431. Amanda and Sarah’s Q&A Part Deux: Silly Bugaloo

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Sarah Wendell: Hello, and welcome to episode number 431 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell. With me is Amanda, and we are back with more questions from our Patreon community. We have questions about books, about romance covers, about food – of course we’re talking about food – and we have some strong opinions. I especially have strong opinions, and yes, there is much silliness.

Thank you again to the Patreon community for providing the very silly, much needed, wonderful questions for this episode. I hope you have been enjoying these episodes as much as we have.

And I want to send a special hello to Nicole and to her cats Chloe and Molly. Hey, y’all! How you doing?

This episode is brought to you by Hello Fresh, America’s number one meal kit. I am pretty thrilled to add Hello Fresh to our weekly menu, because the recipes are incredibly easy, everything is pre-portioned, and it adds something new to the meal schedule, which, as you probably know, can get a little redundant ‘cause we’re all inside cooking at home all the time. Hello Fresh offers low-calorie, vegetarian, and kid-friendly recipes, and ninety percent of their ingredients are sourced directly from growers, so everything is fresh and high quality. This week we tried Firecracker Meatballs with Roasted String Beans and Jasmine Rice, and it was ridiculous how good it was. I really liked that we put our thirteen-year-old in charge again. Because the instructions are so easy to follow and so clear, it helps him because he wants to learn to cook, and Hello Fresh made the opportunity perfect for him and for us. We get to try new recipes that are easy to follow and delicious, he got to be in charge of cooking, and it was a perfect Quarantimes evening activity. Go to hellofresh.com/TRASHYBOOKS80 and use code TRASHYBOOKS80 to get a total of eighty dollars off across five boxes, including free shipping on your first box. That’s TRASHYBOOKS80 or hellofresh.com/TRASHYBOOKS80: get a total of eighty dollars off across five boxes, including free shipping on your first box.

Hello again and thank you to our Patreon community. Thank you for making this episode so much fun. You are all creative and hilarious and thoughtful and silly, and we appreciate your questions so much.

If you would like to be part of the Patreon community and perchance build another silly episode like this one, have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches. Monthly pledges start at one dollar. Each pledge helps ensure that every episode receives a transcript and keeps the show going every week. Thank you to the Patreon community for making this and every episode so great.

Wilbur: Meow.

Sarah: Wilbur agrees.

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At the end of this episode I will have a terrible joke, and in the show notes I’ll have links to everything we talk about. But now, let’s get started with part two of our silly Q&A featuring me and Amanda.

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Sarah: Nice hair!

Amanda: It’s, it’s called pineappling.

Sarah: Wait, it has a name?

Amanda: Yeah. So, when you have curly hair, you –

Sarah: Oh, already you’re speaking a language I don’t speak.

Amanda: I know.

Sarah: Yeah. Whoa!

Amanda: When you have curly hair, for, like, the curly girl method or whatever, to, they, they don’t want you to sleep on your curls. So one of the things –

Sarah: So do you hang upside down like a bat?

Amanda: I do.

Sarah: Awesome!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Just what I wanted to know.

Amanda: So, like, some of the suggestions are, like, sleep on a satin pillowcase and get a, a silk scarf and wrap it around your head!

Sarah: I would be very hot if I had a –

Amanda: I’m not going to do that.

Sarah: – if I wrapped my hair. I’d be very warm.

Amanda: So one of the suggestions is called pineappling, where you essentially gather all of your hair on top of your head like the leaves of a pineapple, so the part you’re lying on is the back part and not, like, all of the curls.

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: I’m a pineapple!

Sarah: Looks very, very comfortable!

Amanda: [Laughs] Which just means, like, this is my sleep hair, and I haven’t done anything with it since I woke up –

Sarah: I mean, why’d you –

Amanda: – approximately like seven hours ago.

Sarah: Why should you?

Amanda: And I also, before the stream, preordered the ultimate Assassin’s Creed edition –

Sarah: [Gasps]

Amanda: – ‘cause I was like, you know what? Fuck it! I’m going to treat myself –

Sarah: You should!

Amanda: – and get the ultimate pack, and so it’s preordered, and there is a countdown on my TV currently that’s like Assassin’s Creed Valhalla is launching in like ten hours and fifty minutes or whatever. [Laughs]

Sarah: [Gasps] Where did you order it? Did you order it through Steam?

Amanda: No, I got it – see, I prefer playing those games on my PlayStation?

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: So, yeah, I have a PS4, so it’s ready to go when the clock strikes midnight!

Sarah: That is awesome.

Amanda: I’m so excited.

Sarah: This is going to be like your whole Thanksgiving week, right?

Amanda: Yeah! This is all I’m going to do! All I’m going to do. And that’s okay.

Sarah: I think that’s brilliant.

Amanda: So. Ready to go.

Sarah: Are you ready for, are you ready for round two of questions?

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: Did you take a look? I sent these earlier, ‘cause these are –

Amanda: I did. I did take a look.

Sarah: – these, there are a little bit more thoughtful.

Amanda: Let me go back to the document.

Sarah: But I do feel like some of these are going to create responses that, for me, will be, for, for my, my responses will be heavily opinionated.

Amanda: Yeah! I mean, I –

Sarah: I have some strong opinions about some of these.

Amanda: There are some that I’m like, ooh, I do not have an answer for that one. But there are some that’s, like, easy peas. Got it.

Sarah: Yep! So our first question – and again, I have work going on outside my window, so –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – the landscapers are guest starring in this episode.

Amanda: Hi, landscapers!

Sarah: Yep! My, my backyard looks like something good! Woof!

Varian R.: “What’s your favorite, and least favorite, type of romance book cover?”

And I’ve asked some of the people who asked these questions in the thread –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – on Patreon to answer – [ring tone] – of course I’m a bad podcaster and –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – I left my phone on! Bad podcaster!

Amanda: Total professional; podcasting professional here.

Sarah: I know; totally forgot to turn off my phone. All right.

Varian answered, “My least fave is starting to become those historical romance covers where you can tell They Do Not Want To Be There.”

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: And I know exactly what kind of cover –

Amanda: It’s like the –

Sarah: – they’re talking about.

Amanda: – like, the position where, like, the lady’s like, oh no! Like –

Sarah: Like, ohhh! And they look very serious, and I guess they’re kind of going for adversarial, but mostly they just look really un-, unhappy to be there. Yeah.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: I know exactly what kind of cover they’re talking about.

Amanda: I don’t have strong opinions on, on covers. I mean, I do, we do see a lot of goofy ones for Cover Snark.

Sarah: Dr. Nips.

Amanda: And, like, I do the Books on Sale, so I look at a lot of weird covers that, like, are part of, you know, books on sale newsletters that I subscribe to.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: But I don’t think a cover has ever deterred me from picking up a book. A cover has made me pick up a book, but I’ve never looked at a cover and been like, ooh, I don’t know about that.

Sarah: Yeah, I’ve never had a cover make me go, I’m not reading this, I’m so mad.

Amanda: Yeah, and I –

Sarah: Because I al-, I also know enough about how the sausage is made, no pun intended, that the cover –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – is decided on by people who’ve, often have very little to do with the intricate development of the book inside of it. The, the cover is marketing: it has a different job than the book itself.

