445. Hot Locksmith Action, Dumplings, and Murder: Book Recs from Amanda and Sarah

[music]

Sarah Wendell: Hello there. Thank you for inviting me into your eardrums. I’m honored to keep you company. I’m Sarah Wendell. This is episode number 445 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books! If you’ve been listening to the show recently, you’ve probably heard me talking about Stereo, which is our live Tuesday night after party at 7:30 Eastern where Amanda and I take live, interactive messages and talk to you for an hour or more, and this is one of our recent broadcasts. It’s kind of like a, a live, interactive recommendation extravaganza. We’re going to talk about witches, mysteries, baking, older heroines, and we have some great audiobook selections too.

Now, I am not sure if it’s the age of my phone or if the audio jack of my phone is crappy, but my audio is not terrific, so I’ve switched over to Bluetooth for future broadcasts, but the audio in this one is not stupendous. I’ve done everything I can to it, but I apologize in advance if you’re like, why is Sarah under five blankets and down a well? I’m not; I’m, I was just sitting in my living room, but not sure what happened there.

However, if you like this episode and you’d like to join us for a live podcast after party, 7:30 p.m. Eastern time on Tuesday nights on Stereo: go to stereo.com/smartbitches and download the app!

This week’s episode is brought to you by Hopeless Romantic by Marina Adair. Marina Adair is a number one nationally bestselling author with over a million books sold, and her books are perfect for fans of Jill Shalvis and Christina Lauren. Her second When in Rome novel delivers upbeat fun with – heads up – an added bonus for animal lovers. There’s an English bulldog named Diesel and an emotional support chicken named Gregory Peck. [Laughs] I, I can’t top that. Not even the joke after the show can do better than that. As caregiver for her autistic brother, Beckett Hayes knows how meaningful a little extra help can be when life happens. Which is why she runs Consider It Done, a personal concierge service in her small town. Her job also gives her the flexibility to follow her passion, being a special needs advocate and training emotional support companions in her spare time. There’s not much of that, of course, and there’s certainly not enough spare time for serious dating. But one unquestionably gorgeous, good-natured man is suddenly a temptation that’s getting tougher for her to resist. Set against the breezy backdrop of coastal Rhode Island, Hopeless Romantic by Marina Adair asks whether two of a small town’s biggest hearts can learn to put themselves first in the name of love. Find your copy of Hopeless Romantic by Marina Adair wherever books are sold, and for more information head to kensingtonbooks.com.

Hello and thank you to the podcast Patreon community. You are all fabulous, and every pledge that has been made helps me keep going and helps me make sure that every episode is accessible by providing a transcript.

I want to say hello to some new Patreon members. Hello to Sarah! Not me; different Sarah – there are lots of us; there are so many Sarahs. But every week I get a new member to the Patreon community it is so exciting!

If you would like to join, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. Monthly pledges start at a dollar, and every pledge is magical and wonderful and so very appreciated. Thank you.

I also want to let everyone know that this is the last call for the “Stay Golden, Horny Girl” merchandise. The campaign ends on February 23rd, so if you enjoyed our episode with Erin and Melody from Heaving Bosoms and you think you might want some merch inspired by that episode, don’t wait much longer. This collection was developed in collaboration with author Robin Lovett, and all proceeds benefit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence at Robin Lovett’s request. The shirts, hoodies, sweatshirts, and mugs are available until the 23d of February. There’s a link in the show notes, so do not miss out on your chance to Stay Golden. Also, I got my shirt. It’s so soft, you guys; it’s so soft! You definitely want to get one.

This podcast is also brought to you by Ritual, a daily multivitamin delivered to your doorstep! What’s in it? Well, Ritual’s clean, vegan-friendly multivitamin is formulated with high-quality nutrients in a bioavailable form that your body can actually use! But it does not have sugars, GMOs, major allergens, synthetic fillers, or artificial colorants. I kind of like knowing what’s in the vitamins I take, I love that that the source of all of the nutrients is on the packaging, and I like that the vitamin itself is literally see-through. It’s, it’s transparent! Little beads in it; it’s really cool. The packaging tells me the source, and it shows up on my porch exactly when I need it! And I am fascinated by how they keep some of the ingredients vegan; it’s really interesting. Ritual makes building healthy habits very easy: multivitamins delivered to your door every month with free shipping always, and you can start, snooze, or cancel your subscription any time. And if you don’t love Ritual within your first month, they’ll refund your first order! Get key nutrients without the BS. Ritual is offering my listeners – that would be you – ten percent off during your first three months. Visit ritual.com/SARAH, S-A-R-A-H. That’s ritual.com/SARAH to start your Ritual today.

We talk about so many books in this broadcast, and do not worry, they are in the show notes at smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast. So now let’s do this thing. On with hot locksmith action, dumplings, and murder and book recommendations from Amanda and me.

[music]

Amanda: I’m coming to you live from my bed and my heating pad and my edible.

Sarah: See, I think this is a really good way to do a live broadcast. I am currently in a chair under, under a quilt that I just finished on Sunday and have since laundered and love very much.

Amanda: Yay, more quilts! But did I tell you what happened last time I took chocolate?

Sarah: You woke up in the middle of the night?

Amanda: Yeah, yeah. [Laughs] Yeah, okay. I couldn’t remember if I had told you or not.

Sarah: Yeah, Linus was in your room and you woke up in the middle of the night and freaked the hell out.

Amanda: Yeah, ‘cause he’s not allowed to sleep in my room because he’s a terrible monster, but I took too many edibles and I was tired. So I heard him jump down from his, like, seven-foot-tall cat tree with a, like, ka-thunk, and I –

Sarah: And he’s like a nineteen-pound cat, so when he lands, like, half of Boston feels it, right?

Amanda: Oh yeah. Yeah. He’s a big boy.

Sarah: Yeah. If anyone in Boston felt the earth-shaking movement, that was probably Linus getting down off the cat tree. Yeah.

Amanda: [Laughs] So, like, I, it’s like 2:30 in the morning; I immediately bolt upright out of my sleep. I’m like, I’ve got to get him out of the room so I can go back to sleep! But the, just how quickly I sat up and moved gave me –

Sarah: Made you nauseous?

Amanda: Oh, it was so bad. I was, like, hugging the toilet. I was like –

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: – pressed against the porcelain, just hugging the toilet.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: This is why I can’t be trusted. So.

Sarah: With chocolate.

Amanda: With –

Sarah: Chocolate edibles.

Amanda: With chocolate – and just, like, I was like, I just need to be knocked out. Like, that’s just what I need. But I, I flew to close to the sun. [Laughs]

Sarah: See that’s, we’ve talked about this. I, so I, I have access to marijuana, and I cannot smoke, ‘cause I had pneumonia twice in three years, so I have scars in my lungs, and smoking is not a good combo for me. So I have edibles, and they’re candy flavored! But then sometimes when you eat the edible, you get the munchies, and what’s sitting next to you? A bunch of drug-filled candy. Like, this is, this is, this is not optimal.

[pop!]

Abigail: Hey, Amanda and Sarah, it’s Abigail. I was the one that was looking for –

Sarah: ABIGAIL!

Abigail: – recommendations last time? I recently –

Sarah: Yeah!

Abigail: – for audiobooks, not of the books that you, like, recommended me, but other books, so your, thank you for getting me back into some sort of books.

Sarah: Yay!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Abigail: Thank you, because I needed that in my daily life. It’s given me a time to, like –

Sarah: Yay!

Abigail: – reflect on myself and –

Amanda: You’re so welcome!

Abigail: – to get away from the everyday realities, so thank you.

Sarah: Honestly, first of all, Amanda, I’m sorry I didn’t, I didn’t warn you before I tapped a button? I apologize?

Amanda: Oh, this is fine.

Sarah: I would love to know what you’re listening to on audiobook, because I listened to a lot of audiobooks when – [deep breath] – heh. So today, the Quarantimes have sort of been getting to me. You know the feeling where, you know, some days you’re fine and some days you’re like, oh my God, I fucking hate this; make it stop?

