575. Dragon Called: Part II of a Heaving Bosoms Crossover

[music]

Sarah Wendell: Hello and welcome to episode number 575 – woohoo! – of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell, and if you like it when you have a really nice, long episode to listen to, well, today is your day. It is time for another Heaving Bosoms crossover. The first part of this recap of Dragon Called is up on Heaving Bosoms right now, so you can go listen then and come here, or you can just start here. It’s totally up to you, but we are all here for your listening pleasure. I’m going to do a quick recap of the book so far because we’re starting, obviously, our recap in the middle. I will also share the cover copy, but do not worry if you’re starting here and then want to go back later; it’s fine. But please be aware; this part is important: this is so Not Safe For Work, so heads up for that. Here is the cover copy:

“Desperate for money after her deadbeat brother left her holding the bill for his bail bond, night nurse Andi agrees to take on a mysterious one-time nursing gig. When she finds out her employer is ruthless billionaire and all around a*****e Damian Blackwood, she’s determined to get the job done and get out as quickly as possible.

“But nothing is as it seems, when a monster attacks and she is saved by an honest-to-god dragon.” Now you know why I’m into this, right? “A golden scaled, sixty foot long, violent dragon…who is clearly Damian’s other half. Her world is spun sideways but she can’t forget the way he looked at her, like coveted treasure he’s desperate to steal away for his hoard. The way he reacted when she discovered his secret. The way that when he was human again he…asked her for a date.” Dun-dun-duh!

“Fierce and independent Andi doesn’t trust easily. The expensive suits, fancy cars, and spooky castle can’t hide the truth: Damian is extremely dangerous, not to mention a monstrous beast.

So you can see why we read this, right? Dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon-dragon, dragon, dragon.

I love things with dragons in them, and I like having a compliment! I love when that happens.

This compliment is for Lisa R.: You know how there are warnings about imminent weather? There are also celebration and joy alerts right before you enter a room.

If you have supported the show with a monthly pledge, thank you! You are keeping me going; you’re making sure that every episode has a transcript hand-compiled by garlicknitter, who is going to be doing a big old transcript this week! Thank you, garlicknitter! [You’re most welcome! – gk] And you keep me going, and you keep the show going. Thank you for supporting the show. If you would like to join, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. Patreon members get bonus episodes, exclusive content, and a really nifty Discord. And monthly pledges start at one dollar, so have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches.

Support for this episode comes from Love’s Sweet Arrow, Chicagoland’s first romance bookstore! Love’s Sweet Arrow curates a diverse selection of traditionally and independently published romance and offers bookish merch, candles, journals, stickers, and more. Plus, y’all, it’s a bookstore that specializes in romance. I love this whole idea! I love that there are so many now. To celebrate five years of Happily Ever Afters, Love’s Sweet Arrow is offering Smart Bitches listeners – that’s you – twenty percent off purchases in-store and online throughout the month of March with code SMARTBITCHES. In addition, all orders over one hundred dollars will receive a free gift with purchase – woohoo! Enter code SMARTBITCHES at checkout online, or mention it in the store to receive your discount. Code applies only to in-stock products. Free gift will be selected by staff when fulfilling your order. The discount is valid now, so you can start shopping at shop.lovessweetarrow.com, and thank you to Love’s Sweet Arrow for supporting the show.

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Okay, like I said, we do a recap at the start, but here are the characters, so you know who to expect in this incredibly awesome recap: Andi and Damian, heard about them; there’s also Grimalkin the talking Siamese cat; there’s a magic house where said talking cat can conjure rooms, although to my knowledge the house doesn’t necessarily have a proper name; and there’s a dragon bathing pond. I mean, there’s a lot going on here. So let’s get started. On with the podcast.

[music]

Sarah: If you listened to the Heaving Bosoms episode on Tuesday?

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: What is time? I don’t know what the time is.

Melody: Monday.

Sarah: Monday – sure, it’s just like Tuesday, but it’s the day before.

Melody: Right, that’s the one. Uh-huh.

Sarah: Right, yeah. So Monday, you listened to the episode; we’ve got Andi the nurse –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – who asks a lot of questions and takes zero shit.

Melody: None of it.

Sarah: We’ve got Damian, sharp-suited dragon man who, who’s basically like a border patrol agent to the Other World –

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: – which is kind of icky, but, like, creatures come over and they want to snack on humans, and he and his band of X-men/Titans go –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – they stop them.

Melody: They stop them, and also he is, you know, billionaire Bruce Wayne –

Sarah: Yeah, he’s Bruce Wayne the dragon.

Melody: – character.

Sarah: Dragon Wayne.

Melody: Yes. Yes!

Sarah: So he’s Dragon Wayne, and there’s a, there’s a magical talking Siamese cat who –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – is obsessed with cheese, and the, the whole setup is, Damian – Dragon Wayne – hired Andi – no-bullshit nurse – to look after his –

Melody: Yes!

Sarah: – buddy Zach, who allegedly fell down the stairs, but really got mauled by something with claws and stuff –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – for eight hours so he could go fight another superhuman thing that injured him –

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: – so she does manage to keep him alive, and then –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – he’s injured, and she’s like, Ooh! I think I’m going to kiss you, so I’m going to do that!

Melody: Yes!

Sarah: Turns out there was a succubus, so she got horny pants for no reason, and he was like, Okay! I’m –

Melody: Or pheromones.

Sarah: – she pulls a thorn out of him; he’s all better. She, he’s like, All right, I can use my Forgetting Fire (capital F, capital F) –

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: – to make you forget, and she’s like, How ‘bout no? And successfully argues with his moral center that she, he should not do this against her consent, and so she goes out into the world. He pays her for the terrible, terrible evening.

Melody: That’s the one.

Sarah: Goes out into the world, and she knows everything.

Melody: Yeah! And she’s like, I don’t know, I might be open to seeing you again. Would you be open to seeing me? And he’s like, For definitely sure.

Sarah: Yes, ‘cause his dragon’s like, Why are you letting her out of the car? Mine!

Melody: Yeah. Mine.

Sarah: And this is one of those cases where – and I always find this very fascinating –

Melody: Hmm?

Sarah: – is the animal shifter identity and the human identity one identity and they know, like, this is a human, like, I have the ability to make dinner; I have the ability to shift into a bear? Or is two consciousness? Consciousnesseses? And in this one the dragon has a voice and he has a voice and they bicker all the time.

Melody: [Laughs] Yeah. They’re constantly arguing –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – with each other.

Sarah: Very, very fussy. So we begin –

Melody: So – yeah.

Sarah: – with chapter twelve. Andi is in her apartment, and her phone is going nuts! Dun-dun-duh!

Melody: [Gasps]

Sarah: Okay, I, this is so terrible, y’all. Andi lives above a Greek bakery. Can you imagine a more hellish existence on this earth?

Melody: Nope. Not a single one.

Sarah: She lives above a Greek, a Greek bakery! So her best friend Eumie runs the bakery. She’s like, I can’t come down! I’m –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – gross.

Melody: I’m covered in viscera.

Sarah: Yeah. She’s basically covered in Other Worldly animal goo, and so she can’t go to the bakery, and Eumie’s like, Meet me in the alley right now. She’s like, Fine!

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Melody: So she wants to try out a new, Eumie wants her to try a new bread.

Sarah: Yes. Eumie is nonbinary, and their gender presentation –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – was fluid, but today they had on big gold hoop earrings, which Andi had learned for them was femme. And Eumie, Eumie’s pissed! Eumie’s like, What in the name of hell were you doing getting out of Damian Blackwood the Third’s car, and why did he take you to play paintball? Because she is covered with –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – blue goo, and he’s like, Oh yeah! Paintball, perfect! That’s exactly it, and Eumie’s like, I do not believe you?

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: What is happening? And Andi distracts her by like, All right, what do you want me to try? And you’re going to have to feed it to me; I can’t touch things. And Eumie’s like, Fine. And of course it’s magic. It’s pho, but it’s bread.

Melody: How?

Sarah: Magic bread.

Melody: Wow, Eumie. Eumie is good at their job.

Sarah: Eumie knows what’s up, and Eumie, Eumie delivers the most true and prescient line of this entire book –

Melody: Ooh!

Sarah: – Basil transcends all culinary borders.

Melody: [Laughs] It’s true.

Sarah: Damn right! It’s a pain in the ass –

Melody: It’s true!

Sarah: – to keep alive. My God, it’s thirsty! It needs water all the time, but basil –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – does transcend.

Melody: It does.

Sarah: So yeah, I’m a baking genius, thank you very much for acknowledging. Now please explain to me what the hell is going on with you, and Andi’s like –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – uh, pa-, patient, patient privacy! Hmm?

Melody: And she, and so Eumie’s like, Well, no, because you did get out of the car of a billionaire playboy who, like, could give to homeless shelters and fucking doesn’t.

Sarah: Yeah, like –

Melody: So what was that about?

Sarah: And Andi’s like, How did you recognize his car? And Eumie’s like, Well, I was waiting for the chance to key it.

Melody: Yep!

Sarah: Damian’s family’s –

Melody: Love it.

Sarah: – public face was pretty much gentrification personified.

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: Ouch! He really is border patrol for the Other Worlds!

Melody: Yes!

Sarah: Like, wow! We’re going to call him out on many things here!

Melody: Uh-huh!

Sarah: I’m all about calling for billionaire responsibility by side characters –

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: – this is great!

Melody: Same, same.

Sarah: Yep!

Melody: So Andi’s like, Would you judge me if I went out with him? And Eumie’s like, I mean, if you use your powers for good and get him to donate to some charitable causes, I guess no.

Sarah: I mean –

Melody: Go live your life. Have fun.

Sarah: – there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have a little fun!

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: And you know, you talk him into donating to the, you know, health, the homeless shelter on, well, you know, up the road; that’s, that’s pretty, that would be pretty good.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And Andi’s like, Do you want me to be Robin Hood, or are you whoring me out? And Eumie says, It’s a fine line is all I’m saying.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: Yes.

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: [Laughs] And then Eumie says, and I quote, “raising their hands up into prayer, ‘Go where the vagina takes you.’”

