679. RT Rewind: July 2016 Reviews

[music]

Sarah Wendell: Hello there! Welcome to episode number 679 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell; with me is Amanda. We’re back. Amanda picked this month’s issue, and so we are journeying back to July 2016. We are going to tackle vague reviews that tell us no things. I’m going to try to coin a new portmanteau, and I expect all of you to use it. We are going to come up with some unhinged romance Bingo squares, and we have plot summaries that are truly a ride. Hop into the newly refurbished time machine – basically, we needed a bigger drinks fridge – let’s look at the July 2016 new releases.

I’ve also heard that y’all enjoy longer episodes where I and Amanda take long tangents and discuss different things, so I’m leaving this one a little longer than usual. Heh-heh – that’s what she said. [Laughs] Am I the most self-amused person? Yes. Yes, I am. Either way, I left this episode on the longer side, so please tell me what you think. Too much? Too little? Just right? I’d love to hear from you.

I also have a compliment this week.

To Nicole E.: When your friends have a problem or there’s something they don’t know how to deal with and they want to talk to someone who listens, who always helps, who is supportive and always kind, they think of you first.

If you would like a compliment of your very own, please have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. We have a truly wonderful Patreon community, and that community keeps the show going and makes sure every episode has a transcript which is accessible and handcrafted by garlicknitter. Hi, garlicknitter! [Hello, Sarah! – gk] Your support means a lot. And if Patreon support is not in the cards, that’s okay. I will humbly ask you to please a review because it makes a massive difference. But most of all, thank you. I know you have a lot of podcasts to choose from, so thank you for inviting me into your ears. I’m honored to keep you company.

I have so many books to talk about in this issue. We have so many books to cover, and they will be in the show notes at smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast under episode number 679. But I’m sure you knew that.

Ooh! One more quick thing: inspired by other Patreon folks, including Chris DeRosa at Fixing Famous People, I’ve put together a collection of some of our exclusive bonus content free so you can sample what we’ve got. For example, do you want to do a crossword puzzle from the May 1995 issue of RT? The crossword puzzle is available for free on Patreon right now. If you’d like to read an issue of RT Magazine, the entire issue from December 1997 is now available for your perusal, and the covers are amazing. And if you’d like to try one of our bonus episodes, you can join Amanda and me as we look back at our 2024 predictions about romance and publishing. This collection of special previews is available now to all listeners; there’s a link in the show notes to dive in. And if you like our free samples, join us in the Patreon community where there’s bonus content and much, much more.

Are you ready to go back in time? Let’s do this. On with our look at the new releases of July 2016.

[music]

Sarah: Are you ready to talk about RT?

Amanda: I am. I did not know this was the episode, or this was the issue that had RT Vegas in it?

Sarah: Oh my God!

Amanda: I just picked it based off the cover!

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: I’m so excited, because I think we could probably talk about RT Vegas for just one whole episode.

Sarah: I, I, I think that you are right and that we could. We might end up doing that; let’s see what happens.

Amanda: And I did bring a show and tell.

Sarah: Ooh, yay! I’m very excited.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I loved this issue, because it’s not that far away in history? It’s only 2016; it’s like nine years ago. But it is so clearly ten years ago. Like, I look at these covers and I’m like, Oh, okay, yep! That’s a cover from ten years ago. Oh, yep, that’s a Lyrical Press cover, isn’t it? Yes, it is! Like, I recognize all of these old presses and the old style of covers, and we’ll talk about it during ads and features, but I was looking at this thinking, This is exactly ten years ago, and I can tell.

Amanda: Yeah. There’s something to be said of issues – I go back and forth about which kind of issues I like?

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: You know, ones that sort of predate my romance experiences, and then ones that are firmly entrenched –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – in my romance experiences, and this is the latter, for sure.

Sarah: Yes. And there’s a lot of, like, Oh, I remember that book! Oh, I remember when that came out. Ooh, that author! I wonder what she’s doing! Like, all of that –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – is in this issue.

Shall we get started with Historicals? You picked such a great issue, by the way. You picked such a good issue for this month. Like, I’m so, so excited to talk about this.

Amanda: [Laughs] Yeah, I was going through it and I’m like, Oh my God, I remember this…

Sarah: I remember that! I remember that!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: All right! So let’s start with Historical. What did you pick to talk about this month?

Amanda: So a familiar author jumped out at me.

Sarah: Just jumped out of the magazine, punched you in the nose.

Amanda: Yeah. So it is on page 36, The Innocent and the Outlaw by Harper St. George. I think this was like a Harlequin, like, category, if I remember correctly? I want to look at the cover. But interestingly enough, there are, like, category romances, right, in here? ‘Cause there’s like the Harlequin Historical line; I think that’s it.

Sarah: This is published by – [pauses] – interesting – Harlequin Historical. So this is a category; it’s not like it’s part of their single-title – although it’s 288 pages. I might need someone who knows more about historicals and Harlequin to correct me on this, but this, it’s weird that a Historical is in the Historical section when they have Harlequin Historical in Series. It’s weird, but you’re right –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – that is very strange.

Amanda: So I’m a big fan of Harper St. George’s. I think they’re Victorian, if memory serves? I’m not good with historical time periods. Someone will correct us in the comments. But her Doves of New York series and then the one before that, I really like those? I did not know that she had prior books, especially a Western. So this is a Western; it’s an 1800s, American West, three stars, Hot. So the review is:

>> St. George’s newest series, Outlaws of the Wild West, pairs a woman desperate to save what is left of her family from the justified revenge of a notorious gang with a dangerous man intent on her family’s destruction. Despite the well-used captive-falls-for-her-captor scenario, readers will find the sexy adventures of Emmaline and Hunter reason enough to stay up late.

And then the summary:

>> Emmaline’s criminal stepfather has done it again, but this time it means serious trouble for her and her younger sisters, especially when she is kidnapped and held for trade against the young man her father has taken. But her captor is no ordinary outlaw. The tricks of survival she’s learned mean nothing against Hunter’s charms or his determination to keep both her and his vow to his family, no matter the personal cost to himself.

Sarah: Oooh!

Amanda: I would read this.

Sarah: You should totally read this. This is up your street.

Amanda: [Indistinct, laughs] But it’s three stars; it’s just, like, enjoyable, a pleasant read, if we’re going by the RT rubric, which we’ve established kind of means nothing. But I don’t know, like, what’s the downside? Like, what’s the, what’s the ding in the grade for it not being like a four?

Sarah: It’s also very difficult, I think, to make a cohesive rubric because they have so many different reviewers? Like, this is reviewed by Ann Black. They could be a much harsher reviewer than anyone else, based on how many books they might have reviewed, but yeah, there’s no explanation as to why this is getting three stars. That’s weird.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: That’s super weird.

Amanda: There’s no, like, This was good, except for –

Sarah: Here’s why! Like –

Amanda: – yada-yada.

Sarah: And, and as we’ve talked about, when I’m editing a review, the first thing I’ll say is, Okay, you’ve given this a grade and then written nine hundred words of praise, but your, what you’ve said has, does not match the grade. I remember you once talking about how I would highlight summary versus critique in different colors, be like, This is, this needs to be more balanced. This, this has no balance. None. Zippo.

Amanda: New – [laughs] – well, usually, I think, when I submit a review to Sarah, I tend to put like a range, like B to B-minus –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – ‘cause I, like, waffle around, and I feel like Sarah’s a good barometer of, Actually, this reads more like a B-minus? Because I think when you read a book, unless you absolutely hate it, I feel like I scale towards the more like, Oh, I should just give it a, a B instead of a B-mi-, B-minus ‘cause I read it and I finished it!

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: You know, like, I have more attachment to the book, rather than Sarah, who’s just, like, reading it as a more objective person who can be actually like This, this reads more like a B-minus, so –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – there’s a good gut-check.

Sarah: Well, it, and it works for me whether or not I’ve read the book you’re talking about or whether or not I have not read the book that you’re talking about. Either way, if I’ve read it or I haven’t read it, the review is going to tell me your opinion, and I’m more interested in, like, figuring out your opinion? But sometimes the grade is the last thing that happens. Sometimes I’ll write a review and I’ll be like, What is this? Oh, okay! This is like a, this is like a C-plus. Okay!

Amanda: Yeah, and then Sarah reviews my reviews and then adds vomit emojis to the books that I read.

Sarah: Yeah, I’m like, ugh! “And then he took revenge on her father by seducing his daughter.” Like, aw, buddy! Crumbs!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Nasty. I am very delighted with the use of emojis as comments in Google Docs. I find that very satisfying.

Amanda: [Laughs] What did you pick?

Sarah: I picked one of the Top Picks; it’s a four-and-a-half star TP! And it’s Johanna Lindsey.

Amanda: I’ll never get over the TP…

Sarah: TP! Johanna Lindsey, in 2016, is still writing four-and-a-half star Top Picks for RT.

Amanda: With, with a terrible cover…

Sarah: Oh my God, this cover. This cover looks – originally I thought she was wearing a bathrobe? ‘Cause she’s in this, like, white bridal dress with white opera gloves, which, for the record, look very cheap and thin, like you can see through them. Those are not, like, great.

Amanda: They’re a different white than her dress.

Sarah: Uh-huh, they sure are. And she’s got, like, curls and a pensive expression and this big old necklace, but I honestly thought, Why is that girl in a, in a bathrobe? It also uses a font that, it’s, it’s like, it’s like one of those fonts if you were writing a fake pirate letter that you were going to print out on yellow paper and then burn the edges for a scavenger hunt? That’s what this looks like.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: It’s almost looking like it’s ink, but it’s not.

Amanda: A fake pirate letter.

Sarah: It’s a fake – but that’s exactly what that font is for.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So this is Make Me Love You by Johanna Lindsey, Regency England, Top Pick!

