339. Gathering in Person With Actual Humans: Amanda and Sarah on Book Clubs, Self Care, and Organizing the TBR

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Sarah Wendell: Hi there, and welcome to episode number 339 of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. I’m Sarah Wendell from Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. Today, Amanda and I are talking about gathering in person with actual humans. Yes. With people, like in the same space. I know, right? To- – [laughs] – we’re going to talk about running book clubs; crafting classes; and reader gatherings that Amanda has been coordinating, running, or attending; and how much she is enjoying all of this. She has advice for anyone who might be thinking of joining an existing group or starting their own romance reading group as well. We take a deef bretour – deef bretour, deef bretour – you guys, this is, like, the third time I’ve tried to record this, and I’m just giving up, okay? We’re just going to keep that in there, ‘cause apparently word talking is not something I do well. [Clears throat] We take a brief detour into discussing mental health, the changing symptoms of depression, and antidepressant medication, and then we move on to reader email. Emily is looking for books that inspire self-care, and Kristen is looking for tips on organizing her TBR pile. And of course we talk about what we’re reading and what we’re enjoying.

Do you have email thoughts that you want to say? Do you have word thoughts that you want to say out loud? Hopefully you’ll be able to do that better than I can! [Laughs] How do you organize your TBR? What books inspire you to be more kind or gentle or caring of your fine self? Do you have a book club or a reader gathering that you want to recommend? Do tell us all about it. You can email me at [email protected], or you can call and leave a message at 1-201-371-3272. You can tell me about your gathering; you can tell me what books inspire you to be nice to yourself; you can ask questions; you can tell me a terrible joke; I love all of those. Either way, do get in touch if you feel like doing so.

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The music you are listening to is provided by Sassy Outwater. I’ll have information at the end of the show as to who this is. I will also have a preview as to what is coming up on the site this coming week, and in the podcast show notes at smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast, I will have links to all of the things that we talk about in this episode, and there are many of them, and of course I will have links to all the books we mention, ‘cause there’s a lot of those too!

But it’s time to start this podcast episode. Here comes Amanda and myself talking about reading groups, crafting groups, gathering with people, and making yourself feel better in the process. On with the podcast.

[music]

Sarah: You had a really nifty idea about talking about how you have been getting more and more involved with your community, especially as pertains to books, and I want to hear all about this. Tell me all the things. I’m going to be real with you: so the idea that you’re leaving the house on purpose to go socialize with people is amazing. Like, I’m in awe?

Amanda: It’s weird!

Sarah: I, I am really impressed! Please tell me all the things.

Amanda: [Laughs] Because if you had asked me, like, five years ago if this was something that I would be doing, I would say, you’re out of your Goddamn mind.

[Laughter]

Sarah: I’m going to leave the house with a bra and shoes and engage with humans?!

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: In public?! Come on.

Amanda: Willingly? Like, I don’t have to be dragged out –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – by anyone? Yeah, I don’t know what it is. Like, I, I don’t do New Year’s resolutions – and if you do, that’s great. I just know my own limitations and my willpower, and it’s so easy for me to say, like, fuck that, I don’t want to do it! And – [laughs] – and not go through with any sort of resolutions. But this year, I don’t know what it is, but I’m like, I’m going to be more active in the things that interest me and the things that I enjoy, because while it’s nice talking about things online and on social media and with the rest of the Smart Bitches group, there’s an entirely different feel when you are in person and talking about things that you love and enjoy.

So I think it started with, the craft store was the first one. So I discovered this really awesome craft store near me when I was looking for materials to make my little, like, pin displays that I’ve mentioned on the site before, and just being in that space was so nice. Everyone was so welcoming; they have, like, this huge chalkboard of classes; and I think going to that space first as just a customer really motivated me to, like, check out what else they offer. Because I, I knew I was comfortable in that space, I interacted with a lot of the employees, and they were all super cool and super nice, and I’m like, you know, I’ll look at the class offerings they have, and they have a ton if you’re into crochet, if you’re into embroidery, if you want to learn how to sew. They have, like, a full bank of sewing machines used for sewing classes. And the place is called Gather Here, and so I signed up for a knitting basics class. Everything was included in terms of materials, and it was like fifty dollars, and it was great! And I started a project after that, and I have made a promise to myself that I’ll take another class after I finish my first project. That way I don’t leave a project unfinished, which is a problem of mine. [Laughs]

And then the library, my local library system was posting on Facebook, and I saw something called the, like, Somerville Public Library Supper Club, and they would vote on a cookbook, and you would sign up to cook a dish from that cookbook. And I love food, and I love books, and it’s hosted at a brewery, and I love beer, so it ticks a lot of boxes! [Laughs]

Sarah: Somebody was like, what can we do to trap an Amanda?

Amanda: Yeah! And it was, the first cookbook was I think, like, Smitten Kitchen – not their every day one, ‘cause I have that one; it was their other one. But I went, and it was, the turnout was outstanding. They had over forty people, and there were so many people that now they have to limit the spots for –

Sarah: Whoa, they have to do sign up for it!

Amanda: Yeah, they have to limit the spots. Like, the first thirty people who RSVP.

Sarah: That’s so cool!

Amanda: Yeah. It was great, and we’re doing, I think February’s book is Soframiz, which is a Middle Eastern cookbook, and the – I think it’s written by a woman, but she owns a bunch of restaurants in Boston. I’ve been to one of them; they’re so fucking good. So there’s that.

But, like, the, my crown jewel is my book club that I started. [Laughs]

Sarah: This is so great. This is so great! Like, it’s amazing that this is, you, you, you totally launched the fuck out of this thing!

Amanda: I know! I, like, at the second meeting – so it started this year. It’s a romance book club at my local independent bookstore, Porter Square Books, and I had a bit of an in before, ‘cause I run their, like, Any Book Club? So it’s just, like, a small group of us that get together, and it’s kind of like Whatcha Reading? but in person. We just –

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: We just talk about what we’ve been reading, and it’s a small group. I took it over from a friend of mine who was moving out of the area and asked me if I would take it over, and I said yes. So that’s how I got started at the bookstore, and then when I did my BEA panel about why independent bookstores should have romance, the store manager –

Sarah: Which is a perennial discussion.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Like, I can’t believe we’re still talking about that –

Amanda: Yep!

Sarah: – but we’re still talking about that!

Amanda: In 2019!

Sarah: Yep!

Amanda: The manager, I believe, of the bookstore, Josh, was in the audience, and I talked to him. I was like, Josh, you didn’t have to come to this panel; I’m in your store at least once a month. You could just –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – snag me. And so I pitched the idea of a romance novel book club at the end of last year. I had a few meetings with, like, the events coordinator. That was that, and I have, like, a Facebook group, and we all vote on what we get to read next, so everyone has, like, a, a say, and it started in January, with the first book being Never Seduce a Scoundrel by Sabrina Jeffries, and we had our second meeting yesterday, and we discussed A Duke by Default by Alyssa Cole, and then March’s book is Hot and Badgered by Shelly Laurenston. So, so far it’s been an interesting selection; I’m glad there’s a lot of diversity of genres and diversity of authors. And the first meeting had, like, nineteen people. Yesterday’s meeting had twenty-five people. People had to sit on the floor. At the beginning of each meeting, because there’s so many of us, we’ll go around, say our name, and talk about, like, one good book we have read since the last meeting.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: And everyone has, like, their phones out or their pads out, like a tiny notebook.

