustion –

Amanda: I had –

Sarah: – people on Unsolved Mysteries!

Amanda: – a fear of spontaneous combustion –

Sarah: Right?

Amanda: – from watching that…

Sarah: You thought this was a legitimate concern, given how much it was on TV. It was like quicksand for my generation.

Amanda: I was like, Oh no! [Laughs]

Sarah: I thought there’d be, like, quicksand in the park, quicksand in the school, just quicksand everywhere! And spontaneous combustion was coming for us all.

Amanda: So I picked, on page 89, one of my favorites, favorite sci-fi novels; highly recommend if you love a full audio production –

Sarah: Mmm!

Amanda: – for an audiobook? I think I reviewed the audiobook on the site. I really like this book and this series. So they gave it four stars; it’s Science Fiction. Sleeping Giants by Sylvain Neuvel. It’s just, and it’s, like, epistolary, so it’s told through, like, interviews and diary notes and stuff like that. I rec- –

Sarah: You told me about this book. I just didn’t remember the title! Yes! Okay!

Amanda: Yeah. [Laughs] The review is:

>> Fun isn’t necessarily the first adjective that comes to mind when you’re thinking about a story centered on a research end of ancient alien technology. But this sci-fi debut is just that, not because of rollicking battles or space opera theatrics, but because of Neuvel’s irresistible – [laughs] – insouciant –

Is that right?

>> – wit. Told in the form of –

Sarah: Insouciant.

Amanda: >> – case files –

Sarah: Insouciant.

Amanda: Insouciant.

Sarah: Insouciant, yeah. These, again, these are never meant to be –

Amanda: Unnecessary.

Sarah: Unnecessary – never meant to be read aloud.

Amanda: [Laughs]

>> Told in the form of case files, the story shines most when Neuvel’s comic sensibilities take over. The banter between our shadowy protagonist and a beleaguered presidential aide is a particular highlight, as is the caustic and stubborn soldier Kara Resnick, whose behavior and name recall another hotshot pilot: Battlestar Galactica’s Kara Thrace. When I’m gener-, while I’m generally not a fan of crucial information hidden in epilogues – write it in the narrative proper, authors! – I have to admit that Sleeping Giants’s post story reveal is an epic gut punch.

Yes, there is a cliffhanger, it is a trilogy, all the books are out, so just making that noted. The summary –

Sarah: Not only do we have your audiobook review, but we also have a review from Elyse, and both of you –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – gave this an A.

Amanda: It’s really good. The summary:

>> As a young girl, Dr. Rose Franklin had a very ordinary accident on her bike. She fell off and tumbled into a hole in the ground, a very deep hole, where she had the slightly less ordinary experience of discovering she’s landed straight onto a giant metal hand. Years later, in a moment of either serendipity or pure kismet, Rose, now a physicist, is tasked with researching the physical properties of the very same hand.

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: >> Keeping, keeping vital information close to the vest, an almost sphinx-like government operative assembles a team to help Rose further explore the technology. Finding the various body parts of this giant metal soldier proves easier than operating it and easier than handling the intra-team tension and far-ranging moral implications surrounding such a powerful weapon.

Sarah: That’s cool!

Amanda: It’s really good! It makes me want to re-listen to it. Yeah. So –

Sarah: I mean, why not?

Amanda: – highly recommend, anyone who loves audiobooks that have different narrators for each character, and agree that the, like, shadowy government figure is probably the best character in the book and the, the narrator does a really good job sort of being a little, like, shadowy, a little smarmy. A+

Sarah: Excellent!

Amanda: A top, a top pick for me –

Sarah: Hey!

Amanda: – as well.

Sarah: It, it’s, it’s very cool when we encounter a top pick for one of us in one of these magazines.

Moving on to Paranormal, y’all there are four books, and one of them is The Beast by J. R. Ward, which is Rhage’s story, which, okay. But the section itself is three pages. All of the – [laughs] – all of the reviews are on page one, and then page two is this weird-ass quiz about paranormal paramours, and, like, the first, the one page is, has three questions, and then – what would you say, seventy-five percent of this page is an ad for a Charlaine Harris book?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: It’s so silly. And then the next page has, you know, questions four through ten, with another ad, but, like, the whole section is a quiz about other books, and this is the Paranormal Romance review section.

Amanda: And books not featured in this magazine; like, books that hopefully you read at some point.

