If you’re celebrating in the US, Happy Thanksgiving to you!
As always, and especially this year, I’m deeply thankful to you for being here, and being part of Smart Bitches. It has not been an easy year for many of us, and I’m continually inspired and awed by the community here. Thank you for being part of it.
We’ve talked in the past about romances that featured dinners from hell, romances that came into our lives at just the right moment, and stories that inspired us to change things about ourselves.
This year, I want to ask you: what pieces of knowledge that you learned from romance are you most thankful for?
Carrie: It’s OK to want good sex, and to enjoy good sex.
A successful romance isn’t about the first kiss. It’s about making things work in the long haul.
Elyse: Everyone deserves a respectful, safe, loving, and fulfilling relationship.
Amanda: Aside from all the good points made above, I think for me, sexual agency is the biggest.
It’s okay to ask for what you want and to never be ashamed of that, which ties into the fact that communication is so important – inside and outside of the bedroom.
Also, that love isn’t perfect and not everything will fall magically into place when you meet The One. Sometimes, the way he hogs the bed at night will lead you to kicking his special sleeping pillow across the room, just so you can exercise some aggression.
(Not that I’m speaking from experience.)
Sarah: Courtship doesn’t end. The happily ever after depends on the courtship, but courtship helps protect the happily ever after. (I wrote about this at length in Everything I Know About Love, I Learned from Romance Novels.)
Also: that my catnip may not be your catnip but I’m very thankful there are so many books for us all.
And that readers more and more can help shape the genre by asking for what they want to read.
RedHeadedGirl: Not all problems can be solved by a trip to the dressmakers. But one or two can.
There’s room for everyone in the genre. EVERYONE.
Art is a light in dark places. Art can provide an escape, and it can provide commentary, and it can provide a way to think about something you haven’t thought about before.
Art is important. Romance is art. Ergo, Romance Is Important.
What about you? What lessons have you learned from reading romance that you’re most thankful for?
Thank you again for being here. It wouldn’t be Smart Bitches without you. Happy Thanksgiving!
As well as the excellent lessons listed by the Smart Bitches above, I would say ‘There’s someone for everyone, and you don’t need to settle for people that put up with you. There’s someone out there who will be DELIGHTED by you, and vice versa.’
This Thanksgiving, two of the top things I am thankful for are Romance and the Bitchery. Thank you for being there for us for the ups and the downs. <3
All the above lessons are great! One lesson I’ve taken to heart not just from the books themselves but also from the romance industry as a whole and from sites like this one is the power of our shared sisterhood. The idea of women as inherently ‘catty’ and competitive isn’t a fundamental truth, it’s a slur. Just look what joyful, beautiful, empowering things we can create when we come together and support each other! I’m so thankful for that model.
I am thankful for this community.
One of the things I’ve learned as a romance reader and fan is the power of self-acceptance. As a teen, I read romance secretly and scornfully. I fully bought into the cultural snobbery about genre romance being something to scorn – and to be fair, it was the 80s and it was a weird time for the genre. (Now that I think about it, it was a classic I hate you but I can’t stay away from you set up). Learning to first accept and then embrace my reading taste was a big deal for me and part of a more general campaign to love and accept myself.
I’m also thankful to romance for reinforcing the importance of discernment and critical thinking for me. I am a huge fan of romance but I am not a fan of every romance written. Figuring out the what’s and whys of my reading taste has been important to me.
I’m grateful to all of you for being part of this community. When I was laid off 2 1/2 years ago, romancelandia provided a refuge – it was so nice to virtually hang out with people who valued me for non-career related things.
And just to lighten things up, I’m grateful to the author of the category romance that introduced 14 year old me to the mechanics of piv sex – I had NO IDEA that thrusting was involved!
I’m also grateful that Carrie S introduced me to Alyssa Cole’s work. I read her Off the Grid series this summer and lived it – I read book 1 during an overseas plane trip and books 2 and 3 while jet lagged and suffering from some hellacious stomach bug I managed to pick up. So thanks to both Alyssa Cole and CarrieS for not literally saving my life, but for making it a little more bearable.
To expand/parallel what Sarah said, romance novels often show that marriage isn’t the finish line to be followed by an automatic “happily ever after,” but rather then next step in a journey for two people.
Also, most romance novels show the importance of communication. It’s always better to talk about problems/issues. It’s always better to be open and honest than to assume the worst.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m thankful for all the folks that I can talk to about romance books. Sometimes, when I talk about reading romance, fantasy, or other genre fiction, I can see people kind of mentally check out, like I should be reading something else. So I’m grateful there is such a vibrant community of romance readers, bloggers, and authors who share my love of happy endings.
Happy Thanksgiving!
I am thankful that I love a genre so open and varied that whatever my mood, I can find a book to change it, enhance it or clarify it. Books that enlighten me. Books that make me swoon with pleasure or weep with devastation. Books that make me ponder big questions. Books that make me smile until my face hurts.
Lesson learned: Wanting to love and be loved is a part of the human condition, and it’s not a sign of weakness or anti-feminism or (fill in the blank).
Thanks for creating such a fun and supportive community. It has been a refuge for me in a year full of shitty.
I actually only started reading romance novels about a year ago after I read an article on another book blog where the writer explained why she loved to read romance. I was hooked after my first book and I’ve been avidly reading my way through the genre since.
I’m so thankful I took a leap of faith and purchased my first romance book. I was at a particularly low point in my life, struggling with an autoimmune disease and being very much overweight as a result, and I isolated myself away from any possibility of a relationship with the opposite sex; being both embarrassed about my weight and still very much hurt from my last boyfriend who made fun of me and our time intimately.
