Welcome back to Cover Snark!
Sarah: I think we’ve snarked this before but this cover is so funny
Is his hand down his waistband while her hand is in his pocket? Gosh I love this cover
Amanda: A fine vintage of Snark.
Sarah: Such vintage. The more I look at it, the funnier it is. She looks very suspicious. He looks pouty. Is the moment of truth when she pulls whatever it is out of his pocket?
WHAT IS IN HIS POCKET. A mystery that will taunt me for ages.
Sneezy: Smeagol wanted to know too…
Sarah: I swear I thought this said “Pokemon Point.”
Amanda: Weirdly, I don’t think this is the first “Pokemon” loopy font snafu we’ve had.
Sarah: The members of my family who enjoy Pokemon Go would be very happy to shiny hunt in that location. I’d be fine staying inside.
Sneezy: You saw that now, Sarah, that hut could be a Pokemon gym.
It probably says more about me than the font, but my second thought wasn’t that it said something other than Pokemon, but that somehow they spelled Pokemon wrong.
From Karen: This cover is so far from matching the description, that it boggles my mind:
A woman’s cherished legacy becomes a pirate’s obsessive quest in this spellbinding historical romance from an award-winning author.
“Beautiful, masterful, rich, powerful and seductive… has all the allure and darkness of Wuthering Heights and the warmth of Judith McNaught’s Once and Always.” —Romantic Times
This picture belongs on zillow.com or some photo book from Architectural Digest or something. I suspect someone who blindly picks up this book based on the cover is going to be very surprised. Can we make this stop?
Sarah: Pirates live in luxury compounds with palm trees and manicured gardens now I guess?
LOLOL the cover copy:
The London docks in 1818 are no place for a woman. But Aurora Dayne is about to embark on a new life. With her modest belongings and a unique bejeweled locket—her sole legacy from her dead father—she boards a ship bound for Jamaica.
All hell breaks loose when pirates storm the gangplank, and the sheltered orphan becomes the prisoner of a ruthless privateer named Vashon. The towering, black-caped stranger arouses Aurora’s fear . . . and her irresistible desire.
Haunted by his past, Vashon lives outside the law and is driven by one purpose: to retrieve the Star of Aran, a fabled gem cursed by its own dark history. Beautiful Aurora is the key to Vashon’s quest. But when obsession flames into passion, he will risk everything to protect her—for there are others who would kill to possess the star.
Lara: I have no words. Wow.
Sarah: I think my favorite part is that Not One Thing on this cover matches “the allure and darkness of Wuthering Heights and the warmth of Judith McNaught’s Once and Always.”
Nothing says Wuthering Heights like a south Florida AirBnB.
Kiki: Wuthering Heights but it’s in Florida definitely sounds like an off-off-off-off broadway concept. Or a theatre major’s senior thesis!
Sneezy: This cover gives me serial killer or true crime vibes. Which technically counts as dark?
From Pam G: I’m sending this along, because it almost makes me wish for a faceless couple. There’s his elbow, her weird teeth and that taxidermied kitten. (No one would wear a white sweater dress to hold a live kitten.) And finally, that candy cane. The jokes just write themselves.
Sarah: None of these elements were originally together, right? There’s no way.
Elyse: Is that cat missing half its body?
Sarah: Maybe she has cavernous space in her underboob? I mean, if my underboob had a boot I’d be carrying all kinds of snacks and supplies.
Also, his suit fits weird. I’d love for The Menswear Guy to take a look at that one.
Kiki: What a lovely Kohl’s Christmas ad!
Sneezy: There’s several uncanny valley things about this, and the bright chirpiness makes it so much worse.