Melody: Yes!

Sarah: “’You only live once. But if your vagina takes you into a billionaire’s mansion, you should definitely steal some shit. It’s not like he’ll know.’”

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: First of all, the dragon would absolutely know, but Eumie –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – Eumie is fabulous. I’m sad that we’re only –

Melody: Eumie’s great.

Sarah: – I’m only, I’m sad we’re only meeting Eumie halfway through! ‘Cause Eumie is –

Melody: I know!

Sarah: – Eumie’s tremendous.

Melody: I know.

Sarah: So Andi’s laughing, she feels better, and Eumie’s like, Yeah, you’re gross. You need to, like, go, go –

Melody: Go shower.

Sarah: – go shower. And Eumie’s like –

Melody: You’re a mess.

Sarah: – Yeah, yeah, go have fun, even if it is with the Devil. But he’s not a devil.

Melody: He’s a dragon, she thinks to herself, and oooh! So she goes into her house, and she sort of, like, shouts at her Irish roommate and is like –

Sarah: Yeah, dodging her roommate.

Melody: – I’m going to get in the, bye, bath time! And goes and gets in a shower first?

Sarah: Do you think that the blue shimmer tiger viscera is like when you dye your hair and it looks like you’re murdering Grimace in the shower?

Melody: Yes!

Sarah: Right?

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: So then you have to, like, wash the white tub –

Melody: Got to –

Sarah: – before it, like, stains. Like –

Melody: Absolutely.

Sarah: – it’s probably a whole process, right?

Melody: It has to be, yeah!

Sarah: Has – it’s like tie-dye!

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: This is not good.

Melody: Yeah. Well, and I had a hard time with this because what she does is get into a bath with a metric fuckton of Other Worldly viscera and werewolf blood, and then she decides to think about Damian and how hot he is, and so she scoots all the way down to the end of the tub, puts her legs up, and lets the, lets the water go into her vagina and masturbates like that, and if there is other fluids in that bathtub –

Sarah: No.

Melody: – I cannot.

Sarah: Hard no.

Melody: Okay, good, yeah.

Sarah: Hard, hard no.

Melody: Hard no.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: I didn’t think that these authors would do that to me, but I just needed to make sure.

Sarah: Right. I mean – I, okay. It’s kind of like when, you know, ten years ago, maybe fifteen years ago –

Melody: Hmm.

Sarah: – you’re reading a romance, and they don’t mention – and it’s a contemporary – and they don’t mention a condom?

Melody: Right.

Sarah: I would just mentally insert –

Melody: Right.

Sarah: – of course they’re practicing safe sex. And –

Melody: Absolutely.

Sarah: And I would notice that it wasn’t there, but I would sort of overwrite it in my brain: There’s a condom. They’re not just going to Bone Town and having a breathless, I’m about to orgasm; Oh yeah, I’m clean, I swear; fingers crossed –

Melody: Gah!

Sarah: – it’s just the tip; whatever.

Melody: Oh my God.

Sarah: Yeah, I’m not, I’m, I’m not, I’m not on board with that, but I always mentally, All right, they’re using condoms.

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: So mentally speaking, that, that water is very clean!

Melody: It’s pristine.

Sarah: Yes.

Melody: Crystal clear, that water.

Sarah: Better than dragon bathing pond.

Melody: Oh, for sure!

Sarah: For sure, for sure.

Melody: Oh my God, also pond scum!

Sarah: Yeah, ugh!

Melody: Oh no! [Laughs]

Sarah: Ahhh! Oof! Ugh!

Melody: So then she decides that she is going to text him –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – because he said that if she texted he would come running. So she texts him, and all she says is, 10 pm tonight? And then he, he doesn’t answer for a while, but then he answers back. All he says is, Yes.

Sarah: Meanwhile, his dragon the whole day has been like, Go, go, go, go get her.

Melody: Look –

Sarah: Claim her.

Melody: – where the fuck is she?

Sarah: Mate her.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: You know how many – we’re going to have some sex fantasies about her.

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: Andi? Dragon. It’s like a very obsessive sort of thought, and –

Melody: Absolutely. Oh!

Sarah: – right as he’s been battling his dragon all day, because his dragon would really like to go to Bone Town, please and thank you, then she texts him: 10 tonight?

Melody: [Gasps] But –

Sarah: But.

Melody: I’m so sorry, listener: I did you dirty just now.

Sarah: Uh-oh.

Melody: It is after a whole scene where he’s driving a bunch of curvy mountain roads up to his castle, and he’s driving really, really fast, but because he’s thinking about her so much, he has to do a driving masturbation.

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: And so he’s –

Sarah: He spins –

Melody: – either rubbing himself through his pants –

Sarah: The scar, the, the car spins in a circle because he slams on the brake and spins in a circle because, as, when he comes in his own pants.

Melody: Yes, in his pants! Because he, he says he’s driving the road by memory as he just furiously masturbates through his pants!

Sarah: While he’s driving!

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: My guy. He ignores the warm, wet spot spreading against his stomach. Like, Oh dude!

Melody: Oh my God!

Sarah: Hmmm!

Melody: Come on! You’re, you’ve got a whole castle to do that in! Pick a fucking room!

Sarah: My, my guy, you’re almost there; hold it.

Melody: Yeah! Grimalkin will create a masturbation room for you –

Sarah: Right?!

Melody: – if you need him to.

Sarah: I’m sure the pond water does things.

Melody: Absolutely! Like, what else is an interdimensional guardian going to do for you?

Sarah: Right? Already in charge of HVAC!

Melody: Other than take care of you?

Sarah: Changed out all the air when it was succubus farts.

Melody: That’s what I’m saying!

Sarah: So, yeah, he just, he just ejaculates in his pants, the car spin around, and then she texts him, Hey, you want to see me? And he’s like, Absolutely, in fact, yes, I do!

[Laughter]

Melody: I do! I will, however, take a shower first.

Sarah: Yeah, uh, mm, yes.

Melody: Oh my God. So then she goes back to, so she, like, goes out and starts talking to her roommate Sammy.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: Who is Irish. She met her because Sammy was dating her delinquent brother, and –

Sarah: Danny.

Melody: – she says the, the best thing that ever happened to Danny was dating Sammy, and the best thing that ever happened to Sammy was dumping Danny. [Laughs]

Sarah: Ohhh!

Melody: And now they’re roommates.

Sarah: But Andi and Sammy seem to get on very, very well –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – and Sammy’s worried that the thing that has kept Andi out all night was, was her brother, was, was Danny.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: She said, Is he, is, is this a problem with Danny?

Melody: Is he pulling shenanigans?

Sarah: Yeah, he’s bad news. Don’t make me call the cops. And, and Andi’s like, Oh my God, because Sammy would never call the cops.

Melody: Mm-mm. No, ‘cause she’s also a criminal!

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: She also does crime.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: Used to. Going straight now.

Sarah: Yep.

Melody: And then all of a sudden there’s like a knock-knock-knock at the door –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Melody: – and a very leggy businesswoman –

Sarah: Yep.

Melody: – walks in in sky-high stilettos –

Sarah: Yes.

Melody: – and she’s like, I work for your uncle. He is in town, and you will see him tonight for dinner.

Sarah: She has a tiger claw on the end of a leather tong tucked against her cleavage.

Melody: What was that about? So, listener –

Sarah: We got more shimmery tigers?

Melody: I don’t know. I think it might be something else, because, listener, this is the first book in a four-book saga?

Sarah: Yes.

Melody: I did a whoopsie; I didn’t know it wasn’t an HEA at the end of this book. It’s fine! And in the descriptions of the later books, she talks about finding out about family secrets –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – that, you know.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: Auntie Kim knows a lot about dragons for no fucking reason –

Sarah: That’s right.

Melody: – is what I’m saying.

Sarah: So her Uncle Lee has recently returned to town and desires to have dinner with you this evening, and Andi’s like, I work the night shift? And she’s like, So? This woman is just like, I don’t care? And I should, I don’t go out in the evenings, Miss –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And apparently this woman’s name is Elsa, so now I have that in my head.

Melody: Yeah, that’s, that’s never going away.

Sarah: Well, I’m sorry, Elsa, that he sent you, but we have to reschedule. And Elsa’s like, It’ll be a light dinner. You’ll be done before your shift starts.

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: And she says, No. And the woman –

Melody: This is like –

Sarah: – the woman responds, Yes.

Melody: Yeah! You have to!

Sarah: What?

Melody: And she’s like, Listen, I know my uncle. I’m sure he told you that, like, the sky would fall if we didn’t get together and you would be fired, but he, he absolutely exaggerated and, like, you’re going to be fine. We just have to reschedule –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – to next weekend. Promise, cross my heart, hope to die. And Elsa’s like, she, like, furiously texts, and then she’s like, Okay. All right. That’ll, that’ll work.

Sarah: We’ll get together next weekend.

Melody: Uh-huh, and she says, Dress appropriately for the occasion.

Sarah: What’s the occasion, Ding-dong?

Melody: Yeah. And, like, okay, uh, mm, I’ll talk about it later. So then –

Sarah: And Andi’s like, I’m going to wear fuzzy pajamas with feet –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – ‘cause my –

Melody: Yes! Yes! But then ding-dong, somebody else is there, and there’s a package now. And she opens the package, and it is a slinky, sexy dress, cut on the bias, it says.

Sarah: Yes. So what that means is, so fabric has a, a warp and a weft; it has a weave.

Melody: Uh-huh?

Sarah: To cut fabric on the bias means you’re cutting it at an angle so that –

Melody: Diagonal.

Sarah: – instead of being up and down and left and right, it’s on an X, and what the bias does is (a) it’s stretchy? Like if you have a piece of fabric –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – and you stretch it on the diagonal it will stretch, but it’s also more fluid and very, very, very liquid-y in its movement.

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: Yeah. Bias is –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – stretchy and, depending on the fabric, that’s some sexy fabric movement.

Melody: Yeah. And, and it’s, yeah. it’s interesting, because she says that they cut it on the bias so that one leg is showing more than the other?

