605. RT Rewind: March 2016 Reviews

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Sarah Wendell: Hello and welcome to episode number 605 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell, and Amanda and I are diving into the reviews from the March 2016 issue of RT Book Reviews. It’s time for Romantic Times Rewind, and in this episode you will learn about a tale of two biddies, you’ll discover baby-bothering and God-bothering, but most importantly, are demons a natural fit for the Regency era? These and many other questions will be answered in this episode, and I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

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Are you ready to go back in time a solid eight years to March 2016? Oh, what a strange time it was. On with the podcast.

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Sarah: So we are looking at the March 2016 Romantic Times Book Reviews magazine. We’ll talk more about the cover definitively in the ads and features, but the cover of this magazine features Cassandra Clare’s Lady Midnight, some interesting aquatic Pilates going on, and then at the top it says Shalom! Calling All Jewish Romance Heroines!

So we’ll get more into that. We’re going to start with Historical Romance and Historical Fiction. Okay.

Amanda: Yeah, I like, I will say I like the later issues? They feature a lot of books that I remember –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – that I’ve read; that, like, we were seeing everywhere; so I have more of a concept and, like, a time capsule.

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: I’ve experienced it, where, like, I think you said Shannon Stacey loves hearing the older ones because I’m like, What the fuck is this?

Sarah: [Laughs] Yes! Yes, she’s like, Oh yes, we lived through that, and you’re like, Why is this happening?

Amanda: And in fairness, it’s definitely a journey.

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: But I, I also like these ‘cause I have a frame of reference.

Sarah: Yes. And it, when you have that frame of reference, you can see how the genre has changed since you were aware of it and how you’ve, how long you’ve been reading it. Like, I think that’s really cool.

Amanda: And – yeah! And, like, how I’ve interacted with it. Like, the RT that they, they plug in this one, we both attended, so.

Sarah: We both attended, yes. But also, I think you said something really, really smart in one of the earlier episodes, that the conference was like the magazine come to life, which is –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – (a) entirely accurate, and (2) a really interesting concept that you couldn’t really do right now. What are you going to do, make TikTok come to life? There isn’t a magazine! There isn’t a magazine to make into the conference. It’s actually a little harder to recreate that experience.

Amanda: Yeah, and I think, like, you know, we do have conferences like VidCon for YouTube. I think, does TikTok have its own con yet?

Sarah: Probably.

Amanda: I know it’s, like, feeding into other conferences. But to be honest, like, TikTok and social media I think is very hard to turn into a conference –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – because it’s short form.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: You’re going to short form content into like a weekend-long stuff. Yeah, I don’t think nothing will capture – I mean, I don’t think anything will capture, like, the sheer frenetic, fever-dream –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – energy of an RT Book Lovers.

Sarah: Yeah. Like, last month’s issue with the big ad for Mr. Romance and all of the contestants and all, all of that chest – [laughs] – all of the chest and shirtless head shots, and yeah. That’s a different –

Amanda: The poses, yeah.

Sarah: It’s a different energy. And again, this is a monthly magazine, so this, the, the cover says it reviews 264 new books, so even though these are short reviews, this magazine’s going to take you a little while to go through if you are looking for books to read or buy or put in your library or put in your bookstore. You’re going to take your time with this, because there’s a lot in here, and that means you have all of these different directions to go when putting that in a physical space. I don’t really know that you could take – I mean, maybe there’s a chance I could do like a Smart Bitches con. I keep thinking, like, Ah, Smart Bitches cruise; that’ll be how we go out. [Laughs]

So what is your choice for Historical Romance or Historical Fiction? The, the, the grade range, you will be shocked to know, is three to four and a half stars Top Pick.

Amanda: Yeah. So I picked one that I want to read or sounds good, so. Sarah, so far, has read at least one book that she’s found in these magazines. So it’s Death Comes to the Village? I don’t remember that one…

Sarah: Death Comes to the Village, and then I recorded a podcast episode on Saturday with the ladies from Plot Trysts, and they are doing a, a – this is so eerie – they’re doing a Lois McMaster Bujold Miles Vorkosigan reread where they’re rereading and then having a different guest to talk about each book, so they asked me to be part of it, and I put, I picked the last book in the series. Well, then I come to find out as I’m going through the magazine, that book is reviewed in this issue! Well, that’s kind of eerie. You know when things line up like that and you’re kind of like, Am I being punked? Like, what is this? So, yeah, that book is reviewed in this issue, and it got four stars, and I agree. Gentleman Jole and the Red Queen is a lovely, lovely book.

Amanda: Oh yeah, I remember you made a note of that, and you’re like, This book is following me everywhere! And I’m like, I don’t know what you’re talking about. And now it’s –

Sarah: It’s behind me right now, actually. It’s just going to peer over my shoulder.

So you picked a book that you wanted to read, which makes me so excited! ‘Cause that’s kind of the whole point of the magazine. Maybe it’s working!

Amanda: Yeah! And the, the previous episode we did, we talked about a book called The Monster and the Maiden [Maiden and the Monster] –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – by Michelle Pillow, I think –

Sarah: Mm-hmm!

Amanda: – was the author?

Sarah: Michelle M. Pillow!

Amanda: I haven’t read it, but I bought it, so.

Sarah: Awesome!

Amanda: Maybe I’ll finally crack it open.

Sarah: Two for two!

Amanda: So we’re, we’re making headway. But I picked A Reckless Desire by Isabella Bradford on page 24. It’s four stars, which, to remind you, means Compelling, a Page Turner. We’re back to the, the sex rankings, and this is Hot! And the setting is Georgian and Regency England. The review is very short and doesn’t really tell you a lot, but it told me enough for me personally?

>> For those who adore Cinderella and Pygmalion plots, Bradford’s third installment of the Brecondridge Brothers series is perfection. With its wit and heart-tugging emotions, this winning tale steals readers’ hearts.

And then the summary is:

>> With pressure to marry, Lord Rivers Fitzroy leaves his scholarly pursuits to enjoy his last days of bachelorhood.

Sarah: Bow-wow –

Amanda: >> He finds pleasure in the theatre, especially among a troupe of Italian dancers.

Sarah: Oh my!

Amanda: I know! Scandalous!

>> One evening, he agrees to an, an outrageous wager: take the beautiful lead dancer’s mousy cousin and turn her into a leading lady in six weeks. The bet could be Lucia di Rossi’s chance to live her dream. As Rivers plans how to turn the quiet, shy girl into a diva, Lucia falls hopefully in love with him, but she has no idea how attracted Rivers is to her. Each must learn to appreciate themselves before they can truly give each other the love they deserve.

I have such a soft weakness for Pygmalion plots?

Sarah: Oh yeah. This is very She’s All That.

Amanda: I – She’s All That is one of my very favorite movies on the planet. I can quote that movie. What a weird little movie that was with Usher and –

Sarah: And, and a dance-off!

Amanda: – a weird little dance break at the prom.

Sarah: There’s a, there’s a, there’s a choreographed dance-off at the prom!

Amanda: At the prom!

Sarah: And Freddie Prinze –

Amanda: And I –

Sarah: – Prinze, Jr., was like –

Amanda: Freddie Prinze, Jr. –

Sarah: – heap charming.

Amanda: And just sort of like the whole makeover – but she’s just removing her glasses and taking her ponytail down – gets me every time. And I grew up also on the My Fair Lady movie with Audrey Hepburn?

Sarah: Yep. Yep!

