Happy Thursday everyone! It’s Bachelorette time, and this week is Fantasy Suites week which means we’re finally going to get the “fucking in a windmill” that Hannah promised.
It’s time for the show!
Everyone is in Crete, Greece, and the first date goes to Peter. He and Hannah go sailing and spend some time making out on the deck of the boat. At one point we see a deckhand doing sailing stuff while trying not to look at the couple rolling around on the deck.
Then they have dinner (that they aren’t allowed to eat). Peter tells Hannah that he’s in love with her. In my opinion, Peter and Hannah have the most chemistry together. When they’re on dates they’re giggly and silly and constantly grinning. They seem to genuinely have fun when they’re with each other.
So then we get the creepy-as-fuck letter from Chris Harrison. If you’ve never seen a season of this show before, when we get to the Fantasy Suites episode, the Bachelor/Bachelorette opens a letter that Chris Harrison hand writes inviting them to spend the night together in a Fantasy Suite. I assume Chris writes this letter in the blood of a former contestant.
Now, there’s no camera in the Fantasy Suites (which is the point), and some couples have sex, others use it to really talk off-camera about stuff they may not want aired. This is the most alone time they’ll get together.
So Hannah invites Peter to the Fantasy Suite…and it’s a fucking windmill you guys! Hannah pulls a condom out of a decorative box before the camera pans away.
The next morning Peter says, “We came together so much last night,” then quickly adds, “we bonded!”
The next date goes to Tyler. They go to a spa where they get wraps and massages. Then Tyler massages Hannah and they make out while she’s mostly laying down, he’s laying on her back, and she’s got her neck craned around to kiss him. It looks like something that would cause me to a pull a muscle. Also I’m pretty sure Tyler grabs a titty.
I hope that their two massage therapists got to leave and they aren’t just awkwardly standing in the corner.
Hannah tells the camera that they have great physical chemistry, but she’s not sure she and Tyler are emotionally on track.
At dinner Hannah asks Tyler to the Fantasy Suite (a yacht in this case), but tells him that she’s not going to have sex with him. She feels like they need this time to really talk. Tyler agrees with her, and Hannah says that she likes how he “celebrates my boundaries.”
Next up is Jed. He’s still reeling from the fact that Hannah couldn’t choose him over Luke the Douche. They join a family gathering where they dance, eat and do shots. Jed asks to talk to Hannah alone, and asks how its possible for Luke to still be in the running.
“Like how honest do you want me to be?” Hannah asks.
She tells him that she has a connection to Luke that she’s still trying to figure out.
At dinner, Jed brings Luke up again. “I guess at the core, it says a lot about your decisions that you can tell me you’re falling in love with me but still keep someone around who has been toxic to this process and you and everyone else.” Then he adds, “I’m worried that you have a hard time letting go of things that aren’t good for you in your life.”
“Yikes, man,” Hannah says, and slams a glass of wine. She gets up and walks away, and Jed follows.
“I do not want to do this anymore,” Hannah says. She tells him that she needs to be with someone who trusts her and her decision making.
Jed tells her that he loves her, and that his comments come from a place of concern.
Hannah says that it was a hard conversation, but she’s glad they had it. She invites him to the Fantasy Suite.
Then, finally, it’s time for Luke’s date and the drama we have been promised. They go for a helicopter ride to Santorini. Luke tells Hannah that he sees her as his future wife.
So then they go to dinner and that’s when shit gets real.
Luke tells Hannah that he’s the spiritual leader in his household. Then he says, “Sex is an incredible thing. And it’s a beautiful thing. Well, only, when it’s within the guidelines of marriage. And the marriage bed should be kept pure.”
Luke admits he’s not a virgin, and he knows she’s not either. He’s abstained from sex for three and half years, and is saving himself for marriage.
“I just don’t think [sex in the fantasy suites] is something you should be doing,” Luke says, “and I just want to make sure that you’re not going to be sexually intimate with the other relationships here. If you told me you had sex with one or multiple of these, I’d be willing to go home 100%.”
Hannah replies, “The way you said that…Why do you have the right to do that? Because you’re not my husband.”
“Can I cut you off for a second?” Luke asks.
“No,” Hannah says, then continues, “You’re judging me? And you feel like you have the right to, and you don’t at this point. Sex might be a sin out of marriage, but so is pride. And I feel like this is a pride thing.”
