Elyse Watches The Bachelor –S24 E10: The Women Tell All

Tonight’s Bachelor is the Women Tell All special which is mostly a clip show and a lot of yelling, but before we get to that, we open with The Dreaded Rose Ceremony.

Victoria F and Hannah Ann stand on a platform waiting for Peter. They notice Madison isn’t there.

Peter does a lot pacing and tells Chris Harrison he’s in love with all three women.

After some suspenseful music Madison gets out of a limo, hugs Chris Harrison, and joins the other women.

Peter tearfully tells the women that they all have a piece of his heart and knowing that he’s about to end one of the relationships is “destroying” him.

The first rose goes to Hannah Ann. The second rose goes to Madison.

When Peter asks her if she’ll accept the rose she responds with a lackluster, “Yeah.”

Peter asks, incredulously, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she says again. She looks annoyed.

Yeah that’s a great sign their relationship will work out.

Meanwhile Victoria F looks like she wants to stab someone. Peter sits down with her and tells her that his relationships with the other two women were further along.

“I just like feel stupid…” she mumbles.

“You really put your heart out there,” Peter says.

“I know. I don’t want to hear it,” she says. “Truly I don’t.” She gets into the Limo of Tears and says she was just looking for love.

We cut back to the studio in LA. Chris Harrison tells us that the finale will be unprecedented and there’s not a single person who knows how Peter’s journey will end…not even Peter.

Wait, what? Was Peter concussed when he hit his head on the golf cart or something? Is he suffering from memory loss?

So then all the former contestants are on stage. They play a bunch of clips. “That’s a lot to unpack,” Chris says.

It’s really not, Chris.

There’s like ten straight minutes of yelling about whether Victoria P and Alayah were fake. Chris calls the women “feisty.”

Then we talk more about Champagne Gate. Kelsey admits she went “balls to the wall crazy.” Then we get more yelling about Tammy calling Kelsey an alcoholic.

Tammy is wearing a shirt that looks like it has pieces of glass sewn to it and I wonder how that’s even comfortable.

At some point Tammy accuses Mykenna of always having her legs open and Chris Harrison actually intervenes and throws us to a commercial. Thank the Rose God.

Next up Kelsey goes on stage. She says that Peter made her feel loved and special. She also admits to being emotional. Ashley from season 19 comes out because she was a crier too, I guess, and they talk about being shamed for being emotional. Then Ashley gives her a giant bottle of champagne.

Then Victoria F comes onstage and we watch clips of every single fight she and Peter got in and I’m just…

So then Peter comes onstage. Victoria F thanks Peter for being patient with her. She says she put him through hell and he didn’t deserve it.

We wrap up with some bloopers and a promise that the finale will be the most dramatic ever.

[Ed. note: Sure. Sure it will. *yawn*]

Are you still watching? Who do you think will get the final rose?