Amanda: I know a lot of people have Opinions on illustrated covers, ‘cause often it conveys, like, a lightness that might not be found in the cover, or in the book –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – but as someone who works in a bookstore, I can tell you that the traditional clinch covers do not sell with people looking to pick up romances. People will buy romances that have cutesy illustrated covers, not photography covers with a hero and heroine embracing on them. Like, those do not sell, at least in the independent bookstore I work at. And –

Sarah: Do you know why that is? Is it because that image of romance is, is outdated with that buying audience?

Amanda: Yes. Yes.

Sarah: That makes sense! That, mean, I get it!

Amanda: I have tried to hand sell a Tessa Dare, and someone –

Sarah: With a clinch cover.

Amanda: – yeah, and someone’s like, oh, I can’t read this in public. They literally said that to my face, and I’m like, why not?

Sarah: Wow!

Amanda: And they’re like, well, just look – I was like, nobody cares; it’s a great book! She didn’t buy it. She bought some other romances, like, Evie Dunmore, Kate Clayborn, the illustrated –

Sarah: Yeah. The illustrated –

Amanda: – covers!

Sarah: – cover overcomes a hurdle for the buyer –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – who sees the, the, the clinch image of people as outdated.

Amanda: Yeah, and I know there are purists out there who are, like, anti illustrated cover –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – but I’m of the – I know this is not the question that was asked, but – [laughs] – I’m of the opinion that if it gets more people interested in romance and it gets, like, the foot into the, the foot in the door, then they might consider picking up a romance that has a clinch cover!

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: You know, it’s, it’s less scary for whatever reason, but for me, YA kills it when it comes to good covers.

Sarah: Oh, their art, their art direction and their artists are so talented!

Amanda: I love a shiny element on a cover. You don’t see –

Sarah: Oh, like a shine, like a foil or something?

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: You don’t see that in romance, but I love a shiny element. But romance covers, you know, I look at bad ones all the time –

Sarah: [Laughs] We see a lot of those!

Amanda: – and –

Sarah: People email them to us by the bushel!

Amanda: Yeah! Sweet Carole –

Sarah: Oh, Carole! We love you, Carole!

Amanda: – has a whole desktop folder of them, and she will send us, like, just a big old bushel of ‘em at one time.

Sarah: Oh, it’s lovely! A bushel of peckers.

Amanda: And, like, I also know that, like, the cover sometimes isn’t really indicative of what you’re going to get either –

Sarah: No.

Amanda: – ‘cause we have people who look at Cover Snark and go find the books on Amazon and, like –

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: – this actually sounds really good! And they’ll but it and read it!

Sarah: Cover Snark will, Cover Snark moves books.

Amanda: Yeah! So –

Sarah: Everything moves books! Every, every – this is a thing I wish I could just sit down and explain to authors: (1) you and your book are not the same thing, and I know you’re intimately connected with the book, but you and your book are not the same, and so if we give a, a low grade, a negative grade, a negative comment to a book –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – (a) it’s not about you; it really isn’t. These are –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – very separate things for us. Number two, an F review will sell books. A D review –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – will sell books. An A review will sell books. They will sell books because I promise there is someone who’s like, oh, I love all of those things! One-click buy! It is the same in reverse as when you see somebody go, ugh! This book had way too much sex in it! And like half of romance goes, I’m sorry, what was the title again? Could you spell that for me?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So –

Amanda: I will say, one of my least favorite things on a cover is inappropriate clothing for the setting that they are in.

Sarah: Oh, so like a historical, and she’s wearing, like, an ‘80s prom gown?

Amanda: Or, like, stop being shirtless in the snow!

Sarah: [Laughs] Or fighting a fire!

Amanda: It’s like, you’re going to get –

Sarah: You’re going to die! If – [laughs] –

Amanda: – frostbite on your nips or something like – put a shirt on!

Sarah: [Still laughing] Put a shirt on!

Amanda: Which is why, I think it was featured in Cover Snark, there was a contemporary romance by Amy Andrews that was recently on sale, and the guy has, like, a flannel and a jacket and a comfy blanket, and I’m like, this is what I’m here for! Not these –

Sarah: [Laughs more] This guy is seasonally appropriate and brought me a blanket!

Amanda: – shirtless in the snow; are you kidding me? Like, no one’s wearing gloves or a hat or a scarf. Nothing! So – and I just have to think, like, I don’t know, like, New England winters can get bad, but, like, Midwest winters –

Sarah: Oh yeah, those are both places where if you’re dumb the, the, the weather will kill you.

Amanda: I know Elyse says she’s got a car blanket –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – for when it gets super cold!

Sarah: Yeah! Oh yeah.

Amanda: So that’s one thing that really, like, grinds my gears is, like, put a jacket on!

Sarah: I do not have specific things that I can point out as favorites. Like you, it’s sort of like, oh, that, that looks interesting! Oh, that’s fine –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – but I see the cover as such a separate element from the book inside. Like, I know what the cover is trying to do and I know it’s different from what the book is trying to do, but I will say, I really hate shirtless man chest. I hate ripply-ab, naked man covers. I really don’t like them. They do nothing for me.

Amanda: I –

Sarah: And I, and I hate them for a number of reasons. One – strong opinion time –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – I think that it fetishizes male anatomy in a way that is a disservice to humans general. I look at that and I think, okay, I know what you have to do to maintain that physique, and that does not leave enough time for you to do anything except work out, eat eggs, and not have a romance. Like, the, the amount of time you have to spend building that physique is substantial. I don’t like the accusation that romance gives people unrealistic emotional expectations, but I do think that the preponderance of extremely hypertrophied musculature and extremely thin women on the covers is unrealistic expectations, and it perv-, and it, and it perpetuates this idea that there’s only a very certain visual standard that gets happiness, and I do not like the shirtless covers. So there is my strong opinion.

Amanda: On your soapbox.

Sarah: I will climb off my soapbox and shut the hell up now, because it’s just me! I mean, I know people –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – who love a good shirtless cover, and I’m just like, eh! Why?

Amanda: But also, like, a shirtless cover won’t necessarily keep you from reading the book either. Just, like, that’s what we’re doing and it’s –

Sarah: No! No, I like, oh, look, there’s another guy with his shirt open, but it’s still tucked in, ‘cause that’s how we roll here, and then I just go to page one, and if I’m reading digitally, which most of the time I am –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – the gal- –

Amanda: You don’t even see the covers.

Sarah: I don’t even see the cover. Sometimes the galley doesn’t have a cover.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Sometimes the cover is a tool for me to badly remember what the book is, and that’s its job.

Amanda: I also, I will say, I love in- – shirtless man covers don’t bother me, but if said shirtless man has chest hair –

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: – I do a double-take –

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: – because, like, that’s not –

Sarah: Good point!

Amanda: – something we, we usually see, because usually they’re smooth like a baby dolphin.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: It just, you know, slip-slide right off of it.

Sarah: Yeah. They do often have a, have a sheen to them.

Amanda: Yeah! And then, like, is it oil? Is it sweat? What is this slickness here? But yeah, I, I take more notice because it’s not the norm.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: I would love it if it, like, matched the inside, where there is, literally, the hero is just a guy who never wears a shirt, ever.

Sarah: [Laughs] I’m sorry; I’m allergic to clothes.

Amanda: Like, what you see is what you get: no shirt at any time, ‘cause –

Sarah: I’m allergic to clothing.