So then Luke says, “Hannah, I don’t take it lightly when I say I love you. Let’s say I’m the last date. Let’s say you’ve had sex. Throwing a crazy scenario at you, let’s say you’ve had sex with all of these other relationships. I’m willing to work through that with you.”
“You’re ‘willing’ to work through this…” she says. “I’m a grown woman and I can make my own decisions. And I’m not strapped to a man right now.”
“See, I don’t want to get into being misconstrued and being misunderstood again because it’s happened a lot with me throughout this process,” Luke starts. “I can understand a slip up. But with all of them?”
Hannah stops him. “The words you’re saying are really not okay. You’re holding people to standard you don’t even live by. Well, I want somebody who can get along with people, who doesn’t have pride issues.”
“I guess I did say something I don’t mean because if I found out, with one of these relationships, you slipped up, it wouldn’t change anything,” Luke says.
“I don’t slip up,” Hannah snaps. Then she cites the passage in the Bible about not casting the first stone. “I feel like I’ve finally gotten clarity on you, and I don’t want you to be my husband.”
“Can you give me a chance to speak?” Luke asks.
“No,” Hannah says. She stands up to walk him out, but Luke refuses to move.
“I feel like you owe me a minute to–”
“I do not owe you ANYTHING, please GET UP,” she snaps.
Luke keeps talking as they walk, “I’m not judging you or condemning you. But Hannah, I do love you and I do see a future with you. There’s something preventing me from getting in that limo right now.”
Then we get the best moment in the entire history of this franchise. “I can probably get you to go into that limo,” Hannah replies. “So, I have had sex.”
“Say what?” Luke asks.
“Jesus still loves me,” Hannah tells him. “From obviously the way you feel… Me fucking in a windmill, you probably want to leave. I didn’t just go to a Fantasy Suite. I fucked in a windmill. And guess what. We did it a second time.” She opens the car door and adds, “And my husband would never say what you said to me.”
Luke still refuses to get in the car. “Can I pray over you before I leave?” he asks.
“No!” Hannah yells.
He finally gets in the car and she flips him off as it pulls away.
And that is the glorious, glorious end to that episode.
Are you still watching?
Ugh, reading everything he said was kind of nauseating. But that picture of her flipping him off was cathartic. WTF is wrong with this guy? That was so painfully condescending and holier-than-thou. I could never watch it; I’d cringe so hard I’d pull something. Thank you for this, Elyse. Also, yay for Rocket!
I had read elsewhere about Luke (Virginity 2.0 version) pulling this. So glad to hear she finally got rid of him … and the other men will be as well, I imagine.
It occurs to me – they could have a Bachelor/Bachelorette diet – people serve you food but you can’t eat it. One way to lose weight … unless the Fantasy Suite interludes include food they can actually eat.
I love these recaps, but confess I had to stop watching this franchise after Rachel’s season. I just couldn’t, not when they continue to bring on such toxic men (and the contestant selection is always worse in the Bachelorette than in the Bachelor).
Anyway. Glad this asshole is gone. It took far too long. 🙁
I like the idea of expanding the fantasy suit.
In addition to food you can eat it has deep couches and books and the ability to wear one’s most comfortable ratty tattered sleep pants. That’s what i’d call preparation for marriage.
And wine. As much wine as is needed.
THAT…is seriously one of the most satisfying things I have read in a very long time-well that isn’t actual fiction!!
//”Can I cut you off for a second?” Luke asks.//
OHHHHHH…I love when she says no-that right there?? Perfection. No, you may not cut me off so you can mansplain why you are so right and I am so wrong. Geez, I love this.
I may have a bit of a girl crush on Hannah right now. I’m going to have to dig up this clip and watch, because how she got him into the limo-not just saying she had sex in the windmill, but adding they also did it “a second time”-priceless!
I just found a clip and watched-I misunderstood, she didn’t tell Luke about the second time-although he will find out when he watches the show!
That was so awesome though. He says he will go home if he finds out she has had sex with the guys, then totally backpedals and says he is “willing” to work through it. Whew-all my feelings of why is she keeping him around? This is all from reading the recaps, and then watching this clip-it explains a lot. She had the immediate attraction to him, and like she said, she bent over backwards trying to keep that going. What a total jerk Luke is-good riddance to bad rubbish!
Luke: I’m not judging you.
Also Luke: Can I pray over you before I leave?
The only thing that could have made reading this more satisfying was if the limo was filled with spiders.
