It’s Cover Snark time!
From Kerri: I saw this cover and was immediately uncomfortable. And the longer I looked at it, the more uncomfortable I got. Either her body is made of cloth, or his body ends at his chest.
Sarah: “Oh! How bendy!”
Elyse: Is that the “surprise” in surprise dukes?
Sarah: Or maybe it’s tickly beards that are the surprise?
Lara: Her foot seems too big in comparison to the rest of her body? This is a real case of Hidden Limbs and I blame photoshop.
Maya: It’s like one of those Halloween costumes where it’s really just one person!
From Kylie: Herewith my humble submission to Cover Snark! I’m not sure it’s quite egregious enough – only two fonts! – but I’m certain that’s some bootleg Jake Gyllenhaal and apparently both he and the wolf have their doubts about this situation.
Sarah: I CANNOT stop Laughing at this cover.
Jake looks so mad! SO MAD.
Tara: Photographer: “Can you do smoldering?”
JG: “Sorry, big mad is the best I can do.”
Elyse: The wolf kept his scarf
Claudia: If the wolf could frown, it would.
Sarah: THE WOLF KEPT HIS SCARF.
Sarah: That lion is NOT impressed
Amanda: But giant lion or tiny wizard?
Sarah: …This is a good question.
Claudia: I get it, the lion is the reluctant companion. The body language is totally “get off me.”
Elyse: Poor Aslan
Susan: That man looks less like he’s leaning on the lion and more like he’s phasing out of it Kitty Pryde style.
From Kareni: It’s a very nipple-centric cover!
Sarah: PEEKABOO! I SEE YOU!
Elyse: Is the nipple his step brother?
Sarah: His step brother is a NIPPLE SHIFTER
Elyse:
Sarah: I’m surprised this is the first possibility of nipple shifting.
Claudia: This is one of the most… nipple-forward covers we’ve had in a while!
Looking at the waistband, I think Jake Gyllenhaal is wearing a pair of those Soffe shorts (aka elastic waist gym shorts.) Really says “wolf.”
Also, I have a lot of questions about that lion: what’s up with its eyes? Is it missing some teeth? Are lion toes usually that long? So. Many. Questions.
Nipple-bro looks so confused. Like he wasn’t expecting to find a nipple under his shirt. Or maybe just that nipple. “Whose nipple is this? It’s not mine. I’m sure I had my own nipples before the party last night.” This is how one ends up in a “situationship” with their stepbro.
I snort laughed at a lot of this (the scarf!!!!, Poor Aslan) but the first cover makes me think of some sort of trust fall/team building exercise gone terribly wrong. He’s supposed to lift her up to grab something off that tree
that will help their side win, but they both can’t stop giggling about Todd in accounting and his horrible toupee.
“Surprised Dukes” puts me in mind of a book review on this very site, probably some years ago, that grumbled about the sheer number of young, sexy dukes in whichever-historical-it-was. Really, the only way to get a whole series’ worth of dukes, all unmarried and all in the same age bracket, is if your monarch has a multiplicity of sons. And somehow I don’t expect that to be a prominent part of the backstory.
Because I’m an old lady AND a disco dolly, it will come as no surprise that “Jake” actually puts me in mind of 1970s era Barry Gibb of the BeeGees. I don’t know the model’s name, but he’s popping up on SBTB all the time recently because he’s also on the cover of Felice Stevens’s IN A NEW YORK MINUTE—which, while I know is being advertised on the site and you don’t want to buy the hand that feeds you, could easily qualify for its own cover snark entry since it looks like “Jake/Barry” is either showing off his underarms or overwhelmed by the odor emanating from his pits.
/Leaves the room, shaking it to “Staying Alive”
“The Duke’s Countereit Wife” is about right, as the bits of her don’t match up, as well as a big foot she has a huge calf compared to the otherparts of her.
That dude is going to set his hair on fire, risking setting the lion on fire, no wonder it is so pissed off.
The Step-Bro looks like he might be having angina . . .
From the cover, I figured the Step Bro Situation is an omegaverse story, and he’s offering to nurse.
At first I thought the title was “The Lone Wolf’s Clam” which would explain why he looks so ticked off and in pain.
I’d be reluctant to accompany either an annoyed lion or a wizard who randomly flings fireballs.
That foot on the Duke’s Counterfeit Wife cover gave me pause for a moment – it looked like he was staring in amazement at his… er, very large foot-shaped appendage.
Is it weird that what bothers me the most is the H.L Day mess? Get your periods and spacing right, people! It’s your own name!
I think the Gyllenhaal photo may have been snagged from stills from the Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time movie.
Maybe the Duke book is about a Merman and Mermaid who grow legs/feet on land, and his haven’t sprouted?
Lion is a spoof on the old Siegfried and Roy show in Vegas. 😉
StepBro is just weird.
OMG. Killing me with these comments. The Lone Wolf’s Clam? The Counterfeit Wife’s Bigfoot? And what’s with the nipple thing? Is he getting ready to breastfeed? I think I’ll spend my Tuesday reading old Snarky Cover copy.
Is the reluctant companion a mermaid? Maybe related to the duke on the first book? Step bro is wondering if his nipple should be the size of his nose. No, dude, get it checked.
Dolly, I heard Staying Alive on the radio today!
I can’t help seeing the second one as a hot young Ted Kascynski with a predilection for lycanthropy rather than domestic terrorism.