>> Lindsey has been crafting unforgettable romances for decades, earning her a place among the pioneers of the genre. She never disappoints, writing love stories that get to the heart of what love can and should be! She compels us to remember what it was like to fall in love. Her latest is a Beauty and the Beast story that is emotional, heartwarming, and highly romantic, even as Lindsey explores the complexities of mother-daughter and brother-sister relationships. Compassionate, powerful, and filled with surprises, this novel makes readers believe dreams do come true.

What does that mean?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Like, that is some useless squee. Like – [laughs] – this is, it’s just, okay!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So here’s the, here’s the summary, and it, it’s, it’s, there’s, it’s great.

>> Dueling is a matter of honor, but when Robert Whitworth fights his third duel with Lord Dominic Wolfe, the Prince Regent considers it attempted murder and demands Whitworth’s sister marry the Wolfe to end the feud.

Amanda: Okay, so is the third, is he having three duels and his last of the three duels are with Dominic, or has he dueled Dominic three times?

Sarah: My, my understanding is that he has dueled Lord Wolfe three times. They –

Amanda: I thought the purpose of the duel was to kill the other person! How does this keep shaking out as a draw?

Sarah: Unless they’re, what is it called when they, they, like, raise their guns and fire away? I think it’s deloop or de-, something. De-some-, de-something. My brain’ll come up with it like in about two hours. Just stay tuned. Maybe they’re firing into the air like they don’t mean it or they’re not trying to kill each other, or they, like, just take ten paces and then insult each other, or maybe they just suck. [Laughs] Maybe they just suck at dueling! The issue here, if dueling is a matter of honor, you guys need to be better at it! I’m really dishonoring yourselves here.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: >> Per the Prince Regent’s demands, if one party refuses, they forfeit their land and title!

That’s not even possible.

>> Brooke Whitworth –

Brooke.

>> – knows she is a pawn in this game to get the Wolfe to back out, but when her mother advises her to “make him love you” she has hope of finding happiness.

Girl.

>> Dominic is convinced he can scare Brooke away, but he has no idea what he’s up against. As Brooke’s innocence, determination, and kindness wear away his hatred, Dominic falls in love. But there are more obstacles to overcome, secrets to be revealed, and a mystery to solve before they can find happiness.

This book was twenty-six dollars.

Amanda: Oh! This is a hardcover.

Sarah: Yeah! That was a hardcover cover with that pirate fake script.

Amanda: [Muffled] …cover…in hardcover!

Sarah: I know! They barely made it in trade. And I, I did note in our inner document the one place where historical romance is always doing great is, is RT Magazine. Love them some historicals.

Amanda: I think we’ve talked about this before of, like, I would love to see sort of the review genre breakdown –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – in RT that’s, like, published today, right? Like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – how would the releases be broken down, and would they, would their sort of attachment to historical romance lead to them going indie? Like, scraping other avenues besides traditional publishing? Like, would they be including indie pubbed historicals? Like, I –

Sarah: You know, that’s a –

Amanda: – curious.

Sarah: – that’s a really good question, because at the end of this issue there’s a whole, like, digital supplement, and it’s very separate; it’s very segregated. And I wonder, politically and financially speaking, if it was a problem to include indie books in the traditional sections because trad publishers were underwriting so much of that conference. And maybe the reason there were two sections at the, the point that the magazine ended was because they didn’t want to damage that relationship with publishers. On the other hand, I don’t know if publishers actually, like, cared about RT reviews. I, I have not actually asked that question. I should ask people that. Did you give a shit about this? Not really.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So what did you pick in our Mainstream Fiction?

Amanda: I picked a book called Unbreak My Heart…

Sarah: Well, that’s going to be stuck in my head!

Amanda: Shout-out to Toni Braxton. But it’s written by Nicole Jacquelyn. Okay, this is a two-star, which is –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: There are, there are a few two-stars in here. I don’t think we saw any one-star, but this is one of the few twos.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: The review is:

>> Unbreak My Heart is a second-chance romance after tragedy with a sweet family storyline. However, Shane is a nearly impossible hero to understand or like, which makes it difficult to connect with the romance. The crux of this novel’s problem involved the lack of any conflict. Most of the book consisted of Shane being cruel to Kate or jumping to silly conclusions and then groveling at her feet, which gets old quickly.

Sarah: Ouch-a!

Amanda: That’s, that’s a two-star!

Sarah: That sure is!

Amanda: I would have given it a one, but.

Sarah: I actually picked the other two-star review. But I want to point out that on the prior page One True Loves by Taylor Jenkins Reid got three stars.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah. It’s very funny. Three stars for Taylor Jenkins Reid; that doesn’t happen now.

I picked Invincible Summer by Alice Adams, two store, two stars. And it’s funny ‘cause I read both of these two-star reviews and I was like, Oh! Huh. Well, that’s interesting.

>> This story drags on in multiple areas and delves into the world of both physics and insider trading, which will be of little interest to readers.

Well, just put a pin in that.

>> There is also a lack of balance with the first-person accounts, given are there, given there are – [laughs] – technically four main characters!

All right, that, that is a lot of first-person. I will, I will agree with you there. And then here is the summary:

>> Eva, Benedict, Sylvie, and Lucien are on the verge of graduating from college and are contemplating where life will take them in the future. Eva is headed to an internship to learn about stocks and bonds, Benedict is going to graduate school to get his Master’s degree in Physics, Sylvie is hopeful she will become a great artist, and Lucien is content to go where the wind takes him. Over the course of twenty years, real life rears its ugly head and unplanned pregnancies, drugs, greed, and marriage knock the four off balance.

Wow. So I just want to say, delving into the world of physics and insider trading, I personally love learning about weird shit I would never learn otherwise reading a book. Like, that was one of my favorite features of a Nora Roberts novel. She would go deep into the research of a particular career – Danielle Steel does this too! She’s also on this page. Like, she’ll write a book who’s a restaurateur, where the character is a restaurateur, and they, like, learn everything about the restaurant business. I think that’s really cool! I love learning about shit that I don’t know. Nora had one of those things where they were, like, deep sea treasure divers, and I was like, This is dope! I’m never doing this; like, not ever.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: But I thought it was really cool. So yeah, I disagree: if you had a well written book that explored both physics and insider trading – especially the insider trading part – I, I’m in. So they’re wrong about that.

And then there’s Teen Scene, which is so beefy. We are still in, like, mad money being thrown at YA and, like, teen New Adult. All of that is sort of mixed up in here.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I picked a book on page 44. It’s a Top Pick. It’s called The Darkest Lie by Pintip Dunn. And I want to be clear: I like Pintip Dunn. I think that they are a fabulous writer. I was so excited then, when they were on the RWA board, and then of course they resigned because RWA shit itself and the bed. But I have no, like, I just want to be clear: I think Pintip Dunn is so cool and a great writer. This is one of the most fucked-up descriptions I have read in a while? TRIGGER trigger trigger WARNING warning warning: we’re going to talk about suicide.

>> Top Pick. Readers’ hearts won’t stop racing as they make their way through this suspenseful novel, whether the palpitations are caused by a tense scene, a juicy breakthrough in the plot, or a bit of dreamy romance. There are no unnecessary details to bog down the plot. Every character event and beautifully written description keeps the story going at a steady pace, and readers never feel as if they’re being led to a dead end. Dunn’s heartbreaking novel might show a sickening side of humankind, but the end result is hopeful and moving narr-, is a hopeful and moving narrative that will stick with readers.

Okay. So we mentioned tense scenes, juicy breakthroughs, and dreamy romance, okay? You are not prepared for what this book is about.

>> It’s been six months –

Six months. Six. Months.

>> – since CeCe Brooks’s mom completed suicide.

It says committed, but we don’t use that language anymore.

>> Everyone thought they knew Tabitha Brooks. She was the teacher who slept with a student. Now that she’s dead, her reputation is all that lives on at Lakewood High, where CeCe is starting her senior year. CeCe, when CeCe has to do community service for her psych class, she decides to volunteer at the local crisis hotline that her mother ran in hopes that she’ll find closure. Meanwhile, CeCe is getting closer to the cute new kid Sam, who coincidentally interns at the local paper and is working on a story about Tabitha’s suicide. They start to gather clues, some more disturbing than others, about what really happened to Tabitha.

I personally cannot believe that any type of romance is going to occur when all of that is happening, and if there is a romance I’m not sure it’s going to be an emotionally long-lived one. Six months after suicide, she’s a senior, so unless she’s eighteen I imagine she’s in some kind of care or guardianship situation, and she’s at the, at the high school where her mother allegedly slept with a student after her mother took her own life. This is the perfect time to get into a remote, remote, emotional relationship, right? This is the perfect time to start a, start a relationship. There’s nothing else going on.

Amanda: Mom was a teacher –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – slept with a student, but also ran a crisis hotline –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – and –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – the, one of the students who is interning at, I guess the local town paper?

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: I guess is working on a story about this woman’s suicide.

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: I, I’m very curious if CeCe knows that Sam is working on this, or if he’s hiding it from her while, like, getting –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – close…

Sarah: It’s not clear. No, it’s not clear, because they each start to gather clues, but they might not be working together. And even…even, either scenario is still really hard for me to grapple with. Like, six months after your mom has taken her own life? Yikies!

Amanda: Yeah, I would, like, move out of town.

Sarah: Oh –

Amanda: If I could.

Sarah: – I would be, ooh! I would bail! If I could. But, like, also, is there no other high school? Maybe she could go to a different one. I think there’s reasons here. You know? Just saying. But anyway. That, I read that, and my eyebrows just climbed up my face to the back of my head.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I – [sputters] – what?! But okay. I get it.

What, what did you pick?

Amanda: Okay, so, I picked, on page 48, this was a big book when it came out: And I Darken by Kiersten White. I remember –

Sarah: Oh, it was!

