Welcome back to Cover Snark! These covers were all sent in by the community!
From Jane Buehler: At first glance (small thumbnail) I thought he was shooting out a laser beam from his chest!
Sarah: That’s an interesting place for a stigmata.
Amanda: Why is he so grainy, like his skin is the texture of a basketball.
Sarah: Wait. WAIT. Whatever this cheetah-print thing is, it is both above and below his pec. What IS that?! Why is it partially encircling his pec? Why is it shooting out pink silly string? WHAT IS THIS.
And this is only the first cover. God help me with this set.
From Jen: My cousin introduced me to you guys a while back. We have a regular cousin chat about your Cover Snark because it cracks us up.
Recently I was at a gift shop and saw this gem. I immediately shared it to the cousin chat and they encouraged me to submit it!
Thanks for giving us all so many laughs.
Sarah: At first glance this looks unremarkable, but the more I looked the tiltier my head got. Why does his chest hair patch match the small patch of hair on his arm? I’m presuming the Yankee’s logo is backwards on purpose but also ????
And her boobs are going in very different directions – unless she’s got one of those bathing suit tops that only holds in one tit and the other is free to roam. I Hate suits like that. Also she’s reading a book called HOWL and that’s very funny.
There are a lot of stylistic choices that I really like, and also some details that I do not get.
Claudia: I have one question — why he doesn’t seem to have eyes?
Sarah: I was wondering that, too! It looks like they got blurred or something? Why does she have features while he does not?
Amanda: Why are we not talking about the fact that he’s a satyr?!
Sarah: A satyr in that shirt!
From Marianne: This popped up in my edelweiss+ pre-approved and I had to embiggen because what was I even looking at? Who wears light beige jeans with their chaps???
Sarah: WHAT is WITH the cowboy-hat-hides-the-faces trend? Do people not like drawing faces? Or is kissing difficult (I imagine it is) to draw?
And WHY would anyone wear light jeans with chaps. I get that it’s a Look, but also it’s a Laundry.
Amanda: It reminds me of when you’re in middle school and you draw people with their hands in their pockets or behind their back so you can avoid it.
Sarah: “Where’s your teal and white cow print cowboy hat?”
“Why?”
“I need it for reasons.”
From Deborah: Is he giving himself a simultaneous breast and pelvic exam under the watchful eyes of Dr Giant Tree Wolf?
Sarah: That’s a very intimidating way to do a breast exam.
Amanda: It also looks like he’s checking his crotch. Perhaps he’s just making sure everything is where it should be.
Sarah: So many cover models do that. Should we be worried?
Her Alien Matchmaker: At first I thought he had some tattoo of circling leopard sharks and the lower one was blasting lasers from its eyes, but now I’m just disappointed. I get that the ‘alien lover’ trope is mainly ‘what if Big Buff Guy, but in Space’ and even at its most sci-fi-y it’s not generally about speculative alien biology (except in Sexy ways), but…this is just a guy. Like it’s just a guy with stickers attached to his chest. Or mesh below his skin? Is he an alien wearing a human suit that doesn’t quite fit? Maybe he’s matchmaking other humans *with* aliens, but is not an alien himself?
The Satyr in Bungalow D: It took me way too long to notice his horns; I thought maybe the satyr was a side character. This one simultaneously has too much detail and not enough for me–we can see the pattern on the awnings of the building way behind them, but the faces are just impressionistic renderings. It’s the dreaded Cartoon Cover’s final form.
Homebound: I lost track of who’s legs were who’s for a minute until I got the butts sorted out. His hands look like action figure hands, and I don’t mean the high quality collectable kind. Also not a fan of covers staring at women’s butts (or boobs). Feels objectifying…and for an audience of mainly women picking up a story that advertises a heteroromance, that’s uh, an odd choice of focus at the center of the picture. Alien pecs I get; I understand the advertising mentality behind the alien pecs. But even for a presumably wlw audience I’d wonder why the emphasis is on a woman’s booty (…and now I’m going down the rabbit hole of cow-butch romances). Then again, I was predestined to dislike this one; “get the girl” by itself is a phrase that disgusts me with its objectification.
JACE: That is one of those tree face decorations that were popular in the mid-2000’s and you’re not convincing me otherwise. Plastic-tree-decor shifter.