Amanda: And I frequently sing out loud and to myself, Just you wait, ‘Enry ‘Iggins, just you wait!

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: You’ll be sorry but it…

Sarah: So this is –

Amanda: …too late!

Sarah: – this is Amanda-bait, this book.

Amanda: Yes! I have such a soft spot for Pygmalion, My Fair Lady plots, so much that, yeah, I didn’t even need to really read the book description, and the review is pretty vague. The reviewer just mentioned Pygmalion plot, and I was like, Okay! I’m, I’m done. That’s a –

Sarah: That’s like the, it’s like the historical plot trope version of This book has too much sex in it? Oh! Well then I’m buying it!

Amanda: Yeah. So definitely have disc-, like, I knew I liked these sort of plots, but I’ve also discovered that, like, you know, just say Pygmalion and it’s say no more. I’m –

Sarah: Yeah, I’m good!

Amanda: You don’t have to tell me anything else.

Sarah: I picked Antonía Barclay and Her Scottish Claymore, which is a fantastic title. It is by Jane Carter Barrett. It is four stars; the heat rating is Mild, which if you’re playing along at home means May or May Not Include Lovemaking; No Explicit Sex, and none of the, none of the words in that rubric make any sense or do any kind of work.

Amanda: Yep.

Sarah: Except No Explicit Sex. Like, that’s the only part that makes sense. It is set in Scotland and England in 1586, and it got four stars!

>> Relying heavily on the history surrounding Mary, Queen of Scots, Barrett adds a mad scientist, his disgusting son, and a dashing Highlander to her fascinating story. They’re all after the attentions of Antonía, and it’s a bitter battle to the HEA. Told with over-the-top anachronisms, this humorous novel is a delight to read.

Now, the problem there is that I really thought that this was about a, a romance between Antonía and a sword! Like, maybe this was all a very large –

Amanda: That’d be beautiful!

Sarah: – pointy euphemism for a dildo; I don’t know. But no.

>> Much to Antonía’s dismay, she has outgrown the gangly girl of her youth and into a beautiful woman who is attracting suitors. She is upset, as she is accustomed to such unladylike pursuits as riding the countryside in her twin brother’s breeches.

Okay.

>> Friends of her brother’s are soon discouraged from courting Antonía, since she’s decided she wants a man, not a boy. Then she’s coerced into attending her best friend’s ball. Warned away from the Throckmortons by her old nanny, Antonía is accosted by Rex Throckmorton outside her room and is rescued by Breck Claymore, designer of the famed sword. The young beauty takes Breck’s breath away, and it is love at first sight.

Now, I just think that it would be much better if she was with the sword, because none of this sounds good for her? Like, this seems like she’d be much better off just having an actual claymore and then just running off into the sunset. But then I have to ask, is a claymore the best weapon for her? I mean, I think she’s like a, a, she sounds like she’s a bit of a warrior class character. Maybe a rogue.

Amanda: I mean –

Sarah: But which weapon would be ideal for her?

Amanda: We talked about this too in the, your notes. You’re like, Is this, like, the epitome of, like, a, a, like, a warrior weapon?

Sarah: Yeah! Is the –

Amanda: And of course, like, the nerd in me is like, Oh! Well, there’s also a great sword! So claymore or great sword is probably, like, the go-to warrior weapon. But as you were reading this, the phrase “disgusting son” –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – really jumps out at you, right?

Sarah: Yes. You know that’s going to be unpleasant. Poor Antonía; she should just take a great sword or a claymore or maybe just a really big stick and just go away.

Shall we move on to Mainstream Fiction?

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: All right, so this is a wider range, and I noticed that when you step outside of the main romance genres, the critique range gets a little bit wider. Here we have some two-stars all the way – we have one two-star – all the way up to four and a half stars Top Pick.

And I picked The Total Package by Stephanie Evanovich who, if you’re playing along at home, is Janet’s niece. This book is interesting.

Amanda: Is she the one who did Big Girl Panties?

Sarah: Yes. This is much of the same sort of flavor, where it’s, it’s kind of like you think it’s going to go for a subversive narrative, and it’s really just sort of confirming everything, pretending it’s subversive? Anyway. So yeah, two stars.

>> A story of redemption and love conquering all, set in the world of professional football, this novel gives second chance to first love. Despite an overall light summer read in nature, readers may take issue with the novel’s structure, which lacks sufficient buildup and follow-through for its more crucial components. Readers may be left feeling like there’s something missing from that one.

This review is lacking in its structure. It has insufficient buildup and follow-through for its own crucial components. What the hell does that mean? What does that mean? That doesn’t tell me anything!

Anyway, the summary, if you’re curious about this book that came out in 2016:

>> The world of football gave Tyson Palmer everything that he ever wanted until a pill-and-alcohol-induced spiral took it all away. In secrecy, Tyson climbs from rock bottom back to the spotlight, making an honest comeback. The world applauds Tyson for his effort, everyone except one critic: sports reporter Dani Carr. When their professional paths finally cross, sparks fly. No matter how hard they try, Dyson, Tyson and Dani can’t seem to get away from one another. Are these two meant to be, or are they a catastrophic combination?

All of that sounds like stuff that would make me deeply uncomfortable, especially if her problem with his comeback is resting on his addiction issues? I’m, I’m not confident this is going to handle addiction in a way that would be palatable to me? But I also hate, loathe, and despise football in all forms and don’t want to read about it.

The critique does, I, I don’t understand why this book is getting two stars. Does it have no plot or – I don’t understand. But okay! That’s not the first time that’s happened.

Amanda: No, it’s not. And I feel like in this issue, we still have problems that we’ve seen in other issues, but maybe I feel like more so in this one, where the categories are getting more and more, like, convoluted.

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: Like, it’s not as clear. Like, you’ve got, you know, outliers or things kind of like, you know, shoehorned in for lack of anywhere else to put them or, like, the book that I picked, The Pastor’s Husband by Tiffany, Tiffany L. Warren on page 31, and it’s listed as multicultural, but it does seem like it’s an Inspirational and – just everyone, Linus is now licking his butthole.

Sarah: Yeah. And my cats are fighting.

Amanda: So – [laughs]

It’s listed as multicultural, but I’m assuming by the title and the description and the review that this is also kind of an Inspirational, and why wasn’t this in the Inspie category?

Sarah: That’s a really good question. I mean, it’s from Dafina, so it’s not one of the Inspirational houses –

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – but it does sound like – yeah.

Amanda: That, like, church and church community and God play a big role in the book? So the review, The Pastor’s Husband has four stars. I’m, I’m a sucker for alliteration, and this has a lot of it.

Sarah: Oh-ho, there is so much.

Amanda: Yeah. [Laughs]

>> When faith, fidelity, and favor collide with fame and fortune, friction takes up residence on the pages of The Pastor’s Husband. Warren crafts rousing characters who remind us that the church invites believers who are discerning, sanctified, humorous, unwavering, and loyal. In this case, the door is also open to gullibility, pretentiousness, lunacy, and temptation.

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: >> Nevertheless, in keeping it real, the author skillfully takes us to the edge as we eagerly hope and pray that reconciliation and repentance will triumph over drama arrayed in counterfeit kingdom business.

So it sounds a little salacious.

Sarah: Counterfeit kingdom business?

