Welcome back to Cover Snark!
From M: Another cut and paste disaster. This guy’s head is not only too small for the rest of him, but someone removed his neck. And what the heck are those red circles? Leftover Christmas ornaments?
Sarah: I need the Harley community to weigh in on giant red jingleballs on your handlebars. Seems…unwise.
And I cannot stop laughing at this poor man’s pasted on head. My God the indignity. His unveiled desire is to have his own neck.
Amanda: His head looks like it’s going to bobble right off.
From Elizabeth S: I don’t even know what all crazy is going on here.
Sarah: Setting aside the completely distracting Y shaped torso, did Wonder Woman get him? Is that the lasso of truth? What do you think this guy is confessing to, dedicated steroid regiment? Stealing conditioner?
Claudia: Wow. Gym-rat Jesus!
Sarah: The lat bar is his shepherd? He shall not skip leg day?
Amanda: This man feels very familiar to me. We may have snarked his image before.
Sarah: This is giving me Perez Hilton vibes and never in a good way.
Elyse: I was going with the little crown kids get at Burger King
Amanda: I feel like this has a new illustrated cover. I recently featured it on the After Dark sales.
Sarah: At least on this one, I can read the Wine Mom Font correctly.
Elyse: “Smell my finger.”
Sarah: Nooooooo
Amanda: Welp, now that’s all I can think about.
Now the motorcycle one, I’m pretty sure those are meant to be turning signals or reflectors–but the colored filter on the image has turned the yellow to red, which…you don’t want on the front of your vehicle, since red = brakelights/back of vehicle… Can’t help with his head, though. Or wearing a leather jacket shirtless, which just seems unduly sweaty
Asterion’s lack of internal organs really distracts from the incredible typography on display here. I am not opposed to dudes being tied up on romance covers, but I can’t quite enjoy it here in
……….OF THS………..
THS CTHUPT……UNDERWTHPLD
…………|…………..
Reign has one of those fonts my eyes never want to interpret correctly; I keep seeing it say a name like ‘Reu’gan’ or ‘Keig’n’. (And I swear, I was of the generation that still learned cursive!) Meanwhile the guy in the background keeps doodling on the mirror after someone took a shower
My first thought on Fallen Willow was “*poke* *poke* *poke*” but now I can’t think of anything else either, thanks
Are the red lights on the motorcycle supposed to contain something? The one on the right looks like it has a skull inside but the one on the left looks more like a shrimp. And that can’t be right, can it?
Asterion is 100% Bryce Harper
Fallen Willow makes me think of the early Hollywood trope where the man’s skin has to be exactly one shade darker than the woman’s–but not more than one, of course–even when the woman is supposed to be an exotic temptress.
And yes, Unveiled Desires Guy is just cruising for a citation for those misplaced red lights. Or a head-on collision, in which case he’ll wish he had worn his helmet.
cat_blue is right those look like indicator lights on the bike handles, they and Louise are both right you wouldn’t want that red on the front of any vehicle and the traffic police would be telling you to walk home and get the bike picked up to be fixed.
What is tied up guy’s hair made of? Because hair that isn’t at least crisping with all that flame around must be made of something really odd.
Unveiled Desires: I think they just plopped the front of the motorcycle on him and he’s not actually sitting on one.
Asterion: lasso of truth?
Reign: like the paper crowns that come in Christmas crackers
Fallen Willow: ??? I got nothing
At least we know that the Asterion’s inflatable muscles (and head) worked during the modelling session, even if they did cover up the nips.
Yeah, this is an encore for Asterion, but there’s enough crap on that cover to fuel a second appearance.
Although I have a sneaky affection for the pillars in the background, I can’t get past this guy with his great big pecs and his itty-bitty waist and the nuclear blast out his ass(terion). Also, does he have pockets in his kidneys or amputated hands?
Unveiled Desires isn’t too bad really, if one assumes that he’s got bad posture and is slouching with his head forwards (I’ve seen some guys sitting like that). The red-orange baubles look like turn signals to me, although they are awkwardly placed (I’ve helped the husband add extra lights to his bike, so I know) and should be more orange or yellow. But he’d better zip up that jacket and get a helmet pronto.
And now that I take a second or third look at that motorbike, I’m pretty sure its AI. The handlebar on his left (our right) has no brake cables, the one on his right has two and they’re running around the outside of the front shafts (a double entendre waiting to happen)so they’re going to snap when negotiating a tight turn.
I wish romance writers would get motorbikes right!