Amanda: – he lost his shirts in a horrible fire –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – and he’s on a quest for new shirts.

Sarah: That’s why he’s in the snow! He lost his shirt!

Amanda: He’s lost his, all of his shirts.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: That’s his tragic backstory is, like, his –

Sarah: He lost his –

Amanda: – bespoke shirts –

Sarah: He lost his shirt, his shirt allergy. It’s like when I change Geralt’s clothes in Witcher; I take off his shirt and it’s like, whoa! Damn!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Just run around and fight demons like that, why don’t you?

All right, Ashton T. would like to know, “What rom com would you most want your life to be like?” Or what – and: “What non rom com movie (action/ horror etc) would you like to see redone with romantic elements?”

Ashton’s suggestions are: “She’s the Man for the rom com! (Got to love the 2000s):)))) –“

Amanda: That’s a very good movie; I enjoy it.

Sarah: That’s a good one. “ – and any scifi movie have more romance. Especially Serenity/firefly:))))” and would also like to point out that there are “(no nose on my smiles lol:))”

Amanda: [Laughs] So my favorite rom-com of all time, though I would not want my life to be like this, is She’s All That with Rachel Leigh Cook and Freddie Prinze Jr.

Sarah: I love that movie!

Amanda: That movie, I can quote that, the movie’s so good – R.I.P. Paul Walker who’s in there. None of them look like high schoolers at all –

Sarah: No.

Amanda: What kind of high school is this? There’s a weird dance number in the middle of prom with –

Together: – Usher –

Amanda: – DJing. [Laughs]

Sarah: Like, the all, all, all of the school learned this dance and then performs it for – it’s so weird.

Amanda: And it has the classic takes her glasses off, walks down the stairs in a tight red dress and – though she does fall, ‘cause she doesn’t have her glasses on, so.

Sarah: Mm-hmm, yeah.

Amanda: That is my favorite rom-com, but if I could pick one I would want mine to be like? I thought about this, and I’m like, let’s go full bonkers.

Sarah: Oh, I love when you go full bonkers!

Amanda: [Laughs] Let’s go full bonkers –

Sarah: You are making good choices!

Amanda: – and pick Enchanted with Amy Adams and Patrick Dempsey. [Laughs]

Sarah: Oh, what a good choice!

Amanda: Just some man from a storybook just bursts into my life. He can see and commune with, like, little cartoon birds. Every day for him is a musical. That’s what I would pick.

Sarah: I once made a list of my favorite rom-coms, and then I realized that I have a late ‘80s collection, a mid ‘90s collection, and then a 2000s collection.

Amanda: Well, there’s, there’re like –

Sarah: They’re little clusters, right?

Amanda: Yes, they are!

Sarah: So I love the movie Roxanne with –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – Daryl Hannah and Steve Martin and it’s a –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – Cyrano de Bergerac retelling. Shelley Duvall is in it? It is –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – so cute and adorable, and the thing I like the most about it is that Daryl Hannah has moved to this small town in the northwest because she’s an astrologer – astronomer? Astrol- – no. Astronomer! Gosh, Sarah, astronomer!

Amanda: Astronomer is stars; astrology is, is –

Sarah: Horoscopes. I always cross those in my brain. Thank you. She’s an astronomer, and she has potentially discovered a comet, but she has to find it and document it and can’t tell anyone, so she’s a little secretive? And she has this big-ass telescope that she has to carry up to the widow’s walk –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – and so of course Steve Martin’s character helps, but you might have seen the pictures; it’s the one where Steve Martin has the really big nose?

Amanda: Yeah, it’s a Cyrano de Bergerac retelling.

Sarah: Exactly, and he is very funny in that whole thing about his nose. Like, he gets really pissed off but then learns to accept himself because she likes him? It’s so charming! I love that one. I would be okay with that one.

What movie would you want to be redone with romantic elements?

Amanda: I don’t know if there’s one I’d want to be – so The Old Guard I loved, I loved. There’s not, though, an explicitly stated romance. Like, the main character – I can’t remember her name; it’s like, I think it starts with an A? Andy. Andy I think is what it was. Charlize Theron, it is alluded that she’s had, like, relationships with other people, but I would have – she kicks such ass – I would have liked to see some smooching in that movie, while she’s kicking ass. So, I think that’s –

Sarah: That’s a good choice.

Amanda: Yeah! That’s what I would pick, I think.

Sarah: I can find the romantic elements in anything. Like, there are shows that I only watch because I, I know that there’s going to be, like, smooching.

Amanda: I would rath-, but, like, I like overtly romantic elements. Like, do not be vague with me.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Just, like, beat me over the head with it.

Sarah: Bam, bam, bam!

Amanda: Like, that’s what – yeah.

Sarah: I can’t, I don’t watch that much action or horror, so I don’t really have an answer! ‘Cause there, there isn’t much that I, that I watch that I know where, where I – there isn’t much that I watch where there’s no element at all. Like, even –

Amanda: So in terms of horror –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – I watched the movie Ready or Not, which was so good, and my, like, romantic brain envisioned, like, a different ending. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone. But –

Sarah: I don’t think I can answer this one.

Amanda: – there could have been, like, a really sweet, romantic ending –

Sarah: Mmm!

Amanda: – I think, to the movie. But the way it ended was lovely too. Like, I don’t have any complaints about the movie. It was a lot of fun, but there is, like, this really tender scene. [Laughs] I’m like, aw, that would have been sweet! So that’s another one.

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: But like I said, both, both The Old Guard and Ready or Not were good. I don’t feel like it was missing anything that –

Sarah: No, but, you know, more, more smooching improves things.

Amanda: More smooching all the time!

Sarah: I, I get it! I mean, good thing –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – we work in romance.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Jacqueline S. wants to know, “What romance trope do you think is underrated and why?” Jacqueline’s answer for this question was, “’There’s only one bed’ is my forever and always favorite (but obviously it’s popular for a reason). Underrated trope: letter writing/epistolary romance.”

Can confirm. Hard same.

Amanda: Sarah loves those.

Sarah: That is my favorite, because it feeds into what is my overall favorite trope, which is when two characters become their honest, real, flawed selves with each other, and the reason that they do that is somehow put on a fast track. Like, we’re fake dating and we have to pretend to know each other; or there’s writing letters, and no one’s going to see them but you; or writing texts, and no one’s going to see them but the other person. Like, that is my absolute favorite. I love it, and I, I completely agree. Letter-writing, epistolary romance, notes on Post-it notes, text messages, Whats-, I don’t care WhatsApp, whatever. That’s, that’s my thing. What about you?

Amanda: So I feel like There’s Only One Bed, that trope became, like, my fanfiction staple. Like, that’s –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – I would, I feel like I would only read fanfic that had There’s Only One Bed trope. But I feel like the ones that I enjoy aren’t underrated. I love Enemies to Lovers –

Sarah: Mm.

Amanda: – but a lot of people like that. I don’t think it’s, like, niche. So I don’t know! I don’t think I have, like, an underrated one. There are pretty common ones that I enjoy. There are ones that I think are overrated.

Sarah: Really!

Amanda: Well, like, I’ve talked, I think second-chance romances and Friends to Lovers are boring.

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: They are, like, Ambien for me.

Sarah: There’s not enough stakes for you, whereas those are some of my favorites, because it’s who was I then and who am I now? But, see, I think you like more, I feel like more sexual chemistry and some external conflict.

