Well.
This sucks.
Currently I’m sitting with two sets of feelings.
I’m already so tired, and scared, and discouraged.
And tired.
We just did this. I have semi-accurate predictions of how this is going to go, and none of it is good.
And on the other hand, I know how resilient and compassionate and loving people can be. How loving and compassionate and resilient you are, and me, and all of us.
I can grieve and worry and name (and color code and alphabetize and footnote) my fears, and also look at the trees changing and the blue in the sky, and the way so many people, literal thousands of people, volunteered hours and hours to try to avoid this outcome.
I can find daily moments of happiness, and I can create them for the people around me.
Thanks for being here, and being part of this community. We’re still here, and so are you, and we can work together in large and small ways to ensure that we ourselves and those we love are safe, and know that they are loved exactly as they are.
That said:
We now effectively live in an oligarchy with hues of Gilead. And the potential for orange anus to put three (or more) young morons on SCOTUS. The country as a whole is done. Folks, get yourselves to a blue state or new country while you (and your fertile uterus) can still travel.
True enough that things will get very fucky for awhile. But not everyone can move, or travel. And we can support the organizations that are helping people protect their families or travel for care (the Baltimore Abortion Fund is one I support) and support the folks that are organizing to fight back.
I literally don’t believe it. I literally do not believe what I’m seeing. I could buy a narrow EC victory, but not this popular vote. I don’t believe it.
But it doesn’t prevent feeling complete despair. I see yard signs everywhere where I live saying “We’re not going back” and the thing is…we’re not: forward is going to be so much worse than what last time was. Unless someone stops it, which I hope they do.
You just inspired me to pour my money into grass roots movements that are about community and building and holding hands and holding space. I would LOVE if in the coming days STBT has a page where I can donate to smalll, grass roots organizations who are doing the work day in and day out.
@juhi: I will add that to my list! If y’all have suggestions of places you support, please drop them in the comments.
On my list of monthly donations: the Baltimore Abortion Fund, Children Incorporated (you can sponsor children in the US, which is what I do), and a few independent media sites, like Autostraddle.
OH – and if you want to be connected with opportunities to organize, there’s a zoom (with overflow broadcast on FB if Zoom reaches capacity) tonight, 11/8, hosted by Showing Up for Racial Justice.
I also want to share what my former senator Cory Booker says: “Never let your inability to do everything undermine your determination to do something.” What is the issue closest to your heart, that makes you stand up out of your chair and get moving? Hunger? Trans rights? Animal care? Literacy? Climate change? Whatever it is, there are people in an organization, likely nearby, ready to work with you.
As a European bystander I’m flabberghasted by the election outcome. Especially since I know so many lovely US folks who deserve (and voted) better. Hang in there, everyone. Choose aggressive kindness
Same, @Steffi, except in Canada. My heart is with you all, and I’m eyeing our upcoming election and figuring out what I can do there.
R*cists, m*sogynists, and h*mophobes will
be celebrating today.
Many former friends, family members, and
neighbors will be, too.
For a long time, I tried to convince myself
that those were two separate groups of
people,
Today, I had to finally admit they are one.
Going forward, that’s what I will grieve the
most.
Today I went to my Chemistry lab class at a local community college. There are a handful of students my age (40s) but most of them are young, some of them very young and still living at home. At first I only spoke directly about my feelings about the election with someone my age and someone I already had a pretty good sense about how she felt.
But then we (other ‘mature’ woman and me) started talking to the younger women in the class and hearing how dismayed they were by the election as well. And you think that would make me feel worse, but in some ways it made me feel better? That they clearly saw this was going to present dangers to them (maybe especially to them) and those around them. And I just felt less alone. I’ve been texting back and forth with close friends all morning but something about having a face to face conversation with other people (even ones I didn’t know super well) felt really good.
I guess what I’m saying is, find your community, hug the people you love very tight, take the time you need and then get ready to fight another day. Because another day will come whether we fight for our future or not.
Links!
I know someone mentioned this recently (apologies that I can’t remember who) but I’ve been sending a lot of people to the link whatiftrumpwins.org.
This may seem only broadly applicable, but anyone interested in helping immigrants learn English, I recommend.
https://www.washingtonenglish.org/
I believe if you’re willing to teach over Zoom, it can be done almost anywhere. In person is an option for people in DC area. I recommend this place b/c volunteering there saved my sanity during the last Trump administration. Feeling like I was making a positive contribution to immigrants’ lives and letting them know not all Americans hated them and wanted them to leave was really important to me. I had to drop my volunteer commitment for complicated life reasons, but if I can pick in up again in January, I will.