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: So I’m having an oh-my-God-I-fucking-hate-this-make-it-stop kind of day, and one of the ways in which I try and make myself feel better is to just completely isolate myself with an audible – an audible – [laughs] – an, an audiobook and a project that I can focus on and sort of isolate myself by sound and isolate myself, you know, in a, in a corner of the house? So audiobooks have been really helping me out this past, like, couple of days? Also videogames and streaming, also good.

Amanda: I don’t know what’s in the air, because I’ve been feeling that way too, but I’ve just been doing a lot of sleeping. [Laughs] And I’ve just been taking a lot of –

Sarah: See, there are many things that I admire about you! And there are some things that I envy, and your ability to sleep whenever the hell you want is something that I deeply envy and wish that my body would do, but there is sleep time, and there is awake time, and we do not deviate between those two times. I am so envious of your ability to just sleep.

Amanda: No, any, any time is sleep time if you try hard enough, for me.

Sarah: [Laughs] No, no, it’s not. Unless you want me to take too many edibles and end up hugging the toilet.

Amanda: No!

Sarah: Is that an approved message? All right, I’ve got another message for us.

[pop!]

Amanda: Okay!

Guest: Right now I’m listening to two. I’m listening to Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis, I think her name is? And then the Troublemaker by Leah Remini, the –

Sarah: [Gasps]

Guest: – story about her and Scientology. So two new books that I’m listening to.

Sarah: Okay, I bet Leah Remini sounds real good in audiobook, ‘cause her voice –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – is fantastic. And she’s also got that kind of –

Amanda: – like a wild –

Sarah: – dishy as –

Amanda: – worldview.

Sarah: Right? I bet it’s dishy as hell. I, I bet that she has the type of voice where it’s almost like Lindy West, where –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – you’re just listening to her like, let me just talk some shit at you, and you just sort of like, it’s like you’re having this really private conversation, except you can’t talk back! [Laughs]

Amanda: That’s okay sometimes! Sometimes –

Sarah: Oh, it’s –

Amanda: – there’s a week –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – when you just do too much talking, and you’re like, if I can never utter another word ever again, that –

Sarah: Sorry, my fault!

Amanda: [Laughs] That’s okay! It’s okay! No, just some, some weeks are talkier than others.

Sarah: If I do more than two or three podcast interviews – and that’s a, like around an hour to an hour and fifteen minutes of talking? – if I do more than two or three in a week, by the time I get to Saturday I’m like, no one speak to me. I will just communicate with flash cards.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I’ll just hold up a sign: I Cannot Talk. I’ve said that to my children, too: Kids, I’m out of words. I can’t word.

Amanda: Or just like, some – well, on the flip side, sometimes I’m lazy and I don’t feel like texting, so I’ll just send my friend Emma, like, a voice memo of, like, my rambling thoughts, like, listen, I don’t have the energy to text this right now, so I’m just going to ramble into my microphone for a hot second, and you’re just going to have to deal with it. And it’s –

Sarah: That sounds really lovely, actually.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Like, a little voice memo? That sounds kind of lovely. I have some more messages –

Amanda: Yeah, it is –

Sarah: – shall I play them?

Amanda: Yes.

[pop!]

Guest: Hi, friends!

Sarah: Stylins!

Guest: I also have been, I feel like, feeling more of the pandemic these last few days? And I’m reading the –

Sarah: Oh! I’m so glad I’m not alone.

Guest: – third book in the first trilogy of the Hidden Legacy series, and I’m very sad that I’m on the third book.

Sarah: Ohhh!

Guest: I don’t want to finish it. Happy news, though: I got into the Ph.D. program that I applied to! –

Sarah: Yes!

Guest: – but there you go. Bye!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: [Gasps] Ahhh! Mazel tov, Stylins! That’s wonderful! I am so happy for you got into your Ph.D. program; that’s frigging rad!

Amanda: That is so cool. I don’t envy you, but it is quite the accomplishment, so –

Sarah: I mean –

Amanda: – congrats!

Sarah: – you applied and got in! I mean –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – hot damn! That’s awesome!

Amanda: And when you finish the third book in the first trilogy, then you can start the second trilogy! Of which –

Sarah: Oh my God.

Amanda: – two books are out!

Sarah: Can I just tell you how much –

Amanda: – to.

Sarah: – how much that comment just, like, spoke to me, because, you know, I’ve been reading the whole Psy-Changeling series, like the whole frigging thing, since early December? I finally finished the last book that is out, Alpha Night. I finished it over the weekend. I stayed up late on Saturday, knowing that I would finish it, and I have been so bummed! Because the new one isn’t out until the summer, I guess? I don’t even think it has a cover yet, and I am just so bummed. I might have to reread some of my favorites from that series. I, I fully understand the, oh, I really don’t want this to end, but it’s really good; oh, I don’t want this to end, but it’s really good.

Amanda: You made, you got through that series in, like, good time, too. Like, how –

Sarah: Yeah, I’m a, I’m a quick reader.

Amanda: – how long?

Sarah: I think I read the first four books over one weekend – I think it was the second weekend of December – and I had to wait for some of them to come in from the library, and I had some other reading I had to do, but I finished – so thirteen books, and I don’t know how many are in the second arc. Six? Maybe eight? So let’s just say eighteen books, so that was eighteen books in seven weeks. Not bad!

Amanda: Jesus Christ!

Sarah: Not bad! [Laughs] Not bad for me! Not bad!

Amanda: Meanwhile, like, I finished one book so far this year. [Laughs] One whole book!

Sarah: I also read, let’s see, I also read The Betel Nut Tree Mystery by Ovidia Yu. I’m trying to intersperse my romance reading with mystery reading ‘cause I’m, I’m enjoying mysteries that are historical and set in other places that aren’t England? So I go back and forth. So that, that’s part of why it was a little bit slow for me to read all the Psy-Changelings in a hand-, handful of weeks.

Amanda: I, in-, instead of reading, I just started playing Guild Wars 2 again, because I wanted –

Sarah: Oooh!

Amanda: – to just be like a magical ranger who just, like, goes around and shoots things and just, you know, does mindless quests. That’s all I wanted. I briefly considered downloading World of Warcraft again, and then I just slapped myself out of that. [Laughs]

Sarah: Is that really a bad idea, though?

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Is that really a bad idea?

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: You would enjoy it, though. You would be in happy land. You would be happy and doing something nice for yourself.

Amanda: No.

Sarah: It’s a bad idea?

Amanda: It’s terrible. It is a terrible idea. [Laughs] It is a very bad idea! But yeah, so I’ve been playing Guild Wars, and I asked Emma to name all of my, my hunter pets after food, ‘cause I’m –

Sarah: Awww! So cute!

Amanda: – snow leopard named Guava, a polar bear named Meringue, so it’s great!

Sarah: That’s brilliant!

Amanda: That’s what I’ve been doing. [Laughs] Every time!

Sarah: That is brilliant.

Amanda: Thank you.

Sarah: All right, are you ready for some more messages?

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Adam is moderating like a champ over here!

Amanda: Way to go, Adam!

[pop!]

Guest: Oh my gosh, yes. Like, all of her, like, so far I’m, like really enjoying –

Sarah: Oh, Leah Remini.

Guest: – her reading her book because it’s like you’re actually, like she’s actually telling the story and actually, like, not reading from a, her book. It’s like she’s having a conversation with you, and I’m, and I’m over here like –

Sarah: Yes!

Guest: – oh yeah! Uh-huh!

Sarah: Uh-huh!

Guest: Like, I’m actually talking to her! [Laughs]

Sarah: Uh-huh!

[Laughter]

Guest: I felt, like, really great, like, she’s a good storyteller with, with her voice. Like, that’s, that’s –

Sarah: Oh, I love it!

Guest: – conversation. Like, she, I’m at one end of the table and she’s at the other end of the table –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Guest: – so we’re, like, she’s telling me her whole life story. That’s really how I feel. [Laughs]

[pop]

Sarah: I love that. I just, I love the idea of Leah Remini just shooting the shit with you; that sounds so fun!

