Putting together a Cover Snark post always falls into two categories: we just did one versus I can’t remember the last time we had one of these. There’s no middle ground, despite them occurring every two weeks. No matter, though, because it’s always a perfect time for cover snark.
From Becky: I’d like to humbly submit this book for your Cover Snark feature. I think what I like most is the subtlety of composition. The illustrator didn’t lay it on too thick.
Sarah: I’m genuinely revolted by “Baby gravy.” On so many levels.
CarrieS: All I know is that based on the picture, “Baby Gravy” is yes, that color and consistency but no, not something you should eat, or for that matter collect.
Amanda: Those hands are huge.
Becky: Oh dear god, I didn’t realize Baby Gravy was part of a series. (Now I’m wondering if poor Frankie Love was assigned a gravy-themed story!) Each cover is a shirtless guy holding food closer and closer to their crotches until we arrive at Roll Play.
Becky: There are not enough puke emojis for crotch rolls.
Sarah: HE’S TRYING.
Also: I’m reasonably certain that the book covers are not supposed to make me nauseated, right? That would make marketing sense?
Amanda: Is this like a Thanksgiving themed series? If so, here are my titles for consideration:
“Dirty Bird”
“Stuffing”
“Cherry Pie”
From Shanna: I thought you might like this for cover snark. I have not idea what’s going on with this cover and the title is just puzzling. Enjoy!
Sarah: He doesn’t know how to pronounce “unicirim” either, I bet.
Amanda: I’m sorry…what the fuck is a unicirim.
Elyse: I think whatever it is, it’s in his butt right now.
CarrieS: Not enough lube in the world.
Amanda: Wait, is this an erotic retelling of The Last Unicorn?
Amanda: I’m sorry…you’re WHAT for Christmas?
Elyse: Look I’ve had some super awkward family gatherings but…
Sarah: I…. I don’t….
I really like being Jewish right now. That is all.
CarrieS: The cover isn’t too bad, it’s the title. Someone THOUGHT about that title. Probably spent DAYS coming up with it. Days poorly spent.
Nah, if his baby gravy is that color, he needs to see a urologist stat.
Kudos for going for cannibalism before I, a cannibalism aficionado, could do so, but in this case, I think the intended meaning is grosser.
Ryan Reynolds Full Body Shudder dot gif
The woman on the cover of WET FOR CHRISTMAS appears to be shoving her index finger through the guy’s cheek. “Watch out—you’re going to dislodge my fillings!”
Wet for Christmas-it took me a few attempts to even type that title-there’s something weird about that woman’s body but I can’t really make put what it is. At first I thought she had super low hanging boobs but that’s just unfortunate shadowing. And somehow I totally overlooked the finger action! Thanks for pointing that out @DiscoDollyDeb!
I’m the type of person who deducts points when reviewing a book for obvious spelling, grammar & punctuation errors – the result of a grandmother who was a teacher & a mom who was a newspaper editor. I cannot even LOOK at the third cover without breaking out in a full-body shudder. The WHAT bride, again?
Compared to that, the gravy & rolls are just annoying.
It’s a little disconcerting when you’re not sure if “baby gravy” is ejaculate, poo, or the drippings after a baby is roasted.
None of which I would want to put in a gravy boat to pour over my turkey, btw.
So according to 1 amazon review, a unicirim is half unicorn half pegasus. Last I checked, those were called alicorns
“Bun in the oven”! the short description for that first book sounds like it is the output of one of those recycled books for Kindle Unlimited. It is also gross and misogynistic. Who reads this sh*t?
I love me some babies over biscuits with some baby gravy.
@HeatherT:
I have eaten
the babies
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
With apologies to William Carlos Williams (and Warren Ellis)
@hng23: I wish I could like your comment more than once.
@Luce: There’s a really dark shadow under her arm that makes it look like she has no chest at all. Then her belly is pushed way out. Maybe she’s pregnant and the Wet is “guess what, my water just broke?” And he’s checking to be sure.
@Kathy
I cannot un-read that description. Ew.
I suppose it was better than “I’m Dreaming of a Wet Christmas?”
Baby gravy makes me thinks of this old nonsense rhyme:
“Baby, baby,
stick your head in gravy
wash it off with bubblegum
and send it to the navy”
Maybe he is a Navy guy?
The rolls guy should be careful with yeast around those parts, just saying.
I have no idea what a unicirim is, but most unicorns I’ve seen are pearly or sparkly.
These books make me really NOT want to explore Kindle Unlimited.