Too bad the previews for next week show him rolling back up in there for the rose ceremony, presumably “fighting for” Hannah. Because not only did he disrespect her and, um, pretty much everyone except his Back Home fanclub, but he’s gotta continue to try and control her and force her to be with him, even though she’s said she’s done and all but kicked the car door shut behind him.
I hope the guys deck him when he walks up into that rose ceremony.
@HeatherS: I knew this wouldn’t be the last of him and you’ve just confirmed it. She’d better kick the car door shut on him again. /furious
@HeatherS – I know!!! UGH, NO MEANS NO LUKE!! I knew this wasn’t going to be the last of him when he wouldn’t get in the limo. I just hope that Hannah stands her ground and doesn’t fall for whatever bullcrap apology he tries to give. It does look like the other guys have her back when she doesn’t want to talk to him next week, and I know Tyler was defending her on Twitter Monday night – because OF COURSE Luke came for her there too.
I think Tyler may get the boot next week and I’m sad about that! After Hannah said he was so respectful and sweet … but I think this episode showed that she has more natural chemistry with Peter, so I hope she picks him.
Jed was such a petulant little kid in this episode. And what was up with his stretched out t-shirt while Hannah’s all cute for their family dinner?! Plus I read some not-great things about him, and Twitter seems to have turned on him as well (for whatever that’s worth).
I have fundamental problems with the premise and execution of this show. (I tried to think of another words besides “execution” because I keep picturing the Rose God and a guillotine but whatevs.)
I just don’t understand how dating so many people simultaneously can end well. I get that that is why this show is popular: the drama and the heartbreak. But let me ask true fans of this show, do y’all really think it works? I’m not being sassy, I’m seriously asking. Don’t most of these couples end up breaking up?
I hate to seem like I’m agreeing with Luke but if I was seriously falling in love with a guy and he was having sexual and emotional relationships with other women, I would be devastated. I get that they’re all consenting adults and are aware what the show entails, but I just can’t watch. It seems so sad.
I’m being such a Debby Downer and Elyse you really do a wonderful job with the recaps. I need to just recognize that I can’t handle it and move on ha
I’m in the crowd of readers who doesn’t watch the show, just eats popcorn and enjoys the reviews, and there are not enough words to describe how satisfying this one has been. Truly, truly glorious.
Also, that blazer she is wearing? Somehow manages to make things even better. Do want.
I don’t watch but do love your recaps, Elyse! But question: In her quotes, she says “fuck,” which is fine, but then her giving him the justifiable finger is blurred out. Imma guessing that there was a lot of bleeping?
Yes, yes I notice weird things.
Let me guess–they’re setting Luke up for the next Bachelor
Interesting perspective here, I thought (closer to the end):
http://www.vulture.com/2019/07/the-bachelorette-week-9-recap-season-15-episode-10.html
The concept of Hannah’s internalized, unconscious self-reproach because her fundamentalist belief is at odds with her sexuality makes unfortunate sense, especially since the show’s structure takes away contestants’ emotional anchors and encourages uncertainty to begin with. After dipping into Becca and Colton’s seasons before this, I’m starting to wish our culture didn’t reward this franchise for cynically pretending to disrupt its own destructive narratives….
@Trix – read that article and now I want to cross the comment streams and say that Tyler is a Sex Puppy hero?!?!
@Mara, I wish the Rose God DID have a guillotine, it would mean we could get rid of guys like Luke once and for all so they don’t go on to victimize other women. I’m SO glad Hannah finally twigged to how she was being manipulated and gaslighted and gave him the boot. And I hope she lets all the other guys use him as a punching bag when he crashes the rose ceremony.
Oh thank goodness. I do hope everybody rips that shithead to shreds next week. So glad Hannah booted him, finally.
@ClaireC: That actually makes sense. Sigh, haven’t seen enough to have observed Tyler at all (it’s literally 5 to 10 minutes a time for me), but now I kinda want to watch him. The Rose God just keeps claiming those who want to escape!
“I do not want to do this anymore.” I’m so with her on that! However, I’m glad I got to see her finally flip the bird to Luke. Let him go be “spiritual leader” someplace else.
Like Mara (#12), Pip(#13), and Jill-Marie (#14) I just read the recaps but like Mara I sincerely want to know if fans of this show really buy the premise. Do they really think these relationships are forever? We’re all romance fans here but how much do we really believe in love at first sight or third date or what? Can you really see someone a few times with a camera following you around and be ready to commit to a lifetime?