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: So, like, going forward I’m like, I will keep track of all the good books mentioned, and I will post them in our Goodreads group, so you don’t have to worry about, like, scribbling and listening and all that sort of stuff.

Sarah: It sounds like you are managing a lot of the administration of this process very naturally. It, like, you al-, you already had all of the superpowers in place –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – to make this happen, and you’re managing all of the administrative tasks very easily!

Amanda: And I –

Sarah: Like, is there any part of this that, like, makes you stress out or anything? Or are you like, this is so great! People!

Amanda: I love the administrative stuff. We always have really great discussions so far.

Sarah: That’s so cool.

Amanda: The only thing that worries me, and it’s a silly worry, is, like, I’m worried that I will go to a meeting and no one will show up. Like – [laughs] –

Sarah: I do not think that’s going to happen.

Amanda: So, like, I was worried the first attendance was going to be a fluke, and –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – the second meeting, you know, it was going to plummet in –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – the people that show up, but that was not the case. So there’s nothing that I don’t like about this, and I asked the members, like, the first meeting, you know, it’s like, I notice some of you are on Goodreads; do you want a Goodreads group? And everyone was like, yes, and then, you know, I asked some members, how do you think the group is going? Is there anything, you know, you think that can be improved upon? You know, ‘cause I, I want everyone to have a good time, and if there’s a problem, I might not see it –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – in terms of organization, and so far it’s been great. No one has really said anything, but I definitely want people to feel free to come to me if they think there’s a way that it, the group can be improved.

We were talking about A Duke by Default yesterday, and it’s funny, because there’s always one person who shows up worried that they’re going to be the one dissenting voice that didn’t like the book. And that’s never the case.

Sarah: Never. You are never the only one who didn’t like something?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And even then, if you are the only person in a group who didn’t like something, the people who liked the book, someone will agree with you about the thing that pissed you off.

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: It just didn’t bother them as much.

Amanda: And then, so last night’s meeting, we had more members that I hadn’t seen before, and some people brought their knitting, and it was so sweet to, like, see like four or five people working on their knitting projects while, like, talking about books. And then in A Duke by Default, the heroine, Portia, thinks that she might have ADHD –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – as an adult, and there was one woman who was raised by parents who had ADHD, and there was another woman who talked that, about how this book really resonated with her in terms of, like, Portia’s behaviors and prompted her to ask her doctor to get tested for ADHD, and –

Sarah: Isn’t that amazing?

Amanda: – and she was, she was then diagnosed with ADHD.

Sarah: Wow.

Amanda: So that was a really great discussion that we had, and especially in terms of, like, you know, how families and communities treat mental illness, especially when it comes to women of color and marginalized communities. So, like, while we also, like, shit on the hero for toeing the line of grumpy versus asshole, we also had some really thoughtful, great discussions that I wouldn’t have thought of before based on, you know, other people’s experiences. It’s been fantastic, and I’m so excited for its success, and I hope it keeps going.

Sarah: Do you have any advice for someone who’s listening and thinking, oh, I, I’d like to do this; I’d like to start a group like this. What do I, what do I do?

Amanda: So, there are a few suggestions that I have. If you’re looking to join a group that’s already existing, which is always easier than starting something, I recommend, first there’s a website Meetup, M-E-E-T-U-P, and you can kind of search local groups by interest. You might find a book group that meets at a coffee shop; you might, if you’re a writer, you might find a writing group that meets to, like, dedicate time to, you know, write together and, like, work on whatever you’re working on. So that’s a good way to find already-existing groups.

You can also use that to start your own group, and people can find you that way, but when it comes to starting any group, there is a degree of marketing that comes with it. You know, if it’s a book group, you might want to talk to your local library. They might be interested in hosting you, or, you know, lots of libraries have, you know, bulletin boards that you can put up relevant flyers or, or that sort of thing. There are tons of Facebook groups relevant to local interests that you could use to promote it. Goodreads allows you to form a group that is searchable, and you can mark, like, this is a book club that meets in person. So I think it’s about finding the communities that exist online for your interest and for your area and using that to kind of springboard things. As far as it goes for, like, doing a, a bookstore-sanctioned book club, I don’t know how that would work in terms of like a, a cold call, you know what I mean? [Laughs] Like, I already had my foot in the door a little bit, and I have kind of cultivated a relationship with some of the people who work there after doing this other book group for two years or so, so I was lucky enough in that aspect.

But even if you just want to join a group, the internet is your friend.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: I guarantee you that if you’re a romance reader in the Midwest, there’s probably a group that meets somewhere, at your local library; at, you know, a coffee shop; at a TGI Friday’s. Like, the group I was attending for a while in Boston of romance readers I found on Meetup, and they met at, like, a food court in a mall. So you don’t really need to worry about, like, securing space or –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – that sort of thing. It’s just finding, finding that community and seeing what’s offered in that community, and I feel like that’s the best way, or the easiest way, especially if you don’t want to take on the responsibility of, like, running something.

Sarah: Yeah. And also, one thing I, when I’m starting a project or I’m starting an i-, looking at an idea and thinking, okay, do I want to do this? is I always ask myself, what are the ways in which I can make this as easy as possible on me?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And if there’s a lot of administration and coordinating people, which there is, maybe you don’t want to have to bother with finding and then renting a space or coming up with the money to, to use a space when there are many spaces that are already available that you can use, like a mall food court or a restaurant.

Amanda: And there’s also overlap with, like, crafting. Like, Gather Here, my craft store, they have a book club.

Sarah: I love that name, by the way!

Amanda: I know, it’s great! They do a project every year where, like, Somerville is a, a sanctuary city, and –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – they have a thing every year where you can submit – oh, geeze, it’s going to bother me, but they have, like, a gorgeous, like, front window, like glass front window, and you can craft something, I think it’s like, all are welcome here, or something like that, and, and you submit it. So people submit, like, their cross-stitches that say that, and their quilts and, like, all these crafts they made with, like, this slogan, and they display it in their front window, and it’s so sweet.

Sarah: That’s just lovely.

Amanda: But they have a book club, and I feel like a lot of craft stores will probably have something similar, because you can bring your knitting –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – or bring your stitching and talk while you work.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: So that’s also another possibility is, like, if you don’t have a, I don’t know, like a bookstore that does that, think of, like, adjacent interests that might also sponsor –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – a book club. Some breweries –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – even have book clubs.

Sarah: Well, I mean, drinking and reading do go together.

Amanda: They do!

Sarah: I know that in online knitting communities, there’s been a lot of talk about the pervasive whiteness of crafting spaces and how crafters of color who are marginalized are made to feel unwelcome by these very white spaces. How diverse is the group at Gather Here?