Sarah: Yeah. Got a slit up the side.

Melody: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she’s like, Oh, Damian really wants me to go fancy-pants tonight! Cool, cool! And she gets all ready; she’s ready to go. Sammy’s like, Awooga! Like –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Melody: – What are you doing tonight?

Sarah: What is happening?

Melody: [Laughs] Yeah! She’s like, No worries; don’t even worry about it, and when Damian gets there he’s like, Oh my God! You look absolutely incredible. And he’s in, like, jeans.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Melody: And so she’s like, Umm –

Sarah: Wait a minute, wait a minute. What’s –

Melody: Wait, I thought you sent me this dress? And he’s like, No, I super did not, but wow! I would love for you to keep it on, and she’s like, Oh my God, I totally misread the situation. He’s like, No, keep it on. And then she realizes that the dress is from her uncle’s assistant. Why did getting a sex dress –

Sarah: To, to- –

Melody: – to be a gift from an uncle?

Sarah: To, for your uncle? Like, what’s that about?

Melody: Why are we like that, I wonder?

Sarah: And how did it appear so instantly? Either, did she magic it –

Melody: Hmm.

Sarah: – into being, or did he just presume that the answer would have to be yes, and so here’s your dress –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – and she’s just going to hold onto it?

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: Either way, she puts on the hot, sexy dress for Mr. Dragon, and the dragon’s like, Oh yeah! Okay!

Melody: And the uncle’s going to be pissed, because they’re – listener, spoiler alert: they’re going to ruin this dress.

Sarah: Yeah, this dress is not long for this world.

Melody: No. [Laughs] So they go to a restaurant.

Sarah: They go to a restaurant, yep.

Melody: It’s the fanciest one in town. Maybe on the continent.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: You never know. And he has a private room in the back, or does he close it down?

Sarah: Well, he – they’re in the car. Here’s an interesting –

Melody: Okay, yeah.

Sarah: Here’s an interesting piece of information: She looks at the coin again. She goes, What is that? And he goes, Careful, and she’s like, Okay, I am a nurse, and even I’m not –

Melody: Right!

Sarah: – entirely sure what you’re talking about here? It’s a touch piece, a thing that kings who serve by divine right in the Middle Ages gave to, gave to people with horrible diseases. The idea was that if the king touched it and the coin would touch you, that you would be healed.

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: And she’s like, Wait, you’re a king? And he says, completely straight-faced, No, not anymore.

Melody: Ohhh!

Sarah: It was from a friend who died. And so she focuses on that part, but he’s just like, Oh, wait a minute.

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: He’s not a king anymore. Okay. So they get to the restaurant. Apparently the building used to be a bank, and –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – they get a very private room set for two.

Melody: In the vault.

Sarah: In the vault of the bank.

Melody: That’s sexy.

Sarah: Yeah, pretty, pretty hot. Although hard to get out of.

Melody: Sure. Yeah. No, sexy – but it’s a dangerous sex, you know?

Sarah: Yeah, it’s, it’s danger sex.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And so he says, Oh, I know ordering for you is patriarchal bullshit, so I figure I’ll order one of everything, you can pick and choose, and we could be private. And the waiter drops a bottle of wine and leaves, and she’s like, You do realize that this is ridiculous. He’s like, Yes!

Melody: [Laughs] Yeah!

Sarah: Have dinner; eat up. So she tried everything! There’s pasta, there’s steak, there’s wine, there’s crab, there’s so much food, and then she realizes that Damian is only eating steak, and it’s just past raw.

Melody: Yeah. It’s basically seared.

Sarah: Yeah. And she’s like, So, um, when you’re eating, are you eating for two?

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: And he says, Is that really the first thing you’re asking me? And she said, Well, runner up was going to be if you hatched from an egg, and then he starts to laugh. He said –

Melody: It was the first genuine laugh.

Sarah: – I had a mother. If I was hatched I don’t remember it, and yeah, it’s the first time he’d ever really laughed in front of her. And he’s like, All right, so your turn: how long have you been a nurse? And she says, Well, I know you did a background check. Don’t you already know?

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And he’s like, I’m trying to seem less intimidating. She’s like, All right. Four years. And they’re, you know, they’re talking, and they’re talking and having a perfectly excellent conversation. Like, this is good dialogue.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: They’re very honest and very funny!

Melody: Uh-huh!

Sarah: It’s very, very good doc-, like, very, very good dialogue.

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: And meanwhile, he’s try-, she’s trying to ask questions and find out what’s going on, so we get a little bit more information about realms, which he does by putting, like, all the different plates on the, on the table and is like, There’s a realm over here –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – there’s a realm over there, and most realms are useless except for travel, but some contain other forms of life, and the gates come through and people from other realms or creatures from other realms come through, and it’s bad.

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: Basically, like we said, he’s interdimensional –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – paranormal border patrol.

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: And he’s still asking himself, like, How much is it safe to tell her? Like, my guy! You’ve told her all the things!

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: Like, what is the deal? Like, you’ve already, you’ve, the, the, the horse has left the barn –

Melody: Oh!

Sarah: – it has left the estate; it is in the next county!

Melody: That horse is never going to be seen again.

Sarah: Yeah, like, you, you’ve told, you’ve, you’ve, you’ve told her all of the things, and his dragon’s like, Yeah, but she still smells good.

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: So they’re basically getting to know each other while also revealing backstory and lore: very well handled.

Melody: This came out of nowhere for me, but it was also perfect.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: So basically, I think she says something snarky about him being dangerous or something?

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: And so he flips the fucking table out of nowhere –

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: – and then he basically, like, like Mick Jagger/Harry Styles slides over to her on his knees –

Sarah: Yep.

Melody: – and, and he, he’s, he’s got his hands, like, up on her thighs under her dress, and he says, How dangerous am I now? Like on a scale, how dangerous is this? And she says, Oh, I’d say it’s about a two, and then he goes down on her! He makes her come, and, and she’s like, What are you doing? And he says, I’m big. I want to make sure you’re ready.

Sarah: Jesus Christ!

Melody: Holy what?!

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: It’s very intense! It’s very intense!

Sarah: It, it, he’s genuinely worried about his girthiness, and he says –

Melody: And also –

Sarah: – I’m big; I want you ready; and he’s just going downtown.

Melody: But, and this is right after he has destroyed a metric fuckton of property!

Sarah: Yeah, dishes everywhere, broken –

Melody: That is not his!

Sarah: – broken cutlery, broken, broken flatware, like, or broken plates? Like –

Melody: Food –

Sarah: – I bet it smells real weird? There’s food everywhere –

Melody: Oh my God!

Sarah: – and he’s like, No.

Melody: There’s mollusks all over the floor.

Sarah: No, I must go spelunking in her cavern.

Melody: Yeah! [Gasps]

Sarah: Yep!

Melody: And so he, he gets up to three fingers, you know?

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Melody: Because he’s got to make it happen. She comes like a freight train.

Sarah: Yep!

Melody: And then he says, Well, if that was a two, do you want to see like a seven? And she’s like, Yes, I absolutely do!

Sarah: Yep.

Melody: So he picks her up, puts her against the wall –

Sarah: Yep.

Melody: – and then they bone their hearts out!

Sarah: Against the wall! Now –

Melody: Against the wall.

Sarah: – they’re, they, they do the thing that I just said I hate, where they are –

Melody: Okay.

Sarah: – they are, like, pressed up against each other, right about to do the do, and she says – [laughs] –

Melody: Oh yeah!

Sarah: – There’s no way anything bad can come of this, right? No eggs or STDs? And – [laughs] – he says, No, cross-breeding requires magical effort, and magic cures all ailments. I do have a condom if it would make you more comfortable, and she says, No, but I’m on the Pill! And he goes, What’s the but about?

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: And she said, Well, I’ve never had sex with a guy without a condom before. I’m like, Okay –

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: – so there’s your pseudo-virginity. Check!

Melody: Yep! Pseudo-virginity.

Sarah: And she’s like, It’s okay if you’re sure about the other things. You sure you’re sure? And she goes, What, you’re not a virgin, are you?

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: And he’s like, No? Did you have to ask? And she goes, Well, you know, different people count different things, which okay for the open-mindedness, but again, I don’t like having the Hey, I’m clean; I’m on the Pill; let’s go –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – you know, just as you’re about to go through the, go through the goal posts. It’s kind of stress-, it always stresses me out.

Melody: It stresses me out, yeah.

Sarah: And she goes, Well, I’m a virgin when it comes to fucking a dragon! And he goes, Not for long! And then, we’ve had the awkwardly odd conversation, and then –

Melody: Uh-huh!

Sarah: – it’s time to go to Bone Town.

Melody: Wow! And they do a great job, everybody.

Sarah: Yeah, there’s, there’s, his cock is throbbing, it’s really big, and –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – he’s like, I want you, I want you, and yep. He’s in, he’s in, he’s –

Melody: I think there’s a thumb on a clit, maybe?

Sarah: Yep. He, he’s, like, telling her what he wants to do, and in his head his dragon is like, To claim you, and he’s like, Yeah, let’s not talk about that right now.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And –

Melody: And he’s thinking about tying her up and –

Sarah: Oh yeah, he’s, he’s thinking about all the things –

Melody: – putting blindfolds on him.

Sarah: – yeah.

Melody: On her. Yeah. It’s wowza. Wowza.

Sarah: Mm-hmm!

Melody: And then! So he has this transcendent experience.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: And he’s –

Sarah: He kind of goes on a little trip –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – in his mind.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: And it’s so weird, because then he’s like, Oh no, I have to push her away.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: The only thing that’s safe is for me to push her away.

Sarah: Right.

Melody: So she says that it seems like his whole, you know, personality changes –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – and he pulls out a hundred dollar bill and he gives it to her, and he says, For your trouble, and, or something like that, and she’s like, Wait. Wait. Are you paying me for the sex we had?

Sarah: Yeah, he’s showing –

Melody: And he’s like –

Sarah: – her his appreciation and puts the money under the strap of her dress.

Melody: [Gasps]

Sarah: And it is, okay, entirely out of nowhere. Like, none of this makes sense.