Amanda: Across the table. That’s usually also how I consume most of my nonfiction is through audio, because I do like that feeling of, like, a person talking to me.

Sarah: If it’s a nonfiction about something – like I listened to The Art of Showing Up and Friendshipping, which is about making friends, and it’s a slightly vulnerable subject – also, like, breaking the hell out of Scientology – the, the voice part is so much more intimate? Voice is very intimate, though. Like, I’ve gotten used to that over the podcast, ‘cause people, people who listen to us, like, they feel like they’ve, they’ve, they hang out with us, and, okay, this is so silly, but do you know that Patton Oswald narrates some of the voices of the original Minecraft character games?

Amanda: No!

Sarah: So there are Minecraft character games; we had them for the Wii or the Xbox. Thank you! Adam’s reminding me it’s called Minecraft: Story Mode, and you play a character, and it’s like, it’s, it’s like, like little kids’ first RPG? Like, it’ll tell you –

Amanda: Yeah. [Laughs]

Sarah: – the decisions that you make in the game will affect the other characters, and so you make a decision; it says, Alex will remember that; and I’m like, all right, that’s really ominous, Minecraft: Story Mode. But Patton Oswald is the voice of Minecraft: Story Mode, and so every time I hear him I’m like, oh, it’s the Minecraft guy! How you doing, dude? [Laughs]

Amanda: I don’t know how you feel about being known as the Minecraft guy.

Sarah: I imagine he’d be pretty pleased with it, ‘cause I hope he made big change. My kids were so into those? Like, it was a big deal; like, Mom, I finished Minecraft: Story Mode 2. Could I please, please, please have Minecraft: Story Mode 3? I was like, aw, baby’s first RPG!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: We have more messages! You ready?

Amanda: Yes.

[pop!]

Jellyfish Crown: Amanda, I have to tell you thank you for the recommendation of Dear Girls by Ali Wong. I read that in like a day.

Amanda: [Gasps]

Jellyfish Crown: It was so good and funny in the way it talked about race and all these, and, like, feminism and, and parenthood and all this stuff was just fantastic. Ali Wong is hilarious. [Laughs] Also, I have the other books that you recommended to me during a stream on hold at Libby’s, so I’m waiting for that.

[pop]

Amanda and Sarah: Yay!

Sarah: Okay, Amanda is so good at book recs. And Hello, Jellyfish Crown! Your avatar is adorable!

Amanda: Yeah, Jellyfish popped into one of my Raft streams, I think, and mentioned that they were, they either had just finished Dear Girls or they were listening to it. Yeah, and so I’m so glad you loved it. If you haven’t watched Ali Wong’s stand-up specials – I think she has two on Netflix – but they are both very good, and I’m, I definitely want to know what you think of the other recommendations! I’m so glad you liked it, though! I, I also –

Sarah: And listen, listen, if y’all who are listening would like a book recommendation, you press the little microphone thing, and you keep your finger, like, in place – otherwise, if you move your finger the recording ends? – but make a recording and tell us some books that you like or tell us what you want to read, and we’ll make book recommendations.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I will make book recommendations like, well, she’s wearing a yellow dress and her back is three-quarter turned, and I think it’s Elizabeth Hoyt, and Amanda will tell you the title and the author and when it was published –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – and what, what zodiac sign the main characters are. It’ll be a very interesting experience for everyone. Also, I would like everyone to know –

Amanda: – book charades.

Sarah: It’s like book charades. Also, my fifteen-year-old has the worst gas in the history of the universe and has been torturing –

Amanda: Disgusting.

Sarah: It’s horrible. And, and! Listen to me! He had cereal today, and he leaves a quarter inch of milk in the milk carton every time.

Amanda: I mean, yeah, that’s standard for, for teen boys. Having a younger brother, I know that.

Sarah: I could, I could hem quilts with the accuracy of the quarter inch of milk that is left in the carton at the end, at – it’s amazing. [Laughs]

We have a new message. You ready?

Amanda: Yes.

[pop!]

Guest: If you really want a good mystery book –

Sarah: Ooh, yes, I do!

Guest: – Agatha Christie’s really good. Cat in the –

Sarah: Oh yeah!

Guest: – Cat, something with pigeons. Cat –

Sarah: Cat Among the Pigeons.

Guest: – with the Pigeons, Cat – I don’t know. Like, a –

Sarah: Cat’s all over the pigeons.

Guest: Cat in the pigeons. I don’t know; it’s something with cat and pigeons in it in the title.

Sarah: [Laughs] Yep! I know that one!

Guest: But I read that all the way through, like cover-to-cover. I don’t really do that, like, like, easily, so it was actually really nice.

[pop]

Sarah: My cat would like a pigeon!

Amanda: I mean, yes, so would my cat. I never got into, like, Agatha Christie books, but I’m not, like, as big of a mystery reader as you are or, like, Elyse is on the Smart Bitches staff. She just reviewed –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – a book, was, like, The Mystery –

Sarah: [Gasps]

Amanda: – of Mrs. Christie?

Sarah: That shit was fucked up!

Amanda: Well, like –

Sarah: Did you read that? Oh!

Amanda: I didn’t read the book, but I read the review, but, like, the fact that Agatha Christie disappeared for like eleven days and then just came back? [Laughs]

Sarah: Mm-hmm! She, like –

Amanda: Like, I have no idea.

Sarah: She, she possibly faked her own disappearance because her husband was about to divorce her because he was having an affair with her best friend, or a friend of hers, and so she just left her car and her clothes in the middle of the road and disappeared for like eleven days? Like, do you really want to mess with somebody who plots murders for a living?

Amanda: God, that sounds like a dream. I was just –

[Laughter]

Sarah: Plot murdering for, plot murders for a living?

Amanda: Plot murders for a living and fake my own disappearance for like eleven days and just, like, drop off the grid! [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh, see, you know, I’m, okay, like you and Jellyfish Crown, I’m, I’m really glad I’m not alone in being, in having a little bit of the tired-of-the-Quarantimes feeling? Dropping off the grid – like, I feel like in a lot of way I already did? Like, I canceled everything. I’ve been home. I’m the most home I’ve ever been in my life, but also, dropping myself into a sensory deprivation, hyperbaric chamber for an hour also sounds great.

Amanda: I mean, that creeps me out. There is a sensory deprivation tank place near me, and I would never –

Sarah: What isn’t near you? What is it, you’ve got edibles – yeah, what isn’t near you?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Everything’s near you; it’s amazing!

Amanda: It is; it is pretty good. You know –

Sarah: You know what’s near me? DC. Ugh.

Amanda: There’s a Mormon, there’s a Mormon church.

Sarah: The Mormon temple is extremely near me. The Mormon temp- –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – the Mormon church shows up on my locations every time I post something. Are you at the Mormon temple? No! No, I’m not –

Amanda: Like a –

Sarah: – but I walk my, I walked my dog there earlier, but no.

[Laughter]

Amanda: No, but I would just love to just disappear and be unreachable and just, like, cultivate this, this air of mystery. [Laughs] Like, ooh, where did Amanda go?

Sarah: [Gasps] Would you, like, live in a cave and be a hermit?

Amanda: Oh God, no.

Sarah: That’s too rustic.

Amanda: That’s too, that’s too off the grid! [Laughs] I need some creature comforts, like a toilet.

Sarah: Okay, that sounds fair.

Amanda: Like a working toilet, indoor plumbing.

Sarah: Right, yeah. Right. But no phone, no internet, nobody talking to you, no one reaching you.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Yeah, I can see the allure.

Amanda: That sounds lovely.

[pop!]

Guest: Hi! So I’m doing this reading challenge, and one of the things is that you try to find a book with, like, your ideal career, and I was like, eh –

Sarah: Ooh!

Guest: – I don’t want to read a book about teaching. So then I thought I would love to be a witch who is also a baker? So what would you guys, what would your answer be to the question of your ideal career?