Amanda: So are you talking about my book group or the crafting, the crafting store?

Sarah: The crafting group and the, and the book group. I mean, is that something –

Amanda: So –

Sarah: – that you pay attention to as well?

Amanda: Yes! So the crafting store is wonderfully diverse.

Sarah: Yay!

Amanda: It’s so, like, the staff, there’s women of color, there’s men, there are queer individuals, so Gather Here is fantastic. As far as the reading group, I, it’s mostly, I would say, white, but we do have some women of color who attend. I’d like there to be more, but I would say that definitely skews more towards white women. But also, it was funny, ‘cause yesterday one of the members came up to me, and she’s like, it’s so nice to put a face to the voice, because I listen –

Sarah: Ohhh!

Amanda: – [laughs] – to the podcast.

Sarah: That is the best!

Amanda: So, and I told them that we were recording, so if any of my book club members are, are listening, hi! Thank you so much for attending! I’ll see you in March! [Laughs]

Sarah: Aw!

Amanda: It was so sweet.

Sarah: One thing you mentioned was that, that when you went into Gather Here, it was such a welcoming and restful space? Like, you felt instantly like you wanted to hang out there?

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Can you, do you think you can identify some of the elements that create that atmosphere? I mean –

Amanda: Sure!

Sarah: – if you’re in your own store then, you know, you’re going to create the space that you want to have for people to be in, but if you’re creating a space for readers to talk, like in a mall food court or in a restaurant, what are some elements you can include to make it feel like a welcoming, restful – [pause] – space? There’s a word I’m looking for, and my brain is like, you don’t get that word today, so I’m going to stop –

Amanda: [Laughs] It might be like a hidden German word that, like, only exists in another language.

Sarah: [Laughs] There’s a word my brain was going for, and I got real close, and my brain was like, yeah, you know what? Nah, forget it.

Amanda: So Gather Here, what I love about it, it’s, it’s a bright space. The, the storefront has two huge windows, and, like, when you walk into it, it’s just, like, bright and light. You don’t feel like you’re walking into any sort of dungeon. And the people are, are incredibly helpful. Like, even if I, I’m one of those people like, even if I don’t want a salesperson’s help, I still want to be acknowledged for being in the store –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – if that makes any sort of sense.

Sarah: No, that makes sense!

Amanda: There’s that personal connection, like the –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: It definitely feels like a shop you go into where people will remember your name or remember why you were there, what you bought, and what I also like about Gather Here is that if you’re having problem with any of, problems with any of your projects, you can bring it in, and they will help you fix it.

Sarah: That is such a nice thing.

Amanda: Yes, it’s fantastic. So I think it’s a combination of, like, the amount of natural light –

[Laughter]

Amanda: – that Gather Here gets, and just, the people that they choose to employ are just so sweet and so welcoming –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – and I feel like that’s how it goes for my local bookstore as well? Everyone has been super welcoming, and even before they started carrying romance, like, I never got the sense that I was being, like, judged or anything like that.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: And they’ve always been supportive of the ideas that I’ve come to them with about, like, the romance bookstore and stuff like that, so I think just having that overall feel of being, like, welcoming, and romance readers in particular are used to getting shit on and not feeling welcomed?

Sarah: Wha-at?

Amanda: [Laughs] I know! So I, I never want anyone to have that experience dealing with me in particular, especially with a group that I’m running, that I am unapproachable or resistant to change or any, any of that sort of stuff.

Sarah: Yeah, I’ve never seen you be standoffish to anyone.

Amanda: It’s weird, ‘cause growing up and in person, I’ve gotten the comment of, like, you’re nicer than I thought you would be?

Sarah: Of, for the love of Christ!

Amanda: [Laughs] So I guess I have really good Resting Bitch Face.

Sarah: Oh! I, I get, I get, I was really scared to meet you, but you’re not scary. I think it’s because –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – if you only hear my voice, I have – I don’t know if you’re aware – I have definitive opinions about things, and I have a deep voice, and you meet me, and I’m, like, really small – [laughs] – and –

Amanda: Mm-hmm!

Sarah: – I’m generally pretty laidback and friendly, so I get, oh, I was really scared of you, but you’re not, you’re not scary. I – [laughs] – I understand the comment, but at the same time –

Amanda: Like, knowing me. [Laughs]

Sarah: – I’ve ne-, I would never have thought you would ever be standoffish or, you know, like, rude or, like, fuck off, please.

Amanda: [Laughs] I mean, I can be if it’s called for!

Sarah: It has to be earned then. I mean, I, I’ve heard you’ve told someone to fuck off, but they had that coming. [Laughs]

Amanda: Oh yeah. They know what they did.

Sarah: Yeah –

[Laughter]

Sarah: Yeah, that guy knew exactly what he did wrong. Ohhh! [Laughs] One of the things you wrote down when we were talking about this topic is that being around really nice people has been such a balm to your stress?

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: Is that still true in all of these venues? Oh, and how was the Supper Club when you went to the library? Was it delicious?

Amanda: Oh, it was great! What did I make? I made a salad, because my top four choices were already claimed –

Sarah: Of course.

Amanda: – but, like, I sat next to this older woman named Margie who is a librarian, and she does, like, the exhibits you kind of see in libraries, and she has a, a foul mouth, and she noticed that I brought my food in, like, this CorningWare dish?

Sarah: Mm-hmm?

Amanda: And she’s like, oh, I haven’t seen that in forever! She’s like, if I see you –

Sarah: Aw!

Amanda: – at the next one, I have, like, the special rack and, like, candle that you set the CorningWare on to, like, keep it warm. She’s like, I’ll bring it for you, ‘cause I don’t use it.

Sarah: Oh!

Amanda: So she was really sweet. It was, it was a lot of fun. And I’m going to the one in February, and I’m going to make an almond rose cake.

Sarah: Oh dude!

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: I hope you take pictures.

Amanda: [Laughs] I will! My therapist, ‘cause I go every week, has mentioned that she’s seen a shift in my overall attitude since September, and that’s also when I switched antidepressants –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – so I think that also has something to do with it, because before –

Sarah: Sounds like a combination of these things.

Amanda: Yeah! Before I was feeling like an overall, like, like I was existing. I didn’t care about being productive; I was just, like, there. I wasn’t sad, like my usual depression symptoms. This was like a new symptom I have never felt before where, like, I was just here, but I didn’t really want to do anything about being here, you know? [Laughs] I mean –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: So I went to my doctor, we switched, it’s been wonderful, and I’m sure that has something to do with me being more, like, willing to –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – do stuff, because I’m taking a more active approach in the things that I do and the things that I want to do and how I can increase, like, my enjoyment of my hobbies?

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: And kind of like make new friends, ‘cause making friends in your late twenties, about to be thirty, is real hard, ‘cause it’s like, you’re not in school anymore.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: There’s no sort of like forced proximity that makes you befriend the people around you.

Sarah: Yep.

Amanda: You have to, like, go out and forge those connections.

Sarah: Yep, it’s true. I have, I do have one question before we move on to our listener email?

Amanda: Sure!