Amanda: I remember we had a review run, and I couldn’t remember if Elyse reviewed it or someone else. It was a guest review that we ran, and it was a Squee grade, and I remember reading this review and thinking, Did we read the same book? Because I gave this book two stars –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – on Goodreads. I did not like it. I’ll read my, I pulled up my Goodreads review from January 29, 2017.

Sarah: Amazing!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Okay, this is so fun?

Amanda: So the, RT gives this one three stars, and the review is:

>> This series starter is slow to get going, and readers may find themselves struggling to continue the story and relation- –

Wait –

>> – to continue as the story and relationships develop. Those who pursue it to the end, though, will find an action-packed finish with unpredictable results.

The summary:

>> As the unwanted daughter of Vlad Dracul in 16th-century Transylvania –

Which is Vlad the Impaler, for people who aren’t aware.

>> – Lada has grown into adolescence determined to be fiercer than any boy, protecting as well as tormenting her weaker brother Radu. When the two are sent to the Ottoman Empire in a political trade, they develop a friendship with the sultan’s son Mehmed, eventually complicating their own relationship and leading to impossible decisions when jealousy and treachery threaten the empire –

Wait –

>> – and treachery threaten the empire, Mehmed’s succession, and his life.

Sarah: Dun-dun-duhhh!

Amanda: Yeah. So I remember, I believe one of the central issues is both Radu and Lada are attracted to Mehmed, so it’s kind of a little bit of a love triangle there?

Sarah; Oo-ooh!

Amanda; This was my review; I gave it two out of five stars:

>> After reading an awesome review –

Which is probably I’m referencing the review on the site, the Squee review.

Sarah: Mm-hmm?

Amanda: >> – this book seemed right up my alley, but there was one huge misconception: I wasn’t aware that Lada wasn’t the only main character.

So I thought Lada was the only one we’re really focusing on, everything happens through her eyes, yada-yada-yada.

>> Unfortunately, the narrative is split between Lada and her brother Radu. Later their “friend” Mehmed enters the mix. But I really only cared about Lada’s portions, and it led to a lot of skimming once I saw that an upcoming chapter would focus on Radu instead. He was too much like a wet blanket –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: >> – for me to enjoy his progression as a character. The book’s pace is also rather slow at times.

Which is exactly what RT has said.

Amanda: >> It’s a large book in general –

It is almost five hundred pages, by the way.

Sarah: Ooh.

Amanda: >> – but I think because of my lack of interest in certain characters my reading pace took a drastic hit. It wasn’t a bad read; I just don’t think I’ll be continuing with this series.

Sarah: Wow. I like your review better.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: [Sings] I like it better!

Amanda: That’s my, also my, my big gripe with Game of Thrones? Is there are certain narrators in the story that I don’t care about, that I don’t like, that I don’t want to be in their head at all. I just find them to be unpleasant or I don’t care what their story is; whatever. And so when you have that sort of mixed POV and you have a character who’s kind of shitty and annoying, I’m like, Why would I want to keep reading this book if, like, half of these chapters are from the POV – [laughs] – of a shitty, annoying person? So yeah, I did not enjoy it.

Sarah: Wow. I like your review better.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Shall we move on to Inspirational?

Amanda: There are so many.

Sarah: There are! This section is massive!

Amanda: It is huge.

Sarah: They were spending a lot of money advertising all of these books, and I, I know they advertise in here. I knew that, I know they used to advertise with me, which I always found so funny, ‘cause the word Bitches is in the name.

What did you pick?

Amanda: So I picked, on page 54, The Promise of Jesse Woods by Chris Fabry [Fub-rye]? Fabry [Fab-ree]? Who knows? I read this review, and maybe you might pick up on it, or maybe I’m just too paranoid? That it is very vague in a very specific way.

Sarah: Oh boy.

Amanda: So let’s see if we can all catch on together. This got four stars.

>> Fabry’s latest could have been too heavy due to the subject matter and the tumultuousness of the time period, but his superior writing skills make it more of a nostalgic, sweet tale. There are some frustrating, disturbing moments where individuals and groups of people are not treated well, but in the end good wins out over evil, and it is clear that no one is beyond redemption. This is a fast-paced read with many endearing characters.

That’s the review. And then the summary – [laughs] – the summary:

>> When Matt Plumley was a child in 1972, his father was hired to be the new pastor in Dogwood, West Virginia. It quickly becomes evident that there are serious class divisions in the new town, and folks look down on Jesse Woods and Dickie Hancock, the first two friends that Matt makes. At Matt strives to keep the peace, secrets come to light and promises are made – promises that may prove difficult to keep.

I did not look up this book.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: I did not look up the cover; I didn’t look up anything after this.

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: I’m just, like, picking up some very subtle references, vague references to, is it some racism going on in this book?

Sarah: I mean.

Amanda: Like, disturbing moments where individuals and groups of people are not treated well. In the ‘70s, so right after, like, the Civil Rights movement was it?

Sarah: And during the Vietnam War.

Amanda: Vietnam War. It’s in West Virginia.

Sarah: I am looking for reviews that will say, like, what the hell’s going on here.

Amanda: Yeah. Oh, wait! I found it. I found something. So I, the Goodreads…

Sarah: Oh, the one-star reviews will tell you all, right?

Amanda: Yeah. But the Goodreads copy is different than this summary.

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: They mention that Dickie is a mixed-race boy, and Jesse is described as a tough-as-nails girl with a sister on her hip and no dad in sight.

Sarah: Oh boy.

Amanda: Yeah. I mean, it’s sit-, it’s sitting at a 4.2 on Goodreads.

Sarah: [Laughs] One two-star review says, My one big gripe with this book was that all of the adults were terrible. [Laughs more] Yep.

Amanda: Yeah. The only one-star on Goodreads, they only docked it – [laughs] – they gave it one star, and the review is:

>> A reflection of a portion of a young man’s childhood as he travels back home from the city for a few days. Enjoyed the writing style and story up until the end. In the end, it was just very depressing.

One star.

Sarah: You know what’s, you know what’s so interesting to me about this is that a couple of times this has happened, where the, where the description of a book is really, really vague, and I’m like, Well, I’m not interested, ‘cause I still don’t know what you’re talking about.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, are they trying to hide or, or elide things or, you know, just not talk about them because they don’t have enough space? [Laughs] Or is it, does, or did the person who wrote this review also not know what was going on in this book?

Amanda: I don’t know, but…

Sarah: That’s a weird one.

Amanda: I would love more specifics in general about which communities are being treated poorly.

Sarah: Mm-hmm? Yeah.

I picked a book called Sarah’s Surrender.

Amanda: Naturally.

Sarah: No, never. By Vickie McDonough, and my one comment in the document is No! Never surrender.

>> McDonough’s third book in her Land Rush Dreams series moves between several different points of view. One thing a reader can be sure of is that McDonough’s characters are well drawn and relatable. While the drama and romance may be pared down here in relation to the previous books, it’s still a page-turner. McDonough’s descriptions make readers feel as if they are experiencing prairie life firsthand, and her message of hope and faith will resonate with inspirational fans.

Okay. So this description is going to piss Amanda off.

Amanda: [Laughs] Oh no!

Sarah: >> After rejecting Luke McNeil’s marriage proposal, Sarah Worley decides to enter the Oklahoma Territory land lottery.

Oh boy.

>> Sarah has always dreamed of having a home of her own and feels that this is her one chance at doing just that. Although Luke has been pining for her for years, Sarah is still not sure that she will ever marry, even to her best friend. When Sarah is selected in the lottery, she never imagines the challenges she will face being a female property owner in the prairie wilderness in 1901. With the help of family and friends, though, she’s able to fulfill her dream. But is it at the sake of her heart? Will Sarah decide to live out a lonely existence in her new home, or will God show her what’s really important in life?

You just rolled your eyes so hard, I think you saw your brains.

Amanda: I mean –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – I love my partner; I love the life that we have.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: Also, being by myself on property that I own and being left alone sounds wonderful!

Sarah: [Laughs] Adam and I say all the time to each other – we’ve been married twenty-five years, and we’ve known each other since we were seventeen, been together since we were nineteen – yes, I know that’s nauseating. We have said so many times, including to his parents, The question is not whether or not we would cheat on each other or want to be with someone else? The question is whether or not we want to be together more than we would like to be by ourselves. Like, that’s, that’s the struggle!

Amanda: You can be together and then be by yourself. Like…

Sarah: Yes! Alone time is –

Amanda: – separate activities all the time.

Sarah: Oh yeah! And, and A-, and we will, even my kids will say, Hey, I need to be ignored. Okay! That’s fine. You no longer exist.

But the idea that she has this dream, she wants to own land – setting aside the whole messy acquisition of this land – she wants to be a property owner, she wants to have her own land, she wants to do her own thing. Well, God is going to tell her what’s really important. Really? That’s what we’re doing here? That God’s going to tell her what’s really important?

And it’s so interesting to read this in 2016, when now we have some of the lowest birthrates in the US, more women are deciding to stay single or have children on their own or not get married, and everyone’s having this, like, big meltdown about how this is changing the family demographics in the US. I’m like, Well, first of all, it, you’ve made it suck for women to be alive, so what did you expect? But number two, is God going to show up and tell all these women what’s really important? ‘Cause I was pretty sure what was really important was self-actualization, autonomy, and my own personal happiness. I mean, ex-, exactly why is Luke a catch here? Because he wants to marry her?

Amanda: He’s her best friend?

Sarah: Yeah. All right! See, I’m not surrendering, generally or to this book.

Amanda: Sarah knows, as an Aries, you can’t tell me shit.

Sarah: Oh, I am aware.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: You can’t tell me –

Amanda: Sorry, God!

Sarah: – anything.

Amanda: [Laughs] Can’t tell me shit!

Sarah: Meanwhile, I’m a Gemini, so I’ll tell you everything twice.

