Hey y’all! Ready for some Cover Snark?
Amanda: …how did he get even half of that shirt on
Sarah: Is the dragon’s choice dry clean only?
Amanda: maybe he’s stuck and realizes he’s made a terrible mistake
Elyse: I’m more concerned about those spikes on his wings. He’s gonna fuck up the paint in every hallway he walks through
Knocking pictures of nana and grandpa off the wall…that live, laugh, love sign just crashing to the floor
Sarah: I revise my question: what drywall repair company is the dragon’s choice?
Claudia; I don’t envy this dragon. There are no good choices here.
Sneezy: Sure there are! Capes! They’ll go excellently with those wings and spikes!!
Susan: I think I understand why this guy looks like he’s got a headache
Lara: Maybe it’s because I’m very conscious of how much of my flat is touched by my cat’s bum, but that dragon’s bottom is certainly touching that man’s head…
Sarah: Head on. Apply directly to the forehead. Head on. Apply directly to the forehead.
For those who haven’t seen this outstanding commercial:
Amanda: Wait, where are we applying it?
Sneezy: Anus Anointed
From Carol M: I can’t decide if the baby is coming out of the chest like Alien, or if they are just glued together.
Sarah: I understand wearing armor for diaper changes, especially if the child in question has outdoor plumbing. But those vambraces look potentially dangerous for everyone involved.
Elyse: I assumed it was a skin condition
It looks like it’s growing out of him.
Amanda: Can’t stop comparing their head sizes.
Sneezy: Now I can’t either!
Elyse: I need someone to tell me where my focus should be on this cover. Totally unclear. much confusion
Also he’s missing his nips.
Carrie: Maybe that’s why he looks so angry. I’d be pissed off too if someone stole a portion of my anatomy.
Tara: I appreciate the way he’s helpfully circled where he’d like his nipple placed upon its return.
Carrie: I feel certain that he posted on Next Door about it in a post that began, “I’d like to thank whoever stole my nipples for ruining my Christmas. What is wrong with young people today? I blame their parents. In my day…”
Elyse: The worst version of pin the tail on the donkey
Amanda: His eyes remind me of the line in David Harbour sketch from SNL. “You have sad eyes, ma’am!”
AJ: He’s sad because he didn’t listen to me and now his nipples have been stolen. How many times must I say … Constant. Nipple. Vigilance.
Carrie: You are correct, AJ. You have to keep an eye on those nipples. Don’t just leave them lying around!
EllenM: I’m reading this as “the zone,” with the zone in question helpfully circled. The zone for what??? less certain.
Sneezy: “Hello? Dr Nips? Yes, we have found a case of the wandering nips.”
The guy on NOXX reminds me of a budget Robb Stark
Dragon’s Choice: Is that a partial shirt, or an odd single sleeve with attached scarf/cowl combo?
Noxx: If those are the child’s legs around the dude’s left hand, they clearly belong to a larger child than the head and torso. Is that a normal way to hold children?
The guys on both the first and last covers have odd squints to one eye, like they are trying to blink away grit, or a stray eyelash.
The Ozone: a climate change romance? or is he looking worried about the ground level ozone warnings we get here every summer?
This week’s Cover Snark theme, pour encourager those who don’t have access to vast libraries: You don’t have to use multiple fonts to be snarkworthy.
The Dragon’s Choice: I am honestly disappointed that the right half of his face hasn’t also started shifting. Or, y’know, at least let the hair go a bit longer, greasier and stringier on the reptilian side.
Song of Dragons: Well, oops, here’s a second theme. How many ways to shift? Does it go side to side, or top to bottom? Will the next title show a From the Middle Outward option?
:: vague mental association with classical Indian hermaphrodites, who indeed went left-and-right (with the inevitable question answered succinctly by a notable authority in the field as “half a prick and one ball”) ::
Noxx: Uhm, is that a series title? A string of phonetically unlikely names, of which this is the 14th? And, if the adult is–to human eyes–an alien, does that mean the apparently human child is, from his POV, an alien?
The O Zone: OK, alphabet it is. The A Zone, the B Zone … and here we have Title #14 in the series. He looks puzzled, though. Is he trying to figure out why the cover says we are only at eleven?
@Elyse: It may be a bad sign when we become so nip-habituated, we worry when they aren’t present.
I recently read a book where the hero had wings and the constant imagining of shirt logistics really took me out of the story.
Dragon’s Choice: Nalini Singh managed the whole wearing clothes with wings things: Velcro. That said, he should buy stock in Gold Bond moisturizer.
Dragon Song: Which is worse – a dragon emerging from your head or an alien from your chest? Because, yeah, I’m totally wondering if the heroine’s name is Ripley.
Noxx: I feel noxious when I look at this cover. This is why photoshop should be left to kindergardners. Oh. Wait. Maybe it was…
The O-zone: Well, somebody obviously refused to stop and ask for directions. “It’s okay, honey. I can read a map. I don’t need directions.”
The Dragon’s choice: choose your tattoos carefully.
Song of Dragons: when you choose your tattoos carelessly it will give you a headache.
NOXX Alien Adoption Agency: I feel someone needs to mention that kid’s hair. And, what is under the guy’s arm? There needs to be a photoshop/design license required before a person is allowed to inflict this sort of cover on others!
The Ozone/O zone: He’s used to the nipple being gone but likes the shock value of it not being seen where it belongs. What really bothers him is his tan that he has worked so hard for doesn’t get noticed. I grew up when The Best thing to put on your skin to get The Best tan was baby oil and iodine. Someone needs to tell this man that you don’t stand under a sunlamp, you lay down to make sure it is an even tan all over.
@CJ – BABY OIL & IODINE! YES! And it’s a wonder we didn’t all get skin cancer when we grew up! Next best thing was cocoa butter. Hersey’s made it in bars and we smeared that stuff on like we were brownies going in the oven.
Those wings do not belong on that body on Dragon’s Choice. I’m not convinced his pet miniature dragon isn’t hiding just behind him, under the firm conviction that it cannot be seen from where it is.
…That would make a really cute story, come to think of it.
@CJ and Silver James – I remember tanning lotion being sold with the claim, “Concentrates the sun’s rays so you tan faster.” Yikes!
The Dragon’s Choice: Shirt slings, the thing for summer sunburns.
Song of Dragons: Someone watched too much Game of Thrones
Noxx: that’s just wrong, poor baby siting on the scaly arms.
The O Zone: I think they used that magnet and iron fillings Wooly Willy doodle toy to create his beard, plus they dropped some on his lips. Could have used it to make nips.
“The O Zone” has the most punchable face I have *ever* seen. He looks like his default tone is a whine.
I’ve read those Tasha Black books and they are great.