Amanda: Yes. I prefer external conflict?

Sarah: While I like internal conflict, which makes sense!

Amanda: Well, yeah. In the Space Is Horny podcast episode we did, it was like, I want a romance where it’s like, if we bang the world is going to implode. Like, that’s –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – that’s the level of stakes I want. Like, you know, if we kiss, some weird prophecy will be fulfilled, and, you know, a black hole is going to open up and just rip apart the universe is –

Sarah: We really cannot be together, it would be very bad, but I still have feelings in my pants.

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Yep, I get it!

Amanda: Yeah! So I don’t – and I also, I do love a pairing of, like, sunshiny one and grumpy one, but I also feel like that’s popular! I don’t think I have, like, an underrated one.

Sarah: Mm. All right, Jacqueline S. has two more questions.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: In the middle, we have a food question.

Amanda: Okay. Love a food question.

Sarah: “What strong opinions do you have about popular foods like pizza and baked potatoes? Pineapple or no? BBQ Sauce? No cheese? Are vegetables allowed?” What are your strong opinions about popular foods?

Amanda: I will eat any and all pizza. I am a human garbage can when it comes to pizza.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: If there are toppings that I don’t want, they’re easily pick-off-able, so a black olive is not going to get in the way of me getting my cheesy, carb-y, delicious goodness.

Sarah: For some reason, pepperoni makes me ill, and even if it’s cooked on the pizza and then removed, that will make me so sick, so I have to –

Amanda: Pepperoni is my favorite!

Sarah: – I have to avoid pepperoni. Meanwhile, we have like a five-pound bag of pepperoni because we put it on pizzas –

Amanda: Mail it to me.

Sarah: – and, and the other kids.

Amanda: Oh, yeah.

Sarah: Yeah, we put it on the pizza for the kids.

Amanda: They’re like little tiny, like, grease cups.

Sarah: These are the ones that actually cup. Like, they, when you cook them they curve up like little Taylor pork rolls.

Amanda: The crispy edges and the little, like –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – well of grease: love it. And then baked potatoes, do people have strong opinions about baked potatoes?

Sarah: I don’t know.

Amanda: I’m an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink baked potato person. Like, chives, sour cream –

Sarah: Oh yeah.

Amanda: – cheese, bacon, just –

Sarah: I have –

Amanda: – put all that shit on there!

Sarah: – I have come to terms with the fact that cruciferous vegetables and I do not get along.

Amanda: I don’t know what the hell that means.

Sarah: So cruciferous, like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower –

Amanda: Okay. Okay.

Sarah: Now, I, one of my, one of my favorite new sayings that I saw on the internet that I want to make into a cross-stitch for myself is, If Cauliflower Can Become Pizza, You Can Become Anything. Like, that is a very hopeful statement, and I can handle a cauliflower pizza crust, but broccoli? It, it just tastes bitter and weird, and it makes me ill, and Brussels sprouts made me think I was going to die. Like, I could just watch –

Amanda: I love – favorite soup –

Sarah: Ugh.

Amanda: – broccoli cheese soup. Love it.

Sarah: No, I cannot.

Amanda: So, speaking of cauliflower crust, one of Stephanie’s coworkers came over to trim Stephanie’s hair, and Stephanie’s like, oh, I’ll get some, like, snacky things, and I’ll, like, feed you, and so Stephanie got, like, a cauliflower crust pizza –

Sarah: Yummy.

Amanda: – to, like, put in the oven. She goes to put it in the oven and discovers she’d just bought a cauliflower crust.

Sarah: [Laughs] She just bought the crust!

Amanda: It was not a pizza; it was just a crust.

Sarah: Oh no!

Amanda: She’s like, well, I don’t know what to do with this!

Sarah: Did you walk in and be like, let me introduce you to cheese?

Amanda: [Laughs] I wound up using it and putting a bunch of, like, cheese on it.

Sarah: Yeah, I was going to say, put cheese all over it! Yep. When we make homemade pizza, I, I usually make a cauliflower crust ‘cause too much carbs plus Sarah is bad times.

Amanda: I love, I made this thing one time called like a cauliflower steak? Those are really good. You take, like, a head of cauliflower and just chop it in half?

Sarah: Oh, and you make a big, thick slab yeah.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: I’ve had roasted cauliflower. Cauliflower doesn’t always taste bitter. Broccoli just –

Amanda: It’s not as bitter.

Sarah: – broccoli tastes like bitter metal to me; it’s weird. I just have to accept this about myself.

Amanda: I mean, let’s all be honest: broccoli and Brussels sprouts, Brussels sprouts smell like farts! So, like –

Sarah: They do! And my God, the gas they give me! I, Brussels sprouts made me think I was dying.

Amanda: It’s like fart in, fart out. It’s just –

Sarah: [Laughs] As I’m watching my abdomen swell up, and I’m in pain, and I’m like, oh my God, what’s happening to me? I’m dying! Is it the Brussels sprouts? And then I looked – oh yeah! Yeah, Brussels sprouts’ll kill you.

Amanda: But I do like pineapple on pizza, which I know is divisive. I will have a barbecue pizza; not my favorite, but I will still eat it.

Sarah: I love taco pizza. Ever have good taco pizza? Oh yeah, that shit is good.

Amanda: No! I’ve had, like, a, a Mexican pizza, but it’s like that weird, like, it, it was like a lunch that we would have in the cafeteria in high school. It was like the weird, like, oc-, octagonal Mexican pizza. I feel like –

Sarah: Uh!

Amanda: – people know what I’m talking about.

Sarah: Oh yeah, it’s totally a school food lunch.

Amanda: Yeah, but, like –

Sarah: Totally.

Amanda: – I pretty much like any vegetables –

Sarah: Now, a taco pizza, best taco pizza I’ve ever had was at a pizzeria in Morgantown, West Virginia, when I worked in a summer camp there, and we would go in and get the taco pizza, and it was regular pizza, cheese, some shredded cheddar, taco beef, spicy stuff –

Amanda: Love it. Here for it.

Sarah: – spicy stuff on top, vegetables, more cheese –

Amanda: Yep.

Sarah: – tomatoes, and shredded lettuce, and some corn chips on top.

Amanda: Ooh, corn chips!

Sarah: Holy fuck, was it good! And, you know, there’s a lot of lettuce, so you could pretend that it was marginally healthy. It was so – oh, and –

Amanda: When I had my –

Sarah: – hot sauce all over it! Mm! Goodness!

Amanda: – I would visit my dad –

Sarah: So good.

Amanda: – the one who died over the summer, we would always get pizza from this place called Antonio’s in, I think, Miramar, Florida. We’d always get a pepperoni and onion, and my favorite pizza to this day is pepperoni and onion, and we’d also get a spinach pizza, which I thought was so good. It’s like a white pizza with spinach and, like, lots of cheese. It’s really good.

Sarah: I do have a strong opinion –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – and mostly this is also because these also make me very, very sick? No clams on pizza.

Amanda: I mean, I’m a no seafood person.

Sarah: No clams. No mussels. I’m allergic to bivalves, they will make me hella sick, but no. Clams. On. Pizza.

Amanda: I don’t eat seafood, so that’s an automatic out.

Sarah: I know, so this is fine; so we can go out and not have clams on pizza –

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: – that’s fine.