Reading romance opened my eyes to many things. I didn’t know sex could be anything but awkward and uncomfortable. I knew nothing about what I meant to be in a relationship where both parties communicate with each other. And, I didn’t believe there might be someone to see something desirable in me. But now I go about my days knowing there is someone for me, we just haven’t crossed paths yet. At 30, and having been single for 11 years, I am now full of hope that I will fall in love with the right person. Before my foray into the romance world I lamented my singleness everyday and every year that passed made me more and more depressed that all the people my age were getting married and starting families. Now, I have hope for my own future. I have finally gained control of my autoimmune disease (as a result loosing about 60 pounds), and things are looking up. Romance novels traveled with my down this long road both restoring my faith in love and my love for myself. I am thankful to be a romance reader.
I couldn’t say it better than the Smart Bitches and the other comments. I agree with ALL of this.
@cleo – Your points resonate with me in particular because I used to carry around a lot of guilt for reading and loving romance. It’s taken many years and this community to accept that not only is romance something to be proud of, it’s also something that empowers.
Thank you, SBTB!!!
Romance is a light in the dark places of my soul. At times when anxiety or depression threaten to overwhelm me, romance reminds me that there is hope, and friendship, and love, and people who care, if I only get out of my shell enough to reach for them.
Not only is there a romance book or author for every taste, no matter who you are or what your issues, there is a romance book or author out there who GETS YOU. Sooner or later you come across a book and see yourself reflected in it. It helps you make sense of who you are and why, and what can happen if you try to change the thing that is holding you down, holding you back from the life you want. It’s understanding and empowering and never judgemental, and so is the romance community as a whole. That’s what romance is really about: not just the relationship between men and women but our relationship with society as a whole and also with ourselves.
Thank you SBTB for creating that community here; and thanks to all the authors out there writing their hearts out and in the process empowering their readers to create the kind of community they want to see reflected in the world.
One of the things I’ve learned from romance is owning my opinions and values, I matter and I READ ROMANCE NOVELS! In the last 10 yrs I’ve gone from hiding the covers from view to talking about the books I read to my friends and colleagues. I have also felt grateful when I recommended a romance to a friend who was having problems “getting into the mood” after having her first child which was causing serious problems in her marriage. She was skeptical, but it worked.
Romance and especially SBTB has brought so many diverse women into my life, I may not know your faces, but I think of you as my friends.
Happy Thanksgiving….yesterday three hours out of L.A. and I realized I had left the special ordered organic turkey who lived in a penthouse before his demise on the kitchen counter. We stopped in Indio and bought a Butterball.:)
Blessed Be Bitchery.
Some of the things romance has helped me to learn: Communication is key. Relationships – whether romantic, friendship or family – should be cherished and celebrated. Savor the good moments and the little things. Laugh as often and loudly as possible. Don’t be afraid to take chances. Everyone needs and deserves love.
More than ever, I’m so grateful for the romance genre and it’s warm, wonderful, open-hearted and fiercely smart community. During dark times, there’s so much light and comfort to be found in the pages of a book or in places like this one. Thank you all.
reading romance is good for the soul
I don’t remember the book, or the author, but what she wrote rocked my world “Love makes a way; Less than love makes excuses.” It set my head straight in so many ways! Thank you, Romance writers!
What I’m thankful I’ve learned from romance is that there is place to escape from the real world for a little bit where there is almost always a happily-ever-after.
Happy Thanksgiving y’all! We are enjoying our first Thanksgiving on the farm with tractor rides, dog walks, naps, plenty of laughter, neighbor visits, and good food. Hope all who are celebrating are doing so in peace and in the holiday spirit.
Happy Thanksgiving! I agree with all of the above – Romance has changed my life both times I have entered into the realm. The first time, in the 70s-80s, I resolved to never be the helpless female dependent on a male. This time round, 30 years later, I enjoy the bounty of romantic reads with so many options of strong women making their way in life. I, too, am learning reading discernment and the harsh lesson of not finishing a book just to finish – there are too many books out there and time is moving on. Most of all I am thankful for the lesson of seek and ye shall find. I sought and found the Pink Palace and the wonderful readers who shared their worlds with me. Thank you.
I’m grateful for having discovered the romance genre so many years ago and developed an attraction – some might say obsession – to it. I’m also appreciative of the women who have welcomed me to this wonderful genre and shared their love of it. Romance is unjustly looked down upon and it shouldn’t be; it likely is because it is written by, for, and about women. I have to confess that I used to see it that way, too – until I tried one – yes, I was hooked after one book! Falling in love and all it compactness is one of life’s great adventures; and I’m grateful for romance giving me the women’s perspective on things. i consider myself a feminist, an active one i should add; reading romance has strengthened that commitment. Finally, I’ve been criticized for my reading romance – by men – but never by women, who always are ready to share. Finally I appreciate this blog and all the Smart Bitches out there! I love all of you! Happy holidays!
Dennis
The most important takeaway for me from the romance genre is woman power. The power of women as individuals with agency adn self-determination, as well as the power that lies in women working with and supporting one another. Self-actualization, I suppose, is the lesson here. Also, romance is my escapism and I will be forever indebted to the pink palace for introducing me to Courtney Milan’s books because wow.
That Women Deserve Things.
Women deserve love. Women deserve respect, as people, as creators and as an audience. Women deserve to be entertained. Women deserve to have their tastes and fantasies catered to. Women deserve pleasure.
These are all things I sorta thought I knew but never quite had sink in quite so thoroughly until I tumbled into this genre that at its heart is all about celebrating women and giving us what we deserve. It’s a weird silly flawed genre at times, a glorious fist pumping F##K YEAH genre at others, but always about us and for us and accepting as a given that we deserve this. I am so thankful to Romance for that.