Sarah: What were some of the differences you noticed in your physical and mental space when you switched antidepressants? Like, what were the things that you noticed that were different? Because the way that they work is so subtle.

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: And I was thinking as you were talking about it that maybe someone who’s listening may have a similar experience, because we don’t talk a lot about how –

Amanda: No, we don’t!

Sarah: – those subtle changes happen. Like, I remember when I went on Paxil when I was severely depressed. I couldn’t have articulated what better was, but I felt better, and I wish I could, I wish I could have articulated it in a way that made sense, because it’s hard to say that; it’s hard to explain it. So what were some of the things you noticed? I’m going to make you articulate it instead.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I’m a terrible person! [Laughs]

Amanda: I went on antidepressants when I was nineteen? And I was on twenty milligrams of Lexapro. That was the first one they put me on, and it worked, and I didn’t need to experiment with anything else, so I was very lucky in that regard.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: They did think I had ADHD, so they put me on a medicine for that, but it made me literally pee every ten minutes, so –

Sarah: Ah, dude.

Amanda: – they took me off that and that was it. So I was on that for a while, and then I, you know, went off of it in my mid-twenties, and then I was, like, having a bit of a meltdown like two-ish years ago? Maybe a little bit more, where, like, I needed to get on antidepressants again, and I’m like, how the hell do I do this with health insurance, because no one tells you how to find a therapist when you have health insurance in your network, and –

Sarah: No! It’s so fucking hard! Ugh!

Amanda: – it, it took me, like, four months to finally get the care I needed, and I was like, if someone was in a more serious situation, I don’t know what they would have done. Like, it’s, it’s – I mean, that’s a rant for another time about the mental healthcare system in America, but it’s terrible.

Sarah: It’s shit, I agree.

Amanda: So I went back on Lexapro –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – because my doctor’s like, that’s what worked for you! And my depression symptoms are lots of sadness, not sort of like mood swings, but I’m just kind of like miserable and miserable to be around. Like, there’s just like this seeping, like, sadness that just invades everything, like my relationships, my friendships. I can’t, like, take joy in anything that I’m doing. So that is what I, like, identified for myself.

Sarah: So you were like the opposite of everything is awesome.

Amanda: Yeah, I was like, everything is awful, and I just want to cry.

Sarah: Everything is terrible. Right.

Amanda: So I was on that, and then yeah, around middle of last year, I wasn’t feeling those symptoms, but it was a pervasive – I don’t know if, like, malaise is the right word, but it’s just like, I’m here, but I don’t want to be productive. I’m doing the bare minimum to, like, be a functioning human being, but I have no desire to do anything more than that.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: Which, you know, sometimes we all have the, those days, but when it persists to, like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – days and then weeks and then, like, that is your existence? You know –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – then I had to, like, go and talk someone, talk to someone, and I remember having this feeling of like, like a sense of failure? That, like, oh my medicine’s not working anymore, like, what, like, what does this mean? Like, why –

Sarah: It’s my fault. What did I do wrong?

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: But, like, you know, I talked with my therapist, and you know, mental illness is an ever-changing disease. What works for you for five years might suddenly stop working, and you just kind of have to go back to square one and, and reevaluate everything, and –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: Because I was on the highest dosage of Lexapro, I talked to my doctor, and my, my GP is fantastic, and she’s like, well, we have three options. She’s like, I can prescribe you Zoloft.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: I could add a second medicine to the Lexapro to see if a combination of something would be helpful, or, you know, we can do nothing for right now and see how you feel in a little bit or, or whatever, and just keep taking your Lexapro. She’s like, we don’t have to change anything if you would rather not change anything. So –

Sarah: Wow.

Amanda: – I was like, well, I want to change something, and I’m lazy, so I would rather take one pill as opposed to two pills, ‘cause, like –

Sarah: [Laughs] It’s good to know yourself!

Amanda: Yeah. So I was like, give me that Zoloft!

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: And so that’s what I’ve been on, and it’s been great!

Sarah: What were some of the differences you noticed? You just noticed that you weren’t feeling the way you had been before?

Amanda: Yeah! I was waking – I mean, everyone, I hope, should know that when you start taking any sort of medication for mental illness, it’s not going to work right away.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: It’s going to take two weeks to a month before you really see anything or – for the medicine to get into your system. So you have to wait –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – and I hate waiting, but I just noticed that when I would wake up in the morning, I wouldn’t already be at, like, a negative ten. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn’t already –

Sarah: That’s a really good way to put that!

Amanda: I wouldn’t start at a deficit –

Sarah: That’s a really good way to put that. That makes sense.

Amanda: – to have to, like, climb my way out of. And I would just have, like, a generally more pleasant outlook on things? Like, you know, my boyfriend Eric even noticed. He’s like, your medicine seems to be working great. He’s like, I’ve noticed a difference; you’re more cheerful, and you seem to be more productive, and so it’s nice when, like, other people notice it as well? ‘Cause then you don’t think like, was it all in my head? Like, what – [laughs] – like, was this just a thing that I was imagining? But I would say, like, I would start in a better mood, and – ‘cause sometimes when you wake up and you are already, like, in a shit mood, you’re like, it’s all downhill from here. There’s no saving this day; it’s just going to be bad.

Sarah: [Laughs] I know.

Amanda: [Laughs] So, and that, like, prompted me, like, when I wake up in a better mood I’m like, all right, I’m going to get shit done today! And –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – do all this stuff and check stuff off my to-do list. So that’s been a difference, and I’ve noticed that, like, you know, I don’t, my moods aren’t as quick to shift either?

Sarah: Mm-hmm. Yep.

Amanda: I can take more time to process something, as opposed to, like, reacting immediately in haste, whether it’s, like, anger or sadness or, you know, that sort of thing, but yeah, I think the biggest change is being able to start a day on a more even keel.

Sarah: That’s a really good way to describe that, I think.

Amanda: Thank you!

Sarah: I’m glad you’re feeling better.

Amanda: I’m glad I’m feeling better.

Sarah: You want to talk, take on some listener email?

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: All right. So this first one is from Emily, and it’s a related topic. Emily says:

I am looking for books that will inspire self-care. There are some books I read when I want to be in the right mindset to tackle a cleaning project. There’s a Mary Stewart one where she cleans out a cottage, and when I’m angry and don’t want to say anything I’ll regret, Agnes and the Hitman –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah:

– or when I’ve been having trouble with self-image, You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me. But I can’t think of anything that would put me in a better mindset to take time for myself and was wondering if anyone had recommendations, fiction or nonfiction. I would just like something to read at night.

So we both have answers for you in multiple directions. I want to say that it seems from this question that you’re looking for books that encourage self-care and self-compassion as either a theme in the plot of the book or an action on the part of the characters, or a nonfiction book that is going to conceptualize and encourage self-care in a way that you can take it in and be, you know, on board with what they’re trying to say. I hope that I am interpreting that correctly. I also want to say that reading in and of itself is part of self-care, so as long as you are looking for something to read, you’re already taking a good first step towards doing a thing that is purely for you.

