Welcome back to Cover Snark!
Kiki: Hey friends, have we considered moving to shelter and NOT standing in the middle of the road while a tornado heads towards us?
Elyse: Pretty fucking relaxed about that tornado.
Sarah: It’s the tornado of love don’t you get it.
It’s going to bring them even closer together. By smashing them with debris.
Tara: They are letting fate decide!
Sneezy: I need them to not with this “first characters to die in a horror movie” energy.
Elyse: Deez are my teefs.
Amanda: When we can see our cats’ teeth peeking out while they’re sleeping, we call them Teefer Sutherlands.
Sarah: I had another root canal this week (my fifth this year – one more and I get a free one!) and because I need extra anaesthetic, this is literally what I was doing all day. Can I feel my face? No? Still no. Is my nose moving? No? Ok. Am I drooling? Ugh, yes.
Sneezy: Root canal is hot now. You heard it here first, folks!!!
From MegCat: I have questions. Where is her butt? Is she kneeing him in the balls? How come both of them look so effortless in what would be a physically challenging pose to hold for both of them? How long until they both fall over? Should I really have looked at this cover just fresh off a workout when my brain was still in “what muscles should I be working?” mode…
Sarah: First, they’re going to fall over. No idea which direction but gravity will win.
Second, my physical therapist would be HORRIFIED at how they’re treating his lumbar region. Third, is that Olivia Wilde?
Elyse: His hamstrings must be hella loose.
Sarah: Or his ankles are in cement?
Lara: Her legs don’t seem long enough, somehow.
Sneezy: Is she kneeing him in the balls?
Sarah: It really looks like that’s the case – maybe that’s why he’s half bent forward? Nailed him right in the pool noodle.
From Leslie – who designs covers: When I design book covers I always reduce them to thumbnail size to make sure they read well because that is how most of us are going to first encounter a new book, particularly via booksellers’ newsletters. Here’s a fail in that regard.
At first I thought the gal’s varicose veins had ruptured. Then I thought she had red tinfoil wrapped around her legs. After I figured out those red wrinkled things are boots, I got confused about the right boot tip. Is that a cloven hoof?
And eeeuwww—ass crack alert! I like a shapely male tush as much as the next woman, but even on a good body an ass crack is not edgy or sexy, it’s just an ass crack. In that regard, this cover offers up a “2-for” with those droopy jeans, the ever predictable result of in an ass-crack situation. Shout out to the gal wrapped around our hero for doing her heroic best to pull his pants up.
One last rant: I am so over grey bodies on covers when served up with a hit of color. I’d have to look through my graphic trick book but I think this is trick no. 32—a hard one to do well. Case in point: dead bodies with animate boots.
But those boots ain’t walking. I say cook ’m up and serve ’m since they seem more like raw steak than boots. I’ll take mine well done.”
Sarah: I can’t tell if the pants are going up or down, but her ankles and calves do look violently abused.
Also everything in the composition is pointing to the asscrack. Why?
Amanda: Meanwhile, I find his vertebrae very distracting.
Sneezy: Those look like heels…the pointy front makes me think the heel is the skinny stiletto kind.