Melody: No!

Sarah: None of this scene makes sense at all. Like, it, it doesn’t make sense for any of the things that he’s said or done up till now.

Melody: No!

Sarah: It’s very weird.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And, like, I understand plot-wise what’s trying to happen here: it’s trying to –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – introduce tension, trying to introduce stakes; he now has something he has to make up for. They can’t just, the boning cannot end all tension between them, but this boning –

Melody: Right.

Sarah: – has ended a substantial amount, so there’s immediate introduction of new tension, but this tension is shitty tension and I don’t like it.

Melody: I didn’t like it at all.

Sarah: No, not a fan.

Melody: I was like, Wow! Like, how do you –

Sarah: Absolutely not.

Melody: – ever come back from that?

Sarah: Like my –

Melody: And that’s not to, like, shame sex work.

Sarah: No!

Melody: It’s just, he meant it as a, as a deliberately demeaning thing to do –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – to sort of put her in her place.

Sarah: And trying to put distance between them, and they’ve already talked about how she is aware of the wealth disparity and that people like him –

Melody: Yes.

Sarah: – buy people like her, and –

Melody: Oh God.

Sarah: – she’s already worked for him one night to take care of his patient.

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: Like, there’s all these pow-, power and financial differentials between them –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – and he just jumps right in and adds one more. So she throws a carafe of water in his face. Bless her heart.

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: Good for her!

Melody: And I love her because she’s like, He saw it coming, and he let me do it, and that was smart of him. [Laughs] Basically!

Sarah: That’s right!

Melody: Ho! But then her, her cell phone goes off, and she gets a robocall from the hospital because shit’s going down.

Sarah: It is an all-hands-on-deck call; it’s a robocall saying, You must report to work right now.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And –

Melody: Meanwhile, he gets a mysterious call that is like, Shit’s going down. They find out that they’re both being called to the hospital.

Sarah: Right. And –

Melody: So he’s like, I’m taking you home. Or I’ll get you a cab, and she’s like, Just take me to the fucking hospital. He’s like, No, I’m going to get you a cab, and she’s like, I’ll just tell it to go to the fucking hospital! So, like –

Sarah: So drive me to the hospital. I’ve got scrubs; I always bring my badge. Let’s go.

Melody: And also, like, they’re offering double time, and you know how important money is to me –

Sarah: Yeah, you already know why this is important.

Melody: – you fucking asshole.

Sarah: Like, what the shit?

Melody: Ohhh!

Sarah: And –

Melody: So he’s, on the drive over he’s like, She’s so small. Like, she’s sort of collapsed in on herself.

Sarah: Yeah, ‘cause you crushed her heart, you ass-fuck! You were mean to her!

Melody: Yeah, on purpose! Yeah! And, oh man, and he, like, feels really bad, and he starts thinking about how he’s never had any compunctions about the Forgetting Fire or distancing himself from other people, and he doesn’t know what’s going on. And they get to the hospital, and he’s like, Stay in the car.

Sarah: Fuck off!

Melody: And I love, I love this, and I love her, because she’s like –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – You’re an outsider, and these people cannot be bribed. Like, they, like, the security of a hospital, they don’t want to lose their jobs –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – so, like, I have a key card; I am an employee there. Either you’re coming with me –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – or you’re not getting in.

Sarah: Yeah, they’re not just going to let you in, no matter how much money you throw at them.

Melody: Yeah. Huh! So he follows her in, and she finds out that, like, ish is going down in the ICU

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: So she goes to get on the elevator, and he’s like, No! You have to stop! You can’t go! I can’t let you go into danger!

Sarah: Oh, for God’s sake, you –

Melody: And she’s like –

Sarah: – butt-munch.

Melody: Yeah! This is my fucking job! What are you talking about? This is, this is a normal Tuesday for me –

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: – thank you.

Sarah: He’s like, You’re in danger! And she’s like, Yeah, that happens! So –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – yeah, I’m fine. You’re not my employer, you’re not my family, you’re barely a friend, you’re just some brand-new fuck-buddy who has no say in what I do –

Melody: [Gasps]

Sarah: – and this is a hospital where I’m a nurse, and people actually need me, so I’m going to work. And, like, gives him the greatest of all fucks off.

Melody: Ahhh!

Sarah: Fuck off, asshole. It’s great.

Melody: It’s so great. But he is overcome, because he will not hear her say that he is just some brand-new fuck-buddy in a line of fuck-buddies. He means more than that.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: So he picks her up –

Sarah: His, his fee-fees, his fee-fees were hurt.

Melody: Yes. [Laughs] He picks her up, and he puts her against another wall in that elevator, and he makes out with her face real hard –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Melody: – to prove a point!

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: And she is rightly being like, These are a lot of mixed signals – you twat. [Laughs]

Sarah: Yes.

Melody: Why are you like this? And then they go upstairs together –

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: – right? Yeah! Well, and –

Sarah: We have sexual tension, and now we must go to, go to, go to work.

Melody: Yes. Yeah.

Sarah: So the elevator opens, and there’s just screaming, like –

Melody: Pandemonium.

Sarah: – pandemonium, so they both run towards it, and he notices, like, Oh, wait, having this person by my side when I’m doing my job is kind of great, and I’m sure –

Melody: Ooh!

Sarah: – she would be like, Are jobs are very different, sir, and –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – I’m going into my job; you just happen to be here.

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: And he’s mad that she called him a fuck-buddy, but, you know, whatever. It, it happened. And he’s like, Where is the safest place? He’s like, I’m going to take you there, and she’s like, Would you stop? God almighty!

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: You do your job; I’ll do mine. And his dragon is now super mad, because there’s a, a sound of a lurker, this sort of subsonic frequency that he can hear, and he knows –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – that it is coming from the direction that Andi had just run to, and so his dragon is like, Let me out! It’s time to –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – do some breaking of stuff, and he’s like –

Melody: I have to protect her!

Sarah: – No! We’re in a hospital.

Melody: She’s mine! Yeah.

Sarah: And she runs into the room where he knows the lurker is.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And so he runs in after her.

Melody: Because the lurker is a big ‘un, because –

Sarah: It’s very large.

Melody: – it has, it has been eating.

Sarah: Yes.

Melody: And it has been eating poor Jessica.

Sarah: Yeah, it ate, it ate a nurse.

Melody: Oof!

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: Oof, Jessica.

Sarah: Not great.

Melody: So a bunch of her colleagues are all around trying to save Jessica. Meanwhile, he’s like, I guess I’m going to try to, you know, take care of the danger.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: So he distracts it into another room, and they’re circling each other like –

Sarah: [Hums action music]

Melody: – weird-ass cowboys, I think she says?

Sarah: Yeah. Yeah.

Melody: And then, you know, they fight, and she’s on top of Jessica trying to do blood stuff and CPR stuff.

Sarah: Yeah, they’re really trying to save her, and she asks, What happened? And Matt is like, Good fucking question. And Sheila goes, Giant blue thing, some kind of a demon, playing with the cross around her neck. Okay, rhythm check!

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: Like, they’re just like, Yeah!

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: You know, weird shit went down in the hospital, per usual. They tap out one person doing CPR and they put in another. Like, they’re all working –

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: – as a team while being like, Yeah, you know, demon. Okay, moving on!

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: And she knows that whatever did this is now fighting Damian –

Melody: Right.

Sarah: – and the thing comes back in the room, and they are still trying to save Jessica: they are giving CPR; they’re giving her epinephrine.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: Like, they are trying, and they’re like, And a blue monster. Oh boy.

Melody: And she wants to go get more blood, but that would involve her leaving the room –

Sarah: Right.

Melody: – and going down the back stairs.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: And everybody’s like, You are not leaving this room. Like, there is just one door between us and that thing?

Sarah: And that thing. She’s like, I’m going to take the stairs.

Melody: You cannot.

Sarah: I know where to go. And she’s like, Nope! I’m going. And the monster leaps onto the glass in front of her –

Melody: [Gasps]

Sarah: – boi-oi-oi-oi-oi-oing! And then –

Melody: Oh my God.

Sarah: – she sees Damian wrapping his arms around this monster and pulling it off the glass, and –

Melody: And then it disappears into the hallway –

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: – and then it does reappear without a leg.

Sarah: As it does, you know.

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: And then she hears the crash cart behind her –

Melody: Hmmm.

Sarah: – singing a single note that indicates that just as the monster is dead, so is Jessica.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And –

Melody: And there’s no reason for her to go down the back stairs.

Sarah: Yeah. And Matt is like, Who –

Melody: Poor Jessica’s gone.

Sarah: – the fuck is that? And Sheila says, I’m calling it. Jessica, Jessica’s dead.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And then she’s like, Fuck it, and she walks out the room, and no one is going to stop her.

Melody: No.

Sarah: She’s like, Are you all right? And she looks at him –

Melody: He says, Are you all right?

Sarah: Are you? He’s like, Yes, no, maybe? Come with me. And she says, Don’t worry about me; this is just my usual Saturday night. And, and sadly, it’s kind of her Saturday night too. They go into the ICU, and there’s Austin and Zach, and there’s more blood, and it’s red! And Damian’s like, What happened?

Melody: Austin’s a meat fact- – or I’m sorry, Zach is a meat factory –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – right now.

Sarah: He’s like, There are hunters here. How is he alive? And she dials up his medication, and something is wrong with Zach. Something’s very, very wrong, because he gave birth –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – to yet another monstrosity, so it’s like that scene in Alien when that thing comes out of his chest, only this time –

Melody: Ahhh!

Sarah: – more and more animals – or animals – creatures are bursting out of Zach, and that really can’t be good for your overall, you know, stability.

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: That, that can’t be good –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – for your blood pressure.

Melody: No! And so he’s like, How is there a portal inside Zach? And she goes, Oh, wait, I did see a shimmer disk!

Sarah: I think I saw it. I think I saw it. I think I know where it is.

Melody: Yeah. And so he’s like, Okay. And she goes to, she goes to touch him, and, and he’s like, You’re covered in silver! You cannot touch him!

