It’s that time again! Cover Snark time!
Amanda: Everyone, I have some great personal news!
Tara: That little voice in my head just shouted “NO. WHAT?! NO.”
Maya: Girl, get it!! Look at that plumage!!!!
Elyse: He better do a special dance when he wants to bone. Lots of head bobbing
Amanda: Why can’t you be happy for us, Tara?
Tara: I will only accept it if it meets Elyse’s conditions.
Amanda: No, the only dance move he can do is flossing.
Sarah: Is that what he’s doing on the cover? I thought it was more of a “Heeeeey see my pecker?” gesture.
Claudia: Is he bringing his relatives for Thanksgiving? That might be uncomfortable.
Carrie: On the plus side you’ll never have to yell at him to put the seat down! On the down side, you must remember to put out fresh newspaper daily. Is he one of those birds who brings gifts and does home repair as a form of courtship because if so congrats!!!
Elyse: I didn’t think of the no sphincter thing…
Sneezy: First of all, Amanda, they did your…bird… dirty trying to photoshop pecs and abs on top of his crest. He must be so sad and worried what all his friends are going to say about him. Second, how are you keeping Linus from eating him?
Carrie: I feel robbed not seeing what those wings look like.
Tara: Carrie, are we demanding a sequel so we can see them or just an alternate cover?
Carrie: Hmmm…It depends. I’d say alternate cover – but if book 1 is about courtship then yes I do want a sequel in which these wacky kids learn how to navigate life together as a couple. Can Amanda handle molting season? Don’t forget the episode in which she uses the last of his birdseed to make seed cake for a tea party with her human friends!
From Kelly D: So many creatures living under his skin. Ouch!
Sarah: Looks like ordinary dehydration to me.
Elyse: So remember in Men in Black when the alien wore the Edgar suit? Yeah.
Amanda: Maybe that’s why he’s “no ordinary gentleman.”
Shana: Would an ordinary gentleman have a less lopsided six-pack?
From Heather: If you can get past the plastic torso, take a look at his hands. Or rather, where his hands should be. Huh?
Sarah: Is his weenie a…bike?
Carrie: Is he fucking the motorcycle? Is the motorcycle the “Renegade Lady?” Is she a shifter?
Sarah: Has he had so much sex that his orgasms have become clouds of dust?
Maya: Ohhhh it’s a prequel to that movie where a lady has sex with a car!
Elyse: When there’s a miasma surrounding your penis you definitely need medical attention
Claudia: Yeah, all that pollution can’t be good for your weenie.
Shana: Or his hands.
From Erin: I would like to recommend a cover for cover snark. I came across it at 3:30 am while looking for a new book on my library app. This was not a gift I expected my insomnia to give me, hopefully it doesn’t haunt my dreams when I finally sleep.
Sarah: That bear has Seen Some Shit.
Elyse: I just laughed so hard coffee went up my nose
Shana: That bear…what in the world?
Carrie: Hey man, I would totally read a book about that bear. 100%.
Shana: I think the bear might hate hiking in a snowstorm as much as I do.
If the panda comes up to his nipples, is it really a baby?
Carrie: Maybe the writer is very short
AJ: I had to google it because I was like “There better be an EXTREMELY good explanation for why a white dude in what appears to be Canada has come into possession of a giant panda.” AND THERE IS. You guys … it’s a paranormal
It’s also $3.99 on Kindle and I kind of think I have to.
Elyse: You need to fill us in
Carrie: DO IT DO IT DO IT
AJ: Oh you know it! I have one-clicked for science and will report back.
Lara: I find myself very invested in panda-gate…
In defence of the first book: I have read the story and it’s quite good, it’s on KU if you want to read it. The cover is awful though.
Didn’t you do the last cover a few weeks ago?
AJ’s report on the panda bear romance is not leading me to an active page… Please? I want to read more about this…
Same here: link to AJ’s report about the panda book does not appear to be working.
@Alli Found it! https://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/reviews/the-writers-baby-bear-by-sophie-stern/
Link should be all set now! There was a letter missing!
@Kit: The cover may look familiar because we ran a review.
That NO ORDINARY GENTLEMAN needs a good ironing. A gentleman would never go out in a wrinkled anything, and the creatures under his skin agree.
Are we just not talking about how the birdman is also apparently an alien? That’s not Earth’s moon in the background there.
The Birdman book looks like someone watched the Season 1 finale of Rick and Morty and decided to ‘do it right.’
I Married a Birdman: Wasn’t that a low-budget ’50’s horror movie? Seriously though, I could see the title as one in a series of “I Married a {fill-in-the-blank}” affectionate spoofs. I note in particular that it uses the correct number of fonts–one for the title, one more for everything else–and that the cover isn’t cluttered with awards and subtitles.
