Hey all! Welcome back to Cover Snark!
Elyse: My assumption is 1. Urine is involved and 2. The dude I with the pickaxe who isn’t allowed to cuddle gets the worst of it
Carrie: Every single part of my Gold Rush country body wants to turn inside out. I didn’t drag fourth graders to every mine in a 120 mile radius so that someday someone could refer to the Gold Rush in terms that suggest pee. Genocide – yes, that’s fair. Pee – no. And I guarantee you that no one around here, including the sex workers, was waxing in 1849.
Amanda: For a second, I thought the pickaxe was a pair of motorcycle handles.
Sarah: I thought someone glued Patrick Swayze’s face to Mr Barely Holding the Pickaxe.
Shana: The head sure doesn’t match the body, and that’s not even the worst part of this mess.
Sneezy: The rainbow can’t save this. Nothing can save this.
Amanda: There’s just something about this title that is sending me into a fit
Susan: It’s the brackets I think.
Just the little “(baby)” is cracking me up more than it deserves
Amanda: RIGHT!
Sarah: This is cracking me up, too!
Shana: It’s like someone is whispering offstage very quietly: baby
Amanda: Ideally Moira Rose
ACTUALLY PLEASE HOLD
Tara: Yeah, putting it in brackets gives me Austin Powers vibes, unfortunately.
Amanda:
Amanda: Best I could do on not having used photoshop for like 5 years.
Tara: Much better!
From Sharon: I stumbled across this one on the Internet Archive and immediately thought of Cover Snark!
Sarah: Have we discussed this before? Also: I love when people see a cover and immediately think of us.
Amanda: Where are the pockets to pick?
Shana: At first, I thought this was the front…and the person’s delightfully round belly had an unfortunate butt cleft.
Sarah: Shiny, taut, pocketless buttocks. This pickpocket is out of luck.
Tara: All I can think is “the pocket is his butthole.”
Sneezy: Did asses always look that weird???
From Alea: I came across this one and . . . I’d rather not be around this guy when he gets gas!
Elyse: He’s gonna want to get that checked out.
Sarah: WHO FARTS A PLANET. Honestly.
Amanda: As someone who has a younger brother, I know the answer to that.
Elyse: Is that a vine halo around his head?
In The Major and the Pickpocket….she’s going for an anal probe.
The pickpocket one reminds me of Jilly Cooper’s Riders. In fact, I can’t imagine it wasn’t in the designer’s mind!
#4 makes me think there’s a whole genre of covers that are “some guy who looks like Jason Momoa and weird alien stuff! No one’s ever done that before, right!?”
Alien Need dude appears to have something growing up his arms. Should this be retitled The Fungi who Loved Me?
For the pickpocket, I was wondering if she’d just snagged that watch, but then I started wondering where she could’ve gotten it from.
Watch pockets are usually in the vest or in the front of the pants. So her hands have been elsewhere.
As for the needy alien, yes, the sun really does shine out his ass.
The Golden Rush: Either she has an unnaturally long right thumb or she is ramming a stick into the pick-ax guy’s head.
About the Secret (Baby): I wonder how he is keeping a secret about a baby? Surely it is the woman who usually keeps that secret.
The Major and the Pickpocket: I must speak up and defend his ass as quite attractive.
Alien Need: Is that his hair or his vertebrae down the center of his back?
The Golden Rush: I gotta say, that is a very localized earthquake, affecting two of three immediately adjacent humans but not the visible structures behind them.
Shh… It’s a Secret! I really, really want this to be another of those Inexplicable Series: Secret Baby, Secret Marriage, Secret Second Family, Secret Island Hideaway.
The Major and the Pickpocket: Er, lady, if you’re reaching for his pocket you’re looking in the wrong place. @Shana: When I first scrolled down, I subliminally thought it was a picture of a pregnant belly. Guess not. But wouldn’t a pregnant pickpocket make a good story? She has to support herself somehow, and the bulge provides excellent camouflage for any amount of swag.
Alien Need: Dear God, is there no limit to the loopiness of series titles? Most Wanted Alien Brides sounds like a category in the late lamented Matrimonial Ads section of the Times of India. (I think it has now gone online, which is not nearly as much fun as scrolling through columns of print.) And besides, does he need a bride, or just want one?
@Mary Pagones: You beat me to it–came in here to say the same thing. That cover TOTALLY reminds me of Jilly Cooper books (esp. Riders), which I gobbled up on the recommendation of uni friends when I did my year abroad in England!
Does that alien have his hair in a braid down his back or does he have ports in his spine like Rocket Raccoon?
That pickpocket cover also confused me a bit … but it’s a fairly attractive behind (and I must admit to having wondered how pickpockets did in Scotland … you’d think people would NOTICE a hand in the sporran).
so much crazy today!
Maybe the pickpocket is trying to hide her ill-gotten gains.
Is it just me or does the forearm and palm look abnormally large on Shh…It’s a secret? It’s like they’ve squished it to fit it above the title text.
The Major and the Pickpocket: Really hoping the major didn’t have to hide that watch for years in a POW camp like Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction…
Didn’t anyone else notice that Shh’s sternum is completely off-center? I mean, his head isn’t turned; he’s looking straight ahead, and his man-boob is directly under his chin.
The Major and the Pickpocket is also showing a surprisingly early use of elastane-enriched fabric in those trousers. Although maybe less marketable, the authentic garment should really include a baggy seat to make up for the lack of give in the front.
A selection of reference garments can be seen here: https://janeaustensworld.com/2013/06/21/regency-fashion-mens-breeches-pantaloons-and-trousers/
“breeches, pantaloons and trousers were held up by tight-fitting waists, which were adjusted by gusset ties in back of the waist. Seats were baggy to allow a man to rise comfortably from a sitting position.”