[pop]

Amanda: The, The Witch’s Guide to Defensive Baking by T. Kingfisher. [A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking]

Sarah: Yes. I was just going to say, Witch’s Guide to Defensive Baking, and if you want to read attitudinous witch, Amanda and I both liked Slouch Witch, but I wouldn’t go on to book two. Just stop at book one and make up your own ending.

Amanda: Yeah, Slouch Witch is not a baker; she’s just, like, a lazy witch and doesn’t want to be bothered – [laughs] – with, like, magical bureaucracy?

Sarah: Yeah. Yeah.

Amanda: Another kind of –

Sarah: She’s very, very ennui.

Amanda: Another one of my absolutely comfort read favorites is Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen. It’s like a –

Sarah: Ohhh.

Amanda: – Southern Practical Magic with more food. So one of the, like, witch-y sisters owns a catering business, and they live in this –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – very insular North Caro-, Carolinian town, and, you know, they’re like the weirdos of the town, and it’s, like, rumored that they’re witches, and they are. But yeah, I love that book with my whole heart. It’s my, like, go-to comfort read, so I definitely recommend that one too. Garden Spells, A Wizard’s Guide to Defensive Baking by T. Kingfisher – that one’s young. Also Mooncakes? It’s a graphic novel. It is –

Sarah: Yes, good call!

Amanda: – super cute. The main character is like a, I think like a bisexual witch or a pansexual witch who’s in love with her, like, werewolf best friend, and there’s a pair of, like, adorable lesbian grandmas who run a local bookshop and a –

Sarah: Amanda, what’s the –

Amanda: – horse demon gets summoned, and –

Sarah: As you do!

Amanda: Yeah, it’s cute!

Sarah: What is the first Diablo Lake book by Lauren Dane? Is it Diablo Lake –

Amanda: Moonstruck?

Sarah: Moonstruck, is that the first one?

Amanda: I thought it was.

Sarah: So that’s a whole magical town, and there’s lots of different kinds of witches, but the, the collective magic of the town keeps it hidden from the world. One of the witches is a social worker; her dad is a garden witch. There’s some werewolves, and some of the witches are cooking-oriented, and they, they don’t create magic spells with food, but they make food with intention? Like, they, the intention for it to be comfort food and things like that, if I’m remembering correctly. I could be crossing my wires with another book, but that was another series –

Amanda: It was Moonstruck too. I just checked. It’s Moonstruck.

Sarah: Oh, good! Thank you! Your brain is amazing.

Amanda: You’re welcome! And then there’s another one – hold on, I’m googling, ‘cause this was the one Sarah and I were talking about, and she’s like, I don’t remember reading that one.

Sarah: [Laughs] Yes.

Amanda: So –

Sarah: For any Jewish people listening, the answer to that is ma nishtana: how is this night different from any other night?

Amanda: So Elizabeth Davis has a series called Coven of the North Star, and Sarah read the third book, Spellbinding Love, and the heroine is an earth witch who runs a farm.

Sarah: Yes, I did! Thank you! I, you kept saying words, and I was like, I didn’t read that! That doesn’t sound familiar –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – and then you send earth-binding, earth-bending witch – oh, yep, yep, earth, earth witch on the farm; I did read that. I did indeed. [Laughs]

Amanda: So there, there are some suggestions for you.

Sarah: All right. Message?

Amanda: Yeah!

[pop!]

Darlene: If you’re looking for a –

Sarah: Hi, Darlene!

Darlene: – mystery with a historical background –

Sarah: Yes.

Darlene: – I recommend C. S. Harris, whose mysteries are sourced –

Sarah: Oh yes!

Darlene: – in Regency era, and –

Sarah: Yes!

Darlene: – they just keep getting better and better. Sebastian St. Cyr is the name of the lead character, and I would –

Sarah: Yes!

Darlene: – start at the beginning, because there’s a lot of character development as the series goes on, but check out C. S. Harris and her mysteries about Sebastian St. Cyr.

Sarah: That series is really good.

Amanda: I was hoping –

Sarah: And here’s a –

Amanda: – Darlene would come back with her –

Sarah: Hi, Darlene!

Amanda: – with her sweet, sweet dulcet tones. I was hoping to –

Sarah: I know, right?

All right. Here we go.

[pop!]

Guest: So I’ve been reading A Touch of Ruin by Scarlett St. Clair, and I’m pretty sure –

Sarah: Ooh!

Guest: – she’s, like, a new author, but I’m loving everything I read.

[pop]

Amanda: All right, now I have to do a –

Sarah: A touch of, A Touch of Ruin by Scarlett St. Clair?

Amanda: Yes. Is that, like, I think that’s like a Hades/Persephone –

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: – thing?

Sarah: Oh-ho-ho!

Amanda: Yes, it is –

Sarah: Speaking my language! All right –

Amanda: – it is a Hades –

Sarah: – I give up. I’m just –

Amanda: – Persephone book.

Sarah: I’m just getting my laptop out now; I just give up here.

Amanda: I mean, I’m, like, in a bed nest at the moment, so I’ve got, like, my laptop next to me; I’m covered in three layers of blankets; got my –

Sarah: How’s the quilt doing?

Amanda: Good! The quilt is –

Sarah: How’s the quilt –

Amanda: – still here.

Sarah: Yay! Linus lets you, Linus lets you, lets you sleep on it?

Amanda: When he’s not sleeping on it.

Sarah: Oh, it is a Ha-, it’s a whole Hades/Persephone series by Scarlett St. Clair! That’s awe- – God, the covers are gorgeous.

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: Oh, and they’re in Kindle Unlimited, too!

Amanda: I do have KU!

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: Though I don’t like, I don’t like books that follow the same couple over multiple books. I don’t have that kind of patience.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: I don’t.

Sarah: I get it.

All right, got an-, got a bunch of messages here!

Amanda: Yay!

[pop!]

Guest: I would love to get some recommendations for some romances featuring some slightly more mature ladies? I’m in my early forties and –

Sarah: Hi!

Guest: – with the difficulty reading during the Quarantimes –

Sarah: I hear ya.

Guest: – it’s really hard to connect with a twenty-something-year-old. So anything you can throw my way, any subgenre would be appreciated.

[pop]

Sarah: I hear you. Okay, so first of all, there is a whole Facebook group called Seasoned Romance, and there is a book that is coming out, I want to say it’s Karen Booth, Gray Hair Don’t Care. And that is about a heroine who is divorced, and I think she is starting over, and it’s a romance. That heroine, I think it’s in the cover copy; if you give me two seconds I can tell you. Yeah, she’s forty-seven, and she, she meets up with her crush from college. So that’s Gray Hair Don’t Care, and that is out already, I believe! It is out and available for purchase and reading.

What else you got, Amanda?

Amanda: Okay. I hope you have a pen and paper handy. [Laughs] Contemporary: Everything She Ever Wanted by Liz Durano. It’s a forced proximity romance with an older heroine. The heroine is like a, a nerdy doctor, and the younger hero is a bearded carpenter. 

Sarah: I’m listening!

Amanda: There’s also Courtney Milan’s Mrs. Martin’s Incomparable Adventure?

Sarah: Yes!

Amanda: – older heroines. I think, actually, I also think Olivia Waite has one with an older heroine too. And then –

Sarah: There’s, there’s also Magical Midlife Madness, which is paranormal women’s fiction. You’ll see a lot of books tagged paranormal women’s fiction, which is usually a signal that it is a paranormal romance, but the heroine is a little bit older, and there’s a whole bunch of authors that are writing that sort of genre. There’s The Mermaid Next Door, Magical Midlife Madness, and there’s some other ones – New Witch on the Block, that kind of thing.

I’m going to sneeze, so you can talk.

Amanda: Okay. There’s also Shelly Ellis who does contemporaries. The first book is On Pointe, P-O-I-N-T-E, and the heroine is a dance teacher, like a, a –

Sarah: Good choice!