Amanda: Yeah. The summary reads:

>> Nya and Gregory Hempstead are co-pastors in their ministry. The one time she yields to pressure to prophesy without hearing from God proves to be catastrophic. She’s catapulted to fame due to that “suddenly blessed” prophecy. While a financial boon to their ministry, Nya’s elevation nationally leads to alienation from her husband and their church. This door of opportunity is ripe for Felicia Caldwell’s scheme to commandeer all that’s dear to Nya, including Greg, as revenge for that prophecy five years earlier.

It seems a little uncertain? Prophecy’s thrown about, and I’m not quite sure what’s happening? But yeah, it sounds like Nya as co-pastor gives a prophecy that’s not from God, and she, I guess she, maybe she felt pressured to give one? And then that elevates her to fame and fortune and, like, ruins her life.

Sarah: This still doesn’t make any sense.

Amanda: Yeah, it’s a wild ride.

Sarah: Speaking of inconsistent –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – the same thing happens with Teen Scene. So there’s completely inconsistent genre subheadings. Not every book has a genre subheading, but inside just the first page of reviews there’s Paranormal, Fantasy, Paranormal, Fantasy, Fantasy, but there’s no, there’s no heading for Contemporary, and it’s very weird to see all of this, like, inconsistency. Like, why is this here and not in fantasy? What, what is the deal here? And I really –

Amanda: …Contemporary is the default of, like –

Sarah: Mm! Yeah.

Amanda: – if it’s not Contemporary, we’ll say so.

Sarah: Yeah, that could be it.

Amanda: At least for Teen Scene.

Sarah: That could be it!

So the book that I picked is a book called Kill the Boy Band by Goldy Moldavsky. Okay.

Amanda: I haven’t read this one, but Stephanie, my previous roommate, big YA reader, had this on her shelf, and I’ve read some of Goldy’s other books?

Sarah: Uh-huh.

Amanda: That I find to be really interesting? She had one called The Mary Shelley Club –

Sarah: I remember that one.

Amanda: – that I liked. So I’ve just, my only context is seeing this on Stephanie’s shelf and definitely being caught by the title and like –

Sarah: It’s a title!

Amanda: – What the fuck is this?

Sarah: It’s a title, right?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: All right, so this is a four-star. It has no genre heading, so we’re guessing it’s just, you know, ordinary people in the present day.

>> Macabre mystery collides with snarky teen angst here. Moldavsky illustrates the intense power of peer pressure with a deft hand. Her writing captures the effervescence and illogic of teen girls brilliantly. The author may have jumped on the unreliable narrator bandwagon, but her writing has an authenticity that makes this a standout.

So here’s the summary; hold onto your butts:

>> She and her friends are fans. Actually, that should read FANS, capital letters, because being a FAN is their identity, and the members of The Ruperts, the world’s biggest boy band, are the object of their intense obsession. In fact, it’s what makes their friendship possible. So when they get word that the boys will be staying in a nearby hotel they book a room. It’s the perfect plan! A chance encounter in the elevator that will clearly lead the boys to fall madly in love with them!

Someone’s been reading some fanfic.

>> Until it all goes horribly wrong. Remember, this is a book called Kill the Boy Band.

Whoo!

>> Before she can blink, one of the Ruperts is tied up in their hotel room. Suddenly, the night is spiraling out of control, and her friends are not the people she thought she knew. As dark secrets come to light in the swanky hotel, the term crazy fangirl has never been truer, and no one is more vengeful than a teenage girl with a broken heart.

Wow! That was a ride, right?

Amanda: Goldy was kind of ahead of her time here.

Sarah: Oh, this is, this, this would go, this would go so, so well right now. Then I found a review on Goodreads. I’m only going to use the first name of the reviewer, because I feel a little sensitive about saying, Hey, this person on Goodreads sais this, like I’m, like I’m platforming someone who might be vulnerable, so I’m just going to say this person’s name is Nicole, and this is the sequence of their reading when they read this book:

>> 10%: OMG, this is crazy. 27%: This is like the Twilight One Direction nightmare. 52%: These bitches are nuts. 62%: This is bonkers! 92%: Tell me they all die.

And then the review is “Why are they not all dead?”

My curiosity is, is, is at peak level. It is a raging torrent –

Amanda: I mean –

Sarah: – of What?

Amanda: Yeah, ‘cause we have, like, this very toxic stan culture right now?

Sarah: Yes! Yes!

Amanda: And then, like, Donald Glover – was it last year or the year before? – came out with the Swarm Apple TV show, which is, like, loosely based on, I think, like, the, the Beyhive? So, yeah, I think –

Sarah: Taking his life in his hands there!

Amanda: I know. So Goldy, I feel like, definitely –

Sarah: Ahead of her time.

Amanda: Yeah –

Sarah: A hundred percent.

Amanda: – for sure.

So I picked the review for Seven Black Diamonds by Melissa Marr on page 35. It’s a Top Pick, got four and a half stars. We were definitely in the era of fantasy YA novels being very, having very, like, purple, floral covers –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – if that makes sense –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – and this has a purple flower on it. So the review is:

>> Marr always sucks you in from the first page and leaves you gasping for more long after the ending, thanks to a mix of suspense, action, and romance. The faery world is wonderfully descriptive, and there’s a realistic plot. You won’t be able to put this twisty tale down.

And then the summary:

>> Lily was never supposed to exist. Her whole life has been a lie, a necessary one. There’s a war going on between humans and faeries, and half-human, half-faery Lily is stuck in the middle, considered an abomination by some. As she starts a new school, her greatest worry will not be making new friends, but surviving.

I never think the word realism when I think, Hey, I’m a half-human, half-faery stuck in a, in a world between two people.

Sarah: In a new school. The new school!

Amanda: In a new school!

Sarah: No, not that!

Amanda: Yeah, I, like, realism and fantasy can co-exist, I suppose, in certain ways, but, like, this – maybe they mean realism in terms of like a high-school experience, but, like –

Sarah: That’s not what you’re looking for!

Moving on to –

Amanda: Inspirational.

Sarah: – Inspirational.

Amanda: I didn’t catch any hats, but I wasn’t necessarily looking.

Sarah: No.

Amanda: No hats, I don’t think.

Sarah: Really unfortunate lack of big hats.

Amanda: I know!

Sarah: So these reviews range from two to four and a half stars Top Pick. I picked, on page 44, Dressed for Death, Julianna Deering. Now, this is book three – no, book four. All right, I’m not going to say this right. I’ve been practicing saying this, and this is a word that my mouth is just like, No, we’re not saying that. It is book four of the Drew Farthering series, and I was like, Oh, do I want to read this? So here’s what the review and the summary say; they’re both very short. Some of the, have you noticed that some of the summaries and some of the reviews are really, really long, and then right next to it’ll be like two sentences, three sentences?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: So, Inspirational mystery Dressed for Death by Julianna Deering, four stars:

>> Christie fans now have Julianna Deering to add to their must-read list. Deering keeps readers on their toes guessing Who Dun It in this well-plotted mystery. Don’t get too cozy, as any character is unsafe and subject to an untimely demise.

And the summary is:

>> Once again, amateur sleuth Drew Farthering –

A word I do not like to say for some reason.

>> – and his new bride Madeline find themselves in the thick of a murder mystery, but this time the murder’s become personal, and Drew’s faith is shaken, and he begins to doubt his calling and usefulness in life. Can Drew, Madeline, and their trusted friend Nick solve the mysteries before they become the murderer’s next target?

Hmm. So I’m like, Okay –

Amanda: I think, I think your brain wants to short Farthering to Farthing.

Sarah: Yeah, I think it does.

Amanda: That’s what my brain keeps wanting to do.