[Laughter]

Sarah: In Mystery, Suspense, and Thriller, I would like to try out a new portmanteau.

Amanda: I saw this, and – [laughs] – feels like, so, like, this word that you came up with feels like a gadget you’d see on an infomercial at like 2 a.m.

Sarah: Absolutely. Either that, or it’s a Dr. Seuss character.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So we have Mystery, Suspense, and Thriller. My proposed portmanteau is Myspensler. Actually, you know what, Miss Spensler could be a character who is all of these genres. Could be like part Carmen Sandiego, cart, part cozy person with a garden and a cat. Yeah. I’m, I’m, I’m in favor of this new portmanteau. I’m going to tell everyone: Myspensler! That’s what we’re doing; it’s the Myspensler section!

So what books of Miss Spensler’s did you – [laughs] – did you pick? I’m going to make this work, people. You’re going to hear it!

Amanda: So I picked a book that sounds – there’s a very specific – [laughs] – set of descriptions the reviewer uses –

Sarah: Mm-hmm!

Amanda: – and this review is fucking long. But after I got done reading it, I’m like, What? Who is going to understand this comparison that you made? Like, I understand the things that you’re comparing it to, but I don’t understand how they all go together? You’ll see what I mean when I read it. [Laughs]

So I picked, on page 62, The Trap by Melanie Raabe, and it’s three stars, and it’s labeled as Suspense, so not Mystery, not Thriller; it’s Suspense.

>> The battle between the sexes continues to rage in this moody volume by Raabe. The main character is deeply conflicted, which becomes clear as she is sent into panic attacks by things as seemingly innocuous as her gardener whistling a Beatles tune. Diving deep into her psyche, her adversary makes her question whether she even loved her seemingly perfect sister, or whether she wanted her dead. Innovatively, switching back and forth between the taut interview in chapters from the book devised as a trap, Raabe creates a tricky story within a story that feels like what could happen if David Lynch had created a detective narrative starring Blanche DuBois and set the terrifying result in a picturesque German town.

Sarah: Huh?!

Amanda: What?!

Sarah: What would happen if David Lynch created a detective narrative starring Blanche DuBois in a – what?!

Amanda: Yeah. What…word salad –

Sarah: That was a lot of word – yeah – that was, not only is that a word salad, but that’s a lot of words that I, and I’m, know, I know no more than I did when you started talking.

Amanda: Yeah, it’s like, what does that look like? I don’t know.

Sarah: Not a clue.

Amanda: I know who David Lynch; I know who Blanche DuBois is; I’ve been to picturesque German towns.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: I don’t know what they all look like together. Maybe the summary will put…

Sarah: Maybe the summary will explain things, but I, yeah, I’m not hopeful either; I agree.

Amanda: >> Linda, a famous author, is so reclusive she hasn’t set foot outside her house in more than a decade. Suddenly she invites a cool-eyed, ruggedly handsome, international war correspondent –

Sarah: What?

Amanda: >> – to interview her about her latest book.

Why is a war correspondent interviewing her about her latest book?

>> But as the writers converse, frightening things emerge. The book, about a young girl’s murder, isn’t fiction, and the journalist himself might be the murderer. The interview turns into a deadly game of cat and mouse, but which writer is which animal?

Sarah: Okay, yeah, no, I’m not much – yeah, okay!

Amanda: I think what bugs me is that the review is before the summary, and the review makes mentions to things that don’t make sense because we don’t have the context of the summary. Like, the review mentions switching back and forth between the taut interview and chapters from the book. The, they didn’t mention that the main character is an author? They didn’t mention that she’s being interviewed?

Sarah: Nope.

Amanda: So I’m like, From what book, from what interview? What is this? So I think the review – [laughs] – is bad –

Sarah: Uh-huh!

Amanda: – considering it doesn’t give you enough information to even figure out what’s going on, unless you just read the summary first and then backtrack.

Sarah: I know as much now as I did when you started talking –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – except that I’m very curious why a reclusive famous author invites a war correspondent to write, to, to interview her about – I mean, does he even do interviews? Like, what is going on here?

Amanda: Yeah. How bizarre, huh?

Sarah: Very bizarre.

Amanda: Which one did you pick? Hopefully it’s less weird.

Sarah: Nuns – no.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I picked – also, I want to point out that so many of these books in the Myspensler section are fours. There’s like a handful of threes and everything else is a four and a four and a half Top Pick. Like, they loved everything in this section.

Amanda: I almost skipped it ‘cause it’s, like, boring.

Sarah: Yeah, right? So I picked something called Something’s Knot Kosher, K-N-O-T, k’not kosher, by Mary Marks.

>> Like her previous novels, the author debunks stigma of the elderly and turns them into gun-wielding detectives who ask the hard questions, but still take time to meet weekly and sew quilts. Readers will find themselves breezing through the pages as each chapter reveals a new, almost unbelievable piece of the puzzle.

Tells you a lot, right?

>> When Birdie Watson’s husband Russell is killed in a supposed bank robbery, she calls on friends and sewing buddies Lucy Mondalo and Martha Rose. An amateur sleuth, Martha starts compiling suspects and working with the FBI and local police to find Russell’s killer. Secrets are exposed, another person is killed, and Martha puts herself in danger as she races to put the bad guys behind bars.

I kind of feel like that’s the whole book. Like, I don’t need to read it, ‘cause I know what happens.

Amanda: [Laughs] See, yours tells you too much, and then mine doesn’t tell you anything!

Sarah: No. I also want to point out that in this same section, getting four stars, is Ruth Ware with The Woman in Cabin 10, which, if I remember correctly, is one of the books that really, like, really took off for her. I don’t think it was her first big book, but I think that was a big one for her. I remember Elyse read it and really liked it, yeah. So there’s a lot of books like, Oh, that person’s in here! But, yeah, I, you know the whole book; you don’t need to read Something’s Knot Kosher.

Amanda: Yeah, Elyse reviewed The Woman in Cabin 10 the year it came out. She reviewed it August 11th, 2016.

Sarah: Wow!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: She liked it, if I remember.

Amanda: Yeah, she gave it an A.

Sarah: Moving on to Sci-fi, I don’t know if I can fully summarize how many amazing books are in this section.

Amanda: There’s a lot.

Sarah: Not only do we have one two, one three, and all fours, and one four-and-a-half-star Top Pick, we have a five-star Gold. Now, I’m going to tell you some of the books that are in this section. See if you can guess; we’ll tell you. In this section are: Penric’s Demon by Lois McMaster Bujold; Imprudence by Gail Carriger; The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers; and Red Queen by Christina Henry; also Necessity by Jo Walton. Which one of those do you think got five stars?

Amanda: Drop, drop your guesses in the comments.

Sarah: Drop your guesses in the comments, but I’m going to tell you right now it was The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet. I think that’s so cool. You know what? Yes, you’re right: that is a great book. Good job, RT.

[Laughter]

Sarah: I just, I will, I will share the Penric’s Demon review. It’s four stars – they’re wrong. This is the summary:

>> While traveling to his engagement feast, young Penric happens upon a woman lying ill in the road surrounded by her entourage. Too late to help her, he is also too late in realizing that she is a divine of the Bastard’s temple, sworn to the service of the most fickle of gods. When the dying divine transfers her bound demon to Penric at the moment of her death, Penric’s life changes forever.

That’s a good summary, because that is, in fact, like, the first chapter.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: But the review – again, four stars, ‘cause they’re wrong:

>> Bujold again captivates with rich characterizations, fascinating worldbuilding, and tense conflict. This story is novella length, and the greatest disappointment a reader may have in it is that it is too short and it ends a bit abruptly. This by no means detracts from the worthiness of the story. Fans of the Chalion tales will again be drawn in by the intrigue of the religious dynamics, the fantasy aspects of the magic, and the complexity of character that Bujold is so masterful at creating.

If you’ve not read the Penric series, they are wonderful sort of, they’re, they’re sort, they’re novellas, and they have wonderful relationship building for Penric and all of the characters.

What did you pick?

Amanda: So I picked, on page 67, this is labeled as Fantasy, and it’s Reliquary by Sarah Fine, and it’s two stars! We have another two-star review –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – in this one. I know.

>> While the synopsis leaves much to be desired –

[Laughs]

>> – Reliquary, as a whole, falls short of the expectation that it would be a competent, action-packed story with romance sprinkled in. In first meeting Mattie and Ben, the pre-, pre-marital bliss that permeates the pages is almost enough to make you swoon. But things quickly start to appear not right, and it all falls on Mattie’s once-pristine fiancé Ben. When all is revealed, the couple loses appeal. Mattie’s naïveté and desperation leave a bad taste in your mouth.

Sarah: Naïveté and desperation. Ohhh, Yikies!

Amanda: Yeah. And the summary:

>> Getting ready to marry the love of her life, Mattie thought the only problem she’d face would be finishing the projects she started.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: >> The daunting –

[Laughs] I mean, that’ll carry on for the rest of your life.

Sarah: Listen, girl, sorry to say. Adulthood is your knees hurt and your to-do list is not done. Sorry to say.

Amanda: >> With the daunting words of her dying grandfather in mind, Mattie starts to doubt the cookie-cutter life she lives. Waking up one day to find Ben, her fiancé, missing leads Mattie on a journey that opens her eyes to who she really is: a reliquary, someone who can absorb magic. But what role does Ben’s estranged brother play in this complicated quest? Is he her replacement love or an unsuspecting villain?

Also, I noticed that the publisher is 47North, which is Amazon –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – imprint by Amazon. I thought 47North was, like, YA.

Sarah: No, that’s their science fiction/fantasy –

Amanda: Sci-fi/fantasy.

Sarah: Yeah, that’s a, that’s a fantasy line. Huh. Finishing the…

Amanda: Mattie’s desperate and naïve, apparently.

Sarah: Okay! Sure. Sounds normal.