Amanda: – ballet teacher?

And then there’s At Your Service by Sandra Antonelli. I wouldn’t necessarily call it romantic suspense; it’s like romance with a little bit of mystery, and we had, like, a really good guest review of it by Claudia before she became a good, or like not a good, but like – [laughs] –

Sarah: A staff reviewer!

Amanda: A staff reviewer! Wow, edibles are kicking in. So –

Sarah: Woohoo!

Amanda: There’s also not quite what you’re looking for, but The Switch by Beth O’Leary has a, a grandmother kind of like switching lives with her granddaughter, and I think they both get, like, equal time in the story, and it was just, like, really sweet.

So those are some suggestions. I think we also have a tag on the site?

Sarah: Mm-hm.

Amanda: Or, like, a, a theme with older couple?

Sarah: Mm-hmm. Yes.

Amanda: So you can search Smart Bitches, Trashy Books in the Book Finder for books that have older couples, and I think we also have one for age difference, but you’d have to poke around to see which one is the older one in the, the romantic couple, but definitely check out the, was it, like, the older couple theme we have in our –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: -Book Finder.

Sarah: Yes, yes, yes. Awesome!

I hope you are enjoying this broadcast episode. If you are, I hope that you’ll join us Tuesday nights at 7:30 Eastern for another podcast after party on Stereo. We recorded this on Stereo; I’ll have future episode that we’ve recorded. Sometimes we talk about food and it goes off the rails, but it is really, really fun. We would love to give book recs, we’d love to tell you what we’re reading, and we want to hear how you’re coping with the Quarantimes too, ‘cause sometimes, whoo! Lately, getting to me, that’s for sure. Head to stereo.com/smartbitches, download Stereo, and join us live Tuesday nights for our podcast random party: 7:30 p.m. Tuesday nights Eastern, stereo.com/smartbitches. We cannot wait to hear from you and have you join us next time.

You ready for another message?

Amanda: Yes.

[pop!]

Guest: Okay, amazing suggestions; wrote them all down. On fire. Also, apparently I bought Slouch Witch in 2018, I have no memory of this. It’s languished –

[Laughter]

Sarah: Surprise!

Guest: – in my Kindle. I’m pretty sure I bought it because y’all recommended it at some point, so I will read it! Thank you!

[pop]

Sarah: Oh, you’re so welcome!

Amanda: – a podcast episode on it. That might be why.

Sarah: Yes! Yes, and also, it’s pretty rare for Amanda and me to like the same books, so the fact that we both liked Slouch Witch, we were just sort of like exclaiming at each other like, we both liked it! Oh my gosh! What the heck?!

Amanda: Clearly I don’t have good taste, is what Sarah’s trying to say. [Laughs]

Sarah: No, we just like very different things. Amanda likes the dark and angsty and the super intense, and I am not so much of an intense reader.

Amanda: Like, enemies to lovers; Sarah likes a good friends to lovers, which I think is like the equivalent of reading Ambien for me. [Laughs] Not a fan of friends to lovers. But, yeah, I, I’m that way too, like, I’m a digital packrat, and, like, I will try to find something to read on my Kindle, and I’m like, I have no memory of downloading any of these books, and I don’t know –

Sarah: Where did this book come from?!

Amanda: I know!

Sarah: I didn’t buy this! [Laughs]

Amanda: I, I was looking the other day, and I had one with, like, a merman on the cover, and it’s like, the, the hero and heroine have, like, a one-night stand and doesn’t realize he’s a mermaid-person and they, it is revealed that he is part of, like, a traveling circus?

Sarah: As you do.

Amanda: Like, I’m sure someone wants the title, so give me one second. [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah, I, I’m sure, I am absolutely sure that, of our listeners right now, somebody is like, I’m sorry, traveling circus merman? And that book would be, yes, hmm, what?

Amanda: I’m, I’m looking right – it’s called Call of Water; it’s on Kindle Unlimited; it’s by –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – it’s by Marina Simcoe, and there you go! I believe all of the characters or love interests are, like, you know, sideshow attractions.

[Laughter]

Amanda: Listen, I, I don’t know how it arrived on my Kindle, but it’s there, so.

Sarah: Surprise!

All right, we got some more messages. Yay! This is so much fun; I love hearing about books from people.

[pop!]

Guest: I don’t know if you guys have been educated on this book genre, but I’m a Christian, and I’m also a ministry major, so do you guys have any good recommendations for a good Christian fiction book that is not, like, all self-help, because I’m tired of reading self-help books about ministry or Christian, but, you know, a Christian fiction book. I really would love a recommendation for that. If you guys don’t know, it’s okay.

[pop]

Amanda: Yeah, we’ve got some!

Sarah: Oh, we’ve got tons! First of all, that is a massive section of the romance genre. There are so many Christian and faith-based romances. Like, Harlequin has three lines. There’s Christian suspense, Christian historical, and Christian contemporary; they’re all Love Inspired, all of them, and they all have faith-based elements to them. There’s also rules: like, you’re not allowed to have a dialogue with God where God responds. There’s, like, a whole list of rules –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – for the Love Inspired; I find it fascinating. But anyway, so let’s, let’s have a, a Jewish person, which would be me; an atheist person –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – who would be you, make Christian romance recommendations. Let’s do this!

Amanda: Listen, it’s fine. It’s fine.

Sarah: Oh, it’s totally cool! This is, this is a massive area in romance. You have asked the correct humans.

Amanda: I feel like a lot of the ones that I know of are historical, though of course there’s, like, the Beverly Jenkins Blessing series –

Sarah: So good.

Amanda: Yeah – which is contemporary, and then some really good – and I, like, as Sarah said, I am an atheist, or technically an ag-, agnostic, but I’m not really a Christian, but Jen Turano has some good stuff. Her covers are gorgeous. Deeanne Gist does –

Sarah: I was just going to say –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Yes, Deeanne Gist.

Amanda: – some really great, great books. And then Kristi Ann Hunter, K-R-I-S-T-I has some, some really good ones, and then I would say, like, some of Vanessa Riley’s historicals have some, some faith-based, like, romance and characters and that –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – sort of thing, I want to say. So those are some authors.

Sarah: Now – yes, and another direction that you could go is Christmas romances. There are only about fourteen million published every year, and all of them will have Christmas in many, many aspects, but that could be as much as, you know, the characters are actually in the nativity scene, or it could just be, you know, secular Christmas, let’s buy presents and decorate things with sugarplums.

Another author that might work for you is Rachel Hauck, H-A-U-C-K. She has won the Christy Award, and her book the, The Wedding Dress won so many awards; it’s beautiful. But a lot of them are, they’re, they’re, they’re very detail-oriented, and there’s, there’s always like a, like a, like a job or a setting or a, a shop or a society or something. All of her books have a setting that is what I like to call competence porn, where the characters have a thing that they do in addition to falling in love and doing lots of other things, but Rachel Hauck would be a great choice.

And there’s a whole publisher that would probably rock your world: Bethany House publishes a lot of Christian romances –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – contemporary, historical, and suspense, and you would, you could take a deep dive into everything Bethany House pro-, publishes and be a very happy person.

Amanda: There’s also A Girl’s Guide to the Outback by Jessica Kate, which has a –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – a youth ministries manager from the US who, like, travels to Australia.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: So, like, that’s like a nice kind of like change of setting.

Sarah: For sure. Oh, and another author that would probably work for you is RaeAnne Thayne –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – T-H-A-Y-N-E. RaeAnne Thayne would be great. In fact, because I live close to the Mormon temple, a lot of my neighbors are Mormon, and I have been giving my, the, the finished copies that I get of RaeAnne Thayne’s books to my neighbors, and, and now, like, every time I see them, like, thank you for the books! Do you have any more RaeAnne Thayne?

[Laughter]

Sarah: Got the whole street addicted to RaeAnne Thayne; it’s great!

Well, we have lots of messages! This is fun!

Amanda: Yay!

[pop!]

Amanda: I’m taking a sip of water.