Sarah: Farthering; like, I really have to think about it; otherwise, I’m just going to be like, Drew Father or Fur, Fur, Farthing.

Amanda: [Laughs] Drew Fathering!

Sarah: Drew Fathering! So I did a little bit more digging; like, oh, well, this is clearly the latest, so if I’m starting a mystery series with a continuous developing pair across multiple genres, or multiple books, rather, I’m going to want to know what’s in book one. So this is, this book is set in the 1930s, but it is a Regency dress-up house party where everyone is in Regency clothes in this house party in, in the book, which is like, wow.

Amanda: In the 1930s.

Sarah: Yeah, in the 1930s. But then I looked at the Goodreads reviews. Now, we have already established the concept of Jesus by volume, which is an extremely top shelf rhetoric, or, or rubric –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – for examining what’s going on in an Inspirational, but Brea has a really good runner-up from Goodreads. Not a good review, and says:

>> The God-bothering gets steadily more intrusive with each book.

God-bothering is the perfect way to describe when the God content is, like, interfering with the book and it, and it’s just like God, God-bothering! I love this so much! So second only to Jesus by volume: God-bothering. I don’t want to read this. Like, I’m good. I’m, I’m fine to not be bothered by God, but I love that so much! I’m so excited I learned this term!

[Laughter]

Amanda: God-bothering.

Sarah: God-bothering!

Amanda: So I picked the, I think it’s the only two-star rating in this section. On page 45, it’s called From Bags to Riches by Sandra D. Bricker. I didn’t really read the summary because I feel like whatever I needed was in the, the review:

>> The concluding book in Bricker’s Jessie Stanton series is great for wrapping up some loose ends, but overall not much happens. Some plot points that should have taken just a few pages are dragged out, whereas others, namely the reality series storyline, are mentioned and then completely forgotten.

This is the part where I was like, Yep!

>> The scenes with the baby are grating because they are so outlandishly unbelievable.

Sarah: What? [Laughs]

Amanda: I was like –

Sarah: How?

Amanda: – What baby? Whose baby?

Sarah: Where is there – how did that – [laughs] –

Amanda: The babe with the power?

Sarah: Whoo – where’d this, where did the baby come from?

[Laughter]

Amanda: I know! I was like, The scenes with the baby are – and also, a reality TV series? Is the baby on a reality show? Where’s the baby come from?

Sarah: That is so wild.

Amanda: So –

Sarah: Oh my goodness.

Amanda: – the, the baby-bothering. Instead of –

Sarah: Baby-bothering and God-bothering –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – that’s what we’ve got. Wow. This is, this is quite a good issue; I’m very excited about this.

Shall we move into Mystery, Suspense, and Thriller?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Again, three to four and a half stars Top Pick, big yawn, whatever. I would just like to call out some of the series names that I noticed in this, in this section? We have the League of Literary Ladies mystery, the Popcorn Shop mysteries, the Webs Glass Shop mysteries, and at this point I’m wondering because there are all these cute, like, series names? And then the pun titles, and then images with the cat and the dog? You know how when you are, like, publishing a book and you have to look up whether the title has been used before? How do you then come up with like the series name? Because they have to have all been used by now! The Magic Chocolate Doughnut Shop Dog-Walking mysteries? Like, what are we doing? This is, how do you even find one anymore?

Amanda: Some are very creative –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – and I think in previous issues Inspirational was really, like, grabbing us with, like, the quirky plots and stuff? I think now in the older issues, or the ones we’ve talked about most recently, the Mystery and Thriller section has really been catching me. I think, like, the previous one was like, Bark M for Murder –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – and they had A Hole in Juan.

Sarah: Out of the Dying Pan, yeah.

Amanda: Yeah, and so I think now the, the Thriller/Mystery section is grabbing me in terms of, like, quirky, weird books!

Sarah: Oh yeah, we got quirky and weird.

So the one that I picked is actually the thirty-first book in a series. I’m not starting with this one –

Amanda: Oh my God.

Sarah: – I just want to say book thirty-one.

Amanda: Jesus!

Sarah: Right?

Amanda: What’re they up to now? Is it still going? I’m…

Sarah: No! Anne Perry died.

Amanda: Is Anne Perry the one that murdered her mother?

Sarah: Her friend’s mother. The, the –

Amanda: Her friend’s mother.

Sarah: Yes! The, the movie, something –

Amanda: Heavenly Creatures?

Sarah: Heavenly Creatures was about her and her friend, and they were imprisoned for murdering her friend’s mother because they were going to be separated, and then she was released from prison and moved to England and changed her name and was anonymous pretty much until that movie came out. She’s the one who murdered her friend’s mother.

Amanda: Yes, that is the only –

Sarah: As a child!

Amanda: – frame of reference I have for Anne Perry. There was one more book in the series, it looked like. It went to thirty-two.

Sarah: All right then! So Treachery at Lancaster Gate by Anne Perry, four stars:

>> Filled with emotion and details about how people lived and thought, Perry seamlessly combines historical fact and fiction with this highly plotted mystery. This thirty-first Pitt novel –

My goodness!

>> – not only shows the life both for the poor and wealthy, but also echoes many of the problems we have today. A cast of recurring secondary characters enriches the stories.

Book thirty-one!

Amanda: Thirty-one.

Sarah: Whoo!

Amanda: That’s impressive!

Sarah: Yeah! I’m so glad you picked this one. I was, I, I’m so glad you picked this book! I’m so excited to hear you talk about it.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I’m so glad you picked this! I’m so happy right now.

Amanda: I know; I saw it and I was like, Well –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – there we go! So it’s on page 47; it’s labeled Mystery, Amateur Sleuth, and the title of this book – look, mystery, cozy mysteries, mysteries I know love a pun, and the title of this book is And Then There Were Nuns. N-U-N-S, just to be clear. [Laughs] Kylie Logan, that’s four and half stars Top Pick.

>> This highly addictive series continues with a clever storyline, quirky characters, and an ideal island location. As the mystery evolves and the main character realizes the parallels to Agatha Christie’s famous novel, the suspense intensifies, and the twists and turns keep coming.

So we’re in a world where Agatha Christie exists, and the main character is drawing parallels to an Agatha Christie book while things are happening.

Sarah: Yeah. Oh yeah.

Amanda: The summary is:

>> Bed and breakfast owner Bea Cartwright has agreed to provide meals for ten nuns who are attending a retreat at the reclusive Water’s Edge Center. When the retreat’s host is a no-show, Bea becomes a little suspicious, and just when the retreat starts a nun is found dead in the water. Is it a drowning or murder? When a second nun goes missing, everyone is on high alert. Bea delves into the mystery with the help of the chief of police and the League of Literary Ladies. Will Bea catch the vengeful murderer before more nuns are picked off one by one?

Sarah: And then there were nuns.

Amanda: There’s also three other books with the same title, And Then There Were Nuns, by the way.

Sarah: Like I said, like we just said, you, you’re going to start seeing repeats, ‘cause you can’t, you’re, you’re going to run out of puns.

Amanda: Okay, I’m curious what the other books are. All right, so, And Then There Were Nuns – this is League of Literary Ladies number four. There is a cat wearing a little handkerchief –

Sarah: Oh yeah!

Amanda: – on a stack of books –

Sarah: Got to have a cat.

Amanda: – that’s knocked over a glass of wine.

Sarah: Yep, with you so far. Sounds, sounds right on brand.

Amanda: So League of Literary Ladies series – obviously, I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before – has all of its titles related to classic literature. So book one? Mayhem at the Orient Express.