The other thing for DC peeps that I find very spiritually rewarding is Levine Music’s Community Sing. It is hosted at Levine Music and rotates around various parts of the DMV https://www.levinemusic.org/events/category/community-sing/ It’s a free, zero rehearsal, zero tryout singing experience. We sing all sorts of songs from spirituals, to “Shallow” to barbershop quartet. The leader always says “if you have vocal cords, you belong here” and “this is not a performance, we are singing for ourselves.” Some of the songs come from different spiritual traditions but it is secular and not guided by any religious group. It is fun and very affirming to sit next someone you just met and sing together. I always come out of it feeling replenished.
I found this article realistically hopeful. I hope it’s okay to share.
https://wagingnonviolence.org/2024/11/10-things-to-do-if-trump-wins/
I was utterly gobsmacked this morning. I simply couldn’t believe it. As I told my husband, I completely underestimated the racism and misogyny of many Americans. Such a sad day. Stay safe and give yourself time to mourn, my friends.
Jill C! Thank you, thank you for the DC links!
I’m so sorry that this was the outcome. My expat hubby voted in a very red state. While he knew his vote wouldn’t make a difference there, he did it because he’s a good person who truly hates the direction that the incoming president wants to go. And he dearly loves his mother, sister,niece and sister in law who live in that state. ❤️
@Jill Q, thanks for the idea about teaching English to immigrants.
We can’t stop global warming on our own, but we can do something as individuals about the biodiversity crisis. i recommend checking out this book https://www.naturesactionguide.org/ by Sarah F. Jayne, NATURE’S ACTION GUIDE, and also any books by Doug Tallamy, like NATURE’S BEST HOPE.
I don’t normally say this much about myself on the internet (I’m a woman that works and games in male-dominated spaces), but if not here, where?
I’m a permanent resident in the US and my green card needs to be renewed in 2025. Literally the only reason I haven’t put in the paperwork yet is that I’m waiting on confirmation from my home country about my name change – after my divorce from an American citizen, I wanted to go back to my maiden name, and I need proof from my home country. My green card is unconditional, and yet.
I started my first job in the US 3 weeks before the 2016 election. The absolute terror I felt for the next 6 months, waiting to be told that an American could do my job (despite it being unfilled for 10 months) or that changes were being made to the visa system or any other bit of insanity. But at least I was married, so I had that to fall back on.
Unfortunately, as my career progressed in the US and my husband’s didn’t, I found out that he was only cared about me when he could convince himself he was smarter/better than me. So now I’m single (happily so), but with a career in a field that has been rocked by layoffs over the last year, and doesn’t really exist outside of the US. No kids, and my family is spread over the globe (none of my generation live in my home country anymore, I just realized).
For various reasons (including the pandemic), I’ve spent a total of about 3 months in my home country over the last decade. So despite how much of a foreigner I feel every time someone comments on my accent or asks me something about my home country that I have to somehow answer with a smile (no sorry, I don’t know your friend Bob who lives in a city with a population of 3 million people), America is and has been my home.
I don’t really know what my point is (not sure I have one). Just scared and so tired. My new home doesn’t really want me and I know I don’t fit in my old one anymore.
I have such soul-deep exhaustion going on after five hours of sleep.
I’m feeling very scared and frustrated and scared. But for the moment glad that there are communities like this.
One of the few things making me feel better today are these comments. These links. We can do this. Together.
Echoing my own fears, shock, and disappointments here. I woke up at 3am, checked the results, and haven’t been back to bed since.
CW/TW for talk of pregnancy and death:
My partner and I are about to start planning for a family. As of now, we live in a place where we have access to extensive reproductive care. However, I am also older and may require more resources in getting pregnant. My biggest fear on a personal level is how that will affect when and how we decide to add to our family and what we will do if somehow, in the midst of doing so, that access and those options change. I had a colleague close in age who passed last year during the birth of her third child in a city that has really accessible care. I weep to think of those who already have only a fraction of that care available to them and what may happen if ALL of those cities and states being used as reproductive sanctuaries are gone.
This election has a ripple effect for so many communities here, taking Ely’s comment into account especially.