Amanda: I, I don’t think, like, I’m a picky eater. Like, I don’t eat seafood because it’s like a texture thing, and you know, there are certain – like, I don’t like olives, but they’re, I’m not going to gag if I have an olive, like if an olive sneaks in somewhere.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: Yeah, I’m pretty, like, flexible when it comes to pizza and potatoes. Like –

Sarah: It’s fine.

Amanda: Yeah. You could, you know, put fucking motor oil on it and I’ll give it a try.

[Laughter]

Sarah: All right, I have a question from Cleo M.; I have two questions from Cleo M.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: One: “If you could describe your favorite romance trope as a drink, what would it be? Or –“

Amanda: Dark and Stormy.

Sarah: Dark and Stormy?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah, you’re right! And I would be a Light and Stormy. That was easy.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Or, or I could be a, a Bee’s Knees.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Which is some bathtub gin and honey syrup and lemon. Or: “if you could describe your favorite hero as a take out dinner, what would they be?”

Amanda: Nachos.

Sarah: Heroic nachos?

Amanda: Yeah. So nachos –

Sarah: Crunchy, crunchy, creamy –

Amanda: – nachos are my very favorite food.

Sarah: – cheesy, spicy. Yeah, I can see it!

Amanda: Layers –

Sarah: Layers.

Amanda: – and you get, like, little pockets of, like, goodness –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – and, like, some, some nacho bites, some, sometimes you get a chip and there’s nothing on it –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – and then sometimes you get a chip and it has everything on it.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: So nachos.

Sarah: That’s a really good answer!

Amanda: Thank you!

Sarah: You’re right!

Amanda: But you’ve got to eat it all in one seating, ‘cause reheating nachos –

Sarah: No.

Amanda: – never goes well.

Sarah: It doesn’t work! They’re no longer crispy!

Amanda: No.

Sarah: It’s just not going to work!

Amanda: You can’t let ‘em sit.

Sarah: If I could have my favorite hero as a take-out dinner, what would it be? I think I would have to answer pizza.

Amanda: Pizza?

Sarah: Pizza, yeah!

Amanda: Why?

Sarah: Because you can, you can put what you want –

Amanda: ‘Cause they’re cheesy!

Sarah: Well, they’re cheesy, and you can put what you want on them. You can make them spicy, you can make them savory, you can make them briny, you can add pineapple. It’s customizable, so my favorite hero would probably be pizza with prosciutto, olives, caramelized onions, feta, and –

Amanda: So you want a, you want a RealDoll for a hero is what –

[Laughter]

Amanda: Completely customizable.

Sarah: No, I just like them –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – salty and briny, basically. My favorite salty, briny –

Amanda: Customized!

Sarah: – salty, briny pizza – no, I like, I like slightly grumpy heroes.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: And I also like, well, I like emotionally fluent heroes, and I like them slightly on the grumpy side. Like, I like betas who are mellow and happy, but I also like heroes that are like, mmm!

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Leave me alone. I like a little misanthrope. So, but that –

Amanda: All right!

Sarah: – that fits Adam. Very kind; very thoughtful; very, very intelligent; really wants everyone to leave him the fuck alone.

Amanda: Okay!

Sarah: I can relate.

All right, Carolyn H.: “Not sure if this has been asked already but if you’re running from a burning building what is the one book you would have to grab, ( e-readers not included).”

Amanda: I made a joke in my head and I, I was going to say, my MacBook!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Carolyn’s answer says, Carolyn says, “in the end I would grab Shel Silverstein’s Where the Sidewalk Ends. It’s within reach on my bookshelf and was a favorite when my kids were younger.”

Now, I don’t have that many books in my house anymore, because when we moved, there were so many books where I’m like, I own this digitally; I’m not paying someone to move it across several state lines –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – that’s just silly. So all of my books fit in this little section in my closet; like, there’s not that many. The book that I would grab that isn’t a fiction book would probably be my wedding album or one of the kids’ albums, where I have baby pictures –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – but they’re, they were born in 2005 and 2007, so they were digital pictures. My wedding is 2000, and I don’t have as many digital images of that, so I might grab my wedding album. ‘Cause my dog is in it in a tux, too. I mean, that’s very important.

Amanda: Aww!

Sarah: Yes, he was a seven-pound Maltese, and he wore a tux. He, he didn’t come to the wedding; the wedding was on a boat.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: He, he, he was home with a dog sitter. But a fiction book that I would grab. Gosh! That’s – I still don’t have an answer. Like, I’m going to –

Amanda: ‘Cause it’d be like, as –

Sarah: – and look in the closet.

Amanda: Well, like, as reviewers –

Sarah: Books are not a commodity.

Amanda: – we get a, we get a lot of books!

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: And so, like, forming an attachment to a book is hard.

Sarah: All right, I have an answer.

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: I, I just stood up and looked in my closet to see what I’ve got in there. First of all, I have hard copies of all my own books, but I would not grab those. That’s fine; I know they’re out in the world; they’re good.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: No, I would grab my three-armed copy of Castles in the Air by Christina Dodd.

Amanda: Ohhh!

Sarah: Because she’s got three hands! If I, do you have any idea how much work I could get done if I had an extra arm?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I’d be so productive!

Amanda: I don’t know if I would get extra work done with that arm, but –

[Laughter]

Sarah: But yeah! I’d grab my three-arm copy of that one, ‘cause it’s, you know, it’s out of print, it’s harder to find.

Amanda: I don’t know what I would get! I don’t have, like, any rare books? I do have a copy of The Phantom Tollbooth that –

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: – I had signed by Norton, by the author, Norton Juster, who came to the BPL.

Sarah: [Gasps]

Amanda: He’s, like, old as dirt! So I have a signed copy of The Phantom Tollbooth.

Sarah: That’s a good choice to grab.

Amanda: Yeah! I mean, like, the rest, easily replaceable.

Sarah: Yeah, that’s why I’d grab my wedding album: it’s not easily replaceable.

Amanda: Yeah. I have one book – this goes back to the question from the first episode about what piece of clothing can’t you throw away, but you can’t wear?

Sarah: Mm-hmm?

Amanda: So that very same boyfriend gifted me one of his favorite books, which was a very short book called We – W-E – by Yevgeny Zamyatin, which is a dystopian novel, one of the first dystopian novels. It was published in the 1920s, Russian author –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: – he was, like, exiled. But he gifted me this copy, and he, like, made all these notes, and there’s, like, stuff in, like, marginalia and underlines –

Sarah: Wow!

Amanda: – and it was just like a, such a personal, lovely gift.

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: And I don’t know; like, I still have it, and it’s, like, sentimental, and no one’s ever given me a similar gift before, so maybe I would take that.

Sarah: Aww!

Amanda: I don’t know! But, yeah, most of my books –

Sarah: Whatever happened to that dude?

Amanda: – I would –

Sarah: Do you know where he is now?

Amanda: So last I heard, he was being a bit of like a nomad. He doesn’t, he – I think we talked last year? He’s like, I don’t –

Sarah: He lives in his car?

Amanda: Well, he’s like, I don’t like to stay still, so he’s like, so I pretty much, I move around and I travel and, like, live in other countries for, like, a few months and whatever.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: That was before COVID hit, so I don’t know what he’s doing –

Sarah: Wow.