[Laughter]

Sarah: RomSus: there are one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine books between four and four and a half stars. Big yawn.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Big yawn. I picked, on page 69, Dec-, Dec- – thank you.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Deceived, Deceived by Kate SeR – okay, capital S-e, capital R-i-n-e. I’m going to go with SeRine [Suh-rye-n].

Amanda: Sure!

Sarah: Okay. Kate SeRine, four stars, Hot.

>> SeRine kicks off an action- and secrets-packed new series featuring a centuries-old conflict. The Dark Alliance traces its roots to the – [laughs] – traces its roots to the Knights Templar in the Middle Ages, and although their leaders deny it, their foes – [laughs more] – the Illuminati, are rising. Packed with –

Amanda: Naturally.

Sarah: Of course.

>> Packed with plenty of secrets, lies, passion, and danger, SeRine –

SeRine [serene]

>> – takes her lucky readers on a nonstop thrill ride.

Now that is a review that is written for the cover quote, hundred percent. Also, I grabbed this one because the last sentence has a terrible deployment of adverb.

>> When an off-the-books mission for Senator Hal Blake, one of the Dark Alliance leaders, goes sideways and he’s seriously wounded, Luke Rogan is assigned to secure Blake’s estranged daughter and grandson and bring them to headquarters. Luckily, Luke arrives just in time to rescue Sarah and Elijah, but not before some of their friends are killed. There may be a leak in the alliance!

Not that.

>> So Luke decides to take Sarah and Elijah off-grid to protect them. Regrettably, keeping ancient secrets makes it hard to tell whom to trust.

Amanda: [Laughs] Regrettably.

Sarah: Regrettably! [Laughs] What? That was, I read that, I picked that book just because it said regrettably, and I was like, Wait, that’s the word she went with? Okay!

What did you pick?

Amanda: So I didn’t pick this one necessarily for the review and summary? I…

Sarah: Did you –

Amanda: – just, just because of its existence.

Sarah: Did – it’s not because you wanted to say the title with a Boston accent?

Amanda: [Laughs, deploys Boston accent] Wicked Burn.

[Laughter]

Amanda: So it’s paranormal, Wicked Burn, Rebecca Zanetti, four and a half stars, Scorcher, on page 68. I remember these books, one, ‘cause the covers are ridiculous, and I’m honestly surprised they haven’t been redesigned yet? Because Rebecca Zanetti is a pretty consistent writer and is coming out with, like, dark romances right now, inspired by fairytales? And I just picked up book two in the series, and it has, like, a special edition with sprayed edges and stuff. So I’m honestly surprised that the popularity of that series and sort of the cover treatments of that series haven’t made its way to, like, her paranormal backlist. Because…

Sarah: [Indistinct]

Amanda: – authors –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: With Katee Roberts – her Mafia series has had new covers done. So modestly surprised, ‘cause this is sexy paranormal romances, motorcycle club thrown in for good measure. So I might put some money on, in the next five years of seeing these get rereleased with different covers; I would not be surprised.

Sarah: Oh heck yeah. I agree. I do love when you make a prediction, though; it’s always fun.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: ‘Cause you’re often right, and it’s really neat.

[Laughter]

Amanda: So this is a Top Pick.

>> Zanetti pens a tale of action, temptation, and long-lost love. From beginning to end, Wicked Burn will have readers eager to see what happens next. The attraction between the two characters is so explosive it burns right off the page. The story flows at a fast pace that keeps fans enthralled until the end.

A bit of a nothingburger review.

Sarah: Mm-hmm!

Amanda: The summary:

>> Simone Brightston is about to be tried by the witch council for a crime she did not commit.

Sarah: Ruh-roh!

Amanda: Don’t you hate it when that happens?

Sarah: It is the worst! It is just the worst!

Amanda: >> Her only option is to run. Demon Nikolaj Veis is more than willing to help Simone as he tries everything in his power to earn her forgiveness for breaking her heart many years ago.

Sarah: Huh.

Amanda: >> Never one to make things easy, Simone puts up a fight at accepting Nick’s help. Soon the duo is surrounded and sent to the council headquarters in Ireland for Simone to stand travel. After arriving they learn that the evidence against her is very strong, and not only the witches want her head.

Sarah: Whoa! Not beheading!

Amanda: [Laughs] I think this is like second or third in the series? This isn’t the first one. But yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see a rerelease of this series coming up.

Sarah: Hey, Rebecca Zanetti, if you listen to this show, you should rerelease this book.

Amanda: You should!

Sarah: ‘Cause seems like it would work right now! I’m telling you –

Amanda: Agree!

Sarah: – everything dies, and that is a fact; maybe everything that dies one day comes back.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So, moving into Contemporary, there are a lot of contemporaries here. There’s one two-star, a handful of threes, mostly four; I would say eighty percent of these reviews are fours. And we’ve got all of the contemporary romance heavy hitters of this time. Got Chanel Cleeton, Avery Flynn, Susan Mallery, Diana Palmer, Jill Shalvis, Maisey Yates; like, they’re all in here. What did you pick?

Amanda: So I’m talking about a book that I also read –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – from this time period. I did not review it, and I didn’t have any notes on my Goodreads, but I will give you my thoughts of why I enjoyed it. So on page 73, this is book one in a series; it’s The Billionaire Bachelor by Jessica Lemmon. I believe all, there’s three books, and all of the heroes are brothers, I think? Book two or book three, the hero has a very adorable Great Dane, so. And I think it’s like a neighbors-to-lovers romance, if memory serves me correctly.

Sarah: Hmm!

Amanda: Very cute. So this is book one, The Billionaire Bachelor, Jessica Lemmon, four stars, Hot!

>> Wonderfully entertaining storytelling filled with sharp, sassy banter. A cast of appealing secondary characters, a solid contemporary plot with Reese and Marina’s strong sexual tension and fiery chemistry will have readers hooked.

Also nothingburger. Summary:

>> From the moment Marina Van Heusen storms into hotel billionaire Reese Crane’s office and launches into a passionate tirade about her hotel, which he owns, he’s intrigued. Reese wants to be the next CEO of his father’s company, but his playboy image is getting in the way.

Sarah: NOOO! Not that!

Amanda: We know where this is going!

Sarah: Yup.

Amanda: >> His solution is to marry the respectable Marina to clean up his image, and in return Marina gets to keep her family’s hotel. Marina accepts, especially since it would only be for six months. However, things become complicated as they fall for each other.

So, memory serves, she owns like a little boutique hotel? It’s been in her family for a while?

Sarah: Mmm.

Amanda: But what I loved about this book: one, I love a contemporary sort of marriage of convenience –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – more than I enjoy a historical marriage of convenience? And this reminded me so much of a K-drama.

Sarah: Ohhh, yep! I can see why that would be, yep! I’m with you there! Yep.

Amanda: And I loved it. I remember there’s this one scene where she moves into his house, and it’s, like, massive, and she’s annoyed by it? She’s like, I bet he gets lost in his house because he only uses like a quarter of it, and he – [laughs] – doesn’t really use any other rooms. I really thought it was cute, but it reminded me so much of a K-drama when I was reading it. And I think I was also watching a lot of K-dramas at the time? So they were pretty fresh on my mind. But I’d give this one like a solid B from what I remember? B-plus?

Sarah: That’s awesome.

Amanda: Yeah. Yeah.

Sarah: Well done!

Amanda: Thank you.

Sarah: I picked –

Amanda: [Laughs] You, you didn’t really pick one so far as to say, Remember those polo books?

Sarah: Yep! Well, I don’t want to give away too much of what I’m picking here. Page 76: my comment is indeed, Remember the polo books?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Three stars. Nacho Figueras Presents: High Season by Jessica Whitman. Do you remember when Grand Central Forever was doing these books that were like a, co-branded with this polo, this polo guy, Nacho Figueras, who’s like this hot man of polo?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah, he’s like the star of the polo documentary that Prince Harry did. Like, I think that he’s, like, friends with all the most important people; whatever. I’m also pretty sure he’s a, he’s a MAGAt, but whatever. I, I don’t even need to read the summary. The review is so funny because it captures what was weird about this series? I, I feel like this series of books, Nacho wanted it to be really about him? But under, like, fake names? And so they were all very, it was very strange. I can see why people would think polo would take off, because we do like writing and reading about the super rich in romance. This did not take off.

>> Book one of the new Polo Season series is guaranteed to be a favorite among sports fans and romance lovers alike.

Nope.

>> This work of fiction resembles the lifestyle of polo captain Ignacio “Nacho” Figueras, and readers will enjoy the front-row seat to the extreme competition and the glitz and glamour that accompany it. The idea that opposites attract sets the pace for a fun love story, but unfortunately their spark never feels real or reaches its highest potential.

I mean, first of all, that’s a valid three-star review. I get it. I really think these books were supposed to be like Harlequin Presents about Nacho. I don’t think they went anywhere.

Also, I was just thinking about the book you were just talking about? I’m about ready – I, I agree with you, a contemporary marriage of convenience is really fun, but I am about ready for heroes to stop feeling that the best way to launder their reputation, especially if that reputation is one that they have earned by their own behavior, I am ready for heroes to stop laundering their reputations through women.

Amanda: I think, too: one, who cares? Like, how is that believable of, like, now you’re suddenly responsible because you have a wife? That makes no sense to me. And two, like, why is that, why is that the avenue that they take and be like, Look, if I have to clean up my image, the first thing I’m going to do is get married, which I don’t, I don’t get it! [Laughs]

Sarah: No, I don’t get it either.

Amanda: There’s other things – do some community service, okay? Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Do something! Donate half of your fortune somewhere. Like –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Getting married is not it!