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: But give me your bracelet, because I’ll be able to basically cauterize as I operate into him –

Sarah: Yeah. He takes her bracelet –

Melody: – with this silver thing?

Sarah: – and he straightens it out and makes it a blade, and Damian tells Austin, Get back, and Austin is like, No, we’re almost there, and Damian’s like, There is a thing inside him, and it needs –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – to come out now, so he’s going to –

Melody: And Austin says, You have two minutes.

Sarah: Yeah. You have two minutes. And so – [laughs] – Andi turns up all of the dials, all of the medication; we’re getting all the drugs –

Melody: Oh yeah.

Sarah: – in this guy, and specifically mentions that there’s fentanyl.

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: She cranks it all the way up, which if that is not an indication as to the superhuman power of a werewolf –

Melody: For sure.

Sarah: – I don’t know what is. By the way, folks –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – in many localities at this time, your insurance will cover access to naloxone. I’m not sure if I’m saying that right, but insurance will cover giving it to you, and then you can get trained on how to use it and be part of the safety net for your community, ‘cause fentanyl’s everywhere, it sucks, and it’s horrible. So!

Melody: Oh!

Sarah: If you feel like being part of the safety net of your community, you can get trained on how to help people who are in fentanyl overdose, but that doesn’t matter if you’re a werewolf!

Melody: No! No, no worries!

Sarah: ‘Cause she’s just cranking it all the way up to eleven, ‘cause they’ve got to go in for the Mylar portal smudge thing –

Melody: That’s the one! Yeah!

Sarah: – that’s stuck in his body. Yep! And –

Melody: So he’s about to go into Zach, and she’s like, Hold on! Wait.

Sarah: Do you know what you’re doing?! And he’s like –

Melody: Have you ever done surgery before? Like, I haven’t either, but at least I know a lot about –

Sarah: I know what to do!

Melody: – what’s in there!

Sarah: I know what I’m looking at! And Austin, meanwhile –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – is like – [inhales, exhales, inhales] – big mad –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – because he is very worried about his brother, and he’s starting to freak out, and that’s –

Melody: And there’s like ninety seconds left now.

Sarah: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she’s like, This is my job. I’ve had way more experience at looking at the insides of people than you. Just trust me. So she takes the, the knife; she takes off all of her silver rings –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – she takes the knife, and she cut tissues, she keeps his bowel in place? Good going, girl!

Melody: Nice work!

Sarah: I don’t necessarily believe that a nurse would be like, Sure, surgery! I will avoid bowel sectioning. I don’t know that you would do that, but Damian pulls, you know, his intestines out, and they just gut him like a Halloween pumpkin –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – and Austin is heavy breathing on their necks, and she’s just looking for whatever this, whatever she saw, she’s looking for it, and Austin’s like, It’s a full moon. You need to step away, because he’s going to shift. But they’re, like, he can’t shift with this demon portal inside him. That’s just –

Melody: No, because then they’re just going to have to open him up again!

Sarah: Yeah! And that’s –

Melody: Later!

Sarah: And he’s not really going to want that to happen as a werewolf, right?

Melody: Mm-mm!

Sarah: So he’s, she’s torn an artery; his body’s starting to fill up with blood. She’s like, Oh fuck, and then she sees it. And Damian goes, I got it! And lifts something the size of a half dollar out and then rips it to shreds. But, like, which seems –

Melody: And then they’re like –

Sarah: – that seems really easy to get rid of a portal to another dimension, but apparently it’s just like ripping up a piece of wrapping paper; it’s done. And then Austin’s –

Melody: I’m wondering if this is like a different kind of portal that, like –

Sarah: Maybe it’s like a piece of one but not a whole –

Melody: – somebody put in him.

Sarah: Yeah. Or it’s a part of one. But eve-, but it was big enough –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – to, like, let creatures come out of his abdomen a couple times.

Melody: Yeahyeahyeah. Yeah.

Sarah: So Zach “looks like half of an all-you-can-eat cannibal buffet,” and Austin’s wristwatch starts going off. And she looks at Austin.

Melody: And Damian pulls her back, and she’s like, No, I have to help – there’s an arter-, there’s an arterial bleed…

Sarah: He’s bleeding, he’s bleeding, and his bo-, his guts are on his abdomen! Like, it’s like mid C-section over here! We’ve got to –

Melody: Yes!

Sarah: He’s birthed a portal, and we need to put him all back!

Melody: Yes!

Sarah: And, and she’s like, Nope. Nope! She’s like, We can’t leave him like that, and he’s like, Nope, don’t look! And she’s like, Why?

Melody: Yeah, don’t look. And then she starts hearing squelching?

Sarah: Oh yeah, it’s super gross.

Melody: And breaking of, snaps, snaps of breaking bones?

Sarah: And a wet slurping that had no place in a hospital. Like, I –

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: Okay, I recognize there are a lot of ways for shifters to shift in romances –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – lots of ways. Like, I know –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – with Nalini Singh’s series, there’s sort of like a shimmer as – and it’s painless –

Melody: Yep.

Sarah: – and it’s beautiful and it doesn’t hurt, and then for other –

Melody: Hmm?

Sarah: – shifters it’s very painful and there’s bones and stuff. I didn’t need to know about slurping.

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: I would have been fine not adding that to my imagination here.

Melody: I think it was just because he wasn’t a half of an all-you-can-eat cannibal buffet at the time.

Sarah: So what, his body’s, like –

Melody: I don’t know that there would have been slurping.

Sarah: – slurping it all back in?

Melody: Yes! Yes!

Sarah: And his intestines, if his intestines hadn’t been decorating the room – okay!

Melody: Exactly.

Sarah: Okay, so slurping, baby just zzhhrrrppp! All back inside.

Melody: Special occasion!

Sarah: Yeah. [Laughs] Which is pretty amazing, because, you know, the, the peritoneum, like the body part that holds all your organs in –

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: – is very, it’s very tight. Like, it’s very, very tense –

Melody: It is.

Sarah: – and when you, when you –

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: – I had a C-section – when you cut through it, that’s also where your nausea sensors are? So when they cut it and when they sew it –

Melody: Oh no!

Sarah: – is when you’re most likely to be like, I’m going to hurl, which I did.

Melody: Oh my God!

Sarah: Yes, that’s where all your nausea sensor, a lot of them are is in the –

Melody: Yeahyeahyeah.

Sarah: – the, this peritoneum, which is like, I think, what holds your, holds your – but not the perineum; that’s different! [Laughs] Peritoneum holds all your organs in.

Melody: No, no, the perineum’s different. Yeah, yeah.

Sarah: Yeah. So, like, can you imagine? Like, not only does it slurp all the way back in, but it seals up like a Tupperware? Like, zhhhp!

Melody: Eughhhh! [Laughs] Yeah.

Sarah: Okay! So, yep, it’s over.

Melody: So then she turns – yeah.

Sarah: She turns around, and there’s two motherfuckingly huge wolves panting behind her. [Laughs]

Melody: Motherfuckingly huge was hilarious!

Sarah: I know! It’s so good!

[Laughter]

Melody: It’s so good!

Sarah: It’s just, it’s just, it’s so good!

[More laughter]

Sarah: Motherfuckingly huge. Like, I would use that in my daily lexicon?

Melody: Yes!

Sarah: I think I will!

Melody: [Laughs] Yeah!

Sarah: So Austin is a giant fucking wolf, the size of a couch. One is sort of rust and blond, and the other is black and white and gray, and Damian just walks up to Zach and is like, I don’t know what you did to yourself. I’m glad to see you back in one piece. But we’ll talk later.

Melody: Yeah, that’s the lady that saved you, p.s.

Sarah: When you can talk.

Melody: Yeah. And so then she’s like, Okay, so they’re werewolves.

Sarah: So they’re werewolves. O-, okay?

Melody: And he’s like, Yeah. And then she goes to pet him on the snoot again –

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: – you know?

Sarah: She’s like, I’ll just pet him on the snoot! And Damian’s like –

Melody: Damian’s not having it.

Sarah: – [sighs] – Andi, Zach. Zach, Andi. And she goes, Hi, puppy!

[Laughter]

Melody: Hi, puppy!

Sarah: You don’t –

Melody: And Austin –

Sarah: – pet –

Melody: – is pissed about this.

Sarah: – werewolves. He’s, like, super mad; like, You do not pet them. She’s like, Why not? She’s, ‘Cause they’re monsters? And Zach is like, I’m super cute! Like, he lets his tongue roll out, and he goes down on all –

Melody: And he starts –

Sarah: – fours, and he rolls around, and –

Melody: He starts scooching towards her; his tail’s wagging.

Sarah: – he’s like, You can pet me! You can pet me! And Austin is just utterly disgusted like, I’m embarrassed.

Melody: Oh, he’s just –

Sarah: I’m just embarrassed.

Melody: – What the fuck, man? And, and then at some point he’s like, Also, that’s a grown man!

Sarah: Yeah! Like, it –

Melody: Like, that’s another reason, maybe.

Sarah: They’re also men! Just ‘cause they’re fuzzy, don’t let them fool you!

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: And she’s like, Yeah, but was it entirely okay for me to have my hand in his guts when he was a man a few minutes ago, but now I can’t pet him? And Damian’s just like, Just, just, just don’t. Don’t what? He’s like, I just, I need to think, and I’m tired of words, and she’s like, Okay! I’m going to go –

Melody: Fair enough! So she pets the werewolf –

Sarah: Yep! And he’s really pissed –

Melody: And Zach’s like –

Sarah: – that he’s petting his best friend.

Melody: – I love it! [Laughs]

Sarah: Really pissed, and Zach is like, This is great! She’s rubbing my ears.

Melody: I love it. Mm-hmm!

Sarah: Like, she’s rubbing my ears; this is fabulous. Nothing is wrong.

Melody: Zach’s been through a lot? Like –

Sarah: Yeah! He had demons coming out of his belly, and now a woman’s rubbing his ears and booping his snoot! Things are fine!

Melody: Yeah! Yeah! So then they call –

Sarah: Max.

Melody: – Goggle Man.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: Max.

Sarah: Max.