Molly: Hello. What do you two enjoy doing in your spare time?

[pop]

Sarah: Hi, Molly! Well, we talk a lot.

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Sarah: My, my top, let’s see, my top three things in my spare time: I like reading when my brain is able to do it. Amanda has gotten me more into videogames, so I love playing Witcher, and I love playing Stardew Valley. And I like quilting – I sound like the most middle-aged person now! Which is fine, ‘cause I’m actually middle-aged.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I like quilting, and I like cooking and baking, and I like going outside.

Amanda: Going outside – that is not on my list.

Sarah: That, that’s my, that’s, that’s my bio. Like, anywhere that it’s not something connected to Smart Bitches is, my name is Sarah, and I like to go outside. Oh, I like snowboarding! That’s another thing I like doing.

Amanda: I am also a, a videogame player. I do like, as Sarah and I have said, smooching and farmsteading. I love –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – a game where I can – [laughs] – romance people and just –

Sarah: Absolutely.

Amanda: – but, but I also really love, like, Assassin’s Creed. I have, like, Valhalla and Odyssey. I love games where I can just –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – stab shitty men as a buff lady.

Sarah: We’re going to get so many messages for Adam to moderate now. [Laughs] We’re going to get so many great messages.

Amanda: Sorry, Adam.

Sarah: Dude.

Amanda: I’m sorry.

Sarah: Amanda says sorry!

[Laughter]

Sarah: I’m getting The Look.

Amanda: [Laughs] Any game where I can play a buff lady and smooch everyone and murder people who deserve it is great! What do I, I like –

Sarah: So Amanda’s hobbies include murder. Amanda’s hobbies include murder. Lots, lots of murder.

Amanda: I like a nice bath time. You know, like, I will boil myself. If my skin does not come out bright red by the time I’m done, I’ve done it wrong.

[Laughter]

Amanda: I love a nap. I, I sound boring. I like baths and naps and murder. [Laughs] And I also –

Sarah: That sounds like a really good book! I would read that book! Baths, naps, and murder? I would read the hell out of that book.

Amanda: You do what you love and you never work a day in your life book.

Sarah: [Laughs] Baths, naps, and murder. Yeah! Sounds great!

Amanda: I do, I do some, like, cross-stitching, and I miss traveling.

Sarah: Mm.

Amanda: I’m super into craft beer. I love going to breweries. I have a, I have a little beer fridge that I keep all my special beers in. Yeah, so that is the stuff –

Sarah: I like wine.

Amanda: A lot of stuff I do, I feel like I haven’t been able to do because of this stupid pandemic, so –

Sarah: Seriously! I’m so glad I’m not alone in really feeling the Quarantimes this week.

Amanda: I want to travel, and I want to go to a bar is what I want, and I want to go to the movies.

Sarah: Oh.

Amanda: I, the last movie I saw in theaters was a year ago.

Sarah: Yep, me too.

Amanda: A year ago.

Sarah: Me too. Yep, last movie I saw in theaters, I think, was, might have been Charlie’s Angels!

Amanda: Mine was Birds of Prey.

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: [Sighs] Sorry to bring the mood down, everybody! [Laughs]

Sarah: All right. Let’s, let’s listen to another message.

[pop!]

Sue: The heroine is a nerdy doctor, and the hero is a bearded carpenter – Amanda, get out of my brain. Also –

[Laughter]

Sue: – sorry.

[pop]

Sarah: Hi, Sue!

Amanda: Yeahyeahyeah. Hi, Sue! Let me find it. So the author is Liz, L-I-Z, Durano, D-U-R-A-N-O, and the book is called Everything She Ever Wanted. The heroine is a transplant surgeon. That is her job!

Sarah: I think that book is any-, everything that, that, that Sue wanted.

Amanda: Yeah, I don’t know how you feel about secret babies, Sue, but the second book in the series has a secret baby plot. Not the same characters, but, you know, if that is or is not –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – your catnip.

Sarah: Yeah, that makes sense.

Amanda: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: All right, next message:

[pop!]

Guest: For Redhead, I love the Love Comes Softly series?

Sarah: Oh, good call!

Guest: And I hear they’re also like Hallmark movies, in case you’re into that.

[pop]

Sarah: Good call!

Amanda: Thanks.

Sarah: Yeah, you know things! Awesome! All right, let’s see here.

[pop!]

Darlene: I have a couple recommendations for faith-based historicals that I’ve really enjoyed, and I’m not even a Christian. One is –

Sarah: Hi, Darlene!

Darlene: – Francine Rivers’ Redeeming Love, which is considered a classic now in the genre, and that’s been out for quite a while, and you can find it in many editions. And the other is an author who I really like, who has written some books about the LDS church but also writes a lot of fiction that has faith at its core, and that’s Carla Kelly. She writes –

Sarah: Oh, good one!

Darlene: – historicals set in the American West, and she writes Regency historicals, but have your hankies ready, because she writes ones that really yank at your emotions, but Carla Kelly is one of my favorite authors. I really enjoy her work.

[pop]

Sarah: Thank you, Darlene! Carla Kelly is such a good choice, and oh my God –

Amanda: I was going to say –

Sarah: – she makes me –

Amanda: – I know, I know you –

Sarah: – cry!

Amanda: – enjoyed some Carla Kelly.

Sarah: Oh yeah, her older Regencies are, they’re very character-driven, and they’re very emotional, and she’s also writing about and sometimes in the Napoleonic War, and so you, you, you don’t, she doesn’t shy away from how much war actually sucks and how terrible it is? So it’s very emotionally wrenching, so if you need, like, a big cathartic cry, that’s a great one. Great choice. I like a good cathartic cry every once in a while.

Amanda: [Laughs] I do too, but it’s usually, like, me awake at 1 a.m., watching, like, inspirational America’s Got Talent auditions?

Sarah: [Laughs] For me, it’s always animals being recipe-d – recipe-d – being rescued.

Amanda: Recipe-d! [Laughs] Being recipe-d is something completely different!

Sarah: That’s a different thing! That’s a different thing.

All right, we got a message here. Let’s see.

[pop!]

Sue: One thing –

Sarah: Hi, Sue!

Sue: – the Quarantimes has taught me is that videogames where not much happens can be really restful, and I love it.

Sarah: Yes!

Sue: I feel like the TV equivalent of that, I found two for people who maybe don’t want to play videogames but, like, want to watch TV? The first is Repair Shop on Netflix, which sometimes goes too fast for me in that, like, within ten minutes they’ll show you ha-, that they fixed the latch, and you’re like, I know that took you four hours. I will watch all four hours.

[Laughter]

Sue: And then the second one is subtitled, but it’s called Hyori’s Bed & Breakfast, and it’s just, like, nice people –

Sarah: [Gasps]

Sue: – on a vacation island in Korea who –

Sarah: Yes!

Sue: – stay at this, like, former pop star’s home, and everyone’s just really nice to each other, and they cook a lot, and then they play board games.

[pop]

Sarah: I, I watched an episode of Hyori’s – what is it, I forget the name of the, the name of it. I, I watched an episode of it, and it is so adorable? It’s these two former K-pop stars who are married, and they live on this vacation island, and they decide they’re going to turn their home into a bed & breakfast, but then they don’t know who’s coming to stay, and so the sort of production agency arranges all of the guests, and it’s these groups of people, and they all just hang out together on this island, and it is the most wholesome, adorable thing. Deanna Raybourn was raving, raving about it on Twitter, and I tried it while I was on the treadmill, and they’re long! They’re really long. I walked a lot longer than I thought I was going to. It’s freaking adorable.

Amanda: Also, Netflix, give Sue the full four hours, you cowards! She wants to see the –

Sarah: Yeah, right? She –

Amanda: – latch action!

Sarah: She – [laughs] – she wants to see the latch action, Netflix.

Amanda: Four hours of –

Sarah: She wants –

Amanda: – hot latch action.