Amanda: – COVID-wise. But, yeah, like, we’ll, he’ll, like, pop back in, we’ll talk, and then he’ll just, like, disappear. So I have no clue what he’s doing now.

Sarah: Wow.

Amanda: But, yeah, I feel like if my, most of my books caught on fire, it would probably be a blessing for me –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – ‘cause then I’d get to start over again.

[Laughter]

Sarah: All right, Elizabeth H. wants to know, “Two of my favorites: what’s something small you have strong opinions about? And, who — fictional or real — would you put on a postage stamp?”

Amanda: What is something that’s small that I have strong opinions about?

Sarah: All the things that I would put on a postage stamp are already on postage stamps, like Mr. Rogers, dragons – all right, Toothless the dragon, I’d put him on a postage stamp.

Amanda: This is too, this might be too new for everyone, but Alex Trebek.

Sarah: Oh, that’s a good one! Although, you know, Canada might fight you over that one.

Amanda: Come on, Canada, do us a solid.

Sarah: Actually, you know what? We could do a special postage between the US and Canada for mail just between the US and Canada –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – and it’d have Alex Trebek on it.

Amanda: I think that’d be so cute!

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: I’d also, like, the, like, twee part of me, I would lo-, I’m sure they’re out there, but, like, little stamps of, like, baked goods!

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: I’d love a little cake on a stamp!

Sarah: Little cupcakes, yeah! I, I remember the stamps I got over the summer, that Adam got at Union Station, were scratch and sniff?

Amanda: Ooh!

Sarah: And they were like popsicles and candy, but you could scratch and sniff them. I was delighted to use them; they made me so happy.

Amanda: Those are adorable.

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: And then something small that I have opinions about.

Sarah: Well, we talked about my, my resistance to the words “emails” and “boxed set,” which doesn’t really matter –

Amanda: Yes, yes.

Sarah: – in the entire universe. Like, what’s something that’s going to, like, pull my red handle really fast?

Amanda: I, I feel like I have little small things, but I, they don’t get triggered until, like, it happens.

Sarah: Hmmm, this is a tough one, because, like, there’s things –

Amanda: Okay –

Sarah: – that piss me off. What’s yours?

Amanda: Okay, so I, I think I have got it. So Boston, there’s a lot of walking –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – and so you have to share the sidewalk. One thing I hate, hate! Is a group of people who will walk –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – three or four across.

Sarah: Don’t go to Disneyland and get stuck between an eight-wide stroller party.

Amanda: And I’m like, where do you want me to go? Like –

Sarah: Could you, like, fucking move? Yeah. Oh yeah.

Amanda: Could you do a single file for like a hot fucking second, please?

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: That bothers me. And they’re just, like, chatting away. Like, oh my, oh my God!

Sarah: All right.

Amanda: I have places to be!

Sarah: Here’s something small that I have strong opinions about, but it’s very personal to me: so Buzz the dog, who is anxious and takes a dose of Prozac for a like three-hundred-fifty-pound male? He’s extremely reactive to other dogs. He’s terrified of other dogs except his brother. It doesn’t matter if that dog weighs two and a half pounds; he’s, he’s terrified. Put your motherfucking dogs on motherfucking leashes unless you are in a motherfucking dog park. Put a leash on your fucking dog. I don’t care if your dog is the –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – slowest-moving, most gentle, wonderful dog – I am glad that you have a great dog. My dog is convinced that he’s going to kill my dog. Whatever your dog is? My dog thinks that it’s going to die, and that is me with two dogs, two leashes, one panicking dog. The other dog’s like, what’s going on? Can I pee on it? And that’s harder –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – for me, and I can’t, always put your motherfucking dog on a motherfucking leash, please, thank you. That’s the end. [Laughs]

Amanda: That’s fair!

Sarah: Yeah.

All right, Jayne wants to know, “If you had to name an additional Reindeer for Santa, what would it be.”

Amanda: Scooter.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: I thought about this one, and I’m like, I want –

Sarah: A reindeer named Scooter.

Amanda: – one who is just goofy as fuck. Like –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – I don’t know if you remember the meme where it’s like all the, like, the pack of wolves, and then you have Moon Moon, the, like, idiot wolf?

Sarah: [Laughs] Yes!

Amanda: I just –

Sarah: Sort of like Derpy Hooves in Friendship Is Magic.

Amanda: I just want, like, an idiot reindeer –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – with, like, such a goofy name, and you’re like Vixen and Rudolph and Comet, and it’s like, Scooter!

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: Scooter is bringing up the rear.

Sarah: I want one named Fyvush, which is a Yiddish name.

Amanda: Ohhh!

Sarah: Fyvush – do you remember –

Amanda: Sounds, sounds like a Hobbit name to me.

Sarah: It does. Do you, do you remember, did you ever watch Picket Fences, and there was the, the –

Amanda: No.

Sarah: There was – okay, what else was he in? There was a, there was a Yiddish theater actor who had a television career, and his name was Fyvush Finkel? But –

Amanda: It’s like a children’s entertainer.

Sarah: I know, right?

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah, I would name it Fyvush. One, because it’s Yiddish and so therefore there’ll be a little Chanukah representation, and two, Fyvush would be like, where are you going? Why are you doing that? What, what, is that – no, that’s not the way. Go, no, you’re taking the wrong route. You’re going to get stuck in traffic; there’s –

Amanda: Meanwhile, Scooter is just happy to be here.

Sarah: Yep! I bet Scooter and Fyvush would get along.

Amanda: [Laughs] Scooter and Fyvush.

Sarah: Scoot-, that’s, that’s a sit-com waiting to happen.

Amanda: So, so buddy, buddy cop reindeer movie you never knew you needed.

Sarah: Yep! [Laughs]

Carol M. wants to know, “If you were a Pomeranian, would you prefer to walk on your own or be pushed around in a doggy carriage (aka, rolling throne)?”

Amanda: Carriage.

Sarah: Oh, hands down!

Amanda: Carriage. I could nap.

Sarah: I’m jealous of kids –

Amanda: And get my vitamin D.

Sarah: I’m jealous of kids who’re asleep in their strollers. I’m like, do you know what happens when you got older, kid? You have to walk.

Amanda: I, one, one of my biggest regrets in my life is just passing on all the naps that people were forcing me to take. And it’s like –

Sarah: And fighting them! Yeah.

Amanda: I was like, I should have taken advantage of that nap time!

Sarah: [Laughs] I wish I could nap.

Amanda: I’m probably going to nap right after this.

Sarah: Good plan!

Amanda: Yeah! Scooters.

Sarah: Scooters all the way.

All right, KateH has two: “Which do you prefer: Hocus Pocus or The Nightmare Before Christmas?”

Amanda: Hocus Pocus. Emma and I, my friend Emma and I, we were talking about this on a previous Twitch stream, and Emma loves The Nightmare Before Christmas, and we were talking about it, and I’m like, yeah, it’s a good movie, but Sally’s really the star of the show and Jack’s a fucking idiot –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – who ruins everything, and everyone has to –

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: – clean up his Goddamn mess!

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: Hocus Pocus. Come on! Bette Midler? Kathy Najimy? Come on! Hocus Pocus.

Sarah: Hocus Pocus, but I don’t have strong feelings about either one.

Amanda: I –

Sarah: Like, people feel about The Nightmare Before Christmas the way they feel about, like, Disney. They get super into it, like it’s a whole decorating –

Amanda: I mean, The Nightmare Before Christmas is Disney, isn’t it?

