It’s Monday and time for some Cover Snark! What d’ya say?
From Michelle: I think you can see bush stubble. There is a lot going on in the space above the waistband and below the abs.
Sarah: I did a terrible thing.
Sarah: It is a mess. Needs landscaping.
Elyse: Are those scars? Veins? Subcutaneous worms?
Sarah: Veins. I hope.
The other part is, as Michelle said, bush stubble.
Amanda: A 5 o’ cock shadow, if you will.
Sarah: BADUM BUM, well played.
Amanda: Also, it looks like he’s actively pushing his pants down.
Sarah: Might be a bit more than a shadow. A ground cover, maybe. Mulch?
Amanda: The soil has been tilled a little bit.
Sarah: Yeah. Not quite high enough for a weed whacker though.
CarrieS: I’m no fashion guru but I’m pretty sure those pants don’t fit.
From Kristi: Here’s a potential contender for Cover Snark! It grabs one’s…attention.
RHG: How complicated can they possibly be?
Amanda: Smooth like a baby’s bottom down there.
Sarah: I really thought that said, “Complicated Pants.”
RHG: Does he wax or do you think he maybe does laser hair treatments?
Elyse: Is he checking to make sure his penis is still there? Is it peen-nesia?
CarrieS: A one-person romance.
From Laurie: I saw this cover browsing Goodreads and thought it was ripe for Cover Snark. Enjoy!
Sarah: All I see is bum and horns.
Amanda: Does he have pants?
RHG: Is the orb her butt?
Sarah: There are 8 more?!
CarrieS: If y’all in the jungle or forest semi-nude, y’all gonna have some very not erotic bug bites.
From Chelsea: I love your Cover Snark series, and the book cover for One Baby Daddy by Meghan Quinn certainly made me snarky; what did he do to his shirt? If you can’t put a shirt on without doing that to it, I certainly don’t want you involved with children!
Sarah: Complicated pants, complicated shirt…
RHG: What the hell, did he fight a bear and his shirt lost?
Amanda: His abs looks like a scrunched up paper bag. Which I’m sad to say since I’m sure he worked real hard on them.
Elyse: Congrats on having your hood up BUT NO BACK TO YOUR SHIRT YOU DOOFUS.
Amanda: Maybe he got confused while putting it on and just shredded it in frustration.
Subtle symbology of that huge gun jutting from horny dude’s crotch.
It’s not a huge gun … its a crossbow … so much more painfully symbolic.
The second one just reminds me of all those lads who wear tracksuit bottoms or sweat pants and go around with their hand stuck down the front the whole time.
The Chief may not be well-groomed down below, but he does have some nicely manicured nails and abs. Maybe they ran out of wax at the spa and he had to DIY?
And why do all these chest hairless wonders have facial hair? Is all their testosterone being diverted to beard growth? Do they not produce enough to cover more than one body part at a time?
It’s been awhile, but I used to love Kaitlyn O’Connor’s books. I don’t think I read this one but the cover is pretty representative of her books and, truthfully, the content. What can I say? We all have our guilty pleasures.
1: I’m guessing a closer shave or wax would irritate the veins, so the scrappy archipelago remains this guy’s man map of Tasmania.
2: Bet he’s reaching into a secret pocket. Man-plackets.
3: I mistook the weapon for a gun, and the bow of the crossbow for bridge railings. So I thought it was Lara lightly clothed Croft Gruff versus “I’m too sexy to be a troll” satyr-ish dude.
Btw I hope she really does have the elbow version of knuckle dusters.
4:…Right. Disappointed to see the male version of the “cold shoulder” top isn’t sunsmart.
You would have thought with the advancements made in PhotoShop, that pesky bush stubble wouldn’t be there!
I also read “complicated parts,” with that hand in the pants party going on. RHG, I vote for laser hair treatments.
The 9th Orb cover looks like somebody is having a bad time at the interstellar Mardi Gras.
The baby daddy’s nipple is winking at me, please make it stop.
Complicated (Lack of) Parts: the terrible moment you discover you’re a Ken doll….
Baby daddy’s man-boob looks like he’s trying to convert it to something functional for the baby.
The cover of COMPLICATED PARTS is a how-to about self-examination for all manner of genital issues, none of them romantic. I mean, he’s searching for something and I don’t want to know what, however attractive he may be.
Anyone else struck by the artistic subtlety of how the line from the Anchor Point logo perfectly underlines the bump of the guy’s fly?
And on 9th Orb– what is the pointy black thing sticking up between the guy’s horns? It looks like the shadow of a skyscraper, which seems odd for the middle of the fantasy forest.
I read #2 as CONFISCATED Parts . . . That’s why he looks so sad as he’s shoving his hand down his pants. “Yep, it’s really gone. They told me if I didn’t stop playing with it they would take it away.”
Bless you Bitchery! I was all set to do a maiming after fighting with Home Depot, Whirlpool and third party repair people in the continuing saga of “Broken Hearts, Dirty Jeans: the Struggle of the Broken Washing Machine” now in it’s 3rd week in progress! But laughter is able to soothe even the savagest of bitches.
And I desperately needed this laugh. You ladies are the best, and I am my eldritch rage of feelings-and-freshly-bought-undies appreciate the pants off all ya’ll (both the complicated and the uncomplicated pants)!!
Maybe Complicated Pants has, as in the classic King Missile song, a Detachable Penis… Because even though it’s sometimes a pain in the ass, he likes having a detachable penis.
this is always good for a laugh on a Monday
So I too love Kaitlyn O’Connor’s old books. The 9th Orb is a favorite. I bought it from Fictionwise years ago. I agree with Susan that the cover goes with the book.
A team of all earth women go to colonize a new planet and find out that men live there. The men were rejected from the planet’s moon where alien women have harems because nobody wanted them. The men spy on the new females through the jungle and decide to impress them by building them fancy homes and trying to care for all their needs.
Hot alien men competing for women but not fighting each other. Horns. Women with their choice of all available men. Classic Kaitlyn O’Connor. 🙂 My catnip. (Yes the horns too)
Also what is up with the area under # 4’s peck. Is that natural?
#2 looks like he waxes. He has lighter skin where the hair should be like when you get eyebrows waxed. Didn’t Ernest lose his penis in one of those movies? The one with the rock band where he was chained in the basement. I think Humpty Dumpty was in that one. One of my childhood friends had the movie and we used to watch it. This guy is gripping himself the same way, like it’s gone.
It’s a crotchbow.
Also, I know you cannot really see #1’s face but he also seems to be staring/confused by what’s going on.
I wish they had outtakes from the last cover like, oh, say a shot where his obvious confusion manifested as his hood was covering his face and the shredded shirt on backward. I mean, clearly the tag was torn off when he was mauled by a wandering paper shredder so he couldn’t tell which part was the front….
And why does that one dude have his hand down his pants? JUST NO.
My husband is 52 years old, and when he’s tired, down goes his hand. Maybe Mr Complicated Parts is tired?
I agree that the Orb guy is risking all manner of nasty bug bites in all manner of nasty places. Wait! Is that what happened to Mr Complicated Pants?
And I’m fairly confident that the Baby Daddy had to have his face cropped out of the picture because he wasn’t able to keep a straight face long enough for the photographer to catch it. That shirt looks like something out of my rag bag.
I suspect that the Chief’s Mess is his man-garden. He’s checking it out and he doesn’t look happy.
“One Baby Daddy”
…To rule them all?
Also, isn’t what the second cover fellow is doing a crime of some sort?
Shouldn’t that be PEEN-NESIA?
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