Happy Bachelorette Day everyone. There’s rum in my Coke and I’m going to need it because part of tonight’s episode is “The Men Tell All,” which I assume will give lots of air time to the dumpster fire that is Luke.
We open with a shot of Hannah standing on a balcony in Greece, looking pensive. She’s wearing her Dreaded Rose Ceremony evening gown so I can tell where this is headed. She says she’s in love with the remaining three men: Jed, Tyler and Peter, and will be hard pressed to choose between them.
We cut to Luke riding in a van. He says he couldn’t go home without getting closure from Hannah (who kicked his sorry ass out last week) and, “She doesn’t realize that I still love her, and that I’m not through. This isn’t over for me yet. I couldn’t leave and go home without talking to her and getting a few things off my chest. I know she’s never told me she loves me, but I know she loves me. I believe she’s making a big mistake.”
The camera pans down to Luke’s hand where he holds an engagement ring.
If I’m blackout drunk at the end of this episode, you know why. Are any of you doctors? Can I get a note for work tomorrow?
So Jed, Tyler and Peter are lined up for The Dreaded Rose Ceremony. They don’t know Luke’s been eliminated. Luke just strolls up and gets in line like he belongs there. For real.
Hannah walks over to the Rose Ceremony area (sacrificial altar?), sees Luke, and says, “Why are you here?” to Luke.
“I need to talk to you,” he says.
“No!” she hisses.
The other dudes are watching all of this with rapt attention.
“I need to get a few things off my heart,” Luke says.
“No,” says Hannah. “Just go.” She makes a sweeping gesture with her arms. “Goooooo…”
“Hannah, I’m going stand here all day until you–”
Hannah cuts Luke off. “No, you’re fucking not.”
“I need clarity right now,” Luke says.
“I have clarity,” Hannah says. “This is not about you.”
“I understand that,” says Luke, not understanding that, “but I’m not leaving till I at least have closure.”
Hannah laughs. “Yeah. You will leave because I already sent you home. […] I’m not going to let you rewrite what you said the other night.”
“I’m not going to rewrite or change anything. How relationships work is through communication. Listen,” Luke says when Hannah tries to cut him off. “This is about my heart right here.”
“This isn’t about your fucking heart!” Hannah yells. “Fucking leave! You’re so narcissistic! It’s I this! I that! This isn’t about your heart!”
“My heart is broken,” says Luke. “I’m still standing here and this isn’t over for me.
“Well, alright,” say Hannah.
Then we get this amazing moment where she picks up the podium that has the remaining two roses on it, carries it like three feet in front of Luke, sets it down and proceeds like he’s not even fucking there.
Luke keeps following Hannah. At this point Tyler, Peter and Jed approach Luke and create a human wall around Hannah.
“Can you guys give me a moment?” Luke asks.
“We’ve given you plenty of minutes, dude,” says Jed.
Luke starts to get angry. “Lay your hands on me and…”
“And what?” Tyler asks, unimpressed.
“Why are you still here?” Peter asks. “She said no.”
“How many no’s do you need?” asks Jed.
“Did you send him home, Hannah?” asks Tyler.
Hannah says yes.
“Alright, let’s go,” Tyler says.
“I’m not going to leave until–” Luke starts.
“Get the fuck out,” Jed says. “Move. Go.”
Now Chris Harrison walks over. A dog barks in the background.
“I know you were leading with your emotions last night. Those last few minutes were not your character,” Luke says.
“Why you telling her who the fuck she is, bro?” Tyler says.
“You totally didn’t understand what I was trying to tell you the other night,” Luke adds.
“I’ll let everybody know what you said the other night,” Hannah replies. “You literally asked me… if you’ve had sex with anybody here… If you’ve had sex with anybody here, gone into a Fantasy Suite with anybody here, I would remove myself and go home.” She slaps her fist into her palm for emphasis.
“I didn’t say,” Luke says.
“You absolutely did!” Hannah replies.
“I don’t want to be misunderstood!” he pouts. “I know deep down, that after everything that you told me, that you still have feelings for me.” He continues, “I know for a fact that you misunderstood what I was trying to say and never have I ever condemned or judged you. And never will I ever. So please don’t put those words in my mouth.”
“I haven’t cried,” Hannah says, “There has not been any part of me that has one regret. So no, you don’t know what I feel.”
“So Hannah,” Chris Harrison asks, the taste of blood in his mouth, “what do you want?”
“I don’t want him to be here,” she says.
“Can you seriously look me in the eyes and tell me you have complete clarity?” Luke asks.
“I can,” Hannah replies, looking him in the eyes.
“Okay,” he says. “I’ll excuse myself.”
“What the fuck,” Hannah mutters, shaking her head. “Dude. What a freaking… I hate that guy.”
Chris Harrison tells her how Luke had an engagement ring with him.
Hannah looks at Chris like he’s sprouted two heads.