Sarah: Right, like, “Name the lovers in Bound by Flames” by Jeanine Frost or “New York’s hottest vampire DJ, Sadie, and werewolf prince Killian discover they’re the perfect mates in this RT award-winner from Sara Humphreys.” If you’re curious, the answer to that is Vampires Never Cry Wolf, and the couple in Bound by Flames is Leila and Vlad. Like, oy! Okay! Well, paranormal romance has some things happening to it in 2016.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Moving on to Urban Fantasy, where there are seven books, I need to ask the listeners a question, because they’ve probably got more experience in this than, than I do. The book I wanted to just mention real quick is on page 96. We’ve got Kitti Katt, only now she’s Kitti Katt-Martini, First Lady of the United States. Obviously reviewing these each month, or every time they come out is going to spoil the previous book, but we’ve still got Kitti Katt-Martini showing up in this magazine, which just makes me feel happy in a, in a –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – sort of continuity kind of way.

Amanda: If there’s one constant, it’s that Kitti Katt-Martini will make an appearance.

Sarah: It’s going to have some weird shit, she’s going to deal with aliens and become the First Lady, as you do.

But I have a question: reviewed in this magazine is Night Shift by Charlaine Harris, which is book three of a trilogy. It is set in Midnight, Texas; I’ve looked up books one and two. I’m wondering if I, if I should read this. Here’s the summary and review of book three, and I, I do, have not read this, but it doesn’t sound to me like this is giving away too much.

>> If there’s one thing you can count on in Midnight, Texas, it’s that there is always something strange percolating under the surface. However, in this case the deadly weirdness is breaking into the open as a rash of unexplainable suicides hits the town. Harris is truly a gifted storyteller who delivers unique and fascinating characters. An aspect that sets a different tone in these books is that there’s no single central protagonist. The story is told from the perspectives from a variety of town folk, each of them, each of whom has their moment to impact the storyline. Great as always.

It’s four stars, which I guess is like a B in this magazine? I don’t frigging know.

>> After a second stranger arrives at the crossroads in Midnight and then inexplicably commits suicide in the middle of the road, the locals realize that they have a problem. Lemuel [Luh-mule], or Lemuel [Lem-you-el], the local vampire, thinks the answer lies in some ancient mysterious texts that he is trying to translate. The local witch, Fiji Cavanaugh, suspects magic is involved, and the other assorted townsfolk, but human and supernatural, agree. Even the local ghosts are agitated.

You had me at agitated ghosts, by the way.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: >> To find the answers, they’re going to have to look to Midnight’s past to discover what they are up against before it’s too late.

I think this sounds like a cool trilogy, and I am curious, if you’ve read it, if you recommend it, so let me know if you’ve read this and think you recommend it.

Amanda: I think I picked up book one, but I don’t remember much about it. I think, didn’t they make it a TV series?

Sarah: I think so? Yes, there was a series called Midnight, Texas, and it has, it’s, I don’t know if it was on the CW, but it looks like a CW show? Like, everybody looks like they are a CW person. The, the, the promo for the show is all of the actors just lying next to each other in various, like, recumbent pose – I don’t understand that as a, a – okay. Anyway, the Midnight, Texas series, the book series – oh, it has its own subreddit! So this is a legit show!

[Laughter]

Sarah: If you’ve got a subreddit, you’re a legitimate! Midnight, Texas starts with Midnight Crossroad, then Day Shift, then Night Shift, which is this book, and the first one has 3.74 stars on Goodreads, followed by 4.01 and 4.11, so I’m kind of curious. Maybe I will listen to this one. If anyone has recommendations or thinks I should go for it, just let me know.

Moving on to Series, where you will not believe, Amanda, it seems that there are four twos in this section that I counted, and half of them are inside Kimani. This is –

Amanda: Shocked, I tell you!

Sarah: – shocking! The one that I picked is Under the Bali Moon by Grace Octavia. The good thing about these is that they’re short. The bad thing is that they don’t always make sense. This is actually a longer review for Series, and this is from the Harlequin – nope! This is Kimani; this is one of the two-star Kimanis…That makes my stomach hurt. Under the Bali Moon, two stars, by Grace Octavia:

>> Successful attorney Zena Shaw has worked hard to ensure her little sister Zola will join her at her law firm after she passes the bar exam. When Zola –

You’ve got two characters named Zola and Zena. I can understand why this is not getting a great review.

>> When Zola confesses that she and her fiancé are going to elope and she will postpone taking the bar, Zena is livid. Adding to the drama is the fact that Zola’s fiancé’s brother, Adan Douglass, is Zena’s ex-boyfriend. Between working to cancel the wedding and putting her feelings for Adan behind her, Zena has her hands full.

