“But… Duncan,” she wept tearfully. “I do not understand. My brother’s best friend’s dog walker’s cousin knows this girl who says this guy saw you pass out at 31 Flavors last night!” “Alas, my fair Tittynia,” Duncan whispered huskily. “Twas not me. I was home. Alone. Missing your titian hair and your Rubenesque calves.” “Oh, Duncan, shelter me under the comfort of your man-titty for all time!” She closed her eyes, relief washing over her … Continue reading Don’t Forget - Duncan Needs You!→
Fabio is busy convincing me to try I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter in his tiger-pelt strewn living room, so I’m guessing he can’t also be playing on the Make Your Own Romance Cover page, too. Does this stop me from uploading images and having a good old wasting-of-time? Heck, no! Miri was kind enough to forward me the think. Now I have to get my fine romance cover printed out so I can put … Continue reading The Only Thing Missing is Fabio→
I bet you all have your curiosity about Candy and me. Perhaps we spend our days reading romances, eating bonbons and snarking away at the man titty in our festively pink office that matches our festively pink website. Perhaps…or perhaps not. Either way, to announce our final Smart Bitch Writing Contest of the year, I’ll give you a glimpse into how Candy and I come up with pretty much most of our content. Sarah: Duncan … Continue reading Duncan’s Sad Man-Titties Need You→
If you need some toys with, um, thrusting action, let us Smart Bitches help you out. And here’s a toy that sounds dirty, but isn’t. I should stay away from toy catalogs, clearly. But wait, there’s more! Pass the Pickle sounds like something from Ellora. Does the pickle get passed before or after the dildoes on Tuesdays?
Bitchery Reader Sarah sent me a link to a Reuters news article discussing the final event of the Belfast Literary Festival. Seems the attendees are bringing an end to the fun with a reading of the most alliteratively awful passages from the works of “Amanda McKittrick Ros, accused by critics of penning some of the most atrocious books ever written.” The trick: they can’t laugh as they read. This noble feat was first attempted by … Continue reading The Smart Bitch Alliteration Contest→
Our recent Mad Libs explosion has no doubt ruined many pairs of underwear across the nation. I know it would’ve ruined mine—that is, if I wore any, ha ha ha. In fact, so many of them are so good, I feel they need to be acknowledged in some way. Therefore, please find here the Best of the Best, as picked democratically by the Committee of Me, Me, Me, with categories also decided by Me, Me, … Continue reading I am SO GAY! For YOUR MAD LIBS!→
Remember those Mad Libs we ran last year? Yeah, it’s time for another one. Just a quick one, though–we’re only generating a title and its tagline. Maybe a more substantial one when the concept of Free Time doesn’t make me laugh weakly yet hysterically. As always, copy and paste your brilliant results into the comments. Verb, past tense: Noun: Verb, present tense: Body part: Verb, present tense: Adjective: Noun: Adjective: Noun:
Let’s see if we can make this work. Given that multiple people can comment at a time, it might overlap a bit, but let’s give it a shot. Since Eva Longoria’s book is probably going to be “written” with assistance and possibly in its entirety by another writer, let’s give her a hand. Let us compose the first chapter (or two) of Longoria’s romance novel. Each of you has 150 words to write, and we’ll … Continue reading Eva Longoria’s Romance Novel→
In our discussion of the RITA nominations, many a Bitchery member remarked on the lack of award category for erotica, and the difficulty of creating such an award that accurately judges erotica, romantica, and the genre as a whole. Perhaps that difficulty might come as much from RWA’s documented hesitancy to welcome erotica alonside its other genres, but it is certainly a difficult category to judge against the traditional structure of romance – as erotica … Continue reading Smart Bitch Book Award→
A few days late, and I apologize – the PowerBook, it was not so full of the Power this weekend. It was more full of Things that Annoy Sarah. But Duchess Cuntington tolerates no crap from her subordinates, and we are back in business – the business of bestowing wicked awesome titles on the winners of contests. So, kneel, or just relax a bit, Jeri Smith Ready, and arise with your new title: Congratulations and … Continue reading Coronation for Jeri Smith Ready, Winner of the WHA? Query Contest!→
Don’t forget (HA! I KILL ME!) – tonight at midnight PST is the deadline for voting in the, um, whatddaycallit… oh yeah. The Smart Bitch Publishing WHA? Query Letter Contest! We have a bootyload of votes, and I’ll give you a hint – two of the entries are neck and neck. So vote early, vote often, and vote now! Email candy @ smartbitchestrashybooks.com and sarah @ smartbitchestrashybooks.com your vote before midnight tonight. The winner and … Continue reading Nudge Nudge→
