Cover Snark: Alien Baby Names

Gooooood morning! How is everyone doing? I know there is never a time when you don’t want some Cover Snark, but I also think we all need it now more than ever.

The first cover is one I saw in the wild!

An image of a fountain pen, but the nibs negative space looks like a penis.

Amanda: Some choices were made

Aarya: It’s like a Rorschach test. When you look at the image, do you see a pen with ink drops leaving the tip? Or do you see… you know.

Maya: penis, I see penis

Amanda: Lots of ink splatters inside

Sarah: That’s a lot of…centering penis imagery

EllenM: yeah not sure if the pen really is mightier than the penis on this cover.

Catherine: I didn’t even see the pen at all and had to hastily close my browser before my colleague saw it!

AJ: “What should we put on the cover of this book of feminist quotations?” “Well, I was thinking a big spurting dick and the word PENIS in big letters a couple of times.”

Catherine: I do feel like the cover somewhat misses the point of the entire book…

AJ: It’s driving me a little crazy, because penis ownership and feminism aren’t even opposites! Lots of women have penises! But I just don’t feel like trans inclusion was, shall we say, the goal here.

Krayter by Starr Huntress and Kate Rudolph. A blue shirtless man is covered in weird square patches while he broods in space. A brunette woman behind him is glowering.

From Stephanie: I’m not even sure what to say about this one. He’s blue, and green, and looks like he forgot to take off his nicotine patches as he put the next one one. And the planet at the bottom, does it have the face of a disapproving father? Or is that just me?

Sarah: Her entire expression reads, ‘This fucking guy, amirite?’

Elyse: That’s a lot of nicotine patches

Catherine: I was just thinking that’s NOT how you place defibrillator pads.

Claudia: I’m getting alien vibes from her French-manicured pointy nails.

Sneezy: Not seeing the dude’s face is extra weird when we see the dudette’s face

Charlotte B: With that sort of patina he ought to be stuck on top of a historical building holding a trumpet or a lyre or something.

CarrieS: She looks like she’s about to demand a refund from the manager.

Catherine: Oh yeah, she’s completely over him. And so is the planet.

AJ: His chest is a Windows 98 logo. Also, his name is extremely “late 2000s middle-class white kid, but make it Space.” I’m picturing his mom in her maternity spacesuit in front of a blackboard that says:

Orbitt
Kommitt
GalixSeigh
Nootronn

Krayter

The Dugout by Meghan Quinn. A smoldering man is clad in just a towel, but the neon, graffiti script font isn't doing the title any favors.

From Carole: At first I thought the book title was The Pug Out.

Sarah: Is that what he’s named his weenus? The Pug?

Lara: My filthy mind immediately went to butt stuff.

Elyse: I know very little about the sportsball, but I didn’t think they wear towels in the dugout.

Catherine: Some very bold choices on this cover, that’s for sure. I got The Bug Out, which is what happens when you overlay text like that…

CarrieS: I’ll never understand why armpits are supposed to be sexy.

Exquisitely Broken by M. Jay Granberry. An incredibly dehydrated set of abs seems to be exploding into shards of glass atop a cityscape.

Elyse: Thanos strikes again…

Shana: Nothing says sexy like glass in your armpit

Sarah: Wait, maybe he’s glass in which case ow.

Sneezy: Wouldn’t want to go near HIS ego.

Sarah: HA!

Amanda: I definitely don’t feel so good after seeing this cover.

AJ: “Look, when I said the hero suffers from fragile masculinity, I didn’t mean his abs should literally … oh, never mind, it’s fine.”

Catherine: In Rorschach Blot Musculature land, can anyone else see the winged guy in the middle of this guy’s chest? He’s in profile, and is holding a dagger above his head, ready to stab someone, and he looks a bit like a figure from a Greek vase (And if I’m the only one who can see him… what would Dr. Freud have to say about that?)

Comments are Closed

  1. 1
    DiscoDollyDeb says:
    2+

    KRAYTER woman wants to speak to your manager right now!

    Also, that PEN IS…book reminds me of something from the late 1970s that an older female relative (usually an aunt), whose only idea of feminism was that it turned you into a lesbian, would gift you: “Hey, I saw this book and you’re one of those women’s lib types right? You’re gonna love this!” You knew right then that you weren’t gonna love it.

  2. 2
    Kat says:
    1+

    Amazon has The Windflower for $1.99, so I’m snagging that finally based on years of having read about the book here!

    I’ve also picked up Seven Nights to Surrender for 99 cents on Amazon based on a past Bitchery rec.

    Today’s going to be expensive if I keep checking my Amazon wish list to procrastinate grading!

  3. 3
    JoJo says:
    2+

    I LIVE for Cover Snark! I inevitably start crying cause I’m laughing so hard. Seriously… what people don’t run covers by you all before release is crazy. You all are a gold mine of hilarity.

    THANK YOU for my laugh/cry today!