Melody: Because he’s going to bring the Forgetting Fire –

Sarah: Yeah, because –

Melody: – through the hospital.

Sarah: ‘Cause they just got to, they got to let all these people be not thinking about demons.

Melody: Yeah. So he does it Lantern style.

Sarah: Yep.

Melody: He’s like the Crypt Keeper –

Sarah: [Hums creepily]

Melody: – of, of memories, and he comes in and he asks, like, Are we opening it in front of this batch? And he’s like –

Sarah: What about this one?

Melody: – No. We’re going to, we’re going to leave her be. She gets to remember everything. So she figures out what’s going on, and then they go into a break room –

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: – because he’s like, All of your coworkers are in there sleeping.

Sarah: Yeah. They’re all sleeping.

Melody: And they’re – oh, and they have, they have spheres on.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: So people can only see what they want to see –

Sarah: Right.

Melody: – and so she’s like, Well, will they see me open the door? And he’s like, They’ll only see darkness if what they want to see is darkness. And she’s like, God damn it, that makes no sense! All right, fine!

Sarah: Fine!

Melody: They go in there, and then she’s like, Wow! They’re just, they’re just all –  like, everything’s normal!

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: And he’s like, Yeah. And she goes, Oh, does that mean Jessica’s back? That’s great!

Sarah: No.

Melody: No.

Sarah: You can’t bring her back.

Melody: And this also sort of grounds it in our reality, because she’s just a missing person forever!

Sarah: Yeah! She was here; people will remember, and he says, Yes, they’ll find her car, and I assume they’ll track your badges, so they’ll know she got in, but they won’t have any record of her dying or any memory of her working here tonight. Most human minds can’t handle when you die for Unearthly reasons. And she’s like, There, there are cameras! And also –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – she had kids, for fuck’s sake.

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: And he’s like, Well, the Forgetting Fire will have gotten to them too, and in a week it’ll be another unsolved mystery. And I’ve got to say, I’m super not okay with that?

Melody: I hate it.

Sarah: I hate it a lot?

Melody: I hate it, and, and, like, he knows it’s fucked.

Sarah: Yeah, he’s like, Death is death, and I can’t change it, and he goes, For what it’s worth, I’m sorry!

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: He’s like, Are you all right? She’s like, No!

Melody: I’m super not all right.

Sarah: But I’m really good at compartmentalizing, so I’ve got three or four hours before this sinks in and I lose my shit! And he goes, Okay! Let’s take you home!

Melody: It is so cute.

Sarah: It’s so true!

Melody: Oh my God, yeah.

Sarah: It’s so true, and I have to say, I appreciate that in a world like this, death has repercussions –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – and I don’t like the solution for Jessica? I think it’s fucked –

Melody: Hmm. Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – but also Michael’s death still weighs on him, and I’m really convinced that she was wearing his fur earlier. Like, I’m really convinced that that’s what that was –

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: – ‘cause it has sentimental value; I’m convinced that’s what that was.

Melody: Oh my God! Oh my God.

Sarah: Yeah, which, why would you keep that? And making it a coat?

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: Like, for God’s sake. But –

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: – you know, his death clearly affects Damian, and –

Melody: Mm.

Sarah: – and Andi is, like, really trying to reconcile what they’ve done, and for the book, this is as kind a solution to anyone who would be harmed by Jessica’s death as they can give, because to be like –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – Your, your mom was killed by a demon, and sorry, is –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – could be worse than, Well, we don’t know what happened to her.

Melody: We don’t know what happened to her, yeah.

Sarah: Yeah. I mean –

Melody: Or, like, do you stage a, a bear attack of some sort?

Sarah: Right?

Melody: Like, how do you –

Sarah: How do you do this?

Melody: – handle that?

Sarah: And they just made everyone forget? Like, this is ethically –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: This is, this is ethically a lot for me to, to, to ponder. Like, this is part of the, this is the part of the book that I was thinking about the most after I finished it.

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: Like, that’s a really –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – weird solution, but okay! All right.

Melody: Yep, fair enough.

Sarah: Yep, yep, here we go. So, yeah, he’s like, All right, well, if you’re going to lose your shit, let’s go home.

Melody: Oh my God. Yeah!

Sarah: And she says, Well, I guess that’s why, you know, I get it, but that’s why you push people away. This is your life, this is a normal thing for you, and I’m, like, devastated. And he’s like –

Melody: And –

Sarah: – Do you really understand me?

Melody: Oh.

Sarah: So he pulls over an underpass, and there’s cars going by, but it’s completely dark, and it’s just the two of them –

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: – and she says that, she’s thinking to herself that the only doctor she’d ever trusted had told her a wise thing: that every person who practices war or medicine has a little graveyard somewhere inside them that they visit full of all the ghosts of their what-ifs.

Melody: Oh!

Sarah: And she visited the one inside her from time to time, and she had the feeling that Damian was trapped in his, and he’d placed himself –

Melody: Oof.

Sarah: – and locked himself in there on purpose.

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: And he said, You know, people around me don’t tend to live very long lives, and I never should have picked you up. I never should have, I should have left you there. And she’s, but he says, But I have a habit of playing with fire. Ba-dum-tss! ‘Cause he’s a dragon!

Melody: That’s the one!

Sarah: And she says, Well, it comes with the territory, right? And he goes, Yeah, I walked into that one, didn’t I?

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: So even when they’re having these really heavy, emotional, poignant conversations, they also tease each other, which –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – I appreciate!

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: And she said, Well, you know, you did save me, and he says, I should let you go, and she says, Then do it, but that’s not what happens.

Melody: Oh no.

Sarah: No.

Melody: Absolutely not.

Sarah: Nope. He – [laughs] – he pulls her on top of him –

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: – and locks his hands –

Melody: Puts the seat back.

Sarah: – puts the seat back. Now, I –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – I understand the concept that they are just so horny-pants for each other they need to do it right now –

Melody: Have to.

Sarah: – in, in the car.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And I understand he drives a big, a big car, but I just cannot understand how this is going to be satisfying. It is uncomfortable –

Melody: No, agreed.

Sarah: – there’s an emergency brake; there’s a steering wheel; there’s gear shifts; there’s, like, it’s, it’s just –

Melody: They don’t even open a door for her to, like –

Sarah: No!

Melody: – get some purchase on top.

Sarah: No! Like, he just tilts the seat back and puts her coat on the steering wheel and puts his seat all the way down, and, like, she’s on top of him, and this is how they’re going to go to Bone Town?

Melody: They got to do it. They got to do it, yeah.

Sarah: In the car?!

Melody: Yeah! Yeah! And so she, listen, she did have that sex with him earlier –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – and so she can take him just right away.

Sarah: Yeah! She’s, she’s all limber, limbered up –

Melody: That’s the one.

Sarah: – down there.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah, she’s –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – she’s able to accommodate his dragon girthiness.

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: And, you know, they go to Bone Town. She’s –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – she’s on top of him, and he’s all into it, and the thing I like about the sex scenes here is that –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – he’s very attentive to making sure that she gets off –

Melody: Yep.

Sarah: – but it’s kind of a struggle. Like, this is not easy for him. He’s very into her, and it –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – I like that better than the, Oh yeah, sex, I do it all the time; it’s no big deal. Get you off, get you off; okay, my turn. Like, he’s really –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – struggling with not coming because he really wants her to orgasm first. Which I appreciate!

Melody: Yeah! And I, I love this scene in particular because he looks at her and he says, Show me how to make you come!

Sarah: Yes! I was just getting to that. He –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – says, Show me what, what – [laughs] – he says, There’s no room here for me to eat you out again! Well, I mean –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – at least they’re acknowledging the physical limitations of the car space.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah. So she, she shows him! This is how –

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: This is how I get off, and he goes, Okay! That is delightful; I am here for this; this is all good. And he starts to sort of, you know, improvise, and she comes, and it’s fire and orbs and explosion in an impossibly –

Melody: Totally.

Sarah: – tight clinch, and she collapses above him like a burnt-out star.

Melody: [Gasps]

Sarah: Damn!

Melody: How dare you?!

Sarah: Okay!

Melody: How dare you, you beautiful genius authors?

Sarah: Yeah! Damn!

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: And he’s sort of in awe of how, how she, how, how hard she had orgasmed. Like –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – he, he was very impressed, and – [laughs] –

Melody: So then she’s like, What about you?

Sarah: What about you? He goes, Oh, don’t worry about me, and she’s like, No, no, no. You cannot tell me not, not to worry. I’m a nurse: literally my job. And he’s like, I don’t want to lose control of myself, because when we were up against the wall –

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: – in the restaurant, I left like a crater in the wall from coming, and I’m afraid of –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – losing control and hurting you. And his dragon’s like, Nonono, it’s fine, keep going. And he’s like, It’s not safe, and the dragon’s like, No, no, no, no, really, it’s okay. And he’s like, No, it’s not safe; you could hurt her –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – and the dragon is like, Oh –

Melody: I would never hurt her.

Sarah: – you would never hurt your mate.

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: Record scratch! Bzzbwuh? She’s not my mate! And he goes, You can’t tell? You can’t smell it?

Melody: Right?

Sarah: And he realizes –

Melody: Like, think back!

Sarah: He thinks back: he had noticed her smell but had attributed it to the fact that she loved above a bakery –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – and I really appreciate the, the very, very specific attention to detail?

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: Like, she smells like vanilla, and it’s not just like she just randomly smells like Bath & Body Works? She smells like vanilla and cinnamon because she lives –

Melody: And apples and stuff –

Sarah: – and apples! –

Melody: – yeah.

Sarah: – because she lives above a bakery; that makes sense. No, it’s actually because, you know, the caramel and the apples and the ocean, that’s because she is his mate, and his dragon –

Melody: She’s the tastiest treat to him.

Sarah: Nom, nom, nom.

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: Yep. And his dragon’s like, Don’t you know? And, and the dragon forces him to remember this, you know, this dual consciousness, You had, your chest tightened when you first saw her.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: You were so, like, full of approval of how she handled Austin and that he felt safe leaving Zach with her.