The short-sightedness is staggering and I know I’m oversimplifying in my moment of rage, but it’s infuriating that the price of eggs and milk mean more than whether some people may live or die.
Canadian here, and a friend of mine said it best (and has given me permission to share his words) …
“Well – I think the western world’s long experiment with liberal democracy as a way of government has just been setback 100 years. Very scary what will happen to the US (and Canada) if that orange head implements what he talked about … And very hard for me to have ANY respect for the USofA – after this … I’m happy I’ll likely be dead when the worst of what is just starting plays out in 20 to 50 years … Also I would not want to be a Ukranian citizen today, or an American who is a gay, or Peurto Rican, or Muslim, or an immigrant, or a woman who is having all the rights she gained in the past century stripped away layer by layer … This is like a mirror image of Germany electing Hitler – one can only hope that the future is not as bleak as Germany’s in the years following that election. I guess I have zero respect for people who’s ethics allow them to vote for a creature like Trump in order to have “cheaper gas and bread”.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. I weep for our collective future.
Reading that comment about voting for T for “cheaper bread and milk” — all I can think is, “Y’all know it’s all gonna be way more expensive going forward, right? And that’s assuming you can even get it.”
The other thing I keep thinking is that we think we know everything that’s going to happen, but we don’t. I don’t think it’s gonna be good in the short term but I think there are variables in play that we can’t see.
“cheaper gas and bread”? Yeah, Good Luck with that – controlling an international commodity exchange, and 97,000 (per Google today) different producers of wheat, not to mention all of the downstream production and sales facilities. When did so many people stop being able to think things through?
@Ely, judging from the immigrants to US that I’ve known and loved, you will probably never be comfortable in your birth country again, nor will the US ever fit you exactly because you bring so much more to your life here than those of us who were born and raised in the US. But I’m certain that PLENTY of people will want you here – you just haven’t met them yet.
One aspect of all this that is so overwhelming is that I don’t think any of us reading these words, loving this site, and sharing this community thought we were part of such a now obviously greatly outnumbered minority. Sure, not everyone wants to read romance, but the world is full of mostly good people, right??? Like so many above, I’m just so very, very tired.
@Ely: What LML said! I am so happy to know you, and welcome you from wherever you were, and wherever you are right now.
@Jill Q. – that community sing looks amazing. Thank you for suggesting it.
It’s exhausting right now to think about what the next four years are going to look like.
@Ely: I know you will be considered a valuable member of your community! My city is mostly comprised of immigrants, and their cultures and traditions have become an integral part of our city. I wouldn’t want to imagine life without them, and I know you’ll find your niche sooner than you think. I wish you well, and others will, too!
As for me today…I remember when Hillary lost, I thought “is it because she’s Hillary Clinton, or a woman?” Today, rightly or wrongly, I can’t help feeling like half the country hates women. My state is the bluest, but Trump’s acted out vendettas toward us before, and even if an impeachment finally took root I’d be more scared of Vance due to his youth. A family medical emergency made me unable to volunteer for the Harris campaign the last few weeks as I’d hoped, so “what if” swirls in my head. I fear dealing with certain relatives and their friends will make me blind with despair and rage. I’m heartsick for friends who will experience real dangers from another Trump regime, and I’m pissed that an already awful year ends with no respite. I’m going to try to take comfort where it’s possible, and I offer you all the same!
I’m sick to my stomach right now, and making plans to send my child to a friend in Canada who will look after them. I spent so many years rebuilding my finances after my late husband’s depredations and death, and now everything I have worked for all my life, my Social Security and Medicare, are going to be taken away from me.
I have heard that someone spotted a difference of 20 million votes between the last election and this one. 20 million missing votes. They need to get the FBI on this before they finalize anything.
I wasn’t able to comment before but I have been checking in all day and drawing comfort from the community. Thank you for this space, Sarah & Amanda.
@Trix @Ely my city is the same, it something I truly value and love about it, and a big part of why I still live here.
I also recommend contacting your representatives by phone, or letter in Washington in your state (or if an expat) how a felon was allowed to run for federal, state or local office under Amendment 14 sec 3 of the Consitution after his his actions and inactions incited a riot where people died on January 6. He should not been allowed to run for President again or when he was 34 felonies he should have been told he could not campaign for any office and he could not leave the State of New York by the court handling his cases.