Here’s the review:

>> Zena comes off as highly unbalanced and immature. [Laughs] She flies off the handle in each chapter, while Adan is depicted as calm and at times condescending. In a confusing twist, when Zena rehashes past conversations with Adan in her head, it’s often one-sided and unbalanced, so the reader doesn’t get the full gist of the conversation.

I just want to say, it is stunning to me that this person is behaving this way if they are an attorney. Getting their sister –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – a, a position at their law firm? How? Are you a partner? How are you doing that? Number two, she’s going to break up her sister’s wedding? Work- –

Amanda: Because she’s dating the brother of her ex? Sorry?

Sarah: Working to cancel the wedding and putting her feelings behind her? This person does not sound like a heroine; this person sounds like an asshole!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So what did you pick?

Amanda: So I picked, it’s a Harlequin Romance on page 102 called The Billionaire Who Saw Her Beauty, four stars, by Rebecca Winters. Oh my gosh, I have to brush off my Italian.

>> Socialite Alessandra Cara- –

Oh gosh. Caracciolo?

Sarah: I think it’s Caracciolo; yeah, I think you’re right.

Amanda: >> – has felt crushed ever since the man she loved asked for her twin sister’s hand in marriage.

Sarah: Ooh, bummer!

Amanda: >> She feels like she might die an old maid – [laughs] – until she meets billionaire Rinieri Montanari. The gorgeous Italian is known for being a playboy, but Alessandra has a feeling there’s more hidden beneath his surface. Will she be strong enough to take the plunge when Rinieri convinces her that she’s the woman for him?

>> This is a lovely addition to the Montanari Marriages series. Readers will be swept away by Rinieri’s charm and root for Alessandra’s bravery to surface. Winters’s fine romance unfolds at the perfect pace so one can digest the relationship and is still, and still enjoy the antics of being a billionaire.

Sarah: Oh, my face right now. Ooh.

Amanda: Yeah. So two things: Rinieri? I can’t think about that name now without thinking of the NXIVM cult’s leader, Keith Raniere?

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: So that’s in my brain. But also, the title of the book is The Billionaire Who Saw Her Beauty, so I’m inferring that Alessandra is a little insecure, especially after her former boyfriend proposed to her twin sister, but she’s also a socialite, and I’m very curious – [laughs] – about the whole dichotomy of being shy and self-conscious but also being a socialite. ‘Cause being a socialite, to me, gives off the impression that you’re social.

Sarah: The word is in the name!

Amanda: You’re, you’re out there to see and be seen. So I don’t know; the book title confuses me a little bit.

Sarah: I just want to know why, one, why you would want to digest the relationship? That sounds very strange, but also, enjoy the antics of being a billionaire? I take no enjoyment in the antics of billionaires right now. Like, I think, I think that billionaire romances are well and truly collapsing right now in 2025? At least I hope so, ‘cause I know that I’m not interested, and I’ve talked to so many readers who are like, Yeah, I’m over it. I don’t, like, I don’t want to read about this? The antics of being a billionaire? What’s this guy up to? And is he a dick? ‘Cause maybe.

Amanda: Possible.

Sarah: Our final section is Erotica. There are one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine books; one, two, three of which have the word Dirty in the title. So in case you were wondering what era we were in, it was dirty, dirty –

Amanda: Dirty.

Sarah: The dirty, dirty and dirty and dirty. I chose Dirty Billionaire – speaking of – by Meghan March, an erotic romance. It appears to be self-published. It got two stories – two stories – two stars!

>> Fair warning, readers: this book is part of a trilogy. Without this tidbit of information you will be disappointed by the cliffhanger in the end. In addition to this cliffhanger that will irritate more than intrigue, the story itself is rushed and jumbled. Readers may literally experience whiplash as the characters make life-altering decisions in a matter of hours.

Okay, are you ready for this plot summary?

Amanda: I’m ready.

Sarah: All right. This sounds unhinged. I am into it.

>> As part of her record deal, upcoming country music star Holly Wix must pretend to be in a relationship with her label-mate, a closeted homosexual who constantly ends up in gossip rags. Stressed with her situation, with no conceivable way out, Holly looks to have a one-night stand with a handsome stranger she meets in a bar. Billionaire Creighton Karas is drawn to Holly’s innocence and indulges in a night of repeated acts of passion. When he wakes up to find her gone, he uses the media to find her and give her an offer she can’t refuse.

I’m sorry, closeted homosexual was such a choice of words. [Laughs] So she’s bearding.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Why must she pretend –

Amanda: But also –

Sarah: – to be in a relationship?