Sarah: Which would also be a good title for a book. [Laughs]

Amanda: Hot Latch Action? It’s –

Sarah: No, Four Hours of Hot Latch Act- –

Amanda: It’s got to be like a Lauren Blakely, like, rom-com –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – or something like that. [Laughs]

Sarah: Hot Latch Action. He’s a locksmith, and she’s – no, he, she’s the locksmith, and he’s trapped until her love sets him free.

Amanda: Oooh!

Sarah: Now, I’m wondering, are there locksmith romances? I’m sure there are.

Amanda: I feel like –

Sarah: Well, there’s, there’s The Locksmith’s Daughter, but that’s a historical.

Amanda: But I also feel like, I don’t know, like, I, I feel like a locksmith is just, like, one facet of a career. You know what I mean? Like a handyman probably has some locksmith –

Sarah: Mmm.

Amanda: – locksmithing capabilities.

Sarah: Yeah, you’re right.

Amanda: All he does is, or all they do are, are locks.

Sarah: Or you’re a locksmith but, and, and you’re also really good at, you know, picking locks and heisting things?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: I like a good heist. Yeah, I’m a fan!

Amanda: I know you do! I know you like a good heist.

Sarah: I love a good heist. I just like that there’s usually no graphic murder? It’s just stuff getting stolen?

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: Yeah, you know, the stuff doesn’t care. I –

Amanda: I like to have a little murder as a treat.

Sarah: [Laughs] Like murder is the cherry on top?

Amanda: Yeah! I, I’ve been –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – have a little murder as a treat!

Sarah: [Laughs] I don’t think you need to make murder, you know, your treat; you could just make it part of your, you know, your daily existence! What am I saying? I think I, I think I, I think – [laughs] –

Amanda: Find a spare five minutes to just squeeze in a quick murder?

Sarah: Yeah! You know. I’m pretty sure that when I sign on, I had to click a little button that said I wouldn’t break the law, and now I’m wondering if I’m, like, aiding and abetting and stuff now.

Amanda: I’m too – come on, Sarah; I have got great work ethic, but you know I’m too lazy to actually commit a murder.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: But, like, I have –

Sarah: Also, you’re already in bed; today’s off the table.

Amanda: True.

Sarah: You’re already in bed. [Laughs]

Amanda: Yeah, this is true. I’m in bed; there, I’m not getting out of it, and let – the murder has to come to me. If the murder comes to me –

Sarah: [Laughs] Ohhh –

Amanda: But I have, like, this fitness app called Seven, and it’s like, do a workout in seven minutes! And it, like, reminds you. It’s like, you can fit seven minutes of exercise into your day! But I’m imagining that as, like, instead of working out it’s, like, murder. You’ve got seven minutes for a murder!

Sarah: [Laughs] Here’s, here’s, here’s the plot! Here’s what you need to do! A little, little, like a combination map, like a little guided tour.

Amanda: Yep! You’ve got seven minutes; you can do it!

Sarah: I can’t believe we’re not receiving a thousand and one messages about murders we need to commit.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh my gosh.

Amanda: Please don’t. Please don’t send us –

Sarah: Please – yeah, we’re, we’re already weeding through trolls that want to know about what we think about hemorrhoids. That was a message we did not play, by the way.

Amanda: Interesting! I don’t have an opinion.

Sarah: Yeah! I don’t have an opinion either. You know, they’re –

Amanda: I’m indifferent. If someone needed my official stance on hemorrhoids, I don’t have an opinion.

Sarah: You are, you are without an opinion on this one. Okay, good to know.

Amanda: Yeah, yeah.

Sarah: Good to know. I get it.

Amanda: [Laughs] I’m going on the record as saying I don’t have an opinion.

Sarah: So what are some of the first things that you want to do when the world opens back up?

Amanda: Go to a fucking movie theater is what I want. I want to just sit in those sticky, gross, creaky seats.

Sarah: Oh my stars.

Amanda: Put my feet up, ‘cause they have the little feet recliners. Order –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – a damn Icee –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – some salty popcorn, and –

Sarah: Oh.

Amanda: – a, a thing of Sour Patch Kids, and I’d pay eighty dollars –

Sarah: [Laughs] For the Sour Patch Kids!

Amanda: I would gladly pay the eighty dollars –

Sarah: Right?

Amanda: – and just sit in a movie theater –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – in the dark.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: With nothing else to distract me but this huge-ass screen in front of me. That’s all I want to do.

Sarah: Yep. Yep, I get it! I get it, I get it! I want my kids to be able to go to camp. I mean, I’d even tolerate school, but really I want them to be able to go to camp. And if that happens, then for myself – [inhales] – I want to travel. I just want to go and –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – I, I want to travel; I want to be other places; I – and, and I want to be other places knowing I’m not endangering anybody, you know?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Like, I’m so incredibly self-conscious when I go anywhere now. I want to be able to, to go and experience different places and know, and know that I’m not endangering anyone? And that no one’s endangering me. Like, I don’t want to leave my county because I know the restrictions here are stronger than in other places, and I’m like, okay, I’m just going to stay here in my tiny little area. Sometimes the only time I leave the house for a week is to just walk my dogs every day.

Amanda: I would just also love to see my brother. My brother is overseas. I would just love to be able to visit him or have him, like –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – come visit me and not have to worry about anything.

Sarah: Yeah. I have a question: you mentioned salty food –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and, and, and I, I, I have to ask, did you see this video of this woman in this tank top making nachos on her counter?

Amanda: I was aghast. I –

Sarah: You saw this, right? I, okay, first of all –

Amanda: I –

Sarah: – it wasn’t a hallucination.

Amanda: No, I was so upset.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: I was so upset with that video.

Sarah: I was very, I was, I was yelling, and Adam was in the kitchen, and he’s like, what, what are you looking at? And I’m like, I’m going to make you watch it; I’m sorry.

Amanda: She mixes it with paint scrapers!

Sarah: Yeah! Mm-hmm. Here’s the thing I don’t get: I understand that this is a shtick and it’s, you know, it’s, it’s –

Amanda: God, I hope –

Sarah: – for the virality, so that, you know, for the virality of it, and, you know, there was clearly some preparation there, because there’s a lot of tools and ingredients. How did she not get any cheese on her tank top? How is it that her tank top is pristine? How?

Amanda: Okay, one –

Sarah: How?!

Amanda: – she’s, she’s mixing this on her fucking counter, which to me is disgusting. Two –

Sarah: Oh – I clean my counter and I wouldn’t do that.

Amanda: – she mixes everything together, including – so she mixes the canned nacho cheese, tomatoes –

Sarah: A giant, giant can.

Amanda: – tomatoes, shredded lettuce, guac, jalapeno, beans, ground meat, and then she mixes in the tortillas, mixes, mixes it up, mixes it up –

Sarah: Kneads them in.

Amanda: – like she’s at a fucking Cold Stone Creamery.

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: Scoops it with an ice cream scoop into a tortilla shaped like an ice cream cone.

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: Okay, first, first on the docket here –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – I –

Sarah: I had a feeling this would personally offend you because of –

Amanda: Oh my God, I was –

Sarah: – your nacho love.

Amanda: – horrified.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Nachos are my favorite food, okay, and I love them because of the variety of textures they get. If you’re going to mix tortilla chips into a mixture –

Sarah: Oh no!

Amanda: – of guac and nacho cheese, those chips are not going to be crunchy for very long. They’re going to get soggy and fucking gross, okay?

Sarah: Soggy is bad!

Amanda: And, like, shredded lettuce? Like, shredded lettuce goes on top of your nachos; you do not mix it into your nachos.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: I, oh, I was so, so mad watching that.

Sarah: I, I, I had a feeling you would take that personally.

Amanda: It looks – 

Sarah: I had a feeling that would just be a personal affront.

Amanda: And after she mixes it, it looks like baby poop. It’s like that, like, dull –

Sarah: [Laughs] Can confirm!

Amanda: – dull green color, and she scoops it with an ice cream scoop.

Sarah: And puts it in a cone.

Amanda: What is wrong with people?