Also, Inwould recommend to anyone who is done having children or has decided definitely not to have children at all please contact your ob/gyn stat to schedule a permanent sterilization. Kimberly a child free advocate on YouTube has a list of providers who will do the sterilization procedures with no hard hoops to jump through. Some women will want to get long term birth control options instead than can be used for five years.
I just listened to Rachel Maddow on resistance. What she said about “strong man” governments is so scary, I hadn’t thought of this disaster in those terms. But I have been thinking about resistance all day.
Lurker here, but wanted to chime in. I am so devastated and know I am not alone. I had hopes for this election, both nationally and in my super red state (Idaho). Idaho had a major ballot initiative that I really wanted to pass (would have gotten rid of the closed May primaries). It failed.
I support the Northwest Abortion Fund (https://nwaafund.org/). And journalism (theguardian.com) and Truthout (https://truthout.org/)
I’ll close with a quote from the Idaho Statesman’s Bryan Clark’s editorial this morning: “Keep showing up. Keep showing up when it feels useless. Keep showing up when you lose, show up, especially when you lose. Keep showing up because your neighbors need you, and you need them.”
This is what happens when a country doesn’t value education. You have voters who don’t understand the issues or how to resolve them. Their ignorance leads to fear and they vote for a soulless bully they can cower behind, a bully they imagine will “protect” them from everyone who looks or believes differently than they do. They won’t let themselves consider he’ll eventually turn on them, too.
Amanda, LML, Sarah, Trix & Lisa M: thank you all for your kindness. On a day when you all need to be taking care of yourselves, thank you for taking care of a complete stranger. I hope you’re surrounded by people who are just as good to you.
@Ely I feel for you. I spent 16 years in the US and my family left in mid-2020. We gave back our green cards shortly after. Our children are US citizens but I didn’t trust in birthright citizenship anymore. And seeing that my white kids already had better chances than the Black kids of families much longer in the US than us was sobering (Same racism at home but it’s different to swear an oath instead of being born into citizenship).
Neither of us parents wanted to go through with getting US citizenship that we could have applied to on a few years. We now live in a third country were we were able to get jobs and work permits. I even ditched a tenure track position.
While I have many US friends there were too many comments from collegues during the pandemic on how I couldn’t criticize the US as a foreigner and the growing insecurity.
Leaving was the best thing for us, but we are privileged – it must suck even more for minorities or any immigrants with a much less safe home country or less visa optiions. But don’t stay because of a sunk cost fallacy, I felt like I was ditching someone at the altar but it was for the best. Fascists are gaining in the polls in my home country and I will do my best to fight them there – but at least I don’t have to pretend I fit in as much in addition (privilege again, I am not a minority back home).
TLDR: The US is a very complicated country and I miss many friends but it wasn’t for me. And yeah, I don’t fit my home country either but it is mine flaws and all. Good luck to us all.
Here’s Rachel Maddow giving us a pep talk, and she makes many good points: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCna8cLHgMI
Good afternoon friends.
1) this isn’t always possible in every case 2) I am not asking anyone else to do it 3) I acknowledge my privilege and luck which allows me to do this –but today morning I realize that it is not good for my mental health to look at half of the world with contempt. It deeply erodes something within my own self.
So for SOME of the population whom I know, who voted for Trump, I will strive for curiosity rather than contempt. (And I will also acknowledge that some of these people will not extend that same curiosity back to me). But I am going to see if I can move more towards curiosity rather than contempt. I don’t know if it will yield any results. And I don’t know if I will be able to sustain this desire. . . but it IS clear to me that I cannot live inside my body feeling contempt for a whole swath of people the whole time.
thank you for this space, which allows me to share myself.
@juhl, I understand your thought process. I’m not sure if I’m quite there at the moment (I’m also someone who is pretty privileged by US standards) but I recommend you might want to check out I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY by Monica Guzman. She’s part of an organization called Braver Angels that tries to find people who want to work across political and social divides. One of the things I found really helpful about her book is that she gives a very practical checklist of when, where, and how are good moments to try to be open to that curiosity and other times where it might be better to just keep it moving to save time and energy.
I want to stress this is not a blanket recommendation to the Smart Bitches. I’m not asking any marginalized person to try to reach out to people who have no respect for their well-being or humanity. But I recognize some people have particular callings and gifts in life, and if it’s something anyone feels called to do, it’s an option and something to educate yourself about.