We’re resurrecting an older feature: Caption that Cover! You can see previous examples here and here, if you’re new to the site. Captioning is similar to Cover Snark, but instead of snarking, we want the Bitchery to really get to the WTF-heart of what’s going on.
Here is our first contender:
There are so many little things that, when put together, make no sense!
- What’s the top half of the woman doing?
- Where the heck does doomsday prepping come into play?
- Could he possibly have a foot fetish?
- Is that an elastic cuff on those jeans? Is she wearing jeans sweatpants? PAJAMA JEANS?!
Here are the rules for captioning that cover:
Comment below with your caption! Next to each comment should be a heart symbol. The Bitchery can use those to vote their favorites, or you can comment on which caption should be best in show.
The best captioner will receive a $10 bookstore credit to a book retailer of their choosing.
Standard disclaimers apply: We are not being compensated for this giveaway. Void where prohibited. Open to international residents where permitted by applicable law. Must be over 18 and ready to rack your brain, though “racking” may lead to some sort of snark brain freeze. Obviously, we’d like you to caption responsibly, but we think an adult beverage may help. Comments will close Friday March 23, 2018 around noon ET, and a winner will be announced shortly thereafter.
Good luck!
WINNER UPDATE: It was some stiff competition. After reviewing the comments, SBTB HQ has chosen Theresa (nebulopathy) as the winner! Here’s the winning caption:
One innocent little typo on the first page of the manual had Cade stockpiling gams not guns, but confusion has never been quite so romantic!
Thank you to everyone who participated and we look forward to doing this again in the future!
When the apocalypse comes, women will be hard to find. Get yours now before it’s too late!
Gymnasts Love Beards!
The beard, the bling, and that stockpiling-guns-in-the-Michigan-woods thing.
Just out in time for the Holiday Season, the updated version of A Christmas Story. Ralphie’s all grown up and loves his job as a Lumberjack on a Christmas Tree farm. We tune into Ralphie’s highlight moment where he has just won and is assembling the 2018 version of the Bling Leg Lamp – Yowza!
She’s free to leave anytime, but the shoes stay. With me.
Doomsday Tip #5: Post-apocalypse, rhinestones like these can be used as currency. Begin stockpiling now.
How high could he gouge the price on these rhinestone Louboutins after the apocalypse? The Sky’s the Limit!
The yoga was paying off, although it hadn’t yet improved his taste in shoes.
Sexxy Frankenstein finds the PERFECT set of stems for his future bunker companion!!
I’m thinking less of a caption and more of a new title:
“When the Louboutins Met the Lumberjack.”
When a Doomsday Preparation weeklong course goes south, the first-time instructor and the party girl have to improvise.
Will her shoes be shiny enough to be seen from the sky?
Dinner!
Ever since hearing the holiday classic ‘Christmas Shoes’, she knew she needed a killer pair of Apocalypse Pumps. What will win her heart? His beard, or his portable water filter? He’ll prep for the End Of Days…. with infinite lays.
Carl knew one thing… Doomsday on the horizon or not, Ru Paul’s Drag Race was HIS next season.
Kinky Boots 2: Kontortion Kweens
head over heels You keep using that phrase, I do not think it means what you think it means
MANNEQUIN 3: SCREW IT, THERE ARE NO WINDOW DISPLAYS ANYMORE NOW THAT EVERYBODY’S SHOPPING ONLINE
Now men, if you catch one of these floozies in your net, just throw it back. Can’t cook, can’t sweep, nookie is poor. You can’t even sell them.
Caption:
To quote Louboutin: “The thing I always try to remember is that the feet are attached to the leg…”
Additional questions:
1. whose arm & hand is that (near his eyes)? it seems to be too small and coming from the wrong place to be his
2. is the author’s pseudonym supposed to be a homophone of “a la carte”? because, if so, that’s kind of awesome.
Veronica sets an entirely new bar for interesting fan behavior at the Galavant photo-op.
These legs are the only thing holding up my eyebrow.
Take my new Yoga course and you too will finally be able to show off your fabulous shoes! Yoga! Be prepared for anything!
Sky’s the limit when Joe Lumbersexual conquers Dancing with the Stars!
The world banks have collapsed. Our new currency is lady calves.
He came for the shoes. He stayed for the woman and the nuclear apocalypse.
Does these shoes look good with my face.
Which one would you prefer to wear Baby?
I knew taking a discount airline was a mistake.
Paul sure hoped the pair of legs he brought with him would appease the new ballroom dancing overlords. Who knew the apocalypse would come not with hordes of rampaging zombies but with glittery pumps?
They told her Louboutins weren’t practical apocalyptic footwear. But she’s the one laughing now that her shoes are the only way to magnify the sun’s rays and start a fire.
She always said she liked good guys–she didn’t have a leg to stand on.
flights out of the danger zone cost an arm and a leg, with 2 legs Bob could go anywhere