It’s time for Pudding and I to put down our embroidery and watch The Courtship.
I apologize for the quality of this photo, but this is the look that Pudding gave me after I brushed her for THREE ENTIRE SECONDS.
Mind you, she also had a bowl of warm shredded chicken for dinner and I had been checking on her every 2 hours all day to make sure her heating pad was on.
Call Sarah McLachlan.
Pudding: The audacity.
We open with Nicole and Miss Cleary snuggled up in Nicole’s bed. There’s a knock on the door and it’s Mr. Chapman with a breakfast tray. Miss Cleary leaves and Mr. Chapman and Nicole kiss.
SCANDALOUS
Nicole’s parents are away so she decides to host a bacchanal. Every dresses up in vaguely Grecian costumes and drinks lot of champagne.
Then the suitors are challenged to write and recite a poem for Nicole. It’s not great.
Meanwhile there’s some gossip about Mr. Chapman being in Nicole’s bedroom. Mr. Bochicchio is not impressed.
Captain Kim pulls Nicole aside and asks what she’s looking for when the show ends. She says she’s ready for a family. He says that Nicole gave him the ability to trust women again. Then he gives her a bracelet. They kiss.
Miss Cleary reveals to the suitors that Nicole’s favorite food is soup.
Nicole asks Mr. Chapman to talk and they walk away from the group. They make out for awhile then go back to Nicole’s room.
Pudding: The scandal!
The other dudes go back to the suitor house and notice Mr. Chapman is gone.
We cut to Nicole’s room where she’s cuddling Mr. Chapman in bed and talking. We see them turn off the lights.
Pudding: And where is her brother in all of this!?
The next morning Mr. Chapman returns to the suitor house looking smug. The other dudes are most displeased.
Captain Kim says he hopes Nicole just let him stay at the castle in one of the spare rooms because it was late.
Pudding: Bless his dear, sweet heart.
Then we learn Mr. Judge has a one-on-one date. Nicole sketches Mr. Judge and the results are…okay.
Pudding: Not impressed.
Mr. Judge reveals that he and his four siblings were raised by a mom with a drug problem. He left the home at 13.
They have a picnic and kiss.
Back at the suitor house Captain Kim is still struggling with whether or not Nicole was intimate with Mr. Chapman.
Pudding: I’m sure they spent the evening playing cards…
Then it’s time for the farewell dance and shockingly, Captain Kim asks to be in the farewell dance whether he’s on the card or not.
Mr. Mumbray and Mr. Bochicchio are also on the dance card.
Mr. Mumbray stays. So does Mr. Bochicchio. Then Captain Kim steps up and says he can’t do this anymore.
He says he heard about last night and that he could have “done so much” for Nicole but doesn’t think she has his best interests at heart. She gives him back his bracelet then goes and steps away from the group.
“How the fuck did he find out?” Nicole asks herself tearfully.
Mr. Chapman tells the camera, “He broke a girl down in a public place tonight and made her feel like shit for doing something she shouldn’t feel like shit for. It’s the lowest thing you can do.”
Pudding and I agree that a true gentleman would have simply claimed dysentery or a dying maiden aunt and left discreetly.
Pudding: A good hairball will get surely get you out of any engagement.
Mr. Chapman confronts Captain Kim. Captain Kim yells that he’s hiding this from her family.
Mr. Chapman said he’s full of shit and made her cry.
Captain Kim says that Mr. Chapman put her in the position to cry by staying the night. Then he storms off.
And that’s it. Are you watching?
Welp, that’s a tantrum. Go home dude, or go find someone who will give you the attention you crave. Perhaps a puppy?
Lady Pudding is flawless as always.
Her favorite food is soup? That’s kind of endearing, actually.
Captain Kim doesn’t trust women because he doesn’t want to trust women and Nicole is not responsible for changing his feelings about that.
Pudding is obviously very mistreated. She’s going to write a tell-all bestseller about you.
Was this the episode in which during previews we heard Nicole claim her world was rocked or something to the effect that this was the best sex she ever had? You go, girl.
Also want to add that thanks to the dark academia trend The Secret History by Donna Tartt has inspired some funny memes about why you shouldn’t throw a Bacchanal but you want to anyway. Whenever I see the word “Bacchanal” now I always think “don’t do it!!”
toga toGA TOGA TOGATOGATOGA–I don’t know why but “mom & dad left me the house this weekend I’m gonna throw a Bacchanal” is so funny, like if Bridgerton was a high-school dramedy.
“I don’t trust [entire demographic of people] but I’ll make an exception for you” is totally a normal-colored flag, especially when it comes from someone in a position of privilege over the people they’re talking about. That certainly only ever leads to healthy and power-balanced relationships… I’m genuinely glad he extracted himself from the show and without (to my knowledge, since I’m not watching) some “I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you, you betrayed me by dating people on this dating show we’re both on!” spiel.
As always, glad to see Pudding up to her usual sassy self!