Let’s snark on some covers!
Tara: Sapphic romance is at it again.
Sarah: I can’t tell if that’s a crocodile or an alligator but…is croc/gator in the O hole a euphemism?
Tara: That really IS the question, isn’t it? I mean in addition to “why?”
Sarah: “It’s all rather…dentata isn’t it, darling?”
Elyse: Is this a croc/dog romance?
Carrie: Oh I don’t think that will end well!
Lara: I hope the bartending bears have a union to protect their interests given the shenanigans on many bear covers.
Sneezy: I can’t imagine their union being on their side or very well organized if that grizzly is in the tropics.
Amanda: Unionized bears need vacays too!
Sarah: I would read tf out of books about unionized shifters.
From Pam G: Veins and fur and slicked back hair
Weird assed lighting everywhere
Skin that’s seen too much Nair
I’ve looked at him this way
But now I only see the sword
Darkened by the blood that’s poured,
Ragged edged before the Horde,
His blade got in my way.
I’ve met the beast on both sides now
Beribboned arms, beribboned brow,
The rugged nipple I recall–
Is there more than one, at all?
Elyse: The furry fingerless gloves are quite the statement piece.
Lara: I wonder if they work like wrist bands but these ones catch blood and sweat… ew.
Sarah: His nipples look angry.
From Susan: have we discussed what’s wrong with his abs?
They look… kinda creepazoid.
Sarah: Wouldn’t the solar vortex be in his pants?
Lara: I’m stuck on his facial expression. I don’t quite know what to make of it…
Sarah: “Look at my abs. Aren’t they neat?”
Lara: LOL but also somewhat dead eyes?
Sarah: Sorry, sorry, fell into the solar vortex, what were you saying?
Elyse: I feel like it’s buddy’s first time wearing a shirt and he’s just so proud.
Amanda: These poses always remind me of toddlers and how the second you put clothes on them, they’re immediately trying to wrangle out of them.
Many props to Pam G. And it’s a crocodile. They have skinny snouts, alligators have wide ones. Still don’t understand why he’s floating in mid-air.
Pam G, that is absolutely the chef’s kiss. I now have an earworm to keep me company LOL.
I’m troubled by the Captive cover. Is it just me, or do his two arms look like they should belong to two different people?
I thought at first there was a line down his face but apparently it’s the weapon, though the light flare cuts it in half on his chest.
It’s confusing.
Out of Focus: Maybe if Our Heroine got her prescription updated, she would realize that the well-fed crocodilian in the background is not actually materializing out of the clear blue sky, but is doing its Ambush Predator thing with the aid of a drain pipe. Why isn’t the dog more agitated?
Tropical Bartender Bear: The change in fonts–y’know, designers, you don’t HAVE to use four fonts to be eligible for Cover Snark–implies that this is yet another series: Temperate Bartender Bear, Polar Bartender Bear, Mitteleuropean Bartender Bear, Aussie Bartender Bear . . . which, come to think of it, must be what the cover model thought he was posing for.
Captive of the Horde King: What year is this again? The whole thing looks like the cover story of some mid-century soft-core sci-fi pulp that John Campbell wouldn’t have touched with a barge pole.
Solar Vortex: “Yeah, I’ve got nips. Wanna make something out of it?” And Pssst, editors, I spotted a typo. The terms is actually Polar vortex.
Pam G.’s parody on Both Sides Now had me howling (or growling?) with laughter. And why any cover designer (or author) would think that the crocodile cover says “romance” is beyond me.
Angstriddengoddess
I’m not sure about the arms on the Captive cover belonging to two different bodies, but I don’t thnk they belong to that body.
Also do crocodiles live on wide sandy beaches? I am as concerned that it is out of it’s comfortable habitat as I am for the bartending bear, I don’t wnt cruelty in my romance reading.
It could be much worse. It could be James
BondBear walking out of the surf onto the beach, which would rather ruin Spring Break.There’s a little disconnect on the cover of Tropical Bartender Bear between the message conveyed by the muscular, black hat wearing man and the fact that he has an umbrella in his fruity drink – somehow in my mind those things contradict each other unless, perhaps, this is a m/m romance.
@Susan/DC: I figured it was a drink he had mixed for a customer… since he’s a bartending bear.
Tropical Bartender Bear: Do I actually see chest hair? I’m almost willing to overlook all the fonts for that.
Well done, Pam G!!!!!
@Sandra: It didn’t dawn on me this morning (pre-coffee) that there’s only half a crocodile. Reminds me of the dead lizards the cats bring in. It’s always just the front half, never the back. But maybe this is some sort of SF story and there’s a warp in the space-time continuum and he’s half in one dimension and half in another. If so, I hope he can fly, otherwise it’s going to be a hard landing.
@Jazzlet It looks like a saltwater croc, so it could be fine on a beach.
You’d think the Horde King would stand out at a strip-mall tattoo parlour, but apparently not.
I do appreciate that the only consistency on the bear cover is the affects of the man and bear. Nothing else adds up at all, but I could buy that this guy turns into that bear, which is not actually a typical reaction to shifter covers. Usually it’s more like the cover is giving you a helpful reminder of what guys and bears are, in case you’re struggling with that.
You know, I would read a Sapphic romance about a time traveling crocodile shifter who unexpectedly drops into a quiet cove and is rescued by a cute woman and her faithful labradoddle.
My son and I like to laugh about Cover Snark together. We noticed a few things that haven’t been mentioned yet. First, the tropical bartender’s drink seems strangely small. Second, the arm bands on that Horde King (or Captive) look really uncomfortable. Third, that shape in the vicity of the Horde King’s crotch is strangely ambiguous! My son, astonished: “Wait, does he have his dick out?” We think it may be some kind of extension of the glove or kilt because of the hairiness, but it’s hard to unsee that shape…