Frankly I dated my husband for almost a year before he proposed and we got married 8 months later so we didn’t rush things. That was 52 years ago so I guess you can consider that a pretty permanent relationship! 😉 Have you younger romance fans really bought into the insta-LUV romance troupe or do relationships that are built, challenged and finally committed to just too old-fashioned??
@Mara I agree about being upset that someone is having multiple relationships that are all supposed to be intimate. But that’s one reason I won’t/don’t watch these shows: the whole idea that you can have real feelings — or pretend to have real feelings — for so many people in the same short period of time is not only unrealistic but unromantic and therefore not appealing to me. Anyway, anyone who goes on this show knows that the whole point is that they are expressly not in an exclusive relationship, and has no basis for shaming someone over it.
What’s galling is that he repeatedly uses the word “slip,” implying that having sex with the other guy(s) was a mistake (for which he can then forgive her) and not a reflection of her sexual agency. It’s a form of slut-shaming: a woman who “slips” and has sex is forgiven, but one who chooses to have sex is not.
I absolutely agree with what @RuthL is saying-this franchise has been around a long time-and these contestants know the premise of the show. Since I don’t watch it, only read the recaps-I am in no way an expert-but has there been an issue with a Bachelor having a contestant judging him on what might happen in the Fantasy Suites? It all comes back to the age old theme-it is fine for men to have multiple partners and one night stands-but not for women.
What happens between two consenting adults, whether they have know each other for years or a few hours, is their business. For Luke to act like she should be chaste-to satisfy his ideas of what a woman should be? Ridiculous-especially because I am guessing no one forced him on to this show.
@Joy-I’m in firm belief that the fans of this show are totally clued in to what is happening. If I am correct-these shows very rarely end in love matches that last any length of time. I feel more it is like watching a soap opera-or watching a train wreck. In real life, few of us who want monogamy would enjoy knowing that someone we are interested in might be having sex with numerous partners-but this is not real life. These men signed up for this show-and I do feel very strongly that Hannah should explore any option she wants! I don’t think it is sad, and I applaud Hannah for being honest and open about her experiences.
As per good old Luke and his antiquated ideas-I also very much disagree with the idea that having sex with someone, without looking for a long term relationship-is a bad thing. Sex is fun, or we wouldn’t be so interested in it right? And it can be SUPER fun with someone you don’t know but are totally attracted to-two ships that pass in the night and all that. It is freeing, liberating, and as someone who grew up in the 1960s-I see Hannah as someone exploring her options in the way only men used to be able to do, and I hope she continues to do so, in however way is comfortable to her.
@Joy — No idea how typical or atypical my acquaintances are (and I’d guess it varies a lot by various factors), but: I’m in my thirties and have a lot of friends in their twenties, and the only people I know who have ever got married after less than two years of being together are my parents (eloped four months after meeting; married over forty years) and a couple who had a self-arranged marriage (currently falling apart after ten years). Everyone I know waits years to get married and usually lives together for a year or two first. My immediate reaction to someone getting engaged after less than a year would be intense alarm.
With a lot of the other reviewers here. You actually know what you are getting into – how could you not? Of course she’s going to date and get intimate with other guys. Luke is from the land of entitled white guys. He’d be perfect for the GOP.
To answer some questions: They do bleep out swear words. I doubt Luke will be the next Bachelor, but if Hannah doesn’t pick Tyler, I bet he will. Tyler is 100% a Sex Puppy.
I think most people watch with a healthy suspension of disbelief. Only a few couples worked out in real life. The show is really selling a fantasy–whirlwind romances in exotic locations, and of course drama.
Thank you for the recap and all the great comments. Really enjoy the diverse, respectful and funny viewpoints. ❤️❤️❤️ Wish you guys ran the world.
Aw, crap. I’ve barely seen Tyler, but I’m a teensy bit in love with him after this tweet:
http://www.twitter.com/TylerJCameron3/status/1151522392243671042?p=v
Plus, apparently there’s a Tyler/Peter bromance I’ve only heard of now? Curse you, Rose God!
@Anonymous – I am in my mid-thirties and my husband is 40. We dated for about nine months before getting engaged. Our wedding was ten months after that, so about a year and a half. We didn’t officially move in together until we were engaged (for non-religious reasons – we both wanted to make a firm commitment before co-habitating). We have been very happily married for over 11 years and are expecting our first child this fall!