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: And even when she had been, like, you know, elbow-deep in Zach’s guts, he had trusted her, and he hadn’t been able to steal her memories of him. She’s like, Well –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: He, he thinks to himself, Well, fuck. But we cannot tell her; you have to promise me.

Melody: Cannot ever tell her!

Sarah: And the dragon’s like, Uh, listen –

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: – human business is yours, it’s not mine, but we both –

Melody: The dragon says, like, he says, You have the human words.

Sarah: Yeah! This is –

Melody: I don’t have those.

Sarah: I don’t have those.

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: But we both share this body.

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: So it’s very interesting. Like, I could really go for a psychological examination of shifter brains?

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: Is it one consciousness? Is it two? Are they working together? Are they in harmony? Are they at odds? Do they have to fight? Is there a point of acceptance? Like, what is the –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – inner psychological battle and the manifestation of shifter brains? Like, I could really go for a, an analysis of that, ‘cause that is not my house of wheels?

Melody: That’d be really cool.

Sarah: But it’s kind of cool, right?

Melody: Mm-hmm! Absolutely!

Sarah: And so she’s like, she’s, she’s going for his, his, his, his bait and tackle. Like, she’s like, You need to get off.

Melody: Yeah! She’s going to do a handy on him.

Sarah: Yeah! And he’s – she’s like, We, we can stop if you want! And he says, You make things harder for me. She goes, I don’t think you’ve got any problems with that?

Melody: In the hard department!

Sarah: Yeah. So she, he picks her up and puts her back in her seat, and then he pushes off his jeans, kicks off his shoes, and goes over to her side of the car!

Melody: [Gasps]

Sarah: So there’s like, you know, their, both seats are getting action here.

Melody: Yeah, and his –

Sarah: You need to wash this car, my guy.

Melody: – his huge 6’3” form has no problem getting over that –

Sarah: Gear shift and the emergency brake –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – and the center – ‘cause you know, the more –

Melody: The center console.

Sarah: Right! And, and you ever notice that the more new a car, the more cubbies it has?

Melody: Yes! So many cubbies!

Sarah: So many places to lose a Cheerio and a french fry in a car now?

Melody: [Laughs] Yeah!

Sarah: Like, you open it up and like, Oh yeah! Here’s a Cheerio, french fry, and a napkin.

Melody: Uh-huh!

Sarah: Like, there’s so many cubbies. He just vaults over all the cubbies; it’s fine.

Melody: No problem.

Sarah: Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing. And he just sinks right into her.

Melody: Uh-huh?

Sarah: And he’s like, All right, let’s, let’s go.

Melody: Let’s test this out!

Sarah: Let’s go!

Melody: Yeah. Like, I’m not going to hurt her, so, like, I’m going to, I’m going to fuck her the way that I need to.

Sarah: Right. And – [laughs] – he’s, like, really kind of like scared? But he also really wants to just let go, and –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – fuck her dragon-dude-style. And he starts –

Melody: That’s the one.

Sarah: – to pick up speed, and he’s constantly listening to make sure he’s not hurting her, and then his vision change. His back arches, his hips thrust, her heels –

Melody: [Gasps]

Sarah: – drum against his hips, and he spreads her wide, and then her, his vision changes, and he wasn’t in the car, he was flying with another beast that he couldn’t see, and there was a glimmer of gold off toward the sun, and he wanted it, he lusted for it, and he knew it wanted him to chase it and, and he wheels in midair and then lands back in his body. No idea what all that meant; I’m sure it’ll make sense later.

Melody: What the hell? Yeah!

Sarah: He has an out-of-body, transcendent experience where he’s flying.

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: And he was certain he’d just had a memory of something, only it had never happened to him before. And he was like, Well, that was weird! But anyway –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – back to fucking.

Melody: Here I am! [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah, I might as well finish what I’m doing here. This seems fine. I’m, I’m presently engaged in this activity; I might as well –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – finish this off. And –

Melody: But he is still watching his dragon –

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: – fuck her.

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: And at some point, the dragon’s like, Nope, nope, you have to take over, you have to take over. Like, you’ve got to, you’ve got to finish this off because I’m, I’m getting too mu-, it’s going to be too much!

Sarah: I’m getting too close to the surface. And apparently what Damian is afraid of is that his dragon will take over and he will not be able to shift back to human because his dragon will be in control, but it doesn’t seem like –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – they’re fighting over control all the time –

Melody: Nnno! I mean –

Sarah: – just in times of great emotion.

Melody: Yes. I think in this case his – because I did start reading book two – [laughs] –

Sarah: Ooofff course.

Melody: Yep. There’s a prologue where he has a dream.

Sarah: Ohhh!

Melody: There’s dream sex in a prologue, and I think what he’s worried about is if his dragon takes over and he shifts into a sixty-foot beast while still inside her.

Sarah: Oh, fair!

Melody: That would become a problem.

Sarah: Fair problems!

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: Understanding the – yes.

Melody: Yeahyeahyeah. Because then in the, in the prologue of the next one –

Sarah: Wow!

Melody: – because he’s having – [laughs] – yeah, right? –

Sarah: Hoo! Hadn’t thought of that!

Melody: – because he’s having dream sex with her – I know! – he, like, only pulls out his dragon wings? And he says, I’ve never partially shifted before.

Sarah: Oh!

Melody: This is great! I’ll cradle her in my wings while I fuck her. But anyway, so, yeah, he’s never, he’s never partially shifted, so it’s either man or beast.

Sarah: So how big is the dragon’s wiener?

Melody: I know! I don’t know!

Sarah: ‘Cause he’s already so big he’s had to, like, you know, stretch her out and do some calisthenics down there and, like –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – apparently he, three fingers was enough to, like, accommodate his girthiness later on in the –

Melody: He still had to go slow.

Sarah: He had to still – yeah, fine.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: I mean –

Melody: So it’s more than that.

Sarah: – you could also use lube. That is a choice that you could make –

Melody: Well –

Sarah: – at this time –

Melody: – no way.

Sarah: – that would probably help, but, you know, using lube means that she’s not wet enough, even though that’s just very silly, but okay, fine.

Melody: That doesn’t make any sense, yeah.

Sarah: How big is the dragon’s really?

Melody: It’s got to be ten feet, right?

Sarah: Right? Would she just, like, explode like a cantaloupe? Just – [vocal explosion noise]

Melody: Yes! I think –

Sarah: Sorry, listeners; apologize for that.

Melody: I think – ah! She would! Damn!

Sarah: Okay! This is definitely a book that you should read while you’ve, like, after you’ve had a little edible.

Melody: [Laughs] Oh-ho-ho, yes!

Sarah: Yes, it’s going to give you some thoughts. So anyway!

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: So this, this part I didn’t love, because she, he’s going and he’s going and his dragon overlaps him, and he’s – she starts to orgasm, and he thrusts in time with the waves of her orgasm –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – and she’s like, Please, please, begging him for his load.

Melody: Looaad! Begging him for his load.

Sarah: Ahhh, I didn’t need that! Didn’t need his load! Oh!

Melody: I –

Sarah: No one needs the load! No, no, no!

Melody: I loved it. I’m not going to lie to you.

Sarah: No, that was not my word. That, you can have that one. That’s all for you.

Melody: That was, no, it was so entertaining.

Sarah: More for you.

Melody: As soon as it –

Sarah: Not for me. [Laughs]

Melody: – it came through the audiobook, and I was like, Balll! Like, in my shower.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Melody: It was incredible!

Sarah: Begging for his load! Ugghhh!

Melody: Begging for his load! I’ve never begged for a load in my life.

Sarah: Ohhh God.

Melody: What is that – oh boy.

Sarah: Okay. Yeah. But he shouted –

Melody: Well, and then he gives it to her!

Sarah: – and shot himself inside her. Ka-pew!

Melody: [Laughs] Yeah.

Sarah: Makes me think of one of those little cork guns? [Pop!] Yeah.

Melody: Absolutely!

Sarah: There it goes. And he felt dizzy. Pistons and beats and hot – her pussy sucks his hot silver out of him, so apparently –

Melody: [Gasps] His hot silver!

Sarah: – apparently his jizz is like, I don’t know, liquid mercury or something?

Melody: [Gasps more]

Sarah: Like, his blood is green, so I’ll go with it. That’s fine.

Melody: Absolutely!

Sarah: And then he feels like he’s in two places at once: one of him was here, and the other was flying back in the realms where his dragon didn’t have to worry about being seen taking the purest pleasure in the air. And then he lands alone in his earthly body with her wound around him, and he’s still inside her, and he was like, Oh, well, that’s what it feels like to be mated. Okay!

Melody: Yeah, that’s mate sex, right there!

Sarah: Yeah, ooh!

Melody: Never want to give that up; never want to give her up.

Sarah: No.

Melody: He’s fully committed; he is going to, he’s marrying her.

Sarah: Yep.

Melody: He’s going to figure out a way to keep her safe.

Sarah: Yep.

Melody: He’s in it to win it. And meanwhile –

Sarah: And he’s not telling her that.

Melody: No. No.

Sarah: This is all on his side.

Melody: He’s just buttoning up his pants and stuff.

Sarah: Yeah, he’s fine.

Melody: And so because of his U-turn earlier, she’s like, Well, I’m not going to let that happen again, and –

Sarah: Because last time they’d had sex he’d fucked her up against the wall –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – and then stuck a hundred dollar bill under the strap of her gown for some unknown reason that still makes no sense.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: She’s like, Okay, well, I know, judging from past experience, that I am about to be emotionally crushed by this bonehead.

Melody: Right.

Sarah: So even though she is deeply moved by the sexytimes that they have just had and it was outstandingly good sex, and she’s like –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – Fuck me, I’m falling for him –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – she’s never felt this way before, and she’s like, I do not catch feelings; he’s putting on his jeans –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – I am breathless and afraid; he is a rich playboy who could become a dragon, and she is just his fuck-buddy, she’s a plaything. Even if he didn’t want to leave her, eventually he would, and she’s like, You know what, I’m not, I’m not. I’m not.

Melody: I’m nipping this in the bud.