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: Book two, which I think is my favorite? A Tale of Two Biddies.

Sarah: Ohhh! Well, that’s the new name for this show!

Amanda: A Tale of Two Biddies. Book three is The Legend of Sleepy Harlow.

Sarah: Oh, okay!

Amanda: Book four, And Then There Were Nuns, and then book five is Gone with the Twins.

Sarah: Whoever was in that title meeting, all, every time this series came up, they had a good meeting. I’m very impressed.

Amanda: Yeah. The person who came up with the titles for these, gold star.

Sarah: Absolutely. You get a four and a half star Top Pick.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: I love this. I also hope they’re doing, like, nail polish names –

Sarah: Ohhh –

Amanda: – or something like –

Sarah: – for sure. Absolutely.

Amanda: This has to be a skill that, you know, translates to other industries. [Laughs]

Sarah: It, it’s, it’s such a gift, ‘cause I cannot do that. I’m not allowed to title things. But I’m certainly not that good at pun titles.

Amanda: Yeah, A Tale of Two Biddies won, wins this one, I think.

Sarah: Amazing. Well, welcome back to A Tale of Two Biddies. We’re moving on to Romantic Suspense!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: The range here is four to four and a half stars Top Pick, and I was not really, like, super excited about any of these, but then I do have a question. On page 53, okay! So we’ve established that other genre sections have subheadings above the title that tell you what, what even more specific genre it is. So inside Mystery, Suspense, and Thrillers, it’s going to tell you historical mystery, amateur sleuth. So this is inside Romantic Suspense, but it’s labeled paranormal, and I don’t get it, ‘cause, like, there’s a whole other Paranormal and Urban Fantasy section. It’s not like those sections don’t exist. They’re here, but we’re going to just – okay. All right! This is not my – I cannot die on this hill.

Paranormal. Her Fierce Warrior, Paige Tyler, four stars, Hot.

>> As another hybrid shifter is discovered, the action takes a back seat to the romance. It’s a fine balance, but the characters are written with such compassion that readers will continue to be charmed by the X-Ops series. Finding a lone hybrid in the mountains of Tajikistan is definitely not part of Angelo Rios’s mission.

I mean, things happen, Angelo.

>> To ensure her safety, he has to get her to headquarters and under the care of their doctor Zarina. Fortunately, Minka’s inner self is calmed by her contact with Angelo, and the two are instant soul mates. As she learns to control her abilities, their emotions take over. Where – there are members in the DCO who only see Minka as a tool, and Angelo is afraid of what will happen to her when he returns to his unit. Also, the organization must stop two doctors from using stolen DNA to create new hybrids.

You know, as you do.

What, what, how is this suspense and not paranormal? We got shifters and shifter politics?

Amanda: It’s interesting because I feel like we have to consult previous issues we covered, because Paige Tyler’s –

Sarah: This is the SWAT team shifters!

Amanda: – SWAT team –

Sarah: This is the SWAT team shifters!

Amanda: Yeah, SWAT team shifters.

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – has been in the issues, and I can’t remember if they wound up in Suspense or if they wound up in Paranormal.

Sarah: It’s a really good question.

Amanda: All we’re asking for is consistency –

Sarah: Yeah! Like –

Amanda: – and, like, a rubric that makes sense and we stick to it.

Sarah: And just, I just want to know what they mean by lovemaking. It’s always going to bother me. Like, what does that, where does that mean in terms of mouths and body parts? I need specific unders- – this is way too broad; I don’t get it.

So what was your pick?

Amanda: Oh… So I also wasn’t super moved by this section, and I feel like that tends to happen in the Romantic Suspense section for both of us?

Sarah: Shirtless guys with guns books. But this time this is –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – a bunch of shirtless guys with guns.

Amanda: And it’s usually like a short section, too, so there’s not like a ton to choose from either.

So mine’s on the same page; it’s 53. This is a male/male romance that they make sure to call out at the top. It’s called The Secret of Hunter’s Bog? Wow. In the notes I put the se-, The Secret of Hunter’s Dog –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – ‘cause that’s what I –

Sarah: That sounds like a book I would be interested in reading?

Amanda: By Ally Blue; it’s four stars; it’s rated Hot. And this goes back to when we were talking about the Melissa Marr review, of words being in there that feel redundant? So the review is:

>> Blue is back with another thrilling tale of love in unlikely places and with unexpected twists. This new story not only pairs new love with past intrigue, but with a dash of mystery and some sexy romance. Fans will love this new tale and new characters.

Okay, new love and past intrigue pairs with a dash of mystery and sexy romance. That’s the same thing twice, isn’t it? Am I – going crazy?

Sarah: No! Not only is that the same thing twice, but it’s like sixty percent of the books in here. That is a big word salad of nothing.

Amanda: Yeah! Like, that tells me –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: What, what is the title of our podcast?

Amanda: A Tale of Two Biddies?

Sarah: So welcome back to A Tale of Two Biddies –

[Laughter]

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – where we have some past intrigue and some sexy romance and a dash of mystery!

Amanda: A dash of mystery and some past intrigue. [Laughs] And then, like –

Sarah: It’s either, it’s either a word salad of nothing or a seven-layer bean dip of yuck, and there’s nothing in between.

Amanda: Cool. I would love a seven-layer bean dip right about now. But the summary of this book mentions that one of the heroes is the owner of a luxury camping goods store?

Sarah: Oh! Wait, this guy invented glamping? [Laughs]

Amanda: I guess so! And I don’t know if –

Sarah: This guy invented glamping!

Amanda: I’ve never been in a luxury camping goods store? I mean, like, one, I’m not the target audience for any camping goods store. But, like, I’ve been in an REI. I swear, nothing puts me to sleep faster than walking into an REI.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: My – [laughs] – my attention levels immediately plummet the second I step into an REI, and I start yawning. I get so bored being in an REI; I don’t know what it is. So, like, if I were a baby and I was, like, fussy at night, just take me to an REI and you’d be fine.

Sarah: Is this like the equivalent of driving around at night and going to, like, listening to NPR at eleven at night so the baby goes to sleep? Just take Amanda –

Amanda: Yeah, just take me –

Together: – to REI.

Amanda: I have not, like, fond memories, but I have very distinct memories of the Bass Pro Shop in south Florida, ‘cause we would sell Girl Scout Cookies outside the Bass Pro Shop? And we also did a –

Sarah: Ooh, good place for it!

Amanda: I know! They also had, I think, an attached Florida, like, fish and game wildlife museum? And we did a lock-in at the museum one time?

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: But, like, there’s something about a Bass Pro Shop that feels religious.

Sarah: Oh, they’re –

Amanda: Like the –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: It’s like a mega-church!

Sarah: It’s like mega-church.

Amanda: It’s like a mega-church –

Sarah: Cabela’s is the same way.

Amanda: I think there’s one in the Midwest that’s like a giant pyramid. I think it’s in Tennessee, maybe? I don’t know, but it’s like the shape of a –

Sarah: There’s one off of the highway in Pennsylvania that has a big, big glass pyramid, a Cabela’s that does look like a mega-church. You’re very right about that!

Amanda: Yeah. So there’s something about a Bass Pro Shop – I haven’t been in one in years, probably decades, actually – that feels like this is holy ground that we’re on. [Laughs]

Sarah: So it makes you sleepy. [Laughs]

Amanda: REI makes me sleepy, and then, like, you know, Bass Pro Shop makes me feel religious.