We get more shots of Chris and Hannah talking, but can’t hear what they say.
We cut to a studio in LA where Chris Harrison is interviewing Luke. I’m going to condense it versus give that asshat any more room to talk.
Luke doesn’t regret anything. He continues to gaslight and deny things everyone saw on camera. The audience hates him. At one point Luke says he thought it was his job to “save” Hannah from the other guys.
Chris Harrison calls him on his BS and says, “You had your say, it went poorly, so you just wanted another say, right?”
Guys, we’re 39 minutes into a 2 hour episode.
So then all the other guys come out for the “Men Tell All” section. Luke is still in the “hot seat.”
Mike calls Luke a misogynist and says Luke’s future wife will be a “prisoner.”
For the record, I think Grant is super drunk during the filming. He does say, “When someone says no, it means no, dude. She took the friggin rose stand, walked around you, and put it down. What clarity do you need?”
Luke doesn’t say a lot but keeps scratching his nose. Which makes me wonder.
Chris Harrison also points out that both Luke and Hannah have had sex with other people before, and asks if Luke is a hypocrite.
Luke says “Not at all” because he’s a “secondary virgin.”
We get some clip show moments with a few of the other guys. There’s a lot of joking about John Paul Jones and his flowing mane. Then with thirty minutes left to go, Hannah comes out.
Of her relationship with Luke, Hannah says her feelings for him were real, but “I think a lot of that came from being insecure about being The Bachelorette in the first place.”
Luke thanks Hannah for “teaching him about himself.”
Hannah tells Chris Harrison that Luke “weaponized” their shared faith against her and turned it into a threat. “Unfortunately the people who believe the same things I do, do that sometimes. They call out specific things to poke, and poke, and poke. The basis of what I believe is love and understanding and not shaming. His love was contingent on me doing the things he wanted me to do, not on unconditional love.”
“I am so over being slut shamed,” Hannah tells Luke. “And being told that I am not a woman of faith.”
The camera pans to women in the audience wearing tee shirts with a windmill on them that say ‘Jesus still loves me.’
Hannah says, “The relationship I had with Luke, unfortunately is a relationship a lot of women can relate to. A lot of women have been in toxic relationships. And maybe, just maybe, me going through that, being able to remember my worth and figure that out for myself, can help somebody who is in that now and see the signs of that. And that makes me realize I don’t have regrets.”
Then we get some bloopers. None of them are that funny.
Finally Hannah apologizes to the world for keeping Luke on their TV screens so long. “I’m tired of talking about him. Chris, are you tired of talking about him?”
“Amen,” says Chris.
“The Luke P show is canceled. We will not renew the season. Again, my apologies, and God bless the United States of America,” she says.
And that’s it. I need to drink a WHOLE LOT of water.
Are you still watching?
I officially have two new heroes:
– Elyse, for finally converting me to following this show, and
– Hannah B., because this whole recap was GLORIOUSLY satisfying.
“Hannah looks at Chris like he’s sprouted two heads.”
In this moment, Hannah is all of us.
Elyse, I applaud your liver. I would have required SO MUCH ALCOHOL to get through that episode that I would be lying in the emergency room right now.
I don’t know that all of the Luke bullshit was worth it just to see Hannah eventually take him down so spectacularly but it was ALMOST worth it.
Gaslighting The movie is gloriously over!
“How many ‘No’ s do you need?” indeed. And I think I need that windmill T-shirt.
I don’t think Luke P understood a thing. I do hope the audience did, and that he won’t be the next Bachelor.
Also: “Click for a GIF of Luke” was amazing.
I don’t watch. I just don’t. But these recaps from Elyse are pretty much everything. ❤️
but for real, how do we get one of those shirts?
Out of all the episodes of this show, this is the only one I wish I had seen.
God bless Hannah for standing up for herself and making herself an object lesson on how to identify and end a toxic relationship. And God bless all the other guys (even Chris!) for standing up for her as well. And the women in the audience with the shirts.
Thank you for these recaps, Elyse. You rock!
The Luke GIFs may be your best work yet. Thank you.
“The Luke P show is canceled. We will not renew the season.”
He’s definitely going to be the next The Bachelor. They will NOT give up this much free drama.
Thank you for that recap. Hearing this is so, very, very satisfying. I finally ended a six year relationship this fall with a gaslighting controller. I can relate and this is hella satisfying. I want one of those t-shirts. The GIFs are life and accurate.
Hannah carrying the podium gave me life. This post gave me life.
I spent three hours today compiling yoga flows and breathing exercises for my elementary students and putting them in a “focus binder” for our easy use. But this recap, it’s my meditation, girl.
Well done, Elyse. And I think I will use that gaslighting GIF every time I get a text from my ex-.
