Did you need some Cover Snark? We thought you might.
From Pam: Retitle: Men Who Pee on Cats
Amanda: I do not recommend whipping it out in front of a giant cat.
Sarah: I don’t think the cat is into the idea, either.
Elyse: Does his penis shift into the cat?
CarrieS: Mountain Lions are amazing and beautiful, but I do recommend that if you feel a need to masturbate at the sight of them, that you do so privately.
Sarah: That is neither shaken nor stirred.
Amanda: More like splashed? Or spilled?
Sarah: Sploosh?
Splurt?
RHG: I wouldn’t drink that for several reasons.
Amanda: I just read the subtitle. “A cock tales romantic comedy.” Please, dear god, I don’t want any dicks in my drinks.
Sarah: No dicks in drinks. No.
CarrieS: Is it bigger than a swizzle stick? HARRRRR.
From Maria: Hi, I don’t know if this book was already included in last year’s cover snark but it totally deserves a place. Laugh or die of embarrassment?
Elyse: Wow.
Just…wow.
Sarah: They all went there. Wish they had stayed.
Elyse: That’s some photoshopping…
Like when scissors and glue stick is better than your photoshopping skills, you need to stop.
Amanda: I thought the title was Sword Day. Happy Sword Day, everyone!
From Cayenne: In graphic design, how many layers is too many? This cover may have gone past whatever that number is.
Amanda: I’m assuming the dog is the younger woman.
Sarah: That dog is trying to charm her way off that cover to get away from smirky dude. Can’t say I blame her.
Elyse: Is the dog royal?
CarrieS: All dogs are royal. They are the court doofuses.
I’m in an airport lounge, jet lagged & main lining coffee. I needed a giggle this morning. Thank you, ladies!
WTF is with his expression on the cover of Sword Play? Who looked at that and went “yes, this just screams romance”
Google tells me that there’s a Sword Swallower’s Day (Feb 24) but no Sword Day (yet).
Cover #1 reminds me of a story told by a friend about her ex-husband who liked to wander around the house naked and a cat who thought that anything that dangled must be a cat toy…
(There was much hysterical laughter at the quilting group the day that this story came out!)
I have a background music suggestion for #2. “Pop A Bottle” by Jessica Mauboy. (Which btw, I did the moves to “I’m a Little Teapot” to absentmindedly…until I listened to the lyrics properly.)
The bed/pew with hangings behind the gobsmacked girl in #3 makes me think of Mediaeval (?) box beds for some reason. Seeing hotter possibilities in that direction.
Re #4, I got Prince and Princess pillow covers (on special) and I use the Prince one as a chair cushion cover and visual pun about seating in my domain being annexed by Prince Canine.
Is the girl even old enough to know about Sword Play?? She looks way too young to me, and a little too startled by his Mighty Sword.
#4
Maybe I am just way too old but if he is the older man, how much younger can that woman be not to be skeevy? Maybe are they counting in dog years?
Trying to imagine the photographer’s instructions for the dude on cover #3…
Another Kate: I’d love to join that quilt group, and I don’t even quilt. I just want to hear the stories.
#3 – I don’t think that is a little girl in back. That is the wicked witch and someone threw water on her to melt her. But they missed and she’s only melting from the chest down. She’s shouting for Sir Special to get the hair dryer to stop her melting away but he’s just found the penlight feature on the toy sword they let him use and is making that light saber noise and can’t hear her.
Sword Play says “SCHWING” all the way. Party on, Garth.
I am judging these books by their covers. Bitches, you have outdone yourselves.
that’s some crazysauce on those covers
The guy’s head on Sword Play is Neil from the ‘Young Ones’. The body not so much.
The blurb for Sword Play begins with “A night wi’ a Knight is a night ye’ll ne’er forget! If’n ye can walk on the morrow, ye’re lucky.”
I mean, if I was spending a night with someone with a sword and that expression on his face, I’d probably never forget it either.
#1 I have a soft spot for paranormal romance. But… aside from the upcoming castration promised by the cover, this just looks so boring. Billionaire and shifter? *yaaawnnn* Maybe she can be the billionaire CEO, and he can she the shifter living in a cabin in the woods (with supporting pack of scruff but entertaining characters) and fate throws them together. (Probably violently, though there might be gentler options.) That might be some fun, with fireworks and culture clash to go with. I don’t know this author, I heavens knows I’ve read things that probably could have been titled this, so it’d be fair to call me mean, but…
#3 Look, I’ve been on a lot of the the less than stellar SCA dates? Why would I want to go back to that part of my teens? (I mean, maybe this is comedy? But I want it to be clear it is sassy told by the woman comedy if so. I mean, darn, that might have possibilities.)
#4 How big of an age difference are we talking? Because really, in that direction, it better be extreme or why both mentioning it. Now, an old woman younger man romance, that might rate a mention!
Gah! Smirky Guy on yet another cover. He must be rich in smirk image royalties by now. For this Royal Romance how much younger is the younger woman? Like 18 months? Six months? Smirky Guy doesn’t look all that old, but again, when you are as old as me, everybody’s a kid these days. Get off my lawn, Smirky Guy.
I was gonna say, yeah, if that dude on the older man/younger woman romance is supposed to be “older”, how the hell old is the heroine supposed to be?!