In terms of books that are an example, I want to recommend the Diablo Lake series by Lauren Dane because the heroines set aside time for one another. They have rituals that they do together. They always watch The Bachelor, they always hang out together at certain times, they’re constantly making food or taking care of each other, and the whole town has a, a magical sort of symbiotic relationship within the different people that live there, and they all take care of each other in different ways. One of my favorite examples is the garden witches, which are people of all genders who have an affinity for growing things, and that translates into different directions of specialty, and it’s just really lovely to imagine this sort of secret community where everyone’s inherent power is invested in both preserving the, the safety of the space and taking care of all of the people in it.

I also was looking for audiobooks to listen to while I cross-stitch, which, like Amanda, is a craft that I love ‘cause I’m stabbing something over and over and over. And I have to post pictures of my current project. You are going to shit a brick at how gorgeous this pattern is. I am in awe of the designer; her name’s Emma Congdon. I think she’s Stitchrovia; now I have to make sure that I have that right. Yes, Emma Congdon is Stitchrovia on Etsy, so if you’ve seen Stitchrovia stuff, that’s her stuff. It’s gorgeous, and I love doing it, but I like listening to books while I’m cross-stitching and stabbing things. Audible has a category inside the Romance package called cozy romance, and I thought that was such an interesting term because I’m used to seeing things like hot romance, sexy romance, countered by sweet romance, and I don’t actually want sweet all the time? Also, I don’t mind sex in my romances; I just don’t, I just don’t like a lot of angst when I’m looking for something very soothing, and cozy romance was the exact descriptor for something I didn’t know I was looking for. So if you see something coded as cozy romance, it might also fit the idea that there’s going to be an element of care involved; at least I think so. That’s my, that’s my theory.

In terms of nonfiction, I would like to recommend The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck by Sarah Knight, because it’s a wonderful book, and – [laughs] – while I don’t agree with everything she says in it, it is very nice to remind myself that although I have been socially inculcated to care about everyone else’s problems and everyone else’s feelings ahead of my own, the truth is, I don’t actually have to give a fuck about most of those things.

And coming March 26th is a book called Burnout by Amelia Nagoski and Emily Nagoski. Now, Emily Nagoski wrote Come As You Are, which is all about the female orgasm – another good book for self-care. The two of them wrote about the science behind unlocking the stress cycle that leads to burnout, specifically in women. It is extremely feminist, and it is extremely good. I got to read an early copy, and I interviewed them last week, and it was like the most interview fun I’ve had in a really, really long time, just listening to them talk about all the ways they are going to burn shit down –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – and the science behind the burning of shit down! It is great, so I would preorder that, because it would really encourage you to examine what’s pissing you off. What are the stressors, and then how do you process the stress that they’re creating when you don’t have to deal with the stressor anymore.

Amanda, whatcha got?

Amanda: Oh boy. So this one was a little harder for me, because I can identify, like, what I’m in the mood to read –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – but I don’t think for me it’s connected to, like, a mindset, I suppose? Just like, oh, I’ve been reading a lot of contemporaries; I want to switch it up with, like, a historical.

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: So, but one thing that I enjoy listening to are nonfiction, like, memoirs that are kind of funny and that are narrated by the author. So, what is it, I Think We Need More Wine by Gabrielle Union [We’re Going to Need More Wine].

Sarah: Such a –

Amanda: I read the Anna Kendrick memoir – or listened to it – Yes Please by Amy Poehler. So there are a lot of great, like, women-centric, funny nonfiction that I found would be great to listen to when you want to, like, get stuff done.

In terms of nighttime, like, wind-down stuff, I usually listen to podcasts – murder podcasts. [Laughs] But I recently had –

Sarah: I cannot get through a podcast without dead people, I swear to God! I don’t even read it; I’m like, yep, yep, this episode has dead people. [Laughs]

Amanda: But I recently stayed up till 2:30 in the morning, just lying in my bed in the dark, listening to Bittersweet by Sarina Bowen on audio, and it’s part of the Romance Audible package, and there’s, the heroine is a chef, and the hero runs a farm, and he, like, makes cider, so there’s lovely food descriptions, and there’s also a lot of, like, farming details that I found to be very soothing and comforting?

Sarah: Aw!

Amanda: [Laughs] I don’t know why? But one of my favorite cozy reads, and I did a Keeper Shelf review for this one, is Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen.

Sarah: You recommend this book so often –

Amanda: Yeah, I do. [Laughs]

Sarah: – and I haven’t read it yet, and I feel like I am making a mistake in not having read it –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – ‘cause it sounds like it is something that I would really like. Usually our, our, our tastes do not line up.

Amanda: No. [Laughs] But Sarah Addison Allen does a lot of, I guess it would be like women’s fiction, but it, there’s always an element of magical realism?

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: In Garden Spells, there is, think of it kind of like Practical Magic, where there’s this kind of kooky family in a small town, and they’re rumored to be witches, so they’re kind of like talked about. And it focuses on this generational sort of story of, like, you know, these two sisters, and one of the sisters is escaping an abusive situation, and she has a daughter, and there’s an aunt, and that sort of thing, and one of the sisters, like, can imbue food with magic?

Sarah: Oooh!

Amanda: Yeah, so that reminds me a lot of the Sarah Michelle Gellar rom-com, Simply Irresistible, which I feel like no one on this planet has seen but me.

[Laughter]

Amanda: So if someone can prove to me that that was not a fever dream and you’ve also seen it –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – give me a shout.

Sarah: Hey, I once, I once tried to find, ages – this is years ago, long before I started the site – I once tried to find a book that I was convinced that I had remembered, and what I actually remembered was the plot of a country song that was popular when I was in college.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Yeah! It was, it was one of my finer moments, so believe me, I have had that same experience!

Amanda: But Garden Spells is really great, ‘cause it, there’s a lot of messages about accepting yourself and forgiving yourself and, you know, what goes into trying to repair, maintain positive relationships and, and get rid of –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – the relationships that aren’t serving you in a positive way. So that’s, I think those are my recommendations. I wish they were more helpful, but that’s not, this isn’t my bag!

Sarah: I think those are very good! I think those are very good recommendations! And I think I really do need to get off my ass and read Garden Spells, ‘cause it sounds like all of my catnip.

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: And I need to start coding things in the database as cozy romance so that I can sort of better identify what it is that I think I’m talking about, or what I –

Amanda: We have a, a cozy genre tag in, in –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – the Book Repo, but I don’t, I think I, I feel like I use that more for cozy mysteries than –

Sarah: Yes! Cozy mysteries – you usually hear the word mystery attached to cozy –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – as opposed to, as, as a way of describing things that aren’t full of entrails and blood.

Amanda: Yeah.

Sarah: And if you’re listening and wondering what the hell the Book Repo is, the Book Repo is the Book Repository; we have a database of all of our books that we’re constantly using to fill in content on the site, and one of Amanda’s great strengths is managing the Book Repo database.

So this email is from Kristen. Kristen says:

So I had a thought, because I’m struggling with this, and if I had to guess, I’m not alone.

You’re never alone.