Sarah: How did she not get any of that on the tank top is the part I don’t understand.

Amanda and Sarah: I mean –

Sarah: – how?

Amanda: Clearly she’s in league with the devil. Like –

Sarah: I don’t know; I like the – I don’t know! I mean, you’re the one who wants seven minutes to commit murder. I think you’re insulting the devil there.

Amanda: But this is just a crime against humanity!

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: It’s a crime against food. I’m sure it violates some law on the Geneva Convention or something.

Sarah: Yeah, that was, that, I knew that would, I knew that would, that would –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – that you would take that very personally.

Amanda: I almost tweeted about it, and I’m like, Amanda, no. Like, everyone else is –

Sarah: No, just let it go.

Amanda: – gross. You just –

Sarah: Just let it go. Yep. [Laughs]

Amanda: So at first I couldn’t decide what the hell the nacho cheese was? I’m like, is that, like, peanut butter? What the fuck is that? Like, what am I looking at here? I feel like it was one of those, like, magic eye paintings. Like, the longer I stare it, I’m like, make it make sense.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Make it make sense, please.

Sarah: If I keep looking, this is going to make sense at some point.

Amanda: Yeah. There’s going to be some sort of image; it’s going to click. I’m going to be like, that’s a boat. Great. I see it.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: God. Oh, I was so mad and disgusted, and it just, why would you do that to nachos? Why would you do that?

Sarah: The nachos, the nachos –

Amanda: What did they –

Sarah: – deserve so much better.

Amanda: What did they ever do to you?

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: God.

Sarah: I feel like I need to send you good nachos to make up for what your eyeballs have witnessed.

Amanda: My – so I love nachos; my favorite nachos in the greater Boston area come from a place called Painted Burro. They have chorizo on them –

Sarah: Oh, yum.

Amanda: – pickled carrots and onions.

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: They, they’re just the best nachos I’ve ever had. They’re so good. I’ve gotten those nachos as both delivery and takeout since the pandemic started.

Sarah: Nice! See, you’ve got to keep your favorite places in gear, right?

Amanda: I kn-, well, for, so for Valentine’s Day, so for Eric and I’s anniversary, we did takeout of, like, a three-course meal from a restaurant we loved, which was delicious.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: And so for Valentine’s Day, we’re doing that, but, like, another place? So this is, it’s like the Valentine’s Day Dumpling Kit. So you get, like –

Sarah: [Gasps]

Amanda: – bao buns, dumplings, fried rice, bok choy –

Sarah: Ohhh –

Amanda: – and then I think like a passion fruit panna cotta and a bottle of wine.

Sarah: Nice!

Amanda: For like eighty bucks, and so we’re going to get that as takeout for Valentine’s Day.

Sarah: You’ve seen my theory of humanity, right?

Amanda: Oh, I don’t know.

Sarah: That the purest expression – okay, my, the purest expression of human love is the fact that in every culture, in every cuisine, and in every language, there is a word, possibly multiple words, for a food that is wrapped in a dough and then cooked.

Amanda: Oh yeah!

Sarah: And that, and that is the purest expression of human love. It is always comfort food –

Amanda: And some cultures have, have multiple foods like that too!

Sarah: Exactly! So there’s bao buns, dumplings, and all of the different kinds of dim sum. There’s, there’s knishes and kreplach, and there’s – my brain just went blank.

Amanda: Samosas.

Sarah: Samosas and sambusas, and they’re – like, think about it: in every culture –

Amanda: Empanadas?

Sarah: Pierogis!

Amanda: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: Yeah, in every culture there is – this is, this is my, Sarah’s Theory of, of Human, of Human Love: in every culture there is a food that is wrapped in a dough and then it is cooked. It could be fried, it could be steamed; it could be, you know, slow roasted; I don’t care, but that is the expression of human love: that we take a thing, and we put the food in the dough, and then we cook the dough, and in every culture there’s a name or a language or a variation, but it’s essentially food + dough = love. This is my theory.

Amanda: I would love to just have, like, a potluck, when things are normal again and we can see people, where it’s like, you have to bring one of those dishes. Like, that’s all it is.

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: Food in dough potluck!

[music]

Sarah: So you know I want to know what you’re bringing to the global potluck of love, right? What is your favorite food in a dough that is cooked? How many words for that do you know in how many different cultures? And seriously, what are you bringing to the potluck? It’s going to be awesome.

You can always email me at [email protected], or you can join us, 7:30 p.m. Eastern on Stereo. Just download the Stereo app at stereo.com/smartbitches. It’s super easy to use. There’s a really fun avatar creation element, and we love seeing your avatars, and you just hit one button to record messages like the ones you heard in this episode, and if you’re feeling a little lonely, come hang out with us! We can promise food and books and silliness, and I definitely want to know about what your favorite food in a dough that is cooked is either way. I mean, I really, no, seriously, I, I do want to know; dough is getting me through. I hope that you will join us for our next broadcast, Tuesday nights, 7:30 p.m. Eastern, stereo.com/smartbitches. That’s Tuesday nights, 7:30 Eastern on stereo.com/smartbitches.

Now, if you are looking for a podcast to try and you like food, you should definitely check out Dinner Sisters:

Kate: Hi! I’m Kate.

Betsy: And I’m Betsy. We’re the Dinner Sisters: two sisters taking on the nightly challenge of dinner. Every week, we test and review three recipes from all over the internet. We post new episodes every Sunday to give you some dinner inspiration.

Kate: One of our favorite things about podcasting is being together as sisters. Here’s a clip about our relationship and a little bit about food:

[music]

Betsy: I bake it, I pull it out to the table, and I take it off, and Brian’s like, is that fish not gutted?

Kate: [Gasps]

Betsy: What is going on?

Kate: Ohhh!

Betsy: Yes. So I had not gutted the fish.

Kate: Had there not been fish guts all over the place, I think your kids would have thought it was cool?

Betsy: If you’d like to join us for dinner, you can find us at www.dinnersisters.com, Spotify, iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts. We’ll save a spot at the table for you.

Sarah: [Laughs] Oh my gosh, that spot made me laugh! I will have links to where – [still laughing] – you – oh my goodness! – where you can find Dinner Sisters – fish guts optional. Oh my goodness. Their show is terrific; definitely check it out if you would like hilarity and dinner ideas. I mean, and who doesn’t want hilarity and dinner ideas, right?

Now, I will have links to every single book – wow, there were a lot of them in this episode – in the show notes at smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast, and I’ll have links to our Stay Golden, Horny Girl campaign, which ends Tuesday the 23rd of February, so if you’re thinking about it, don’t think too much longer, ‘cause it’s going to end, and then it’s a limited time only. But I will tell you, just between you and me right now – shh, don’t tell – we have raised over seven hundred dollars for the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. I’m so excited! So if you’ve ordered something, thank you! This is so cool!

And as always, I end with a terrible joke, and if you, like me, are now thinking about dumplings and dim sum and pierogis and kreplach, this joke is tangentially related to that. M’kay? Very tangentially, but it’s a food joke!

Why shouldn’t you put catsup on your shopping list?

Why shouldn’t you put catsup on your shopping list?

Because if you do, you won’t be able to read it!

[Laughs] So silly; I love it so much! Ah, that one is crazyfortaco, which, again, I can confirm; totally agree.

Thank you for joining me, and thank you for joining me and Amanda on Tuesday nights if you’ve joined in our Stereo broadcasts as well. We are having a really good time, and I’ll be honest: it’s really lifting my mood. I’m really struggling with the Quarantimes this week, so this has made me feel so much better.

On behalf of everyone here, we wish you a wonderful weekend. We’ll be back next week, Tuesday nights on Stereo, Wednesday nights and Sunday afternoons on Twitch, and Fridays on the podcast. You can’t escape me; I’m just everywhere. Thank you for listening.

Smart Podcast, Trashy Books is part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find more outstanding podcasts, like Dinner Sisters, to subscribe to at frolic.media/podcasts.

[pleasant music]