  4. 4
    nagarajas says:
    2+

    Is the winged guy hunting the tardigrade clinging onto the side of his abs? Stay safe Mr. Tardigrade!

  5. 5
    Elise Logan says:
    1+

    Green dude looks like a pair of Vans or a game board. Either way, the dudette isn’t impressed.

    Also, am I the only one concerned about the anatomy of glass dude’s abs? I can see muscle fibers through the skin. That cannot be healthy.

  6. 6
    DonnaMarie says:
    1+

    @CarrieS, if you don’t understand, no one will ever be able to explain it. There’s this mix of masculinity/ intimacy about a man’s underarm… Nevermind. People can not explain their fascination with Kardashians & Tiger King to me, PoTAYtoes / PoTOTatoes.

  7. 7
  8. 8
    DonnaMarie says:
    1+

    @TripleD, you are my sister from another mister.

  9. 9
    Ruth says:
    1+

    Yes! I see the guy with the dagger! Either the guy’s shoulders are really narrow or he’s in a position I think it anatomically impossible (arms out while shoulders hunched). Actually, it looks like they grafted some woman’s thighs to his pecs.

  10. 10
    1+

    Regarding the armpit book covers…the first thing that came to my mind was that they should all be of the scratch n’ sniff variety.

  11. 11
    Jill Q. says:
    2+

    The vibe I get from the Krayter book is –
    this dude is hogging the elliptical and the heroine has had a long day and is tapping angrily on his shoulder.
    Very romantic.

  12. 12
    Merle says:
    1+

    Interesting. Penis bedecked feminism followed by a hero named after a large hole.
    What is the title of that 2nd book anyway: Krayter? Mating the Alien? Starr Huntress? Too many words.

  13. 13
    Amy says:
    1+

    What is going on with Krayter’s arm? The bicep I guess? At first I thought it was part of her body but it’s not and it looks….wrong.

  14. 14
    Louise says:
    1+

    Pen Is Pen: inkblots.
    Krayter: patches, patches everywhere.
    The Dugout: strategically placed cover text.
    Exquisitely Broken: . . . Well, darn. Just when I thought Cover Snark had achieved the impossible: An entire column with no visible nipples.

  15. 15
    Karen H near Tampa says:
    1+

    Another fan of a man’s armpits. One of my favorite covers from the 1990s was Marylyle Rogers’ Dark Whispers with a dark-haired Fabio exposing his armpit. I’m also quite fond of the accompanying triceps shot (favorite image in Rocky was Sylvester Stallone grabbing the bar above his head in his apartment while wearing a tank-style t-shirt). My other favorite part of a man’s anatomy is muscular thighs, and I was quite surprised a few years ago to see a video with a couple of twenty-something women state their clear preference for long swimming trunks since they covered a man’s thighs (and that’s why I dislike long trunks). Oh, well, different strokes for different folks and fortunately, I think we can all find what we prefer.

  16. 16
    Jejune says:
    1+

    GalixSeigh!! Dying. That might have to be my new user name.

  17. 17
    chacha1 says:
    1+

    Minnie Driver up there is not a fan of the nicotine patches.
    LOL’d at
    Orbitt
    Kommitt
    GalixSeigh
    Nootronn
    Krayter

    That’s all too likely, I’m afraid.

  18. 18
    SusanE says:
    2+

    Krater: She is wondering what kind of idiot writes his grocery list on black post-it notes and sticks them to his chest?

  19. 19
    denise says:
    1+

    Thank you for my daily laugh.

  20. 20
    Zyva says:
    1+

    I got a coffin-guitar icon instead of the double entendre pen, on the third look. Vast improvement.

    Krayter looks like he’s stuck in the editing suite. As if it was ‘choose your own tattoos’ and the designer couldn’t find any tats that were sci-fi enough. Or couldn’t decide between motherboards, fractals, etc patterns…

    Bugout here too. Rather unfortunate when it’s eyes that bug out and the blue eyes stand out a bit on brunette dude.

    I hope shattering guy doesn’t live in a Sin City like the gritty comics. It might just be literal a la “Hannibal” the tv series. There’s objectifying and then there’s serial killer level objectifying.

  21. 21
    Christine McCullough says:
    1+

    I laughed for way too long at number 1. That us the stupidest cover ever. Still laughing.

  22. 22
    Susan says:
    1+

    Even after reading the comments, I still thought the name of the book was The Pugout and was very confused. It took many more minutes than I care to confess before it clicked. Also, the guy looks like The Outlander dude.

  23. 23
    Stacie says:
    2+

    Since I’ve been working from home the first thing I thought of with Krayter is “why did someone REDACT spots on his chest?” Get out the adobe pro. Redact the possible chest hair before the image goes out. I’m in HR so I’m always redacting something. LOL

  24. 24
    Des livres says:
    2+

    I read the title of the last one as “equity broker”, which come to think of it, has the same meaning right now.

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