Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–S18 E4: Unseen

Welcome to my weekly recap of The Bachelorette where fortified by hard liquor, I watch this shit so you don’t have to.

Last week Jamie got himself eliminated by being a moron, lying and stirring the shit pot.

Will cried when Peter threw his jacket in the pool.

What fun are we in for tonight?

The first one-on-one date goes to Martin. They go to the BMW Performance Center where start by practicing drifting. Later they race and Michelle wins.

Then they get into a random hot tub someone put out by the cars. I swear to the Rose God there’s an employee on this show whose entire job is acquiring hot tubs and putting them in random places.

Then, completely out of the blue, Martin comments that he didn’t think Jamie was a bad person and “I still think he’s a helluva a guy.”

Why are you talking about the guy who got eliminated on YOUR date?

Michelle looks confused. She asks if he think she made the wrong choice. He says no, but she comments that she needs someone who trusts her decision making.

So during the dinner they aren’t allowed to eat, Martin continues to pour kerosene on his dumpster fire of a date by saying he’s bad at communicating (which he learned from his dad) and that he never cries. They talk about being vulnerable and then for reasons that boggle the mind, she gives him the date rose.

The next day is group date time. There’s a knock at the door and when they open it, there are a bunch of gift bags laid out for them. The bags are filled with pajamas of varying types. Michelle shows up in a two-piece knitwear PJ set that looks super comfy.

They go to a room set up for a slumber party. There are stuffed animals, a popcorn machine, ice cream sundae station, cotton candy machine, and pedicure stations. The guys all have fun, but they ignore Michelle.

At one point Olu invents a game where the other guys have to punch him in the stomach as hard as they can. I…why is that fun for him?

Michelle asks a producer why the fuck she’s even there.

So then they introduce the Bella twins from WWE. They’re going to have a “teddy bear takedown” where they have a pillow fight with their giant stuffed bears. Michelle looks like she just wants to cry.

Kaitlyn notices Michelle isn’t okay and holds her hand. Michelle says she feels unseen.

After the competition, none of the guys approach Michelle. She goes outside to talk to Kaitlyn. Michelle says growing up in a community where she was one of the few people of color, she felt overlooked and unseen. She says she doesn’t feel like guys are there to get to know her.

During the cocktail hour, Michelle tells the guys she doesn’t feel like the effort she’s putting into getting to the know them is being reciprocated.

Olu tells her he saw his sisters go through similar feelings of not fitting in or not feeling beautiful. He gets teary-eyed and says he appreciates her. He gets the group date rose.

The next day she goes on a one-on-one with date with Rick. They take the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway up into the mountains. They go for a hike and find a box where you can leave your wishes. Rick wishes his dad could see him now (he passed 3 years ago).

During the dinner they aren’t allowed to eat, Rick tells her that he saw a text on his dad’s phone from another woman and told his mom. He was cheating and his parents divorced, and his dad fell into a depression before he passed away. He feels like his dad died blaming him “because I blew the whistle.”

Then he tells her he’s falling in love with her.

“I was not ready for that,” she says.

Probably because you guys have spent 3 hours total together?

He gets the date rose and they make out.

Then we get to the pre Dreaded Rose Ceremony cocktail hour. Chris S addresses the fact that Michelle felt unseen on the group date and says that some of the guys aren’t there for the right reasons (the right reason being to get Instagram famous and get a gig selling diet tea on social media).

He says that some guys “feel like they have it in the bag” and that they should go home.

Michelle says, “Nobody has it in the bag. Not even close.”

Brendan asks to talk to Michelle and Chris S says, “I’m going to talk to her if you don’t mind.” Michelle tells him Brendan asked first.

When Chris S does talk to her, he says that he felt he put in an effort with her. He starts talking shit about the other guys, claiming Nayte said he wasn’t upset about not getting a one-on-one date because he knew he “had this.”

Michelle confronts Nayte and then Nayte confronts Chris S and I just…

Chris S says, “She probed me and asked me the facts.”

LOL he said “probed.”

Then Chris S says, “I came in on my white horse and rescued her from the castle she’s been stuck in.”

No, you just talked shit, my dude.

Joe brings Michelle snacks to cheer her up and a blanket to cuddle under. I like Joe.

Back on the drinking couches, Olu asks Chris S if he thinks he’s getting a rose.

“Based on the reception I got upstairs, I’m not going anywhere,” Chris S says. He then tells the camera when he gets the rose he’ll say, “This one’s for you Olu,” and wink at him.

Olu’s favorite game is letting people punch him as hard as they can in his stomach because apparently his abs are made of stone, so like maybe don’t fuck with that guy.

So then it’s time for the Dreaded Rose Ceremony. Nayte gets a rose. So does Chris S. Chris G, Romeo and Will went home. And that’s it.

Are you still watching?