There’s so many books out there I want to explore, but between the Kindle free samples and random Post-its and all the great recs that come from SBTB, plus the stack of hardcover books liberally scattered, well, everywhere, how is a girl to manage her TBR? Does anyone have a good system or strategy? It’d be great to hear thoughts on this. I actually have “Wrangle my TBR” as a top three things to do for this month, mostly because I’m getting frustrated with having a vague remembrance of a story but not being able to pin down where I saw it. Any and all ideas welcome, and before I forget, thank you, thank you, thank you for Books on Sale. As I was tackling some finance stuff – ugh! – I realized how much money these suggestions save me, considering books are my truest weakness, and I will cheerfully make myself broke buying them.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: Kristen, you are so welcome, and we have the same impulse problem, so do not feel alone. I am sure it will absolutely not surprise anyone to say I have a spreadsheet.

Now, the, the thing about solving a problem like this, I think, when you’re solving an organizational problem that also comes with a habit, you have a habit of acquiring books you want to read, and you have a habit of wanting to read them, but you’re having a problem organizing that habit, the ideal solution for me when I am in that situation is to ask myself, what is the problem I’m trying to solve, and what is the ideal solution for me? And one way to conceive of the solution is to ask yourself, where’s the face, first place you look? What is the first place that you think of when you think of organizing your books? Maybe it would be a notebook that is only for those things. And what are the things that you need to know about the books? Because you mentioned that you have all of these books in different places, and you remember part of a plot or part of a story but can’t remember which book it is that you have, that you remember that story piece from. Wherever you think would be the easiest, lowest impact place for you to store all that information in one location, that’s where you should start. So for me it’s a spreadsheet. For other people it is a notebook. Some people have a list; some people use Goodreads. There are a lot of different options for basically collecting all of the information in one place, and you just have to remember to update it when you’ve gotten a new thing.

I don’t use Goodreads a lot for a lot of reasons, so I have a spreadsheet, and the things I need to know about a spreadsheet for my TBR is when is this book coming out, if it’s not out yet, so when do I need to read it by? What month am I going to read it in? And if there’s a book that’s already out that I want to read, I add it to that list, and I make a designation: it’s out; here’s where it is. Where is it? Is it in my Kindle? Is it a library book? Is it in an app that isn’t Kindle, so I have to read it on my phone? Like, some library digital books I have to borrow through a different app. All of that information is in the spreadsheet, and then I have a big center section that explains to Future Sarah, who’s going to look and say, the hell is that book? Why this book is on the list? ‘Cause Future Sarah will never remember! This is the historical with the characters who are – oh! Oh yes, that is the book I want to read! And I can skip ahead if I want to, though I try to read close to release date, because that’s when the review will probably do the most good for any reader who’s like, do I want to read this? I can tell you if I’ve read it.

The other thing to consider is what’s going to be the easiest way for you to set up and continue collecting information about your books to read in one place? Do you always have your phone? Do you always have a notebook? Do you have a traveler’s notebook or a bullet journal? Are you always at a computer? Or would it be better for you to set up a location for all this information in another place? Basically, you’re looking for one place to collate all this disparate data and make it in such a way that it’s going to be useful to you, and that can be a very personal, personal process.

Amanda, what is your setup? Your setup is fascinating to me.

Amanda: [Laughs] So I recently realized that I have a problem just collecting books in my room. I will get a book in the mail, I will bring it in my room, and it’ll just sit on my dresser or on an end table, and it’ll just sit there, forgotten.

Sarah: Does it, is it, is it catalogued anywhere else?

Amanda: Nope! It doesn’t get catalogued until I put it on a bookshelf. [Laughs] So –

Sarah: Yeah, that makes sense.

Amanda: So we, my friends and I did a, like, book exchange? Like a Secret Santa book exchange at the beginning of this year, and one of the –

Sarah: Awesome.

Amanda: – one of my friends who got me was, like, using my roommate to do, like, covert ops on, like, what I had –

Sarah: [Laughs]

Amanda: – and my roommate had a moment of panic when I decided to clean out my bedroom, and I brought forty books that had accumulated in my bedroom out into the living room, because she did not take those into account during her covert operations. So that’s when I realized I had a problem just keeping books in my room. So I have a setup on my desk behind my computer, so I’m looking at these books all the time, and I try to keep it fifteen or less, but they’re split into three sections. So every Friday I will look at the books that I’ve brought into my room that I got through the mail: you know, an ARC, or I’ve ordered, or, or what, you know, maybe I brought it into, into my room because I feel like reading it, but it’s just, like, sitting on my nightstand. So every Friday, after therapy –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – when I get home, I will catalogue the books in my room. I will then decide if they’re going to get shelved, and I will address them later; if they’re going to go in a giveaway pile ‘cause I know I’m just not going to read them; or they go into one of three categories on my desk. So the first portion – so I have, like, a bunch of bookends – so, like, the first portion is books that I know I want to read in the next few months, whether they’re, like, new releases –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – or books that I really just want to read. The middle section are books that have been assigned to me for, like, freelance jobs that have a deadline that I need to read. And then the last section –

Sarah: Mm-hmm?

Amanda: – are books that I might consider reading and reviewing, so those are, like, the maybe-ish pile. And I try to keep that, like, like I said, around fifteen books, no more, because it’ll get a little out of hand, and that’s what I do every Friday to kind of cut down on the clutter in my room and, you know, move stuff around. Maybe I want to reevaluate my pile and realize, you know, even though this is in my maybe pile, I probably won’t get around to reading it, or maybe someone else on the website has claimed the review already, so I can, like, take that one out of rotation or, or whatever. So that helps me address, like, what I want to read and what I need to read soon.

Sarah: And for you, the physical presence of this, these books in the bookends is what helps you remember that this is a place where you look –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – for the next thing you’re reading. Like, it has become a central location.

Amanda: Yes. And Kindle is harder for me, and I don’t even –

Sarah: – terribly organized on the device!

Amanda: I don’t want to even think about my Kindle, because, yeah, it’s hard, in terms of organization. One thing that bugs me is, sometimes I want to read something, like, that’s short, and there’s no, like, sort by page count or anything like that. So the information that I usually seek out when trying to choose a book isn’t readily available on my Kindle app –

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: – in terms of organization.

Sarah: Yeah, the onboard organization in the app and also in the device itself is abysmal, and it’s way too hard to set up and maintain with the device and the interface the way that it is.

Amanda: Yes. So –

Sarah: Like, if you could just drag and drop things on a screen into folders and then create folders very easily, it would be much, much better, but it’s just, it’s so fricking hard, and it’s, the learning curve and the, the steps are just arduous. Like, I’m not going to take the time to do that. I will just create a spreadsheet, and then I have it wherever I am.

Amanda: Oh, yeah, it’s tedious.

Sarah: ‘Cause it’s, it’s a Google Sheet, so I can access it, I can access it anywhere.