Sarah: Right, but, like, you know, people who decorate hardcore?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Can get really into the tchotchke industry surrounding The Nightmare Before Christmas. I see a lot of Nightmare Before Christmas cross-stitch patterns, stickers, that kind of thing? Yeah.

Amanda: And the musical number, where they’re at the Halloween party and they’re –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: So good.

Sarah: All right, Kate’s other question: “Why are Beta Heroes amazing?” Well, Amanda –

Amanda: You’re asking the wrong woman. [Laughs]

Sarah: Amanda does not like them. I think that the answer is that there is a long hist- – strong opinion time; get ready; this is my private soapbox – there is a long history of romance back in the day that fetishized men having feelings. The awakening of a feel in a man was considered something that was fetishized, in my opinion, in a lot of ways, and I don’t think romance has really fully grappled with the way in which it can fetishize aspects of what I consider toxic masculinity. I see a lot of alpha heroes as insecure, and I see the idea that a feeling being threatening is not something I want to pair up romantically with, so I –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – am not a fan of the character who is threatened by normal human emotion. I understand that normal human emotions –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – are super fucking annoying. I get it; I got my own set, but the idea that the answer must be anger and destruction is, is a total turnoff, and I think for me, beta heroes work because they are often emotionally fluent, comfortable in caretaking roles, comfortable in not asserting dominance, but I also find that intellectual curiosity and competence are a dominance of their own kind.

Amanda: So, interestingly enough, I think in terms of, like, heroes –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: What?

Sarah: I’m so –

Amanda: What?!

Sarah: I’m being so opinionated. It’s not normal! [Laughs]

Amanda: No! I mean, that’s, it’s the point!

Sarah: Yeah, I know.

Amanda: I would say Eric is, like, beta-light. He’s not, like, über-masculine and – so, like, in my personal life, sure, but also, like, I don’t know, I feel like I have to, I’ve been the caretaker –

Sarah: Mm-hmm!

Amanda: – of people and of myself, that it feels uncomfortable having someone else take that role. Maybe I should talk to my therapist about this next week. [Laughs]

Sarah: I get it. I mean, Adam and I are both oldest children, we’re both extremely independent, and we’re both really interested in just taking care of our shit and, you know, leave us alone, but we still negotiate taking care of each other, and we’ve been together for a really long-ass time, but we will still set terms of taking care of each other, or calling each other on, on their, their bad habits or habits that are destructive, and the ways in which we negotiate caretaking come up a lot. I mean, if, if one of us is sick it’s one thing, but, like, when the kids were little we would say, okay, I’m primary on this kid, you’re primary on that kid, so if there’s a problem – and this was when they were, like, needing care all the time – if there was a problem, that would be the person who would answer that, that problem. At one point, Adam had some mild, minor surgery, and he really doesn’t like being taken care of? And my older child stood up and said, I’m primary on Dad; go to bed, Dad.

Amanda: [Laughs] Primary on Dad!

Sarah: I’m primary on Dad! And I was so charmed? I was so charmed. Because I was anticipating a royal battle, but you really can’t argue when your kid is like, go to bed. And the kids have done that to me; they’ve both been like, all right, Mom’s tired. You guys can clean up Passover dinner; she’s going to bed. Come on, Mom, you’re going to bed. And I’m like, I’m sorry, I’m being escorted upstairs. Gotta go, bye! You know how to use a dishwasher; you don’t need me here.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: So I think that’s part of it; it’s this sort of comfort with caretaking, and also being able to caretake and not be threatened by things so easily.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: But I also have very specific readings about alpha heroes that I see as emblematic of insecurity and not confidence.

Amanda: That’s fair.

Sarah: Yeah.

Tara C. wants to know, “If you were a mummy and some dumbass dug you up in 2020, what would be your creative curse that would leave your victims alive and suffering?”

Now, this is a hard question, ‘cause enough has happened in 2020 that we’re running out of things to curse people with.

Amanda: See, I would, my curse is, like, a very minor annoyance that is usually, like, the straw that breaks the camel’s back when you’re having a bad day.

Sarah: [Laughs] This is why I like you!

Amanda: So, like, I would, I would curse people as like, may your charging cords always be too short and never where you need them.

Sarah: Oh damn!

Amanda: So, like, you’re at an airport, your phone is dying, there is an outlet, but you can’t –

Together: – reach it.

Sarah: Nope.

Amanda: Or you’re trying to find your phone charger, and maybe –

Sarah: And it never where you need it.

Amanda: – you, maybe you left it in the car, or maybe it fell out of your purse, or maybe it’s under your bed –

Sarah: Oh gosh!

Amanda: – and that’s all charging cords. So laptops, phones, e-readers: you’re just –

Sarah: Yowch!

Amanda: – you’re playing chicken with your battery life.

Sarah: Perpetually.

Amanda: Yeah. That is my curse.

Sarah: Wow. Your witchcraft is next level.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: When someone is a total jerk in traffic I always say, I wish diarrhea upon you! That’s always, that’s always my go-to curse. So if the bus is picking up my kids, back in the day when they would go to school – those beautiful days when they would leave the house and do things and go to school – the, you know, the buses have a little stop sign that pops off on the side –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and you’re not supposed to pass the school bus –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – and people would just keep driv- –

Amanda: Oh, people never – yeah.

Sarah: – people drive through. I get irate, and I will scream at them like, you motherfucker! I saw your terrible ass! I wish diarrhea upon you! Like, I’m really loud when I yell?

Amanda: So everyone gets diarrhea.

Sarah: No, just that driver. I’m yelling at –

Amanda: Okay.

Sarah: – that one particular car.

Amanda: No, I mean, for, like, the 2020 curse, everyone gets diarrhea.

Sarah: Yeah. Nonstop diarrhea. But it’s to the point where the bus drivers will see them coming and be like, yes, diarrhea!

[Laughter]

Amanda: Like, one second –

Sarah: No, they have cameras.

Amanda: – Linus is requesting to be let out.

Sarah: Linus, do you not like our podcasts?

Amanda: Mew! No, he just had a very long nap on his cat tree. I always say goodbye when he leaves my room.

Sarah: Aw! How is the cat tree? Is he enjoying it?

Amanda: Oh, he loves it!

Sarah: Yes! That’s the best!

Amanda: He loves it!

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: I don’t know; like, he gets all the way up on the top now.

Sarah: Can you see, again, Wilbur is –

Amanda: [Squees]

Sarah: – on the cat mat? He is loving it. Actually, he’s got – whoa! – he’s got a wool blanket and the quilted catnip mat.

Amanda: Oh, so he’s warm and toasty and –

Sarah: And baked. Doing good.

So, yeah, diarrhea nonstop, but your, your charge cord curse is – [gasps].

Amanda: Linus lords over me. This was him this morning.

Sarah: [Laughs] I look down upon you, human!

Amanda: And then –

Sarah: I look down upon you –

Amanda: – this is –

Sarah: – some more, human.

Amanda: This was him sleeping.

Sarah: Ohhh! What an –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – awesome gift!

Amanda: [Laughs] So I’m happy he’s using it.

Sarah: You’re the best cat mom.

Amanda: Oh, thank you!

