Susan Grant has written some of my favorite science fiction romance novels. Alas, Your Planet or Mine (soon to be reprinted as Guardian Alien) is not one of them. Basically, this is a bodyguard romance with Cavin, an alien, protecting Jana, a human, from an alien assassin while trying to stop an invasion of Earth without torpedoing Jana’s political career.

The story is set in Sacramento during the early 2000s. Jana Jasper, a State Senator, comes from a “political dynasty.” Everyone in her family is or was in public service, and her grandfather has set his heart on her being the first female President of the United States. Jana’s father (a congressman) is falsely accused of misusing campaign funds and the scandal soon extends to Jana herself. Jana promises her family (specifically, her grandfather) to keep a low profile and is promptly kidnapped/rescued by Cavin, a humanoid alien who needs her to warn Earth of a coming invasion.

Jana is in the middle of promoting sturgeon farming with hopes of preventing the extinction of the species while still providing foodies with caviar. This gets her a lot of criticism from people like family friend Victor, owner of a vodka and caviar restaurant, who says things like,

In Russia, the caviar industry is controlled by the Mafia, but in California it is controlled with your iron fist. In certain circles in Russian community, you are known as the czarina. Your Fish and Game thugs have become as feared in the community as the Soviet KGB.

The phrase “Fish and Game thugs” totally made me spit tea EVERYWHERE.

On top of everything else, Jana promised Grandpa that as part of her “keeping a low profile” project she would not get involved with any men. This is a problem because Cavin, the alien who rescues her from the alien assassin and warns her about the invasion, is super hot. They met as children, when Cavin accompanied his father on a scouting trip to Earth. The emotional bond they formed then remains, and most of the book involves Jana trying to keep her hands off Cavin because of her promise to Grandpa which doesn’t exactly apply to her situation (she’s supposed to be avoiding the press attention that follows her dating life, and how this applies to actual sex is beyond me).

I have questions, as well as a few things that I think need further examination:

1. Why does Cavin keep insisting that Jana should recognize him and completely trust and commit to him just because they hung out briefly at the age of nine?
2. Is Jana’s grandfather creepy and controlling, or endearing? In fairness, the fact that Jana’s siblings do not want political careers doesn’t seem to be a problem although they are all high achievers who have to reflect well on the family name..
3. Jana goes to a vodka and caviar restaurant and is surprised and upset when the conversation turns to how her sturgeon farming project will affect the price of caviar. It’s a caviar bar, Jana. The topic is bound to come up. Although even I didn’t see “more feared than the Soviet KGB” coming.
4. Why do Cavin and Jana keep talking about how they’ve been resisting these urges for so long and also how they will spend the rest of their lives when the entire book takes place in no more than a week, not counting their meetings as children?
5. When they met as kids, nine-year-old Jana was unable to speak, but she thought Cavin was “magic” and made a wish that he would make her be able to talk and then she was. Why couldn’t she talk? There’s no explanation of developmental delays or social anxiety, or signs of a physical impairment to speech. She can hear and read. Why is she cured by Cavin even though later he says he didn’t do anything? Is this problematic or just confusing?
6. I did not understand anything that happened with the invading aliens. Not. One. Thing.

On the plus side, Jana and Cavin have great chemistry and a nice way of interacting. They are very comfortable with each other. There’s some good humor. The Sacramento geography and political scene are well drawn and I couldn’t help but both laugh and sympathize with Jana’s sorrow that the ice cream she bought was destroyed during an escape from the assassin. Jana’s devotion to California’s environmental health and to weaving that into the economy is portrayed sympathetically, which is awesome. I wanted Jana and Cavin to succeed as a couple, and I liked how Cavin was protective of Jana in combat situations but completely respectful of her expertise in matters like how to use an ATM and how to navigate politics, family, and other situations. Cavin is comfortable in a supportive role which is awesome.

There’s also a lovely interaction between Cavin and a Vietnam vet. It’s such a real interaction that it seems to come from another book. The vet tells Calvin about Vietnam and then:

For a long time afterward, they watched the sun reach its zenith and then track down the other side. Sunshine spilled over the grass. They sat in silence, enjoying the odd camaraderie veterans had. It transcended culture, race, and apparently planets as well.

I waffled between a C- and a D+ grade for this book and went in circles as different elements confused me. Such as: should a scene in which Cavin helps them find an invisible spaceship in Area 51 by LITERALLY HAVING THEM POKE IT WITH THEIR FINGERS AFTER HE BUMPS INTO IT raise or lower the grade?

Overall, this book is a terrible, terrible mess, but in reading it you can see the potential which led to books like Moonstruck (recently re-written and republished as Warleader). The lack of emotional development between Jana and Calvin, the expectations placed on both, and the nonsensical world building (and world invading) left me confused and disappointed.