Oh man. I found this episode so triggering. Hannah was indeed awesome and I appreciated her so much BUT I thought the whole way that this situation was handled by The Bachelor people was reprehensible. First, they knew that Luke was lined up with the other dudes like it wasn’t a thing, and they failed to even give their girl a heads up. She walked in there and was totally blindsided by his appearance. WTF. Then the whole conversation dragged on WAY too long, he was physically aggressive and WAY too close to her, and you could totally see Hannah looking around as if to be like “hello? Producers? Security? ANYONE???” I was sure that some burly dude in a black shirt would drag him out of there as soon as he got too close to Hannah but no. And then after that entire dumpster fire, they bring him out for the soft-focus interview basically giving him the same edit that is usually reserved for the runner up (Chris Harrison softly asks “are you still in love with _____” etc.) and I was just like holy shit they have given this douche almost an entire hour of the show all to himself. It just felt gross and wrong for them to give Luke that kind of platform after his behavior. Thank goodness Mike and then Hannah called him out but it just didn’t feel like enough support coming from the show itself. There should have been a scene with Chris Harrison talking to the camera telling us that if you are in this kind of toxic relationship, this behavior is not OK and here are the numbers you can call to get help. Even acknowledging that this show is problematic af in a number of ways, I did not expect it to go down like that. Anyway. TL;DR = this episode was a complete trash fire and Bachelor production is disappointing, if not surprising.
This was a really good episode and your synopsis was even better! I’m still watching and I’m a so glad Luke is gone! I really liked the way Hannah handled things with him. I wonder who the next Bachelor will be.
If that gaslighting a-hole is the next bachelor I vote that we refuse to watch & give Elyse a break on the recaps because the last thing that narcissist deserves is even one more second of our attention.
@13
Completely agree! I’m sure the show runners loved the drama, but this guy sounds dangerous.
Agreed. I’m sure it won’t be That Person. I hope it’s Garrett or whichever of the final three she sends home…they all seem like nice guys.
What the hell does “secondary virgin” even mean?
@KB, you’re absolutely correct and this crap is proof no-one should go on or watch this show. I can’t even be amused by the funny recaps occasionally anymore (tho the gifs are spot-on.)
OMG LOL at very first GIF
so much genius
This was my first Bachelorette season. My 15 year old daughter and I watch together, so I have to forego the prescriptive rum. Gasp. And I have to limit repeating myself too much: “Honey, That is NOT okay.” I am relieved to note she spotted Luke’s crazy eyes right away. Even though I watch now, I have come to appreciate your recaps even more. Kudos (and rehab:)) for getting the dialogue down and capturing everything. I feel so cool sharing your write-ups with her. Wish I could write you Excuse for Absence note. Thank you.
Your GIFS are the only thing keeping my eyes from constantly rolling in my head at Luke’s quotes. They fit him perfectly.
Part of me will be very surprised if he ISN’T the Bachelor at some point. I know networks live for drama like this on their reality shows (which is one reason I don’t watch most of them), but he might be a bit TOO toxic for execs to even attempt to bring back. (I hope.)
So did she even decide on who to send home or was the entire episode dedicated to this dumpster fire?
I don’t watch – never have but I check in with Elyse almost every week, the last two seasons have both been such dumpster fires (great gif, by the way) that I wonder if there will be another. Probably, yes, people love their dumpster fire relationships *sad*. Anyway, love you Elyse!!
If they try to make that jerk the next Bachelor, we definitely have to tune out and not have recaps. Elyse’s liver wouldn’t survive it otherwise.
@TN: I watch this with my twin 15 yo girls. They, like your daughter, saw the crazy in Luke P immediately (and didn’t need the other contesticles to confirm it). WE ARE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT! Good for you and your daughter – I use the Bachelor/Bachelorette as teaching moments constantly. Of course, we all watch BIP together an laugh so hard we cry.
I spent so much of this episode yelling at the tv! I had to turn it off at the halfway point and come back the next night to finish it because I was that angry. Hannah was a queen, though. Let us please never need to speak of Luke P. ever again!
I’ve been decrying the amount of “relationship speak” I see in programs like this (I actually don’t watch them, but I’ve seen enough snippets to know why I don’t want to watch them). But as a woman who just turned 60, I’m really heartened by what I saw. For all the stupid relationship speak, there’s also “no means no” and “why are you telling her who she is?” and “what does she want?” and “it’s I this.”
I’m pretty sure it would have gone down differently when I was that age. Sure “no meant no” but people didn’t talk about consent and agency. My guess is that when I was that age, the three other guys would have beaten the crap out of Luke, regardless of what Hannah wanted: they also would have been taking her agency and speaking for her, instead of letting her handle it herself (while being protective/supportive). People may have felt those things, but no one had the kind of fluency to express them. So maybe this generation really is more sophisticated about relationships, and all that talking really has brought about more awareness. And bravo to Hannah for standing up against the gaslighting and slut-shaming and expressing herself clearly and forcefully.