Sarah: Okay! Why not?

Amanda: So.

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Shall we move on to Contemporary?

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Okay, this –

Amanda: Also, yeah, this is another one where I’m like –

Sarah: Eh.

Amanda: – this feels like a mishmash of sections.

Sarah: There’s a lot of books in here that I don’t quite understand why they’re in Contemporary. The range is two to four and a half stars Top Pick. This section just bored the heck out of me because it was a lot of, like, cowboy and – yeah. Mm-mm. It was not, not a lot of contemporaries that made me go Ooh!

The one I wanted to talk about was on page 61, and it is Chasing Memories by Anna James. This book got two stars, Hot.

>> This novel moves so fast that it is at times difficult to keep track of what is happening to whom. The action is jam-packed in every chapter, so readers will not be bored; however, the ending is confusing. Some issues are left unresolved, and the quick pace makes the connection between the characters seem forced.

Okay, so you’re not prepared for this summary. I, I mean, I’m sure that you can understand, like, the, the, this, this is just mayhem; this book is off the rails, down the hill. Here’s the summary; get ready:

>> Lucas Morgan is horrified when he finds his grandmother dead on the side of the road from an apparent car accident. Finding her car deep in the woods, he is surprised to find India Leone unconscious in the driver’s seat. When India wakes up with retrograde amnesia, Lucas is determined to spend time with her in hopes she can remember what happened. Suspicious occurrences put India’s life in danger and send her and Lucas racing against the clock to find out who is after India and what caused the car accident.

[Laughs] You guys, Amanda’s eyes got so wide, and she just, like…

Amanda: I just, I keep shaking my head, and my eyes get bigger. Like, no? What?

Sarah: No! No! Still no! Yeah, so that was something. Okay! Which one did you pick?

Amanda: Yeah, so I picked 55, Kidnapped by the Billionaire by Jackie Ashenden, which is four and a half stars, Hot. Honestly, re-, I mean, I haven’t read this one, but there is one other step above Hot in RT, which is Scorcher: Borders on Erotic, Very Graphic Sex. Every Jackie Ashenden book that I have read has been, in my opinion, erotic romance. They get very spicy. There’s usually some, like, BDSM content in there, so I was really surprised this wasn’t there, and it’s part of the Nine Circles series, which I’ve read some of the later ones? I think I’ve read them out of order and not all of them. So I would, I would classify this as more erotic romance? But the review is:

>> Ashenden has stirred up the world of her Nine Circles series in this fourth installment, offering surprising scandals and plenty of passion. She’s a master at crafting tension and desire, making an unlikely romance something redemptive and utterly compelling. The steely, reserved hero and the resilient heroine drive a plot that will keep series devotees enthralled and surely hook new readers on this dark, sizzling series that pushes the boundaries in the best way.

Summary is:

>> Billionaire Elijah Hunt had his whole world taken away from him, and now he’s on a ruthless quest for revenge by kidnapping the daughter of the man who ruined him. But Violet Fitzgerald is nothing he expected her to be, and he can’t get enough of her. Violet is stunned to feel a connection to her kidnapper, but the desolation in his eyes speaks to something inside her, and as his icy reserve crumbles, she realizes the power she has over him. But will a future with Violet be enough to erase the agony of his past?

Yeah, so I was like, What does this – feels more like it should be erotic romance, as most of Ashenden’s books are, and then I’m like, What the hell is she up to these days? And apparently, writing small-town romances, which –

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: – makes me sad. Not my bag!

Sarah: No.

Amanda: But, yeah, her latest book is Right Where We Belong, which is book three in Small Town Dreams –

Sarah: Well –

Amanda: – series? It’s set in New Zealand, it looks like?

Sarah: – that’s, that’s where the trend went!

Amanda: And has, like, you know, a picture of, it’s a, it’s a very beautiful picturesque cover of, like, mountains and trees with, like, a cabin.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: And I’m like, That’s not –

Sarah: That’s not hot and –

Amanda: – what I’m familiar with.

Sarah: That’s not the hot, spicy stuff I’m used to. I also –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – I will never understand – and this is an old trope – like, I’m not saying that I don’t know that this is a trope. I know this is a trope. I will never understand the trope of Someone Has Done Me Wrong, So I’m Going to Take It Out on Their Daughter. Like, we don’t even have enough time in this episode to unpack all of the sexism and misogyny that is present in that, just in that trope. You have done something wrong, so I’m going to harm your children? And it’s usually sexual harm or kid- – like, why? Why? Why? I understand that it’s a trope, but I do not understand.

Amanda: That’s fair.

Sarah: Moving on to Science Fiction and Fantasy. As I already mentioned, my pick is Gentleman Jole and the Red Queen, and this book is indeed following me. I read it last week for a podcast that I just recorded; that podcast will be out in September. They are doing a whole reread of the Miles Vorkosigan series, and this is the last book, so of course I started with that one because I like to make people twitch with discomfort with my reading habits – I’m just kidding. This book got four stars, it is science fiction, and I, I feel very, very, very qualified to tell you whether or not this is a good review.

>> Fans of the Vorkosigan saga will either be thrilled or disappointed in this volume, which is dedicated to the Vicereine Cordelia and her adjustments to widowhood.

SPOILER for the whole series, y’all. Sorry.

>> Character development is absolutely on point, and the Vicereine, Admiral Jole, and Miles Vorkosigan show their colors as they have throughout this saga. Although well-packaged and presented, the social aspects in this novel are more representative of today’s values and mores than that of a far-flung world with colonized planets and warp technology.

How do you know?

>> Packed with action, Bujold tests the boundaries of romance in the science fiction genre, as usual, with a bit of a twist that goes down very well in a particularly poignant scene, romantic realism at its best.

This is a fan-service book, and I am here for it. I love a good fan-service book. Like, if you’re going to have that last episode like the series finale where you look back on the whole story and learn new things about it? That’s what this is.

Amanda: [Laughs] I picked a very popular book, A Gathering of Shadows by V. E. Schwab –

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – on page 62.

Sarah: I’m so glad you picked this one!

Amanda: I did not read the summary, because this is not the first book in the series.

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: I did not read the summary –

Sarah: Good call!

Amanda: – so I didn’t – yeah. I, I just read the review, and I’m like, Why the fuck haven’t I read this series yet? Because this seems amazing! And my roommate Stephanie loves V. E. Schwab, loves this series. I think, I’m looking over, I have book one and book three, but not book two on my shelf.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: I think I bought them used. So I have A Darker Shade of Magic and A Conjuring of Light on my shelf, so I could start the series. But I read the review – and it’s a very long review compared to the other ones – and after reading it I’m like, This sounds so fucking cool! Why have I not started this? And then immediately stopped reading ‘cause I don’t want to know what happens in the summary. But this is a Top Pick, four and a half stars. Oh, also, spelling error! Fantasyy, above this, has two Ys –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – I just realized.

Sarah: Yikes!

Amanda: [Laughs] So the review reads:

>> Schwab wastes no time diving into the action with a corker of an opening scene in this sequel to A Darker Shade of Magic. She delves deeper into her vision of four Londons, complicating the politics within and across worlds without ever slipping into convolution. The glimpses of White London and Black London are as chilling as ever. The introduction of Emery is a delight, and Schwab hits all the right notes as she explores the fallout of Kell and Rhys’s life – I think it’s Rhys? Rhy? Rhy’s life? – life bond, but the real shining jewel of this novel is the unexpected yet completely organic character evolution she’s crafted for Lila Bard.