Sarah: I mean, it’s, it’s so silly. It is perennial. I know the minute I said that a whole bunch of Harlequin fans were like, Nuh-uh! It’s awesome! [Laughs]

Amanda: You can still like it and think it’s stupid. [Laughs]

Sarah: Yes, precisely. ‘Cause I agree with you: a contemporary marriage of convenience is really interesting, because there are so few boundaries to just go to Bone Town; it’s fine. But laundering your reputation through marrying somebody seems like a shitty thing to do to your partner. But, you know, it only just occurred to me now when I’ve only been reading this genre since like the ‘80s, so it’s fine! I’m really on it, folks. I’m just real on top of things here.

Paranormal.

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: So I just want to tell you, last night, Adam came home, he was making dinner, and I was sitting in the next room, and he was starting to talk to me, but the thing is when I’m reading I don’t hear? Like, I understand that there’s words happening, but I do not take them in. And so –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – I, like five minutes later I was like, Oh God, I’m sorry; were you talking to me? He’s like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it’s fine. I’m like, So I need to tell you, you know, you are interrupting me while I’m working. He’s looking at me like, what the hell? And I’m like, I was just reading about a billionaire shifter romance? The Billionaire in Wolf’s Clothing series, and you interrupted me while I was reading about this! And he’s like, Wait, that’s a real thing? I’m like, I will read this to you now!

[Laughter]

Sarah: So I just have to say the four-and-a-half star Top Pick is Billionaire in Wolf’s Clothing by Terry Spear, which is indeed about shifters who are billionaires.

But the one that I actually picked is called The Nightmare Stacks.

Amanda: I keep reading it as Nightmare Slacks when I – [laughs] – it’s going through!

Sarah: I read it as The Nightmare Sucks.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Like, you know when you lead, read too quickly? So here is – okay, this review is, is doing so much, and I’m, it’s so long, and I’m so sorry that it’s so long, but you’re, just, there’s so much capitalization, people! This is a four-and-a-half star Top Pick, The Nightmare Stacks, Slacks, or Sucks, by Charles Stross.

>> The latest installment of the Laundry Files is slow to begin, but when the tale comes to life it really moves. Stross excels at worldbuilding, this time with not just a contemporary UK setting where the paranormal is normal for some, but with alien landscapes and psyches! His take on higher mathematics and magic is something that sci-fi fans will appreciate, along with the occasional namedropping of genre favorites.

No, actually, I hate that.

Amanda: I hate it.

Sarah: Hate it.

Amanda: I don’t like that!

Sarah: I just, I just put in the Slack, by the way, I don’t know if you saw, for next year’s Bingo, like, we should do an Anti-Bingo card? Where one of the squares should be A character in the romance novel defends romance novels to another character. Again, you just saw your own brain. Yeah, like, ugh, I’m so over it! I’ve read like four books where I’m like, I’m already in the house; you don’t need to defend them to me.

Amanda: Hate it.

Sarah: Yes. And so the other Anti-Bingo square should be – [laughs] – namedropping of other authors in the book!

Amanda: There was one where, I can’t remember what it was, but they namedropped Christina Lauren.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: I couldn’t remember what book it was, and, like –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – What?

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: I, I hate pop culture references in books. I hate it so much.

Sarah: You’re depending on something having a very – either you are trying to very specifically root something in time, which works if you’re writing a recent historical, or you are automatically making the thing that you are writing now dated.

Anyway, back to this absolutely bonkers review:

>> New readers can enjoy this book without prior knowledge, while those who’ve been following the series will be happy to see how the Laundry Files continue to develop.

So we have a secret organization called the Laundry Files books and some math. Okay.

>> Dr. Alex Schwartz is a statistical wiz who became a banker partly to move away from Leeds and his parents, but when he was exposed to dark theorems – [laughs] – and infected with a microscopic symbiont from another dimension, he turns, he turned into a PHANG, a manmade vampire –

And I just need you to know that this is all caps, and it is spelled P-H-A-N-G! [Laughs more]

Amanda: I wonder if it’s an acronym.

Sarah: It’s a P’fang. [Clears throat] Okay. PHANG. [Laughs] I love it! Okay.

>> Except for a weekly dose of blood and extreme sunblock, Alex is just a poor civil servant working for a top secret agency that loves paperwork! When the Laundry’s forecasting department sense something alien may make an incursion along the ley lines in Leeds, they send Alex in.

I just need you to know that I am halfway through this summary right now. And I’m also crying. [Laughs]

>> Across the galaxy, the ALL HIGHEST OF THE PEOPLE –

All caps.

>> – sends his daughter, Agent First of Spies and Liars, to Leeds and orders her to assume a human identity. She chooses Cassie, a theater student Alex has met, and discovers that in the centuries since her people last reported from Earth, things have changed. When the invasion starts in earnest, Cassie learns her stepmother is out to kill her and her father and assume leadership of the People –

Capital P.

>> – and domination over the planet. When, while the Laundry and most of Britain’s military take on the invaders in and around Leeds, Alex and Cassie must find a way to save both races while staying true to themselves.

What did I just read?

Amanda: So I was curious what the cover looks like, and this has, this has had two different covers, and I don’t know which one it came out with first or which one goes to which, but there, one of the two covers look – like, I, if I picked this book up, I would have no indication that vampires are in here. I’m putting it in the Slack. This cover doesn’t give me any indication of anything you just said. It looks like a Thomas Clancy cover.

Sarah: All right, so that’s the Seal of England on top of a globe, right? There’s a lion on the right and a unicorn on the left, maybe?

Amanda: And then there’s just like a fleet, a fleet of vehicles, like a tank –

Sarah: And an ATV.

Amanda: …ATV.

Sarah: So I see that, and I raise you the other image.

Amanda: Which is the pink one? The hot pink tentacle one?

Sarah: That looks like an exploding pink jellyfish, and then there’s like two silhouettes on stop, on top of some rooftops, and it’s very like rooftops like in Mary Poppins, where all the rooves are the same and they all have a little chimney? Like, any minute now, these two figures with the guns are going to grab some chimney sweep brooms and start doing a dance. They’re, they’re going to tap dance with Dick Van Dyke, but right now they’re battling a giant bisexual jellyfish?

Amanda: Yeah. So –

Sarah: But remember he’s not a vampire; he’s a PHANG. [Snorts] I’m sorry, I read PHANG and I was like, Ohhh, boy! [Laughs]

Amanda: Sometimes, urban fantasy sometimes has a way of just being just cornballs. Just so corny, the acronyms, the name for particular supernatural races. I just don’t know how sometimes urban fantasy writers can write this stuff and not have a full-body cringe.

Sarah: Hundred percent, I agree.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: What corny bonkers-ness did you pick?

Amanda: So the review I picked is, like, right next to this one, on 79. It’s Bite Somebody.

Sarah: Fair.

Amanda: [Laughs] Sara Dobby? Dobie?

Sarah: I’m going to say Dobie.

Amanda: Bauer?

Sarah: Dobie Bauer, that’s my guess.

Amanda: Dobie Bauer. Three stars, Hot. This review gives us nothing.

[Laughter]

Sarah: Are you ready to not know anything about this book in about thirty-five seconds? You are in the right place. [Laughs]

Amanda: >> Bauer’s romantic comedy is an enjoyable read. It gets off to a slow start, but the antics of Celia and Ian will bring on a chuckle or two. Overall, a fun read.

End, end of – [laughs] – review.

Sarah: Overall, a fun read.

Amanda: Three sentences.

Sarah: A chuckle or two.

Amanda: Or two! If you’re lucky.

Sarah: Wooow. Okay.

Amanda: The summary is not as quite fang territory.

Sarah: But it is four times as long.

Amanda: It is – yeah. It’s pretty…

Sarah: Ohhh, and it features your favorite location!

Amanda: [Laughs] A Florida gas station!

Sarah: Hell yeah!

Amanda: >> Immortality didn’t transform Celia into the glamorous, sexy vamp she was expecting, and three months later she’s still awkward, lonely, and working at a Florida gas station.

[Laughs] Look, I’ve been to some Florida gas stations where if you told me a vampire was the cashier I’d be like, Yeah.

Sarah: Sure! ‘Course, absolutely!

Amanda: >> On top of that, the only blood she consumes is from illegally obtained hospital blood bags.

Sarah: What?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: >> When Ian moves in next door, his scent creeps through her kitchen wall and makes her nose tingle.

You ever have a nose tingle, Sarah? [Laughs]

Sarah: His scent creeps through her kitchen wall and makes her nose tingle. I’m going to be honest with you: as someone who has raised teenagers, that does not sound like a good thing. That is all I have to say about that.

[Laughter]

Amanda: Well, it gets worse.

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: So:

>> Soon Ian’s kisses are making her fangs throb –

Sarah: What?!

Amanda: Yeah.

>> – and his cyclist physique and curly black hair make other –

Sarah: Ahhh!

Amanda: >> – parts of Celia tingle as well.

Sarah: Ah! [Sputters] Okay. So her fangs are throbbing and he has a cyclist’s physique. Have you seen cyclists? Their thighs look like an entire ham.

Amanda: Yeah.

>> Just when Celia starts to believe Ian may be the First Bite she’s been waiting for, her jerk of a creator returns to town and Celia must protect Ian from Danny’s threat to make Ian his blood slave. It will take Celia’s ever-expanding network of eccentric friends to prevent the destruction of Celia’s fairytale ending.

Sarah: What the hell just happened?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: This is, in fact, bonkers. I dig it.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Just go big or go home, right?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Next up is Series, and as usual it’s just column after column, and I looked! We were talking earlier about the Harper St. George book. There is Love Inspired Historical in this section, but I don’t see any other historical Harlequins in this section, so maybe that’s where they put the Harlequin Historicals that aren’t inspirationals. Maybe that’s –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I mean, I’m pretty sure that this, publishers decided where they wanted something to go or where they submitted?

But for Series, I picked A Little Surprise for the Boss. Which is a title that –

Amanda: But, but, but we were just talking about Bruce Springsteen, so that’s – [laughs]

Sarah: Yes, Surprise! [Laughs] Bruuuce!