I am going to ignore how disturbing the title of the first one is and focus on how funny it would be to be a model and they say “oh just cup your hands and people can add what they want later.” Also, his hands would totally be hot, that’s why gravy boats have handles. Or his baby gravy is cool. This whole thing is gross.
This is the second time I have seen the unicirim used in the last few months. It is definitely, two too many.
I have never encountered “unicirim” IN MY LIFE until this day, and I was a Mythological Beast Kid the way some kids are Dinosaur Kids or Horse Girls. And now I am steamed up about inventing new names for non-existent creatures. Aaargh.
I read “unicrim” as “uncircum” and I have no idea what my mind is doing
“Unicirim” is a horrible word.
Also, what does half unicorn, half pegasus mean? It only has one wing? It can’t fly, but can jump really high? It can only be ridden by half virgins? (and then, what is a half virgin?)* Also, why does he have a tattoo of himself? Isn’t that kind of…vain?
*Actually, isn’t that a problem with a romance novel with any unicorn-shifter as unicorns have that whole one-and-done thing?
Congratulations on finding a batch of covers where the *least* weird and disgusting thing is that uni-thing guy’s disturbing neck.
We’re having a drought at the moment. And Christmas here is in summer. Up in northern Australia summer is cyclone season. Sooo, wet for Christmas is a good thing for our drought stricken farmers.
But this is a rockstar romance, so it doesn’t work.
Also, the woman on the black horsey-thing looks like she’s hijacking the horse and just leaving the guy to be eaten by R. O. U. S.
Is the gravy guy and the buns guy the same model? I’m not prepared to compare vein patterns to find out. It just looks like buns guy got the giggles.
@bellaInAus, I think it is the same guy. Which…what a weird job to have. I mean, being the weird “fill-in-the-blank” model is already weird, but his hands have moved slightly, so at some point during the shoot, they were like, “Great, good, that’ll work for a baby or a gravy boat. Now, lower? Like, it could be a baby bird or an engagement ring or, hell, dinner rolls.”
Also, his smile in the second one is highly disconcerting.
I’m just thankful hubs and child were out of the house because ‘Wet for Christmas’ made me shout/laugh.
Is the hero named Christmas?!
you’re not sure if “baby gravy” is ejaculate, poo, or the drippings after a baby is roasted
None of the above. The picture makes it obvious that it’s what comes out of a man’s boobs when you milk him. And what would Cover Snark be without at least one set of disconcerting nipples?
“Unicirim” sounds like a sex act. A painful one.
@MsCellanie:
and then, what is a half virgin?
It sounds better in French: demi-vierge.
Why does Gravy Boy have wrinkly cleavage? He should moisturize.
@ Crysta
That’s exactly what I was thinking. Like he was told to cup his hands and lower them, lower, lower and suddenly he’s thinking “Just how low do they want me to go?” and getting silly images in his head and he just lost it.
Also, I wonder how high his hands were when he started.
Rolls doesn’t work any better than this cook book. Just no. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007FW0PI8?aaxitk=rbGdIMALQmvBWy-Nn19eEQ
I am a pediatrician. Do you know how much baby gravy people bring me to look at? And, yes, it is generally that color and consistency.
The roll one is actually semi-cute but Jesus, publishers, there is NOTHING SEXY ABOUT THE TERM BABY GRAVY.
Nice to know Americans also cringe at “baby gravy”. I would NOT have guessed that from American Horror Story: Coven .
@LauraL
No gravy, but “Wash your face in orange juice” was a hit way back in Oz.
And we had “Pop a bottle” by Jessica Mauboy.
I read “Unicrim”. Sounds like… a steampunk villain?
And ye gods… People DON’T do like the zoo and sell toy unicorns to tourists where they’re in the not-so-postcolonial coat of arms and they DO sell THIS?
“Wet for Christmas.”
Next in series: “Too Sexy for my Ugly Sweater”
Btw dunno that I can blame the title-r. Bet the ‘best’ were already taken – say, by manga titles, because Christmas is one hot date night in Japan. So there goes “Merry Panty Christmas” et al (NSFW): https://www.ebookjapan.jp/ebj/search_book/page10/?q=%E3%82%AF%E3%83%AA%E3%82%B9%E3%83%9E%E3%82%B9).
My favourite is the one with the surfing Santa (https://www.ebookjapan.jp/ebj/525390/)
I read unicrim and thought it was a bank robbing unicorn!
And that’s not the worst cover by the same author: “Branded by the Black Wolves” is hilarious. Kindle unlimited has a lot to answer for.
apparently a unicirim is a unicorn flying shifter
Can’t believe nobody went with “Don’t want none ‘less you got buns, hon.”