Sarah: Ooh, catnip!

Amanda: >> No coo- –

I know!

>> – no cookie-cutter heroine, Lila isn’t just bold and brave; she’ll slit a throat as easily as she’ll pick a pocket. Outside of television’s Jessica Jones, I can’t remember encountering an antiheroine this ruthless and this engaging.

Sarah: Oh my God, my face right now!

Amanda: And I have goosebumps! I have goosebumps on my body, and it’s not ‘cause I’m cold, ‘cause I’m under an electric blanket, but I read this and I’m like, What is wrong with me? So –

Sarah: The latest piece of Amanda-bait is ruthless antiheroines.

Shall we move on to paranormal?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Again, you’ll be shocked to know the range is three to four and a half stars Top Pick. What was your pick?

Amanda: I picked The Deepest Well by Juliette Cross, and it sounded very cool. It’s on page 66, and then I’m like –

Sarah: I love the first sentence! I saw the first sentence and was like –

Amanda: I know!

Sarah: – Okay! Yeah!

Amanda: It sounds very cool, and as someone who has read Juliette Cross’s books – I think I was on her podcast way back when, that she does with her niece. Like, I’m familiar with Juliette Cross’s books, with some of her series that I’ve read – not all of them. And so I was like, Why haven’t I heard of this one? And turns out, this is a prequel book for a series, and the prequel is set in the Regency era, but the rest of the series is not! The rest of the series is set present day.

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: I know! But the review, page 66, a Top Pick, four and a half stars, Hot, and the first sentence is, the first sentence is:

>> Demons are a natural fit for the Regency era –

[Laughter]

Amanda: >> – and Katherine’s shining soul attracts them like magnets.

Sarah: Okay!

Amanda: >> Luckily, she has a protector in George, who, who is more than he seems. Dark and opulent, drawing on rumors of the infamous Hellfire Clubs of the 18th century, Cross’s worldbuilding tantalizes and seduces the reader, much as events unfold between characters in the book. This series starter is full of surprises and never takes the easy way out. Katherine and George’s struggle to be together is grand in scale. Period details and diction feel spot on, and the climactic battle scene is positively cinematic.

I was looking forward to seeing what the rest of the series would be like, because I’m always on the hunt for historical fantasy, paranormal stuff, ‘cause I really loved Kristen Callihan’s, is it Darkest London –

Sarah: Mm-hmm!

Amanda: – series? I love that series so much, and I’m constantly trying to find more like it that’s, you know, similar to Bec McMaster –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – sort of like steampunk-y London books. I just really love that combination? So I definitely added this prequel to my Goodreads, like, TBR pile, but yeah, was really bummed to discover that it is part of a, of a series already on my Goodreads, but that the main series is present day and not Regency or a historical setting. I was like, Womp-womp!

Sarah: I –

Amanda: Sad trombone for me.

Sarah: I think a subtitle for this episode might be “Demons Are a Natural Fit for the Regency Era.”

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: ‘Cause why wouldn’t they be?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: So I, my pick is also on page 66, and I read this, and I immediately heard your voice in my head going, I miss when romance was just kooky. And we have –

Amanda: I –

Sarah: – an excellent kooky contender right here.

Amanda: We reviewed this book, Sarah. It’s reviewed on our site; Elyse reviewed it.

Sarah: This is the one that Elyse reviewed?

Amanda: Yep!

Sarah: Oh, amazing! A-mazing.

Amanda: Yeah, and she was disappointed! And I, she gave it a C. Elyse’s words were, “I wanted more gargoyley-ness.” If you’re tapping into this because it’s like a monster-fucking book?

Sarah: It’s not monster-fucking.

Amanda: It does not appear to be a monster-fucking book.

Sarah: Nope. Rocked by Love by – amazing – by Christine Warren. Gargoyles! Four stars, Hot.

>> Warren does an excellent job making each of her Gargoyle, Gargoyles books unique in voice and central relationship, while still building a strong central premise and keeping the stakes sky-high. This fourth book features a heroine whose personal journey and discovery of her own strength is fascinating as her involvement in her stoic hero’s mission and their joint quest. There’s an inevitable bit of exposition that slows the early part of the story. Long-time fans will find this book a fun and significant addition to the series.

Gargoyles!

Amanda: Do you know why they’re called gargoyles?

Sarah: In the cartoon or in the book?

Amanda: Just in general.

Sarah: Why?

Amanda: Because they gargle when it rains. They’re, they have a water feature.

Sarah: Oh my goodness, I did not know that!

Amanda: And then the statues that don’t have the water feature are called grotesques.

Sarah: No shit!

Amanda: The more you know!

Sarah: The More You Know! (star)

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Amazing! So in Urban Fantasy is where the magazine starts to get a little bit weird, ‘cause we have a new ranking, and I don’t see any explanation for it. But Marked in Flesh by Anne Bishop got five star Gold. I thought we didn’t do five, that – also it’s marked as 5G, and I’m like, Oh, well, you know. Conspiracy theorists are –

Amanda: I typed in my notes 5G LTE…

Sarah: Yeah, exactly!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Five – so we have the four and a half star TP, and we have 5G LTE. It’s very exciting!

Marked in Flesh by Anne Bishop is the fourth book in the Others series. This – and I’m not going to read the summary, because if you haven’t read the series there’s a lot of spoiler, but – I stopped reading before this one, because I really struggled with the degree of violence against women and girls in the overall series. I’m not saying, like, it shouldn’t be there and I’m mad about that it’s there. Like, it, it makes sense in the world; it’s just I was having trouble reading it, so I had to stop, but I still loved the first book. I reread the first book a bunch of times. This gets five star Gold.

>> As the fourth book in Bishop’s phenomenal Others series begins, there is an extinction threat hanging over the entire human population of Thaisia.

Probably saying that wrong.

>> The only thing preventing it at this point is the Elders’ curiosity about the effect Blood Prophet Meg Corbyn is having on the Lakeside terra indigene (or the Others). Without doubt, this is one of the best urban fantasy series on the market, and in this newest chapter the peril and terror factors are completely off the charts. Bishop is one hell of a storyteller.

Okay! I mean, I’m not going to read the summary, ‘cause there’s way too many spoilers in it. I agree; this, this series is great. But, like, you don’t even explain why there’s all of a sudden this other, this other grade! I’m just going to invent a grade on the site. We’re just going to have books, and the grade’s going to be Q, and I’m not going to explain it.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I’m just going to leave it up to you to figure it out. Q grade books; there you go.

Amanda: Q because Question?

Sarah: Yes, exactly. I also want to point out on page 70, Bitter Bite by Jennifer Estep is a four and a half star Top Pick, and this is the seventeenth book in the Gin Bian-, Blanco series, which I think is pretty fricking badass.

So, Series. Series is where you get probably the wider number of books with shorter reviews, but again, most of the reviews are two – I didn’t see any ones in here –

Amanda: No, I didn’t either.

Sarah: – up to four and a half stars Top Pick. So which one was yours?

Amanda: So on the same page, 76, I picked A Forbidden Temptation by Anne Mather. It got four and a half stars; it’s a Top Pick. It’s by Harlequin Presents. And this is one that has a line in the review that makes you go, Wait, what?

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: So the review is:

>> After widowed architect Jack Connolly moves to England, he meets lawyer-turned-real-estate-agent Grace Spencer when she comes to his home with her boyfriend Sean, an old friend of Jack’s from school. Initially Jack fights his attraction to Grace, but when he learns she and Sean are broken up and Grace has moved home to help her parents, he decides to pursue her. Grace tries to resist him, but she soon falls prey to their mutual attraction.