Amanda: And I also downloaded the spreadsheet that we have on the site that we, you and Elyse, like, talked about last Monday, I think, and I modified it a little bit to incorporate columns of the format I’m reading it in – so if it’s, like, a, a galley; if it’s paperback; if it’s on my Kindle – and I also have a column of where I acquired it. Do I own this book? Am I reading books that I own? Am I borrowing it from the library? Am I getting it from my Audible package? Like, where am I getting these books? So –

Sarah: Yeah, that’s good information to track, ‘cause it helps you evaluate whether or not –

Amanda: Yes!

Sarah: – those services are worth paying for.

Amanda: Yes. And also, like, am I actively working towards reading books that I already own and, like, whittling that stuff down? Am I, you know, not really paying enough attention to, like, what I’m putting on my Kindle? Because I have a book journal that my roommate and I bought, and it’s specifically for books, and one of my goals this year is to read at least ten things that I already own on my Kindle. So it helps tracking that. Like, am I sticking to that? Am I making any headway on trying to address some of this stuff on my Kindle?

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: So I like having that kind of snapshot of how I’m reading and where I’m getting my books from.

Sarah: Yeah! Oh, absolutely, me too. I love looking at how many library books I’ve borrowed and read this year, because you know, once I give it back to the library it’s no longer present, so I’m not going to be reminded –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – oh yeah, that library book I read, but once I log it as a book that I got from the library, it actually makes me feel pretty happy to see how much I’m using this, the resources that I already have, because, you know, buying new books is an occupational hazard. [Laughs]

Do you think it would be useful to do a monthly feature where we talk about what we’ve discovered in our subscriptions that we want to recommend? Like, what did you find in the Romance package? What did you find in KU? What have you found in Scribd? What have you found in the subscription packages that you pay for that are worth recommending to other people? Do you think that would be a good idea?

Amanda: Maybe, but, like, the only package I subscribe to is the Audible Romance package. I don’t do Scribd anymore, and I don’t do KU, and so I don’t – I don’t know if Elyse does any of those, I don’t know if Carrie does any of those, so I think for it to be beneficial, we would have to have, like, a wider spread, if that makes sense, of people who use these subscriptions?

Sarah: Yeah.

Amanda: ‘Cause I don’t want it to be like, oh, well, like, only one of us had Audible Romance, and, like, one of us has Scribd, and, like, those are the only two we talk about, because that’s all we have.

Sarah: I also don’t have a problem saying to the, to the community, though, I, I think it’s totally fine to say, all right, those of you who have KU, what have you found that you really dig lately? What are the things that you’re like –

Amanda: Yeah!

Sarah: – oh, that was worth the subscription price? ‘Cause you know people’d be like, let me share with you –

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: – six thousand words of all of the things that I read this week! Our, our community is the greatest!

[Laughter]

Sarah: Now, there was one other thing that you do to keep track of your reading.

Amanda: Yes, and I don’t know if Kristin uses Goodreads or not, but I fucking love Goodreads. I love it so much.

Sarah: I find this amazing.

Amanda: [Laughs]

Sarah: I love this so much – this is not a thing that would turn my crank at all, and you are like, fuck yeah! Challenge me!

Amanda: I love it! So we have a Smart Bitches Goodreads group that I run, and I’m part of other, mostly romance-related reading groups on Goodreads, and a lot of them have what’s called reading challenges or, like, themed challenges, and it really helps me pick what to read next in terms of what I own. So, like, for example, I’m in the middle – so all of our challenges on the Smart Bitches Goodreads are quarterly, so it’s usually read, you can read up to fifteen books a quarter. There are different, like, levels; you can choose to only read five or whatever. It’s pretty low-key, but I’m working on the next, like, themed quarterly challenge for April, May, and June, and I’m going with –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – a Netflix originals theme? So –

Sarah: Oh, so cool! Dude, that is such a good idea!

Amanda: So each category, each, like, task that you have to read for is going to be inspired by a Netflix theme, so, like, like Stranger Things, you might have to read, like, I don’t know, a, a book with, like, a, a horror element or –

Sarah: Right.

Amanda: – To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, you might have to read a romance with an epistolary element, or La casa de las flores, which we had a great guest squee on, you might have to read a book that has, like, a family scandal. So I’ve, like, based my tasks off of, like, themed stuff. There’s some other challenges that I do in other groups that I like. It’s where, like, another member will pick a set of recommendations for you, based off of, you know, if they’ve read anything on your, like, To Read list, so they can give you, like –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – oh, hey, I saw that you want to read this book; I’ve read it, and I loved it – to, like, give you that extra nudge to read something that’s been on your list for a while. And so I like those. I like getting kind of like a, an extra vote of confidence of, like, oh, I really loved this book. It’s kind of like a friend recommending a book to you because, you know, they have experience with that book. And I just think they’re, they’re fun, and kind of the, like, rush I get from doing the rec requests on Instagram is matching books up to, you know, descriptors? And it’s like a little treasure hunt, so I get excited, and I’m like, oh, this book perfectly fits this task! So it adds like a nice, fun element to it. Some people get really obsessed with challenges, but I try to treat it more as, as a, instead of being more of a completionist, it helps guide my reading a bit more and give me some more direction –

Sarah: Mm-hmm.

Amanda: – because working with books, there’s kind of like an embarrassment of riches? Like, there’s too much choice, and it’s hard for me to focus on what I need to read.

Sarah: Yeah. And it also forces you to think about, it, it forces you to think about the books that you own –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – in a different way? And it makes you reconsider the books that you have for a different type of goal –

Amanda: Yes.

Sarah: – which is always good, I think.

All right, is there anything that you’re reading right now that you want to talk about?

Amanda: I just finished a book last night that was a piece of shit, so – [laughs]

Sarah: Ah, crap! I’m sorry.

Amanda: There was some ableist language, and people are just acting like idiots. So my next thing that I’m going to read as part of one of the reading challenges that I’m doing and I’m in, I’ll be reading, I think, The Vixen and the Vet, which was, I think, nominated for a Rita several years ago, but it’s part of a modern fairytale, contemporary romance series, and I think this one is a retelling of Beauty and the Beast – yes – and it, I think it won the Rita – no. It was a nominee for Long Contemporary Romance in 2015; that’s how I’m familiar with it. But yeah, that’s probably what I’m going to read next; either that or The Duchess Deal by Tessa Dare.

Sarah: Wow, you’re not usually a historical reader!

Amanda: I know! I’ve been getting into them a little bit more –

Sarah: Nice!

Amanda: – lately? [Laughs] And then another option that is on my desk right now, and I’m looking at it, was E. K. Johnston’s The Afterward? It’s not out yet, but we got an amazing pitch letter for it, and I immediately requested it, and this was the letter:

The Afterward by New York Times bestselling author E. K. Johnston is a sweepingly epic and intensely personal tale of two heroines and the lengths they will go to find their way back to each other. The story introduces readers to a world rife with magic and gods, where people are free to love whomever they choose but are constricted by their rank, familial obligations, and financial status.

So.

Sarah: So that’s your catnip.

Amanda: Yeah, and the cover’s really cool, so those are the three choices I’m waffling between after that shit show of a book that I just read, so. [Laughs]

Sarah: That’s very cool. I cannot talk about the romance that I’m reading, but I can say that I have a library copy of Tressie McMillan Cottom’s Thick: And Other Essays, and it is so fucking good.