Sarah: And so she’s like, Okay, well, thank you, and she arranges her coat, and she goes, Thank you so much for an interesting evening. Now if you are Midwestern –

Melody: And he –

Sarah: – the use of –

Melody: Uh-huh?

Sarah: – interesting right there is –

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: – brutal.

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: Because if you’re, like, Midwestern and you’re like, Oh, wow, Melody! These cookies are so interesting, what that means is –

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: – Your cookies taste like shit! [Laughs]

Melody: Yeah, they’re terrible cookies.

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: Are they even cookies?

Sarah: So if that is a Midwestern “interesting,” she has just knifed him in the heart.

Melody: And he gets it!

Sarah: Oh, he’s like, Excuse me?

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: I said thank you for an interesting evening, Mr. Blackwood. He goes, You’re joking, right, princess?

Melody: Ohhh!

Sarah: She’s like, Well, if you could please finish taking me home, I would appreciate it. And he’s like, Oh, oh, okay. I wish, I wish things were, were different, and she said, You said it yourself and here: you’re a jerk and you’re dangerous, and as good as I am at dating assholes, apparently I’m not willing to go there again. Not even for you.

Melody: For you!

Sarah: And she is desperately trying to cut the connection between them, even if she has to be cruel, because she needs to get away from him and, like, not be stuck in this painful experience.

Melody: Right.

Sarah: And he’s like, I’m not like the others. And she goes, Really? Because I have a hundred dollar bill that says otherwise.

Melody: Oooh!

Sarah: He takes a big gulp of air as if he had been gut-punched, didn’t say another word, just twisted back to the steering wheel and turned on the car.

Melody: Yeah. At some point, I don’t know if it’s before or after this, one of my favorite things that happens in this scene is that he’s been talking about creating technology that will, that will anticipate when the gates are going to open in any spot?

Sarah: Yes. Yes.

Melody: So that they can stop it before the monsters get through?

Sarah: Yeah, that’s what happens next. He’s, like, making conversation.

Melody: Yeah, and he’s like – I love it ‘cause it, it feels so sheepish, you know? He’s like, just FYI, like, my, my life’s not going to be as dangerous in the future –

Sarah: No.

Melody: – later on.

Sarah: Yeah, he’s, like, super upset ‘cause he knows there’s a wall between them, and the dragon inside him –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – is like, Just fly over it, you dumbass!

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And he, he says, You know, we’re working –

Melody: She says, Okay, so you’re not going to be as dangerous, but you’re still going to be a jerk.

Sarah: I won’t always dang-, be dangerous. Yeah, you’re just a jerk. And he’s like –

Melody: Oof.

Sarah: – I’m trying to keep you safe, and she goes, You did. Congratulations! You were right. You are dangerous to people who might care.

Melody: [Gasps]

Sarah: Ouch!

Melody: I mean, and no lies detected!

Sarah: None.

Melody: No, and he knows it! And so he drops her off –

Sarah: Yeah. He’s like, But we just, we, we just, you know, went to Bone Town, and she’s like, Yeah, that was really great too, but I’m telling you no.

Melody: [Gasps]

Sarah: And he says, No?!

Melody: And she says, No.

Sarah: She says, It’s not just my last name! Sss. Nice job.

Melody: Uh-huh!

Sarah: Nice. Nice, nice, nice.

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: She, he knew that that wasn’t really how one was supposed to say her name.

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: She was telling him the family name given to clueless outsiders who couldn’t be bothered to learn the difference, and she was telling him he wasn’t anything to her, and it hurt. Ouch.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: And I was wrong at the start of your episode about how to say it. I was going with the, I was leaning towards the Vietnamese pronunciation.

Melody: Oh, oh, oh!

Sarah: Yeah.

Melody: I don’t know that that’s true, but the, you were going with the, the O instead of the Ah.

Sarah: Yeah, the U. Yeah, exactly.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: There’s so many videos on how to pronounce this name, let me tell you. So –

Melody: Oh, absolutely!

Sarah: – so many YouTube videos. Anyway, she is using her – I love this – she’s using her name to make it clear that she’s giving him an incorrect, outsiders’ pronunciation because she, he is nothing to her.

Melody: Because he doesn’t know her anymore.

Sarah: Ouch.

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: Yeah, it hurt!

Melody: Yi-i-i-ikes!

Sarah: He gives her his coat, ‘cause the coat that she’s wearing is not enough. She kicks off the last remnants of her dress and wraps herself in his coat, and she goes, I’m going to go now.

Melody: Oh!

Sarah: And then she looks at him, and she says, I don’t regret a thing.

Melody: Oh!

Sarah: And he says, This isn’t the end. She didn’t turn around; she just kept walking, kept walking away from him, and his dragon is like, No! Uh-uh! No! Go!

Melody: Yeah. What’s happening?!

Sarah: And he goes, This is for the best. There is no way he was going through the rest of his life without her. Whatever he had to do to make her trust him again, to make her feel safe, he would get it done. She was fierce and beautiful, and she was his, and there was no way in hell this was over.

Readers, Andi and Damian’s story continues in Dragon Destined. Keep reading for an excerpt.

Melody: That’s the one.

Sarah: Yep. That’s where it ends.

Melody: And it’s a four-book series, so –

Sarah: A four-book series, and as I said –

Melody: – it takes a minute.

Sarah: – when we started recording, I said in your episode, I think this is a really well done arc, because they have achieved sexual satisfaction, they are totally into each other –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – he’s realized that she’s his mate, but he has to start over to win back her trust ‘cause he fucked uuupp –

Melody: Yep!

Sarah: – so bad! He fucked up so bad, and she has to process the deaths of her coworkers. Apparently she, the coworkers, she’s going to be the only one who knows that this person died.

Melody: Oh! Yeah.

Sarah: But the story continues in Dragon Destined.

Melody: [Gasps] I got the box set via Hoopla! So –

Sarah: Oooh! I love Hoopla! So what did you think –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – of this book?

Melody: I really liked this book a lot. I –

Sarah: It was extremely enjoyable!

Melody: I lo-, I really, really, really loved it, yeah. I liked, like, I don’t know; I liked that it was un-put-down-able? You know?

Sarah: Oh yeah! I churned through this? I started it at night, and I needed to go to bed, and I woke up the next morning and finished it in bed.

Melody: Yeah. It’s so, it’s so good, and, like, the, the way that they do so much with every sentence –

Sarah: Yes.

Melody: – is –

Sarah: It’s –

Melody: – also really top-notch.

Sarah: And the way in which they use her name and –

Melody: Uh-huh.

Sarah: – her living above a bakery, and that’s why she smells good, like –

Melody: Yep.

Sarah: – it’s, it’s very, very detailed, and the specificity makes it good.

Melody: Yeah! And, and, like, the specificity is also nuanced!

Sarah: Yes. Yeah, it has, it has depth to it that it’s not, like, relying on a lot of paranormal shorthand –

Melody: Yeah! Yeah.

Sarah: – which I appreciate! This was very clever!

Melody: It really was, all the way through.

Sarah: Very clever! Very clever!

Melody: And the sex was hot! The sex scenes were good!

Sarah: I mean, I’m – ah – I, I remain baffled by car sex?

Melody: Oh, all the time!

Sarah: Like, no matter, I mean, we could be talking about a Cadillac Escalade; it’s still going to be a little awkward because –

Melody: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: – there’s a, it’s a seat with a seat back and, like –

Melody: Mm-hmm.

Sarah: – your feet are in the wheel well just kicking around back there?

Melody: Yeah, or, like, you’re lying across the back, but, like, all the seat belt clicker things are –

Sarah: Are digging into your spine?

Melody: – everywhere? Come on!

Sarah: Like, none of this is comfy. This is, like, horny teenagers with nowhere to go have sex in the car. These people –

Melody: That’s right.

Sarah: – just pull over on an, under an underpass and go to Bone Town?

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: You own a castle, for God’s sake! And you can fly!

Melody: Right?

Sarah: Come on, now!

Melody: Like, you’re not –

Sarah: But no, they, they –

Melody: – desperate!

Sarah: Yeah. They, they – center console, what center console? We’re going to flip back and forth –

Melody: Oh no!

Sarah: – between the seats and go to Bone Town!

Melody: It’s so good. Yeah! No, agreed. Agreed. And every time somebody tries to do it I’m like, you know, that was a valiant attempt at logistics.

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: You did a great job.

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: It’s just never going to –

Sarah: It’s never been the thing for me.

Melody: – never going to feel real to me, yeah.

Sarah: It’s never going to be the thing for me either, no. Not a chance.

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: But thank you for introducing this series to me! I’m very excited –

Melody: Yeah!

Sarah: – to keep reading it.

Melody: Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming on!

Sarah: Oh, always! This is so much fun –

Melody: Yeah.

Sarah: – and your listeners are so lovely, and then they send me email to me how much they enjoyed my being on the show, so thank you for that.

Melody: Yay!

Sarah: It’s super great!

Melody: Ohhh! I love that, yeah! And then I might, I might actually finish this series on Patreon.

Sarah: Oooh!

Melody: Yeah. I think, ‘cause I’m going to read it anyway!

Sarah: Right!

Melody: I’ve got to tell somebody about it!

Sarah: Yeah!

Melody: [Laughs]

Sarah: You absolutely should!

Melody: Yeah! Yeah.

Sarah: Absolutely should!

Melody: So. Mm, I’m excited! I’m going to nom it hard.

[music]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. Thank you to Melody for inviting me back – it is always so much fun – and thank you to the Heaving Bosoms listeners! Hi! Thanks for hanging out with us today! It’s lovely to have you.

I always end each episode with a terrible joke, and this joke comes from Bransler inside our fabulous Patreon Discord. Okay, hold onto your butts, because this is really bad.

What is it called when a group of killer whales work together to damage a yacht?

Give up? What’s it called when a group of killer whales work together to damage a yacht?

An orca-strated attack.

[Laughs] Orca-strated!

Thank you so much for listening. We hope you have a wonderful weekend, and we’ll see you back here next week! 

Smart Podcast, Trashy Books is part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find outstanding podcasts to subscribe to at frolic.media/podcasts.

[end of cool music]