It’s a new week and new Cover Snark! How’re we all feeling?!
Tara: I saw this and thought “oh, some kind of romantic thriller?” Nope, contemporary romance. One of them has cancer and falling in love is apparently on her bucket list. I still don’t get that from the cover.
Amanda: That’s a pelvis.
Maya: Yeah, with the pelvis shot it kinda feels like a set up for a very hacky sex joke a la Scary Movie.
Amanda: Yeah, I thought more paranormal romance with zombies or ghosts or something.
Sarah: Why is there a pelvis? Why? Why.
Sneezy: What does the title have…anything to do with anything else on the cover? I am discombobulated.
Is it possibly a calcium supplement ad? Sexy fun times only sexy fun with sturdy pelvis?
Shana: Nothing ruins a good time like a hip fracture. And well, well sex is a weight-bearing activity, so maybe this is a PSA for preventing osteoporosis?
Amanda: I feel like there was a mix up in the art department…
Sarah: The Wifi signal matches his abs.
Also, did the bear swipe right? Because that’s adorable.
Amanda: Holy shit…the books have a “mating app” for shifters.
Tara: Nope.
Sneezy: I’m just imagining the kind of cis het white frat shifter techie that would have come up with the app.
The lighting also makes the guy’s arms look improperly attached.
It doesn’t help that the bear is too far away to be able to cover the left one up like it’s showing
OR he’s a ghost, hence the fading arm.
Catherine: I feel like we’ve seen that bear before, and it looked just as concerned then.
Elyse: Am I drunk right now?
Maya: I 100% would have believed you if you told me this is a story about a sheep shifter.
Sneezy: BEH-EH-EH-EH-EH-EH-EHH
Catherine: I am seeing visions in his shirt. Is that a schooner on his sleeve? Or am I imagining it?
Maya: Well now you have me wondering whether the soulmate is schooner or the human.
Catherine: Oh, wait, that is a schooner, because they are standing in the sea and they are giants.
Amanda: Instead of a kraken, it’s two almost-kissing white people.
Sarah: Wait, maybe he’s a SHIP SHIFTER.
His spine becomes the main mast, and the puffy shirt is to disguise the sails.
Catherine: …and she is the siren who entices him to shipwreck himself against the rocks…?
From Heather R: …the hero has noticed the black hole peen issue and is understandably confused.
Tara: Is there a support group for that?
Sarah: The lyrics to “Black Hole Sun” are now in my head, so the line, “Won’t you come” is making me snort laugh.
Sneezy: He also seems to have a single, over sized testicle.
Elyse: The one glowing nipple tip is bugging me too
Basically all his erogenous zones are troubling
Amanda: Wow, turns out I really don’t like the phrase “nipple tip.”
Susan: Dislike, downvote, unsubscribe
Catherine: Is he farting tiny planets?
AJ: That’s what we call “non-compatible genitalia”
Am I the only one who looks up these books on kindle to see if there are hidden gems amongst the awful covers?
Sheep shifters? Never read about one yet! Though PNR has a few unusual ones (shark shifter, capybara, anyone?)
That last one… his belly button is horizontal & looks like a mouth, so the shadows above on his abs look like closed eyes & now there’s a face in the middle of his torso & I’ve just squicked myself out before breakfast & yeah…
&hng23: There have been several Cover Snarks with “the torso looks like a face” covers. Once you see the face, you can’t unsee it. I thought this was the hottest cover ever, until I saw a fox in his torso and, alas, the magic spell was broken!
https://www.amazon.com/Devils-Bargain-Natasha-Knight-ebook/dp/B07SHBX7KB/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=natasha+knight+devils+bargain+ebook&qid=1604930128&sr=8-3
The thing is, without the weird pelvis x-ray, the first cover might qualify for Cover Awe. But with it . . . WTF?
Speaking of ship shifters:
https://www.amazon.com/Teen-Boat-Race-Boatlantis-Roman/dp/0547865635/ref=pd_sbs_14_1/143-3305005-4441414?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0547865635&pd_rd_r=a7ee4dbb-6325-41bd-8b1f-59de90dd5402&pd_rd_w=EycXW&pd_rd_wg=1cDzM&pf_rd_p=52ff3488-8ecd-4341-9663-52e4fb00f500&pf_rd_r=VNQSB1ZM925AKZA22KXZ&psc=1&refRID=VNQSB1ZM925AKZA22KXZ
@DiscoDollyDeb:That is too bad, because he is definitely hot. Sometimes I wonder not just who designs these covers, but who signs off on them.
@Kate: hahahahahaha, that’s so cute!
@Kate, of course that’s a thing. He turns into a Yacht.
The black hole and the white start trail definitely suggest things, and if all those dark spheres by his arm are what his ejaculate looks like, maybe he should check with a Dr?
Dear Abby:
Please help, my boyfriend is part sail ship…
That shirt in His Forever Kiss is really weirding out my eyes. I can’t look at it for long.
I’d be very concerned about that black hole peen as well. It’s doing exactly the opposite of what peen should do. If it’s already sucking him in, I definitely do not want to get too close.
The model on the cover of Swipe Right looks like Colin Kaepernick.
Am I the only one who sees a face in the shirt in His Forever Kiss? I see eye slits as if the eyes are closed, and it gives me STRONG Cassandra aka the stretched skin face lady from Doctor Who vibes (MOSTURIZE ME!!!).
Whole lotta crazy going on.
“Is that a schooner on your sleeve, or are you just pleased to see me – and slightly strangely built?”
Thank you for the morning chuckles!
At first glance I thought the title of the article was Nip Shifter, which seemed totally on-brand for a Cover Snark cover.
Ship Shifter. Say that 5 times fast LOLOLOL!