Sometimes (as in every two weeks), Monday is Cover Snark Day! These covers are mostly safe for work, save for some very waxed chests. Let’s get to it!
From Reader Jennifer: Got this in my BookBub email today. This cover!!! Hair! Half a body (an homage to the bog bodies in the National Museum of Ireland?)! phallic symbols (I think perhaps a trip to the Dr. is in order – i don’t that fluff is normal)! My day sucked until I saw this.
Sarah: I am telling you, my nose was 3mm away from the computer screen before I figured out that thing WASN’T a toilet plunger.
Redheadedgirl: I swear they took Jessica Chastain from the Huntsman movie and changed the face a little.
Sarah: Whoever she is, she’s mighty annoyed about having to clean that toilet.
And he’s all, “Well, my job here is done! Might as well fade away. It’s not like she’ll forget my visit, know what I mean??”
Amanda: How subtle that his man titty is framed ever so delicately between the bow and its string.
Redheadedgirl: I don’t think that beard is real.
Sarah: I don’t think the other guy thinks so, either.
Carrie: Santa does not look Jolly.
Amanda: His beard looks like what I pull out of my dryer’s lint trap. REMINDER: Clean out those lint traps people!
Amanda: There’s a lot going on here.
Like maybe do that thing where before you go out, you look in the mirror and take on thing off.
Redheadedgirl: Like your pec implants.
Or the weirdly long rise in the jeans.
OR MAYBE PUT A DIAPER ON THAT BABBY YOU WILL BE BAPTIZED.
Amanda: Also…are they in the old west?
Sarah: That cover is definitely unforgettable. As is the subtext that he’s going to breastfeed that baby.
Elyse: He’s got the boobs for it.
Carrie: The framing of the baby in his arms is lovely until you realize, as you will if you’ve ever held a baby, that in five seconds that baby is gonna flip right over and leave the dude looking awfully silly.
Sarah: When I talk about how readers want books featuring women together, this isn’t want I meant.
Carrie: If you take the black ribbon off her head falls off so don’t do that.
Amanda: They’re going to destroy that man in the back. But also, what if they are like cougar shifters and it turns out it’s a horror novel.
Sarah: And he’s dinner?
Amanda: Yes.
Elyse: The font is like a bad Lisa Frank dream
Sarah: …there are bad Lisa Frank dreams??
Re book 1: The hills are alive…because they’re actually sprite shifter muscles?
And what about those boobs on the woman in red? Aren’ they … oddly askew?
@Kat – I was wondering the same thing. Very. Weird.
@Kat: Her shoulders are also wildly askew. Unfortunately, we can’t diagnosis whether the cause is severe scoliosis or a torso collapse after having ribs removed on the left side to create her ten-inch waist.
Fake Beard Santa sure doesn’t look jolly.
Dude with the baby looks like he should be an ad for domperidone: “when you’re committed to fully equal baby-raising, ask your doctor about…”
She’s not wearing a bra, so it’s probably a gravitational effect.
If there were a woman on the third cover, it would immediately join the “his breasts are bigger than hers” pantheon.
First cover, just like a man, disappearing when there is housework to be done. “I got shtuff to do, babe.” (Typing this while Mr. L is unloading the dishwasher.)
The Camp Cougar cover is helping me to understand why my garden club girlfriends are lusting for “she sheds.” A cougar could hide a young gardener or two in there with the hoes and rakes.
The dog tags on the cover of Unforgettable are very confusing. Did they have dog tags in the old west? Is it just my screen or is one of the baby’s big toenails red? I have problems, so many problems, with this book cover.
Is the wrist jab to the boob the gal version of a guy’s elbow to the ribs?
The not-scarily-bearded dude in the Falling for Santa Claus cover looks a lot like Matt Lanter from Timeless– I wonder if he knows his face got stolen?
This actually brought tears to my eyes as a shook with contained laughter so everyone at my office doesn’t think I’m crazy!
And to add insult to injury, I think that’s actually a dog paw print on the cougar book.