Amanda: [Muffled]

Sarah: Bruce, I have a surprise for you. Actually, I tried to give him a gift card to a restaurant once before I knew who he was. I told you about this, right?

Amanda: No!

Sarah: Okay, back when I worked, the last job I had before I started doing this full-time, I worked for a Fortune 100 company. I was second assistant to the CEO, who was, in fact, a billionaire, and I used to tease him by printing out billionaire covers from Harlequin’s website and then just sticking them in his mail? And he, one of them was like, Billionaire Extraordinaire, and he’s like, How come this isn’t a picture of me? And I’m like, Dude, I don’t know –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – but if you want to hold still, I’ll send them a picture. So at that job, at the end of the year, the company would give you a choice of something I never wanted or a gift certificate to Barneys, which was across the street. So this was 61st and Madison in New York, very posh. And Barneys used to have a restaurant at the top called Freds at Barneys, and I will say Freds at Barneys had pretty great food. But the gift certificate was redeemable at the restaurant, so what we used to do is all of the other assistants and I, we would pick a night to go and have this absolutely drunk-ass dinner at Freds at Barneys ‘cause we all had these big gift cards to pay for it. So we all went, and one person wasn’t there that night, but they’d given me their card to, like, If someone else comes, just use my card; it’s fine. Well, we didn’t end up using it, so I went over to the maître d’, and I’m like, Hey, I, you know, I know you know these gift cards, I know we’re all spending them, but we have an extra one, and I was wondering, you know, this expires on the 31st, it’s like the 22nd. Maybe you want to give this to, like, a client or give this to somebody who’s coming into the restaurant or whatever, because we’re not going to use it. And to my left was this big, U-shaped banquette table, like big table meant for like eight people, but there was this man and this woman, like, right next to each other at the top of the U. So one of them started to get up and was doing the butt shuffle all the way around the side, and I’m like, You know, that couple looks like they’re on a date? Like, do you think I should give it to them? And the maitre d’ looks at me and goes, No. And the person who was getting up and turning around was Bruce Springsteen, and I looked back at her. I said, Yep, yep, you’re right. He doesn’t need it; he’s fine.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: He was on a date with his wife! Isn’t that cute? I was going to try to give him my gift card, but that would have been the little surprise for the Boss! Who’s this rando handing me a gift card? [Laughs]

>> Ten years ago, Terri Hammond returned to Porter Hollow to care for her ailing grandmother. Buck Morgan, the CEO of Bucket List Enterprises, and a friend since childhood, offered her a well-paying job as his office manager. Now that her circumstances have changed, she’s decided to leave for a fresh start, and it’s up to Buck to convince her to stay. Unfortunately, the passionate connection and potential relationship doesn’t translate to the page as well as one would hope; however, with the help of his daughter he’s able to change his behavior and convince Terri they’d make a good family.

So what was the surprise? That she said No, you’re gross? ‘Cause there’s already a daughter who’s able to interfere and be a plot moppet, so what was the surprise? You give away all the plot of these books and you won’t tell me what the surprise is, so I’ve decided Yes, you’re right, the surprise was a gift card for Bruce Springsteen.

[Laughter]

Sarah: What did you pick?

Amanda: So I picked, on page 88, Return to Passion – 

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – by Carla Buchanan.

Sarah: Two stars.

Amanda: Yes. It is two stars. [Laughs]

Sarah: Dun-dun-duh!

Amanda: >> Camille Ryan has been away from home for ten years after deciding to live her dream as an erotic writer.

Sarah: Hell yeah, Camille!

Amanda: It’s get worse.

Sarah: No, no.

Amanda: It goes, it goes bad.

>> Not wanting to bring shame to her father –

Sarah: Oh…

Amanda: >> – or her high school boyfriend Remington Krane –

Sarah: [Laughs] I did not see that coming!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Hoo!

Amanda: >> – Remington Krane –

Sarah: Okay.

Amanda: With a K.

Sarah: Of course.

Amanda: >> – she left to save their reputation in her small Bible-thumping town. When her father becomes ill, Camille finally returns and must come face to face with Remington. Their feelings still run deep, and Camille must decide if she can reveal the truth about her career. Things move way too fast in this novel, and all of the drama and obstacles are wrapped up too nicely by the end. The male protagonist is arrogant and controlling and not very likable. The only saving grace is the steamy sex.

Sarah: [Laughs] The only saving grace is Bone Town?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Like, I’m –

Amanda: So –

Sarah: I am adding another square to the Anti-Bingo: hero name sounds like a law firm. Have you been hurt at work? Remington Krane is here for you. We have a big billboard on the northbound Jersey Turnpike, along with all of the other personal injury attorneys, so you will know who’s the best one: our billboard is the biggest. Visit remingtonkrane.com or visit elpIWasHurtInAnAccidentHelpMe.com.

Amanda: You automatically win the entire Bingo, you will get a full card –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – if you find a hero named Morgan Morgan –

Sarah: Morgan Morgan!

Amanda: – or if you find a hero named J. G. Wentworth. So – [laughs]

Sarah: What was that office supply company? W. B. Something.

Amanda: W. B. Mason?

Sarah: W. B. Mason, yes! If you find one named W. B. Mason – or Wentworth Mason, that’s fine – Wentworth Beauregard Mason, yes, that’s what we want. Seriously, I think next year we need to put out an Anti-Bingo.

Amanda: I wonder if we could do – this might be a spoiler, but, like, April Fool’s is always a pun, but, like, what if we say we’re going to do a Spring Bingo, and it’s just the most unhinged –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – Bingo card you’ve ever seen in your life.

Sarah: I love this idea! I absolutely think we should do this. I think we should do, like, at least two, and one of them has to be completely unhinged. Unhinged Bingo! Yes!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Especially the part where they’re naming other books or other authors or defending romance, ‘cause that just bugs the shit out of me. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay another one: mentions – I’m just writing these down while I think of them – mentions Taylor Swift.

Amanda: Boo, hiss!

Sarah: [Laughs] Not that Taylor Swift is a boo-hiss, but mentioning her in books is getting old, y’all.

Amanda: I think she’s a boo-hiss, so.

Sarah: Okay, fair!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So, Erotic Romance. There are so many. There are so –

Amanda: Great section.

Sarah: – so many, and we have two, two! Five-stars! Two five-star Golds! One is for Kim Jones for Sinner’s Revenge and one is for One with You by Sylvia Day, which was the ending to the Crossfire series that, like, completely changed her career, because it was the one that was really pushed as the, if you’ve read Fifty Shades, read the Crossfire series. That was one of the first that got the real big If you like…read this. I mean, there were billboards for that in the baggage claim at Newark Airport. That book was everywhere. So we have two five-stars, and Kresley Cole got two stars!

Amanda: She deserves that, too. That series was bad.

Sarah: Well, she got two stars for The Player.

Amanda: I did not like those books. I think I gave, did I give The Player a D?

Sarah: I think you did.

Amanda: I gave one of them a bad grade. [Laughs]

Sarah: >> Cole’s third installment in the Game Maker series, a standalone novel that long-time readers and newcomers alike can enjoy, feels like something of a departure from the rest of the series, both in terms of her characters and their journey together, though she does certainly bring the searing heat and heady sensual details that fans have come to love.

Sooo, not great characters, not great journeys, good sex. Got it.

>> While the prem- –

Amanda: Yeah, they just got, like, progressively worse and worse.

Sarah: >> While the premise of this book has potential, the many layers, levels of manipulation that the characters inflict on each other are genuinely troubling, and their scars, both physical and emotional, are not dealt with in a way that provides closure for them or readers.

Whoo!

Amanda: No.

Sarah: And this looks like, Valkyrie Press is her publishing house, right?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So:

>> Victoria Valentine, also known as Vice, is determined to save her family of con artists from the debtors that are crushing them. In order to do so, she must pull her string of failed – she must put her string of failed cons behind her and land a colossal success by seducing and swindling billionaire Dmitri Sevastyan, a task made easy thanks to the blistering chemistry they soon together, soon discover together. But as Vice and Dmitri lose themselves in their need, culminating in a hasty Vegas wedding, she begins to suspect that there’s far more to this damaged, reclusive man than she ever imagined.

Amanda: So this is the third one. I didn’t read this one. I gave up after book two?

Sarah: Oh, that’s a, that’s big for you! You don’t usually hang up on someone you love.

Amanda: Yeah, book two I gave a D.

Sarah: Ooh.

Amanda: It went from, I think the first book was like a, a B-ish grade – [laughs] – and then book two was a D, and I’m like – [still laughing] – my last line in the review of book two was:

>> Will I read the third book? Yes? Maybe? I don’t know.

Sarah: Apparently, nope. Not happening!

Amanda: I did not. [Laughs] I did not!

Sarah: So what did you pick?

Amanda: I picked book two in one of my very favorite contemporary romance series.

Sarah: I saw this, and my first thought was Ohhh! Amanda loves this series! I, I didn’t, I didn’t pick it ‘cause I was like, Oh, I’ve got to leave this for her, ‘cause I know you love this – it was a trilogy?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Was it a trilogy?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Was it a trilogy? Yeah.

Amanda: Book one was Nuts; book two is Cream of the Crop; book three is Buns. So – [laughs] – and if you’re not familiar, I’m talking about Alice Clayton’s Hudson Valley series, so it all takes place in Hudson Valley. All of them have foodie elements: so the hero of book one has, like, a walnut orchard and has, like, a farm, and the heroine is, like, a chef. Book two, the hero is a dairy farmer and makes great cheese.

Sarah: That’s the way to your heart.

Amanda: I know. And then book three, the hero runs, like, a resort in the area that is known for, like, their hot cross buns at the resort. So that’s sort of a food connection between all three.