Amanda: Ooh!

Sarah: So, so good. It is really, really amazing. I’ve read some of them in other places, because they’re extend, expanded or rewritten versions of essays that she’s written elsewhere, but her, her writing is so in-, incredibly good. Like, I just sort of, like, I can feel, like, all the cells in my body becoming very still and being like, okay, we’re going to listen to every word on this page. And sometimes I have to read a paragraph over again, because she’s writing in an academic per-, perspective for a small amount of time, or she’s talking about sociology, which is, like, the field I wish I knew had been a thing when I was in grad school, ‘cause I would have done it, ‘cause it’s amazing! But yeah, I, I think it’s incredible, and I can’t wait to keep reading it.

[music]

Sarah: And that brings us to the end of this week’s episode. I’m curious: how do you organize your TBR? Do you have books that inspire you to take kinder care of yourself? And do you have a book club or a reader gathering that you want to recommend? I definitely want to hear from you; please tell me all the things. You can email me at [email protected], or you can call 1-201-371-3272 and leave a voicemail message. You can also tell me a terrible joke, ‘cause you know I am a fan of those. But we love to hear from you. And if you would like to speak with us on the internet, which is kind of where we also live, you can find both of us smartbitchestrashybooks.com, you can find me on Twitter @SmartBitches, and you can find Amanda on Twitter @_ImAnAdult. And she’s also on Instagram on that same name.

This podcast is brought to you by Harlequin and their New Year, New Reads campaign. A resolution that you can keep past February? Oh yes, please! Harlequin and their blockbuster series authors have got you covered with many ways to start your New Year, New Reads binge reading. MIRA Books and HQN are home to many authors, with an impressive list of series that are already out, as well as great upcoming books. What better way to keep a binge reading New Year’s resolution than by diving into a series you can fall in love with from the very beginning? Head over to NewYearNewReads.com to discover exciting series and upcoming titles from Christina Dodd, Lee Tobin McClain, B. J. Daniels, Heather Graham, Robyn Carr, Sherryl Woods, Sheila Roberts, Brenda Novak, Carla Neggers, Karen Robards, and more. That’s NewYearNewReads.com.

Every podcast gets a transcript, and each transcript is compiled by garlicknitter. Hi, garlicknitter! Thank you! [My pleasure! – gk] Today’s podcast transcript is sponsored by Summoned to Thirteenth Grave by Darynda Jones. If you like J. R. Ward or Jeaniene Frost, you will love this paranormal romp that tickles not only the funny bone but other parts a little farther down as well. Charley Davidson, Grim Reaper extraordinaire, is back after a century of exile. She is hurt, she is angry, and she is out for revenge. But a century on one plane isn’t quite the same as it is on others, and she comes back to find a furious husband who can still melt the polar ice caps with a single glance, a world in chaos, and an expanding hell dimension that is threatening to take over our very own plane of existence. She has three days to stop an apocalypse that she may have accidentally started and to soothe the savage beast that is her blisteringly hot soul mate. Don’t miss the final book in the series that RT Book Reviews calls wickedly funny with true chilling danger. Summoned to Thirteenth Grave by Darynda Jones is on sale now wherever books are sold, and you can find out more at daryndajones.com.

We have a Patreon. You can have a look at it at patreon.com/SmartBitches. Monthly pledges begin at one dollar a month, and with any pledge you become part of the Patreon community. The Patreon community helps keep the show going, makes sure that I can transcribe every episode, helps me suggest guests, develops questions, and helps pick the book for our book club, so if that sounds like nifty stuff you might like to do, please have a look at patreon.com/SmartBitches and consider supporting the show. And if you are already a member of the Patreon community, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you.

The music you are listening to today is provided by Sassy Outwater. You can find her on Twitter @SassyOutwater. This is the Peatbog Faeries from their album Blackhouse, and this track is called “Spiders.” Now, I realize many of you don’t like spiders. I would like to posit that spiders are pretty great because, although they can give you the creeps, they also eat the bugs that bite you and make you itch, and spiderwebs are pretty amazing. So even if you don’t like the actual spiders, this track is also pretty great. You can find it at Amazon or iTunes or at the peatbogfaeries.com website, or wherever you buy your funky music.

And now it is time for me to tell you what’s going to happen on Smart Bitches, Trashy Books this week; I know you’re very excited. Did you know there’s a website that goes with the podcast? It’s like a whole thing. Been there for like fourteen years. I know, I’m amazed too. But it is time – it’s time! [Drum roll on desk] It’s time! Now I’m going to make the dog bark. Not only is this Saturday our monthly Whatcha Reading? post, which is where we tell you what we’re reading and then you tell us what you’re reading, and then we all buy more books, but we are also announcing our first book club pick! Yes! The people in the Patreon community have made some outstanding suggestions, and our first book this quarter is one that Amanda is so excited about. We are announcing on Saturday, so come on by and see what our book club pick is! And if you’d like to help us pick the book club selection for next quarter, take a peek at patreon.com/SmartBitches.

Then next week, we have some reviews, both of romance and nonfiction as well. I have been reading a lot of nonfiction lately, as I’ve been reading some other books that I am not permitted to talk about. We also have a discussion on epigraphs and epilogues, and as you might imagine, we have opinions. We have a guest review, a new Soggy Bottoms, a new edition of the podcast episode recommendations, plus Books on Sale, Help a Bitch Out, and a Bachelor recap. So make some supportive wishes for Elyse’s liver and stop on by for mayhem and merryent – merryent – mayhem and merriment – goodness, I cannot word today. Stop on by for mayhem and merriment. The site is always better when you are there, so thank you.

I will have links to everything that we talked about and all of the books we mentioned – I know there were a lot – so if you’re looking for something to read and you heard something you, that you might want to think about for this episode, stop by the website smartbitchestrashybooks.com/podcast. I will have links to all of the books that we talked about.

And now it is time for a terrible joke. This is a terrible joke; it’s really, really bad. Really, really bad. Maybe I’ll actually be able to say words; it would be really great if I could. You ready? [Clears throat]

Why is a woman’s monthly called a period?

Why is a woman’s monthly called a period?

Because colon was already taken.

[Laughs] Now I’m thinking about all the punctuation that I would prefer to use for that. Like, I have my ampersand or my hash mark. [Laughs more] And now, now I’m going to go on a deep Wikipedia nerd dive into what different punctuation is called and find the best possible term for period, because, well, I can’t word today, but I can definitely read.

So on behalf of Amanda and myself and everyone here, we wish you the very best of reading. Have a wonderful weekend, and we will see you back here next week.

Oh, wait, and I have an outtake, because I couldn’t word today? I have an outtake after the music if you’d like to laugh at me a little bit more.

[leggy  music]

Sarah: Hey there, Happy Friday, and welcome to episode number 339 of podcast that I forgot the name of. What is the name of my podcast? Smart Podcast, Trashy Books! Wow! It’s been a day, you guys. Like, it has been A Day. [Laughs] I’ve got to do this again.