It’s Monday and what happens on Mondays? Cover Snark!
Elyse: He’s gonna want to have that growth looked at.
Amanda: It’s not hidden. It’s right there. I can see it.
Sarah: If only all baggage was so clearly visible.
Elyse: On the plus side it’s definitely going to fit in the overhead bin.
Susan: All I’m getting is Yoshi from Super Mario Bros.
Lara: At first I thought he had a parking meter on his back.
Tara: It looks like fingers are peeking out. Too creepy.
Catherine: Look at the thoughtful expression on her face and the position of that hand. She’s either looking for an injury, or she’s about to snap his neck.
Shana: Snap his neck, honey, and then run away with the suitcase.
Sneezy: But only if you repack it yourself and go through all the lining.
From Jessica: I saw this cover and had to share. I can’t get over the position of the man’s crotch to the wolf’s howling mouth. Please tell me I’m not the only one who thought this looked like imminent fellatio.
Sarah: Have we snarked this? The wolves and crotches covers are starting to blend together.
Amanda: Honestly, we could do an entire year of shifter cover snark. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Catherine: I was going to comment on how his shirt is more ripped than he is, but now my brain is just stuck on Wolfellatio.
Sneezy: WOLFELLATIO!!!! Also, moob. In fact, it looks like he has multiple teets marching down his stomach. He should ask his billionaire for a new shirt too.
From Stacie. Thanks, Stacie!
Sarah: We’ve seen that guy before, but not that avocado, right?
Amanda: Okay but what is happening in that armpit?
A time rift?
Elyse: His nipples are weirding me out too.
Sneezy: His chest looks vaguely like a Pokemon or dinosaur.
I can’t remember the name of the Pokemon I’m thinking of, but I think it was blue with two prongs on its head. Or am I making that up?
Tara: Throwing stock art into an illustrated style isn’t working for me.
Claudia: Consulted with my two leading Pokemon experts and they say Vaporon or Wooper.
Aarya: I’m concerned the avocado is touching places that it shouldn’t be near.
From Deb: I have stared and stared at this cover. How are those body parts connected to a body? Which arms and legs go to who? This just not seem like a comfortable way to sit or cuddle with a partner. And why they heck are they sitting on train tracks? That is just soooo not safe. Especially with limbs intertwining like that!
Sarah: Never have I ever wanted to make out with someone on a train track. Not ever.
Tara: No, that’s how you die. No kiss is worth it.
Amanda: I thought she was kissing a baby and that the mittened hands were legs
Sarah: Is there a population of people who don’t know that you should never ever fuck with trains?
Tara: Is this an engagement photo? That’s the only thing that makes sense to me, because that rail would also surely hurt your butt.
Catherine: Oh my God, GET OFF THE RAILWAY TRACK! Seriously, I’m getting stressed just looking at that cover.
Sarah: SO MANY DUMB WAYS TO DIE.
Maya: also, love is never making me have to sit on cold steel in the middle of winter
Carrie: Didn’t y’all ever walk along the railroad tracks or try to flatten a penny? (I didn’t try to flatten a penny either cause someone told me that would derail the train and kill everyone). Also, no, not a comfy place to sit.
Catherine:
And nope, I’ve always had a VERY healthy respect for trains (even before this magnificent ad).
Sneezy: Of the many awards to aspire to, the Darwin Award doesn’t seem to be a fulfilling one.
Plus that’s not even a comfortable position for kissing.
First glance at the Hidden Baggage cover, I thought the woman had a weird robot gauntlet. Possibly, given her pose and expression, she’s been sent from the future to kill him. … John Connor, is that you??
I’m a big fan of shirts and may never forgive you for making me stare so long at that chest trying to see whether it was more like a Pokemon or a dinosaur… or really rather like one of the hamsters from the hamsterdance
Does Montana Darling have a small furry animal sitting on his back?
I hope the avocado pit being shaped like balls is plot relevant. I’m just going to imagine the main character went viral on Weird Vegetable TikTok.
I think the baggage might be hers and she’s planning to kill him with it. If that’s the case, I might have to buy that book 😀
Where is the Hidden Baggage guy’s left arm? Does he even have a left arm?
Wolfellatio, brilliant!
The train track cuddle reminds me of a true story from Sheffield UK, a couple decided it would be a great idea to make love in the road where a street light is out, https://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2003-04.html
The GUAC cover:
The “sleeve” on the left kinda looks like a tiny hand and now I keep seeing the entire cover as someone who tried to do human transmutation and is now missing internal organs or something because of Truth from Fullmetal Alchemist.
Is anyone else getting Bristol Palin vibes from the woman on the “baggage” cover? Also, I originally thought that the book was an MC romance and that the “K P Knights” was the name of the motorcycle club involved.
Oh my gosh! I hadn’t thought about Dumb Ways to Die in years! Now it’s an earworm again! Thanks??
I, too, had to stare at the Montana Darling cover to figure out the body parts, and I agree about the furry animal, @Sandra. I think it’s a fur collar, but I was sure it was some sort of ferret at first.
I’m glad the shifter is a billionaire because he obviously goes through shirts like water.And I didn’t see fillatio until it was pointed out(thanks again?), but I did see a wolf about to bite off the man’s dangly bits.
Cover 1: She’s definitely about to break his neck.
Cover 2: I think the wolf is the billionaire shifter’s valet, and is howling in despair over the way he treats his shirts.
Hidden Baggage: That baggage is not hidden.
GUAC: It looks to me that the head, torso and arms were all photoshopped from a different source. Not only are the skin tones different, but the lighting is coming from different angles.
Montana Darling: Not only is very cold to sit on a steel rail when it is cold enough for the snow not to be melting, but what is he sitting on? The rail runs under their left legs, not under their butts.
If “Billionaire Shifter” means that he turns into a billionaire every full moon, we have a new definition of First World Problems.
Montana Darling looks like Snidely Whiplash changed his mind about Pauline at the last minute.
Maybe someone thinks the vibrations on the train tracks would feel good? A vibrator would be safer. Or, just buy a damn ticket.
1. I can hardly wait for the sequel. It’s bigger. It’s badder. He doesn’t have hidden baggage… Hidden U-Haul.
2. If he’s a billionaire, he probably cares more about The Beta Statistic, a not-very-enthralling stock market/investment guide (definitely not romantic — go ahead, look it up, and ponder for a moment how it fits the whole meme). His real shifting would be between liquid and illiquid assets. That shirt, for example, obviously isn’t “durable goods.”
3. The armpit weirdness is from squeezing too many avocados to make guacamole.
4. Nell? Dudley? Important call for you from Mr. Whiplash…
The poor avocado guy also has an infected adam’s apple, judging by how red and swollen it is.
Um… that is his adam’s apple, right?
Now I wish I’m imagining all the other possibilities and wishing I could give my imagination a shower.
To put your minds at rest about Montana Darling, I checked my copy. The train tracks have been abandoned for 40+ years at the time of publication, a leftover spur from the mining company which went bankrupt. No risk of being killed by a train.
And, yes, the characters did make out on the tracks.
1. There’s obviously something wrong with her hand – it’s an open and shut case.
Sorry. Sorry. I’ll see myself out.
Louise @12:
“If “Billionaire Shifter” means that he turns into a billionaire every full moon, we have a new definition of First World Problems.”
(Much giggling, and the desire to read a financial-shifter romance. Maybe he’s a homeless guy the rest of the time, and has to arrange everything so it stays ticking over)
Re #17: It’s a metal track. There’s unmelted snow. It’s still going to freeze their butts onto it.