This is a review for book two, Cream of the Crop. Got four stars. Well deserving of four stars. I think my only complaint about the book in general was it wrapped up super quickly –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – I think. So that’s what I would say about the book from a, own –

Sarah: ‘Scuse me.

Amanda: – my own experience.

Sarah: Didn’t she start as a Twi-fic writer? Isn’t Wallbanger Twi-fic?

Amanda: I don’t know! I read Wallbanger, but I’m not sure. Wouldn’t be surprised?

Sarah: Wallbanger and the other books were first written as Twilight fanfic. So did Sally Thorne and Christina Lauren. It’s a thing that happens, apparently. Yeah.

Amanda: I also wrote a review for this on Goodreads, so I’ll read you that one after I read –

Sarah: Yes! Oh, I love all this supplemental material!

Amanda: I know! [Laughs] Okay, so the review is actually pretty long for the Erotic Romance section.

>> Clayton offers up more small-town shenanigans in the second installment of her ridiculously funny and outrageously sexy Hudson Valley series. Once again, food is the main theme –

I just said that – [laughs] – RT…

>> Food is the main theme as Clayton entices readers with a tantalizing threesome –

Sarah: Eh?

Amanda: >> – between a city-born advertising executive, a grumpy county cheese, a grumpy county farmer, and delicious cheese.

Sarah: Hmm!

Amanda: >> Emotionally ripe with bold dialogue, strong characterization, steamy sex scenes, and Clayton’s trademark wacky humor, the author builds a delectable opposites-attract romance that focuses on the art of compromise and letting go of one’s past in order to embrace the future.

Sarah: Huh.

Amanda: So, this is so bizarre. Anyway. This is my review, and I wrote this one in 2018, so two years after this came out.

>> As a woman who loves cheese, I love this book.

Sarah: [Laughs] How is that not on the cover? How is that not on the cover of this book?

Amanda: >> Natalie and Oscar were so sweet together, and I’m glad their Happily Ever After was focused more on compromising than one of them giving up the life they’d built. There were some things that could have been fleshed out a bit more, like Oscar understanding Natalie’s feelings regarding his past relationship and Natalie wanting to help him with his creamery. But overall, another adorable, sexy read by Clayton, and I’m not mad about that kind of consistency.

Sarah: Awww!

Amanda: That’s my review.

Sarah: That’s adorable! I love, what a good – you’re a good reviewer. You should write reviews. You ever thought about it?

Amanda: …really interesting that – [laughs] – that my review usually match what RT has said. Like, they mentioned the art of compromise –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – and I mentioned that in my review. So it’s –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – pretty crazy. But the summary:

>> Natalie Grayson is a bona fide Manhattanite whose life revolves around the city, the men, and her highly prized position at one of the hottest ad agencies in town.

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: >> Her, her infinite love affair with cheese has her lusting after a certain cheesemaker who looks, whose looks and skills leave her tongue-tied. Oscar Mendoza, owner of the Bailey Falls Creamery, likes his job, his cows, and a certain young woman who visits his city market stall every Saturday. When Natalie is offered the job of developing an ad campaign to put the small town of Bailey Falls on the tourist map, she jumps at the chance to sample more than the town’s exceptional brie. Soon Natalie and Oscar are making more than just beautiful cheese together, but in her haste to bring her loves to her city, Natalie oversteps some boundaries. Can Natalie say good-bye to city life, or will the allure of Park Avenue be too great to resist?

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: Park Avenue. That’s just, they’re just cute books! I wish Alice Clayton would come back to writing.

Sarah: I think the last one I heard from her was Roman Holiday [Roman Crazy], which we talked about in an RT Rewind, that she co-wrote with someone, and it was around this time, I think.

Amanda: Yeah. I think the latest thing that I’ve seen from her is Wallbanger was made into a PassionFlix movie?

Sarah: Yes, there’s a picture of her online in a really, really cute rose-printed lounge set, like pants and a top, and it’s very, very cute. She’s on a little red carpet and everything.

Amanda: But yeah, I know, I think the, the Bitchery always has an author that they wish would come back to writing. I feel like Meredith Duran –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – is up there.

Sarah: Meredith Duran for sure.

Amanda: For me, it’s Alice Clayton. I wish she would come back!

Sarah: So what did you think of these, these reviews? And your reviews, which were excellent –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – supplementary material.

Amanda: I mean, I loved seeing all of these books –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – because it speaks to a certain period of time in my romance reading?

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: And especially because the, some of the books were books that I’ve enjoyed, like the Alice Clayton, the Jessica Lemmon Billionaire Bachelor. Like, I loved that, and sort of comparing what I said about these books around the same time as what RT was producing –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – it taps into, not, like, back when I used to love – [laughs] – love romance, ‘cause I still love it, but I think romance is in a vastly different place, especially for me personally? I am, in the last few months have vastly different feelings about the genre and community right now?

Sarah: Yeess, yes –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – me toooo!

Amanda: So it’s been nice to sort of revisit a time where I, I had more positive, you know, light-, lighter feelings –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – about romance, especially highlighting books that I really enjoyed.

Sarah: I like this episode, or this issue, rather, because, like you said, there’s a lot of books where I’m like, Oh, I remember that. But also, we were so involved in this conference? This was a big year for the, for the conference, and it’s, it’s really, it’s, it’s like, it’s like a book scrapbook. You know, every issue of this magazine, looking at it is like a book scrapbook of everything that came out in that one month, and some of these things are still be, in print, and some of them are still talked about, and I think that’s really cool. I’m with you: I like switching back, forth in, in time period, but as a scrapbook of books, I remember this is really, like, top shelf.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: You going to reread the Alice Clayton books?

Amanda: I might. I love them so much. I don’t do a lot of rereading. I’m tempted to read the Harper St. George Western?

Sarah: Ooh, yes, and that’ll take you like forty-five minutes. That’s how, I mean, you could do that in a bath and not even have to add more hot water. It’ll still be hot by the time you’re done!

Amanda: That’s what I prefer. I, I might even, I never read the Zanetti series?

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: I just remember them being around a lot. I’m tempted to read those, ‘cause I have her dark fairytale romances, both of them, on my nightstand right now. There are a lot that I would either revisit, like the Billionaire Bachelor series, or try –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – like the Harper St. George or the Zanetti books, so –

Sarah: For sure.

Amanda: – this was a good issue.

Sarah: This was a good issue. Also, you might like the Alice Clayton in audio. I often really like listening to a book that I love and am familiar with because I hear different things about the story, and I, it’s a different, it’s a slightly different experience. Like, when I, I’ve read all of the Peter Grant books, and I’ve listened to them. I’ve read most of the Psy-Changeling series, one, series one and series two, but listening to them is a totally different thing, so you might like that.

Amanda: My issue with audio – I don’t listen to audio a lot, which is interesting because I always have to be listening to something?

Sarah: Oh –

Amanda: I don’t like to be alone with my thoughts. So if I’m on my computer, I’ve got a YouTube video playing. If I’m in bed, I have a Bluetooth eye mask that I’m playing a podcast or something in my ears as I fall asleep. [Laughs] I am never without noise. But it’s noise that I don’t have to pay attention to?

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: But with an audiobook, it’s harder for me to multitask, like if I’m gaming or whatever, because listening and, like, interpreting what they’re saying and retaining it is a, takes more of my effort.

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: So audio’s a little harder. I’m sure it might also be like a skill set of, like, the more you listen to audio –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – the easier it becomes to process things in that format, but yeah, audio has been tough for me to get into.

Sarah: I found that I had that problem until I started speeding it up a little bit? Because my biggest problem is the slowness. Like, I listen to podcasts at 1.8 speed, sometimes 2.0, depending on how ponderous the person –

Amanda: You’re insane; that’s crazy. [Laughs] You’re a crazy person!

Sarah: Works really well, though! I am a big fan! But anyway, I think you should try to reread these; I think that would be fun.

Amanda: Yeah. These are good. And no one has read them, if you haven’t read them and you’re listening –

Sarah: Oh –

Amanda: – recommend them. They’re good. So if you wanted something like pretty low-angst – not low-low-angst; there are still, like, issues, but it’s not dark, it’s not super angsty. The Hudson Valley series creates a good sense of place –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – lots of delicious food. They’re, they’re easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl books, so.

[Laughter]

Sarah: The thing I remember about Alice Clayton books is that they’re very friendly. Like, you’re not going to be all feeling anxious in here. You’re going to feel really great. Don’t worry; it’s going to be nice.

Amanda: Yeah.

[outro]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. Thank you, as always, to Amanda for hanging out with me and for selecting this issue. We had so much to say that we spawned three episodes out of this one. We’re going to talk about the ads and features, which are a ride, and then we have a whole episode where we are going to talk about all of our memories of RT conference in Las Vegas, which this ep-, this issue has a massive scrapbook of.

I really love doing the RT Rewind, and I really appreciate how much you all enjoy it as well, so thank you.

I have a bad joke, and it’s awful. It’s really, really bad. This joke is from u/bitterface89-, 8790, excuse me, 8790 on Reddit.

Why is Billy Joel’s laundry still wet?

Give up? Why is Billy Joel’s laundry still wet?

‘Cause he didn’t start the dryer!

[Laughs] I can hear you booing.

I have to say, we watched the HBO documentary of Billy Joel, and I think it might be like four and a half hours, so we watched it over several nights. It’s surprisingly good! I was really, I was really impressed with it. Now, I am also married to somebody who just loves all of Billy Joel’s music, so it was a given that we were going to watch it, but I’m, I think it was a very well done documentary, so if you’re looking for evening watching television, you might like it. You’ll also have a lot of Billy Joel songs stuck in your head, but, I mean, who doesn’t walk around like that all the time? I mean, I know my husband does.

On behalf of everyone here, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a wonderful weekend; we’ll see you back here next week! And in the words of my favorite retired podcast Friendshipping, thank you for listening; you’re welcome for talking.

[end of music]