CW/TW: Discussions of rape. It’s Monday, the worst night of the week. There is rum in my Coke and sadness in my heart, because it’s time for The Bachelor… This episode went by really quickly and not much about it was light hearted or funny, so this recap may feel a bit different in tone. If you haven’t read any of my recaps or watched any of the episodes, SNL has done an admirable job … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S23 E04: Singapore →
The title card for this episode is a Native man drinking what appears to be liquor out of large carved spoon. When we open Roger has just walked between two lines of Mohawk warriors where he is beaten with sticks, staffs and fists. He collapses and a man tells him that he will remain a captive. We cut to Fergus who is telling the other Regulators that Murtagh was captured and is likely to be … Continue reading Outlander S4 E12: Providence →
Welcome to Monday night everyone, the night I watch The Bachelor so you don’t have to. I learned some things about the McMansion today. 1. They can’t run the AC because it messes with the sound. 2. There are a grand total of four bathrooms in the entire place. That’s five women to a bathroom. With no AC. Also Colton spent an entire day filming shower shots. Bet he was pruny. Anyway, grab your favorite adult beverage, … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S23 E03: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW →
TW: For mentions of rape and also racism. Previously on Outlander, Roger escaped from the Mohawk and found a circle of stones in the forest similar to Craigh na Dun. He hears a buzzing sound coming from the stones and reaches his hand out to touch them. The show opens with a still badly injured Roger standing underneath a hot shower in a modern bathroom. He steps out of the shower and wipes the steam from … Continue reading Outlander S4 E11: If Not For Hope →
Monday is by far the worst night of the week. First of all, I’m farther away from the weekend, aka “Elyse climbs into her blanket cave with cats and books,” as I will be any other night of the week. Also, it’s The Bachelor. (Ed. note: And I must confess that Tuesday morning, when I edit these, is the very most excellent morning of the week sometimes.) This year they ramped up the awfulness by having … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S23 E02: Donkey Sauce →
Sweet Agony by Charlotte Stein is an erotic romance with a Gothic twist, and it is pure unadulterated Elyse-bait. Please prepare for Squee. We have Squee inbound, so take cover and bring snacks. We might be here awhile. We have a recluse hero with an unbearably sexy voice and impressive lexicon, we have a Gothic mansion, and we have lots of sexy times that turn into something poignant. More than that, we have a Dom … Continue reading Sweet Agony by Charlotte Stein →
TW: Discussions of rape The title card for this episode is a homemade still. Bree is petting the goats when Jamie approaches. She notices his bandaged knuckles and asks what happened. He tells her he had an accident. Jamie tells her that he knows about her rape and asks if she knew the man who assaulted her. Bree says she didn’t. Then Jamie asks her to help him check the snares. As they walk through … Continue reading Outlander S4 E10: The Deep Heart’s Core →
I’m a fan of Laura Griffin’s Tracers series, so it’s no real surprise that I enjoyed her first book in the spin-off Wolfe Security series, Desperate Girls. Much like Griffin’s other books, this is very much a romantic suspense novel that heavily features procedural elements. When I first saw the cover and read the title, I wondered if Griffin had decided to try her hand at a psychological thriller, but no. Despite what the cover art … Continue reading Desperate Girls by Laura Griffin →
The Au Pair by Emma Rous is a slightly Gothic psychological thriller that focuses on one woman’s suspicion that she might not be physically related to her own family. The premise is excellent and while I kept turning pages well into the night, I found that when I finished the book, I was only slightly satisfied with the resolution. Part of that is because the final reveals are executed a little clumsily. The other part … Continue reading The Au Pair by Emma Rous →
We’ve reached the point in the year where I watch The Bachelor so you don’t have to, an act of charity that requires the consumption of alcohol. (These are our archives, in case you need a few hundred thousand words of horror-tinged hilarity as a distraction today.) This year might actually break me. This season’s Bachelor, Colton, is a virgin, a fact that has been mentioned approximately eleventy billion times in the previews I’ve seen. I’ve … Continue reading Elyse Watches The Bachelor–S23 E01: Happy Fucking Birthday →
TW: for discussions of rape The title card for this episode is bee landing on a small white flower. Bree returns to the room she’s sharing with Lizzie, who immediately notices that Bree is bleeding from her nose. Still shaking after being raped by Bonnet, Bree declines Lizzie’s offer of help and undresses herself slowly. There is a large bloodstain on the back of her skirt as well as bruises on her shoulder blades and … Continue reading Outlander 4.09: The Birds & the Bees →