Alternately, I’m going to take issue with that book’s definition of “older” and “younger”:
ALSO: I don’t know about the rest of you but that dude on the first cover does not look like he’s made out of actual human flesh.
Aw dammit my attempt to make an Inigo Montoya joke failed. ;D And I can’t go back and edit my previous comment, so therefore, imagine I stuck in a gif of Inigo going “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means” here!
Why is the guy in #1 so veiny? Is he trying to avoid the shift so he doesn’t burst through his favorite pair of jeans? Is he a mountain lion? If so, does that mean his HEA is also a lion or lioness?
#2 clearly assumes that if he splashed my drink just so, that I’d lick his abs. I need to see his ID…maybe if it says Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes.
#3 – oh where to begin. The girl looks 15 maybe and the guy looks like in his prime Anthony Kiedis trying out his best Wayne’s World moves. No.
#4. No. Just no. The guy is too smug and the dog deserves better. (Whether the HEA is a dog shifter or he is using the dog to manipulate someone.) Plus if the rose has thorns, that poor pup. Bad smug owner.
This made me laugh out loud. Those covers are mind-blowingly bad. hahaha
Is a billionaire shifter someone who turns into a billionaire when the moon is full?
Does anyone else see a “Stranger Things” Donald Trump coming through from the Upside Downin the dogs ears on that last cover. It is the only thing I can see.
@SusanE – they are a fabulous group of ladies! I don’t live in that community any more, but while I was there, Tuesdays were one of the highlights of my week!
(Fun Fact: I was there as the Pastor of the church where the quilters meet – I joked that I was the chaplain of the quilting group. And discussions always included talking about the previous night’s episode of The Bachelor, which I was able to participate in thanks to Elyse’s recaps!)
“No dicks in drinks. No.”
Amen, sister. Amen.
And is it just me or is the billionaire subgenre (finally) on its last legs? There have been kinky billionaires, self-made billionaires, spoiled billionaires who inherited, royal billionaires, nerdy billionaires, billionaires in disguise, kinky, nerdy & occasionally spoiled billionaires, billionaire biker clubs, billionaire vampires & werewolves, and now this.
This has to be it, right? Unless there’s a variation that I’m missing.
@Jolie, yes to the billionaire trope. I’ve always got a kick from Rosalind James’s “Almost a billionaire” series.
Oh, I hope the embedding works, because I just saw Elon Musk whining about being called a billionaire. (Um, Musk, pretty sure it’s generally not that part that’s derogatory, but whatevs, dude.)
@Kathy & @Jolie- JS Scott has a billionaire series.. a recent novella is about a peripheral character titled “Only a Millionaire”
#2: Have you seen the Cards Against Humanity episode of Wil Wheaton’s YouTube series “TableTop”? He gets some friends together to play card and board games, and this one got…interesting. Interesting enough that the intro describes it as “TableTop After Dark”. When Wil tells his “spicy dick milk” story, you will think of this cover, trust me. That is, once you stop laughing so hard you practically pee yourself. So, you’ve been warned.
@Kathy: Thanks for telling me about Rosalind James’ series with Maori heroes. Take all my book money, Ms. James!!
Where to start?
Cover 1: I’m sure it says something about me that I’m more concerned about the state of that man’s veins than the fact that he’s unbuttoning his pants in front of a mountain lion, but…his veins upset me. I thought having veins that stood out from your body was a medical condition, not ~HAWT~.
Louise: Is a billionaire shifter someone who turns into a billionaire when the moon is full?
*sniggle* That would be awfully convenient.
Cover 2: Well. Um. That was, um, a good follow-up to that first–
*reads subtitle*
…They’re actually getting stupider, aren’t they?
Cover 3: OK, I DIDN’T NEED THAT FOLLOW-UP.
Ahem.
First off, who decided that guy was a hunkahunkaburnin’love? I mean, maybe if he stopped making that stupid face, he’d be okay, but not my idea of ~HAWT~. YMMV.
Second, I’d laugh if I saw the book in public, but if I was reading it in public, I’d die of embarrassment. Choice made.
Third: Matinka14: Is the girl even old enough to know about Sword Play?? She looks way too young to me, and a little too startled by his Mighty Sword.
Heck, are we sure the guy is old enough? His expression isn’t suggesting, um, knowledge or experience to me.
Fourth: Jenny Linsky: The blurb for Sword Play begins with “A night wi’ a Knight is a night ye’ll ne’er forget! If’n ye can walk on the morrow, ye’re lucky.”
I mean, if I was spending a night with someone with a sword and that expression on his face, I’d probably never forget it either.
Your second comment there made me sniggle, which is good, because the combination of Yet Another Highlander Romance with Yet Another Person Who Doesn’t Speak Scots Insisting On Doing So Anyway was pushing me towards the danger zone. Not to mention…not being able to walk doesn’t scream ~HAWT~ to me any more than that guy’s face does. YMMV.
Cover 4: Gonna chime in with half the comments here and say…how young’s the woman, if that’s the “older man”? Because if she’s young enough that it’s worthy of a mention…well, maybe he just looks young, but I’m kind of worried that this has gone past “Older Man, Younger Woman” and straight into “Man AND UNDERAGE GIRL”. DO NOT MAKE ME REOPEN NOPEFEST2018, BOOK.
The dog’s adorable, though. Look at those eyes! I want to take her home and cuddle her. <3