Sarah: All right, next question: Sujata – I hope I said that right; maybe it’s Sujata – wants to know, “Desert Island Book – What one book would you want if you were stuck on a desert island…if that’s tough, let’s say up to 3 books.”

Amanda: I always hate this question. ‘Cause it’s difficult because reading tastes fluctuate.

Sarah: And reading, reading circumstances fluctuate too.

Amanda: Yeah. I’d like to have at least one Christina Lauren book with me. Hmmm – I hate this question!

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: I hate it! One of my ultimate favorite books for a long time was Battle Royale, but it’s about kids being trapped on an island killing each other, so –

Sarah: Sounds great!

Amanda: – I don’t, I don’t know if that’s – [laughs] – a book I would want for my desert island reading! Maybe The Blacksmith Queen, something light and rompy and just bonkers.

Sarah: [Laughs] It’s also extremely violent. Like, there’s decapitations in the first chapter.

Amanda: Yeah, but it’s fun!

Sarah: Of course.

Amanda: It’s like, take decapitation, make it fun!

Sarah: I would probably pick the Crows trilogy, because I would never get tired of rereading that, and then looking at the different pieces of Norse mythology and looking at the, the different ways in which the gods influence the characters and the, the different, like, squads per god, like, how that works; I would never get tired of that.

Amanda: But I think this question is not made for me, because I’m not a rereader. I don’t –

Sarah: No, you’re a mood reader, and your tastes vary based on a lot of circumstance –

Amanda: Yeah! So I –

Sarah: – so it’s not that easy for you to be like, I want to read this one flavor for the rest of my life.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: All right, that is our roundup of Silly Questions 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Amanda: Yay! We did it.

Sarah: Are you reading any books that you want to mention?

Amanda: No.

Sarah: Okay, cool!

Amanda: I’m looking – I did, so I did pick up this book, first based on the cover, and I’m very excited about it, but it’s called Where the Wild Ladies Are?

Sarah: Oooh!?

Amanda: By Aoko Matsuda? And it’s feminist reimaginings of Japanese myth and folklore, and –

Sarah: Oooh!

Amanda: – I’ll show you the cover. The cover’s just, like, cute! I’m like, what the hell is this? And I looked it up, and –

Sarah: Two words: employee discount.

Amanda: I know! Where is it? And then, sweet Kristin Dwyer – so this is the cover.

Sarah: [Gasps] Ooh!

Amanda: I like the color palette; it’s like a teal and like a –

Sarah: Coral letters, yeah.

Amanda: Yeah! And it, the letters are raised off the –

Sarah: Ooh!

Amanda: But, and then sweet Kristin Dwyer sent me a bound manuscript of The Soulmate Equation –

Sarah: [Gasps]

Amanda: – which is the upcoming Christina Lauren that comes out in spring.

Sarah: Yay!

Amanda: So those are ones I’m excited about, but right now my brain is just Assassin’s Creed. That’s all I care about.

Sarah: I understand! There’s a sizable part of my brain that’s like, let’s go play Witcher, because – and, like, I’ve said this before: I think one of the appeals of a really well-written, immersive videogame is that you’re being told a story, but your choices are creating the story. You don’t have to do –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – all the visual building and all of the mental construction of the world. You’re looking at it; part of it is pre-written, but you are deciding the course of it.

Amanda: And the inter-, the interactivity makes it feel, like, less like work –

Sarah: Yeah!

Amanda: – than, like, sitting down and, like, trying to block everything else out so you can concentrate on, like, words on a page.

Sarah: Yes. And there’s also the, the part where you can do hard stuff? Like, you can do a high-level quest or the next piece of the, of the story or the ne- – like, I know, oh, if I go do this it’s going to be, like, a lot of cut scenes, so I’ll be watching and, rather than making major decisions, whereas if I just, you know, go beat up these three guys it’s like, go find these guys and beat them up. It’s pretty –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – low level, and maybe if they’re knocked out they’ll have a chicken or ham sandwich and I can loot it, ‘cause that’s really all I’m here for is the –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – the sandwich looting and bandit slaying.

Amanda: So you can, like, choose –

Sarah: You can choose your level of mental –

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: – engagement inside the game as well, but you’re still in that same story.

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: Yeah. I get it.

Amanda: What are you reading, Sarah? Anything?

Sarah: I’m actually looking at my list of things that are on my, on my Kindle right now. There is a book coming out in April 2021 that you’ll probably hear about from Erin Galloway. It is called Dial A for Aunties by Jesse Q. Sutanto.

Amanda: Yesss! We were talking about it at the bookstore, and it sounds really cute!

Sarah: Erin told me it made her laugh until she cried. She’s like, I could not have enjoyed this book – it was, it came at the perfect time, so I have an advanced copy of that, and I’m really excited about it, because I could use a book where I, you know, laugh till I cry.

And I’m also reading through the Penric novellas by Lois McMaster Bujold? The thing I love about them is that they’re not very long, her writing is very beautiful, the descriptions are gorgeous, it’s that sort of soft-shoed, doublet-wearing, medieval fantasy world, but as Penric ages – he, basically, he has a demon inside of him and he makes friends with the demon, and it has many different personalities ‘cause, as the demon has been attached to people, it absorbs pieces of their personality, so there’s like thirteen people present inside Desdemona, and then there’s Penric – Penric is determined to be decent, and he is in a world that is not always going to be decent or kind, and even there are moments where Desdemona’s like, what the hell is wrong with you, being nice? Would you just stop? My God, I’m a demon of chaos! Can I just destroy some shit, please? But Penric’s determination to be decent is very reassuring, and I like that part a lot, so that’s what I’m, I’m working my way slowly through the Penric novellas.

Amanda: How many are there? There’s quite a bit, aren’t there?

Sarah: There’s like nine or ten now?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And there’s a new one just now that Catherine Heloise read.

Amanda: Yeah, I was going to say, Catherine usually mentions them –

Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: – in, in Slack.

Sarah: Yes.

[music]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. Thank you again to everyone in our Patreon community for sending in such interesting, thoughtful questions.

What small things do you have strong opinions about? What covers are your favorites? What things do you want to tell us? We want to hear from you! We love hearing from you. You can email us at sbjpodcast@gmail.com, or you can email me at Sarah, S-A-R-A-H, at Smart Bitches, Trashy Books dot com [Sarah@smartbitchestrashybooks.com]. They both go to the same place. I love hearing from you, and I love when you send me bad jokes.

Speaking of, I have a bad joke. This week’s bad joke comes from Tess. It is awesome! It was perfect for Halloween, but it’s a little late, so if you, like me, are still munching on Halloween candy because it was on sale and why not? This will go with your Halloween candy. All of the Reese’s cups are gone from my assortment, by the way. I ate them first.

What is the secret to the vampire diet?

Give up? What’s the secret to the vampire diet?

Eat necks to nothing.

[Laughs] It’s so silly, I love it! Eat necks to nothing! Thank you, Tess! If you want to send me a bad joke – I love them so much – you can please send them to me, because everyone enjoys them, and then I tell everyone in the podcast audience, and then you tell lots of people, and the world is a slightly better place.

On behalf of Amanda and the cat, who keeps opening the door to my office, which is squeaky, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a wonderful weekend, and we will see you back here next week.

Smart Podcast, Trashy Books is part of the Frolic Podcast Network. You can find outstanding podcasts to listen to at frolic.media/podcasts.

[awesome music]