Amanda: – it’s part of her record deal of, like, Oh, if you want to be successful with your country music band, we can’t make sure, we can’t allow anyone to know –

Sarah: Ah.

Amanda: – that one of your bandmates is a gay man –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – so you have to pretend to date him.

Sarah: Yep. Yep.

Amanda: And then also, this creep, going to the media to be like, Help me find this woman I slept with, please.

Sarah: Please help me target this woman pub- – what the – don’t, no. Gross, do, don’t do that!

Amanda: So I picked, on the same page, Black Listed by Shelly Bell, three stars. I feel like this is an era of erotic romance where everything is just bananas. [Laughs] It’s just bananas.

>> Bell’s latest is smoking hot, with men-, ménage, role-playing, and a sizzling heat factor.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: >> Unfortunately, this erotic suspense lacks the ability to scare readers or provide a bit of a thrill besides the passionate sex. The storyline heads in the right direction, but when the killer was introduced, my brain was still trying to digest – [laughs] – Sawyer and Lisa’s last romp in the sack.

Sarah: What, what –

Amanda: …digesting relationships.

Sarah: Why, why are we digesting so much? What’s happening here?

Amanda: I don’t know!

>> Maybe there just isn’t enough buildup to the suspenseful parts in order for me to really hang off the edge of my seat.

Sarah: Whee!

Amanda: [Laughs] The summary is:

>> Con artist Lisa Smith really doesn’t have much of a choice but to walk away from her husband of five years after mistakenly mixing business with pleasure. But her father wants Sawyer Hayes killed –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: >> – so they can inherent his billions.

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: I’m assuming Sawyer is her husband?

>> She just can’t do the dirty deed to the one man who taught her what love and extreme pleasure are all about. Sawyer –

Sarah: Daaad, the dick was so good, I can’t kill him!

Amanda: I can’t murder him!

>> Sawyer finds Lisa after she split, and he has an indecent proposal for her: seven nights of unbridled passion, and he’ll sign the divorce papers.

She wants to kill you, dude. She has – [laughs] –

Sarah: Yeah! Do, do not put your dick in someone who wants to kill you! This seems like a very basic rule.

Amanda: >> Their wild nights remind her how hard it will be to live without him, but when a killer on the loose is after Lisa, she must let her guard down and confess everything to Sawyer, or else they’ll both die.

Sarah: There’s always, like, a serial killer or a stalker. Like, the third-act tension comes from this amplified outside threat? This happens so much.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: It’s like, I’m –

Amanda: This was also in eBook only for a dollar ninety-nine.

Sarah: Oh yeah, this was Avon Red Impulse. Impulse was their digital line; I think Red was the erotic stuff, right? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I was not super-duper excited about this, although I am very tempted by this Charlaine Harris trilogy? It seems very –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I mean, I remember about this time last year, I think, or maybe two years ago? – I have no concept of time – I was reading about the Sparrow Hill Road book by – what the hell’s her name? I can picture her face. Se-, uh, uh, Wayward Children –

Amanda: Seanan McGuire.

Sarah: Thank you! I was like, Wayward Children! And, and Feed! And you know what I’m talking about! Yeah, Seanan, Seanan McGuire. I kind of dig the, you know, creepy rural? That seems to be my jam.

Amanda: [Laughs] Creepy –

Sarah: Creepily, creepy and rural.

[outro]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. I am very curious: were you concerned about spontaneous combustion because of Unsolved Mysteries? I was genuinely worried, worried about it. Like, I really thought this was a thing that was going to happy, like I said, just like, you know, quicksand.

I would love to hear your answers to these questions. You can talk to me on the Patreon post; you can talk to me on the website post; you can talk to me over email; you can find me on social media @SmartBitches pretty much everywhere except, you know, Facebook, which is /trashybooks. I love hearing from you.

I will have links to all of the books that we talked about and links to the reviews that we mentioned in the show notes, and you know where that is, right? Smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast under episode number 687.

I always end with a terrible joke. This week’s terrible joke comes from bill-ding2112. Are you ready?

What do you gift someone who loves trucks and Star Wars?

Give up? What do you gift someone who loves trucks and Star Wars?

A toy Yoda, obviously.

[Laughs] Yodas love trucks! Toy Yoda! It’s so bad.

On behalf of everyone here, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a wonderful weekend; we’ll see you back here next week. And in the words of my favorite retired podcast Friendshipping, thank you for listening; you’re welcome for talking!

[end of music]