I believe that is a thumb on the red dress under her left hand. Doesn’t look like hair. And, the guy in the cabin? Well, I’m concerned about how he fills that window. His upper half is huge, but his lower half (consider the window and the door) must be short, very short.
Cover 2
BDSM Santa: Come sit on my lap and tell me what you want! *cracks whip*
Guy in the back: I did not sign up for this.
Cover 3
Baby in bored tone of voice: Dude, shirtless men holding babies is just sooo 80s!
Man: Dammit!
There is something wrong with the baby’s torso, but I can’t figure out what.
All I can say is that Miriam Minger would not sell well in the UK, where a minger is a…less-than-attractive person.
I can’t believe that no one else has said it yet, but the guy on cover #1 looks like Inigo Montoya from far away. I did a double take when the post first came up. All it needs is a caption saying “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
All Lisa Frank dreams are bad, just ask anyone who’s worked in the factory here in Tucson.
When did Santa start moonlighting as an MC enforcer?
Wild Angel: She is erasing him out of existence with that brush.
Falling for Santa Claus: That lumberjack looks embarrassed to be wearing that hat.
Unforgettable: That man is really looking forward to the orgasm he is going to get from nursing that baby who is gonna pee and poop all over him.
Camo Cougar: Shouldn’t we be abe to see the woman in red’s nipples given how tightly the dress fits. And what is she holding in her left hand? A penis?
I’ve figured it out re: Red Dress McBoobsHair and what is going on. Firstly, the shoulders of the dress are cut out. Her left hand is pulling at what is supposed to be the collar of the dress. What you’re seeing isn’t a thumb or a penis but simply the skin of her left shoulder showing through the slit.
If it’s part of her shoulder, @L., it’s definitely a different color than the rest of her skin and it still looks like a penis to me.
Unless it’s a body part from a rabbit. Like a foot from the widdle cute bunny the cougars had for elevensies.
My thought on the final cover: the dead ladies have been doing that shack in the woods?
@L – Her torso is still weirdly askew. My back hurts just looking at her.
The Kindle edition is $0.99. If I could figure out what “erotica with a Southern twist” is–what, she’s “practically a virgin” and says “Bless my soul!” when committing Grand Larceny?–I would buy it just to see what description “inspired” the cover. Seems a strong contender for Thog’s Master Class.
The Kindle edition is $0.99. If I could figure out what “erotica with a Southern twist” is–what, she’s “practically a virgin” and says “Bless my soul!” while committing Grand Larceny?–I would buy it just to see what description “inspired” the cover. Seems a strong contender for Thog’s Master Class.
I’m not sure what alarms me more about the Unforgettable cover: the dude’s pec implants, or how the baby apparently has no bones whatsoever in its legs. o.O
the baby apparently has no bones whatsoever in its legs… and only four toes on his left foot. And those are all the same length.
Noticed in my email that R A Robbins, one of the authors of Camp Cougar didn’t like it that were judging the book by its cover. I guess that message was deleted. Thank you.
However, it raised a question… I know the expression says “Don’t judge a book bu its cover” but we all do, don’t we? Book covers are important. They are our first impression of a book. Book covers seem to be a lucrative industry.
I’ll admit I have seen some book covers that were just so crazysauce, I was impelled to read the book, usually to my sorrow.
And golly gee whiz and dang, Cover Snark is just so much fun.
I am truly sorry R A Robbins was offended by our comments but perhaps authors might learn from our reactions.
The short answer is, we aren’t judging the book by its cover. We’re judging the cover.
Or we’re being entirely puzzled by that cover. Or both.
But we’re not grading the book itself based on the images on the front, no. Not at all.
Yes this is R A Robbins. I am not offended by your comments. I appreciate your honesty. I did not delete my
Comments I submitted it . I am honored that you bitches are recognizing Camp Cougar. This book was a learning experience for Us and your feedback is very helpful. I think your comments are funny.
my nose was 3mm away from the computer screen before I figured out that thing WASN’T a toilet plunger
Right. It isn’t a toilet plunger–it’s a toilet brush. Yuk.
“The O’Byrne Brides, Book I”. Hurrah, that means there will be lots more covers to snark at.