Cover Snark: Definitely Some Chafing

Hey there! We’re about to bring you some Cover Snark. Enjoy!

Special Agent Finnegan by Mimi Barbour. A translucent, headless man is hovering about a city skyline. A lit and decorate Christmas tree is positioned right by his crotch. The floating head of a woman is in the righthand corner and she definitely has her eyes on this dude's Douglas fir.

Elyse: Is that a Christmas tree or are you happy to see me?

Sarah: It’s going to be a VERY special holiday for him.

Amanda: Her eyes are definitely on the tip of that tree.

The Mighty Hunter by Michelle M. Pillow. A shirtless merman seems to be hanging out in an undersea kingdom. However, the title text has a bit of a flourish that curls around the merman's nipple.

From Jillian. Thanks, Jillian!

Sarah: Is it me, or does your eye go to one particular spot?

Amanda: Nip, ahoy!

CarrieS: His breasts are bigger than mine are!

Set the Night on Fire by Weston Parker. A house is ablaze in the background. A shirtless fireman is in the foreground and he has his fingers in his mouth. He's looking confused and his fireman suspenders are clearly made of leather belts.

From Carole: A seriously confused looking fireman.

Sarah: I’m confused by his suspenders or braces, which look like belts?

Is belt leather the best choice for that accessory? And won’t the buckle cause problems for his nipple?

Never mind that he isn’t sure what to do with the fire behind him.

Amanda: Oh yeah, that leather suspender is gonna chafe. And then he’ll have to deal with a fire and bloody nipples.

Sarah: Also I keep thinking the cover reads “Seth the Night on Fire.” Which, if true, means he should leave before the arson investigation begins.

CarrieS: This is not approved firefighting gear.

Here in California, there used to be these things where law enforcement would pile up a bunch of confiscated weed and dispose of it by, I shit you not, setting it on fire. Pretty sure this is an accurate picture of the firefighter’s mindset once those events get underway.

Marriage in Name Only by Doreen Owens Malek. A man is looking away from us with a blazer thrown over one shoulder. He is looking down a pier and surrounded by crystal blue waters. In the top right corner is a hovering couple in bathing suits, embracing lovingly. The tagline reads revenge is bittersweet when passion intervenes.

Amanda: Is the “revenge” two giant ghost honeymooners?

Sarah: Perhaps they are the passion that will intervened. Or, wait, maybe hurricanes will have two names and they represent the latest dual named storm?

CarrieS: Hello! My name is Elder Price!

Comments are Closed

  1. Cheryl says:

    Does that first one involve time travel? Because she’s got a great ’60s pencil sketch vibe going on.

  2. Escapeologist says:

    @Cheryl Time travel to the early days of photoshop for sure…

  3. Escapeologist says:

    That merman cover broke my brain. I have so many questions.
    1. What is going on with his left arm? Looks like a tentacle, no?
    2. Have you seen my son Nemo?
    3. Is Pillow the best pen name ever? Yes/yes
    4. How has this series never been on cover snark before, there are 6 of them??

  4. JJB says:

    I didn’t even notice the merman’s nipple at all; I was trying to figure out his whole midsection. The blue made it look rly thin at first… IDK I’m just generally unsure about his proportions overall.

  5. denise says:

    why do they even need the cute fish with the merman? P Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney

  6. chacha1 says:

    That Christmas tree. OMG.

    The fireman looks like a Bachelor. Generically handsome, utterly clueless.

    Merman tries to be Jason Momoa, fails. A real Momoa does not flat-iron his hair FFS.

    Guy on the dock clearly did not read his itinerary. If I went to a tropical paradise with that guy, I would have left him alone on a dock too. “LEAVE THE SUIT AT HOME OR I’M OUTTA HERE.”

  7. Meg DesCamp says:

    Surely I’m not the only one who read that as “Lords of the Abs” at first glance?

  8. Dee says:

    The merman’s torso looks like the Epcot Center. Now I have “it’s a small world” in my head.

    Are those FBI regulation penis ornaments and star?

    I can’t get past the fact that the clueless firefighter looks like a Photoshopped Jonas brother.

    Are they getting revenge on the suit guy? Did he cheat them out of their boat in some illegal poker game?

  9. Heather says:

    So do we think the merman’s cover artist deliberately drew the fish/flourish around his nipple? And what is going on with his right shoulder? It looks like someone grabbed the muscles in the upper arm/shoulder and twisted them.

  10. LMC says:

    Wouldn’t the metal buckle get really hot in a fire on clueless fireman? Chafing and singeing (shudder)

  11. LauraL says:

    The Special Agent cover girl has the look I get when I see an especially well-decorated holiday tree on the Hallmark Channel’s Countdown to Christmas. Quite covetous!

    The merman is breaking my sleep-deprived brain. Is that a zipper? Is he wearing mer-pants? What kind of weird muscles are on his chest?

    The fireman looks confused, like maybe he went to the wrong house for the practice burn. Oopsie.

    Looks like Marriage in Name Only is a reprint of a 1995 book. That explains the Rob Lowe hair on the very large guy standing in the water. There are millionaires, not billionaires, in this revenge story.

  12. Jazzlet says:

    Surely the couple on the Marriage In Name Only cover are merpeople who have escaped from ‘Lords of the Abyss’ world?

  13. Elli says:

    The amphibian is weirdly ambisexual.

  14. PamG says:

    Marriage in Name Only looks like a 21st century remake of Topper and pretty much sums up why remakes suck.

  15. Louise says:

    Let us spare a thought for Bored Fireman’s photoshopped Escher-inspired shoulder tattoo, and the artist’s weird decision to place it just where the viewer is least likely to notice it.

  16. Ashton says:

    These posts bring me so much joy! Is it bad I actually end of getting book recommendations from here!LOL

  17. […] Linkity from Smart Bitches. Cover snark from Smart Bitches. […]

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