Help A Bitch Out

HaBO: Get Outta Here Family Saga, We Want the Romance

This HaBO comes from Lucy, who has a bit of a complicated request as the romance takes place amidst a whole host of other things:

I write with a request that haunts me. It’s one of the earliest sex-positive narratives I read, probably in high school (maybe college? I know, I know) and I loved it. Here’s the thing, though: it’s embedded in a multigenerational family saga, which makes it hard to find. I don’t think it’s in One Hundred Years of Solitude; I will kick myself if it is. Maybe Isabel Allende? but it doesn’t match any of hers that I remember reading. Laura Esquivel but not Like Water for Chocolate? The multigenerational family lives in a giant house (possibly a hacienda.) The soldier protagonist is extremely handsome — some details never fade! — and proud of his body. This contributes to the fact that, when he loses a leg in war, it’s extremely traumatic for him. He holes up in his bedroom and not even the cook’s (?) best soups can lure him out. The family loves him but they’re at a loss: he won’t talk; he won’t eat; the doctor can’t find anything physically wrong.

Enter our heroine! She’s shy, and when he was a swaggering hotshot he kind of overlooked her/patronized her with a kind of “big brother” attitude, as I recall. They’re second cousins or something suitably non-creepy for the nineteenth century. Anyway. She solves the problem using a trunk in the attic that is filled with the explicit erotica authored by her grandmother. Although/because she is a virgin, she is convinced that this literature must have the education she needs, both for herself and the man she loves. So she gets educated (ahem,) goes to her sad soldier’s darkened bedroom, and proceeds to make love to him, with his startled and overwhelmed but enthusiastic consent. They continue to apply great inventiveness — and the lessons of the grandma’s porn trunk — to their relationship, and declare their engagement to the startled family once the young heroine gets morning sickness. I love them. But I cannot for the life of me remember this bonkers book. (These protagonists proceed to have numerous kids and succeed in due course to the honors of middle age and family-presiding.)

I NEED THIS.

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  1. Lizzy says:

    No idea what this is but I need to read it this instant.

  2. A.R. says:

    Clearly this HABO needs to get solved soon–unfortunately I can’t help. My first idea as I read along went off-rails (no longer matched) half-way through.

  3. Jejune says:

    I was not prepared for the phrase “grandma’s porn trunk” but this book sounds awesome. Keenly watching this thread.

  4. Cristie says:

    Please someone solve this. I need this like air.

  5. Lisa F says:

    Isabelle Allende’s House of Spirits?

  6. Julia says:

    I swear I have read this and I need to dig through my tired brain and Goodreads log.

  7. Jessica says:

    GRANDMA’s PORN TRUNK

  8. Susan says:

    I know this isn’t the book, so I don’t want to muddy the waters, but the setup reminds me of Sandra Schwab’s The Castle of the Wolf. It also has a brooding war hero who has lost a leg and a young heroine with educational open (in this case, erotic playing cards).

  9. Gloriamarie Amalfitano says:

    If Grandmom wrote porn, wouldn’t it have been during the Victorian era? That’s the earliest porn of which I am aware. Of course, I could be wrong. And if Grandmom wrote then, might this story be Edwardian?

    Interested to read this.

  10. MaryK says:

    “Get Outta Here Family Saga, We Want the Romance”

    I feel this so much! It should be on a romance sampler or something.

  11. Des says:

    You had me at “porn trunk.”

  12. Marisa says:

    Following because I want to read this book!!!!

  13. Brunette says:

    Porn trunk! Also, erotica goes back to biblical times. Not a new invention to Victorian era.

  14. DiscoDollyDeb says:

    I read somewhere that every major communication/technology advance in human history was used for erotica/pornography purposes very shortly after its introduction—going all the way back to stone carvings and moving all the way up to various apps and cell phone tech.

  15. Lucy says:

    Thank you all for the suggestions (and solidarity in thinking that this book sounds awesome.) I’ll check The House of the Spirits out of the library, see if it matches up, and report back.

    Also, if anyone’s interested, the classic study of Victorian porn is Steven Marcus, The Other Victorians.

  16. Joy says:

    I’ve actually read some Victorian porn and it is most definitely male oriented. Anyone know female oriented Victorian porn?

  17. DiscoDollyDeb says:

    @Joy: I’m unaware of any Victorian erotica/porn aimed at a female readership, but I’d strongly recommend Sarah Waters’s TIPPING THE VELVET for a modern take on Victorian lesbian erotica.

  18. Amelia says:

    This sounds so familiar! Was there a nurse or servant in the room who was scandalized/pretended to be asleep while the sexual healing was going on? My first thought was One Hundred Years of Solitude, but it sounds like you ruled that out. Dying to know!

  19. ReadMuch? says:

    The Beguiled by Thomas Cullinan? Sounds about the same. It was recently made into a movie.

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