Sarah: Prey.

Amanda: >> The addition of –

Prey, yeah.

>> The addition of Jack’s wife’s ghost in the story makes for a fun, engaging read. Additionally –

Sarah: I’m sorry – [laughs] – what?

Amanda: I know! [Laughs]

Sarah: Wow!

Amanda: >> Additionally, Mather’s talent for dialogue is a real treat.

Sarah: Oh, I should hope!

Amanda: And that’s it! [Laughs]

Sarah: If the wife got, got dialogue, I think we need to know about it! Wow, okay!

Amanda: Yeah. So the, of course the sentence that made me go, Wait, what, was:

>> The addition of Jack’s wife’s ghost…

[Laughs] Okay!

Sarah: Awkward!

Amanda: I know! Look at that hair on that hero, though, like, flopping over.

Sarah: Oh my God, he’s got – okay, so if you remember George Michael in the late ‘80s, early ‘90s –

Amanda: Oh yeah.

Sarah: – floppy hair era, that’s what we’ve got going on here.

Amanda: Look at that!

Sarah: All right, one more to go, as we’ve reached Erotica. We have reached the Erotica! We’ve reached it!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Now we have another five star Gold! I don’t get it. This, the five star Gold in this section is Sinner’s Creed by Kim Jones, five star Gold. Again, I don’t under- –

Amanda: This is back when motorcycle clubs were –

Sarah: Yeah, this is a motor- –

Amanda: …time.

Sarah: This was a motorcycle club book. None of these were really like, Ooh, I want to talk about this! There wasn’t anything that really grabbed me here, except for the part where we had another five star Gold. I’m seriously going to invent a new grade letter on Smart Bitches. It’s going to be Q, and everyone will be confused. What did you pick?

Amanda: I picked, on page 85, Julian’s Sins by Robin Rotham? And the, the designations at the top – also another error; there’s no space between the comma and the word ménage! – so erotic romance, ménage, male/male. Yeah, I thought this was interesting. I’ll read the review and then I’ll mention my thoughts.

>> Rotham’s novel includes all sorts of intense dark play that will titillate some and offend others.

Sarah: Oh! Oh my!

Amanda: I know!

>> Kilmartin’s end goal is shocking to the extreme. The excess sexual kink is minor by comparison.

Sarah: Oh my!

Amanda: >> Those with tastes that include electrical play and various ménage combinations, as well as male/male sex, will find this well-written tale satisfying. The bizarre pretense will leave others disappointed.

And I’ll read the summary:

>> After Dr. Rachel McBride is offered an exciting contract to explore her skills as a vascular surgeon, she is offered something even more thrilling. When former lover Dr. Colin Carter approaches her with the prospect of working with Julian Kilmartin’s research project she is stunned. Both have been the object of her submissive fantasies for years. Given little time to make up her mind, Rachel makes a snap decision to travel to Eastern Europe, where the castle Bangenschloss is located.

Sarah: Oh wow. Okay!

[Laughter]

Amanda: >> All goes well until Julian discovers Rachel did not read her contracts before signing them. He sends her to bed without her supper, which seems like a childish punishment, but it’s only the beginning of many.

What? [Laughs]

Sarah: My friend, if you are going to go to Castle Bangenschloss, you need to read your contract.

Amanda: You’ve got to read your contract –

Sarah: God! You’ve got to read –

Amanda: – before you go.

Sarah: – the Terms of Service! We’ve been learning about this this week. Also, tastes that include electrical play – okay.

Amanda: Yep!

Sarah: Various ménage combinations –

Amanda: Thank you! You’re pointing out what I’m getting –

Sarah: Okay – as well as male/male sex. What? This is –

Amanda: I don’t think – no offense – male/male sex is really in the same real of, realm of “kink” as electrical play, but –

Sarah: This is 2016!

Amanda: – that’s just me! [Laughs]

Sarah: Like, what? That’s just sex! Like, you, you guys haven’t even explained what lovemaking is; why are you detailing that male/male sex is something that’s deviant like electrical play? What the shit? Holy cow!

Amanda: But also Castle Bangenschloss?

Sarah: I –

Amanda: Classic.

Sarah: All right –

Amanda: Great.

Sarah: – that’s – ooh, that might be a serious contender for the subtitle as well: Castle Bangenschloss.

Amanda: I’m very curious if that’s, like – they said Eastern European. That, to me, reads German?

Sarah: Or – yeah, Bangenschloss with the S-C-H?

Amanda: But I’m curious: does it really translate to anything? Like, does Schloss mean anything in German? I don’t know! Many castles were called Schloss! So it’s Castle Bangen-castle.

Sarah: [Laughs] That’s it!

Amanda: Essentially. That’s what it seems like!

Sarah: All right, that’s it, I’m done! I’m, I’m expired; that is the end; I must retire.

Amanda: Schloss is the German term for a building! Similar to a chateau, palace, or manor house!

Sarah: Okay, that’s hilarious! [Laughs] Castle Bangen-castle. Welcome to Castle Bangen-castle!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: May I take your coat? Did you read your contract? Nope? Go to your room.

Amanda: No dinner until you’ve read your contract!

Sarah: [Laughs] Bangenschloss. So outside of Bangenschloss, what did you think of the books in this issue?

Amanda: I mean, some of, some of the sections were a little snoozy, for sure.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: Like, eh, whatever. But I definitely have a couple that I’m curious to read, like the historical I mentioned, the V. E. Schwab –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: It’s also interesting to see, even though we didn’t really, like, talk about them, reviews for books that I remember coming out.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: Just, like, remember. I didn’t read them, but I’m just, I was aware of them. I remember seeing them advertised at, you know, RT Book Lovers Con.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: So it was, you know, like, we have a big ad for the Christina Lauren Wild Seasons series.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: I’m like, Oh, hey, I remember those. I read those!

Sarah: I remember the first one!

Amanda: So I really liked looking at most of these sections just through a lens of, like, Oh, hey! I remember that! And then we have And Then There Were Nuns, so.

Sarah: And Antonía and her claymore.

Amanda: And Castle Bangen-castle. So this was a good one!

Sarah: Yeah. Antonía should just go to Castle Bangen-castle; she didn’t need to talk to any of these other guys.

Amanda: Take your claymore to –

Sarah: Go to Castle Bangen-castle.

Amanda: [Laughs]

[music]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. Thank you so much for joining us for this trip back in time. I will have links to all of the books that we talk about in this episode. Do not worry; they will be in the show notes, and conveniently in your show notes there will be a link to the visual aids for this episode so you can see some of the pictures and the covers that we talk about, and if you want, you can hit Play at the top of that post and listen as you follow along with the visual aids. You know, we’re a multimedia experience over here on the internet; it’s kind of wild.

I always end each episode with a truly terrible joke, and this week is no exception. This is from u/abbotofunreason on Reddit; thank you, kind person.

How did the hackers get away from the police?

Give up? How did the hackers get away from the police?

They ransomware.

[Laughs] I know many of you work in IT and are now groaning. You are very welcome; please enjoy telling all of your coworkers this.

On behalf of everyone here, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a wonderful weekend. We’ll see you back here next week!

Smart Podcast, Trashy Books is part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find many outstanding podcasts to subscribe to at frolic.media/podcasts.

[Laughs] Castle Bangenschloss!

[end of music]