What’s that you say? It wasn’t meant to be funny? Oh, dear. And how is he going to fly with a mountain range growing from his shoulders?
No Ordinary Gentleman: Whaaa–? Only one font? How did it get past the Cover Snark semifinals?
Oh. I guess it’s the look on his face that does it, especially if it’s permanent reaction to his skin condition. Is it contagious? On the other hand I am perfectly ready to believe he is no gentleman, regardless of adjective. He’s the guy who oozes up to you in a bar and you snap “Piss off!” before he even opens his mouth.
Renegade Lady: Hm, well, now that’s an interesting alternative to a black CENSORED bar or tasteful blurring. And … are those handlebars at the upper corners of his otherwise unidentifiable tattoo?
The Writer’s Baby Bear: Repeat everything I said for Questionable Gentleman, above, beginning with “Whaaa–?” And then try to figure out what the foreground fluff is supposed to be. It can’t be snow, since he’s wearing an open-necked light jacket and a day pack. What’s the out-of-focus business in the background: autumn foliage or a dangeously close forest fire? And what is so interesting to his right that he doesn’t see he is about to step into a sprinkler?
Haha–I somehow missed AJ’s review in Feb.
I tend to fixate on small things, I know, but pandas=/=bears! I think a panda shifter wouldn’t refer to himself as one. As a relative tells me all the time, “Susan, it’s fiction.” Accompanied by the obligatory eye roll.
About “I Married a Birdman…” do you think he does a mating dance? I am tempted to read it just to find out. I would be very disappointed if foreplay omitted a mating dance.
Does anyone know?
“NO Ordinary Gentleman…” I never realized one could develop muscles in one’s throat. Is that his hyoid I see, which was so often the cause of death in Bones?
“Renegade Lady…” My first thought as that the bike handle was a flower closely observing his stuff because it was going to eat the spray of jizzum that is a result of the man’s busy hands down there. But then Sarah said it was a bike and I still think the bike is waiting to eat his scum.
“Writer’s Bear…” I think that bear is adorable, but then I have loved pandas as I was given one 2 weeks before I was born and over the 7 decades, it has turned into a Velveteen Rabbit.
Renegade Lady: Those do indeed appear to be handle bars above the skull in front of 6 random horns on the tattoo. Zooming in, the gray bits over the crotch appear to be a cloudy sky, so apparently that area is just a gaping hole in his body through which we can see what’s behind him. Have we seen a romance hero with no genitals before?
This isn’t a clever observation but Baby Bear guy is really cute.
It sort of looks like the writer guy might have his hand on the panda’s butt. Which would explain the look on the panda’s face.
I think the Birdman has a blueberry stuck in his navel. Maybe a snack for later?
The covers are all a bit unusual, but Regine Abel’s SF Romance series, all starting with “I Married a …… (Lizardman, Naga, Birdman, Merman, Minotaur)” is solid SF Romance. The couples (typically a human woman w/ a very alien looking man) always have respect for each other, communicate maturely, and make a real effort to understand and respect each other’s culture and motivations. This series stands out in a good way in the sea of alien abductions, human slaves in space, etc. that are popular tropes in SF Romance. I enjoy those also, but this series is a refreshing change of pace.
@JenM – yeah I’ve read the 1st 3 and while the covers are kind of crazy, I’ve enjoyed the books. Just as you say, there is no abduction, rape, slavery, etc and it’s a nice break.
There’s a Progressive Insurance commercial where the guy is half motorcycle–a Motaur. Perhaps that’s what the dude is in Renegade Lady?
These covers have so much crossover appeal.
After marrying the Birdman, will the honeymoon take in Alcatraz?
The Ordinary Gentleman is just getting ready to sit down to a spaghetti dinner on the Nostromo after a hard day exploring a barren moon. That thing that had attached itself to his helmet fell off naturally, though.
Renegade Lady is obviously a mismatch in an overworked production department. The image was supposed to be for the new, 21st-century updating of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. The authors’ intended image was of a sassy faux-American-West-settler suffragette in 1880s Colorado. Bad graphic artist, no cookie.
The WWF’s lawyers almost certainly have something very unfavorable to say about The Writer’s Baby Bear, especially relating to trademark dilution. Does anyone here have an address for service of process? (OK, that’s not a good kind of crossover, but it’s all fiction…)
Yes, I’ve read the Regine Abel book and it was a good read.
Read Writer’s Baby Bear last night, it is a novella and it’s ok
I don’t know about the rest of you but all I can think of re: that first cover is Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law. 😀
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0CmqdivcaY
I also read I married a birdman and I have to agree that it was pretty good. I read another one in the series (lizardman). The cover is awful, but the story is good. It’s KU.
That last cover looked so familiar. I’m glad someone found the other post. The smokey hands cover may be farts in cold weather, cause he’s definitely not wearing pants.