Hi there. I know for some, it’s a particularly tough morning in the wake of the U.S. election results. So instead of posting links in the afternoon, we figured it might be beneficial to post them ASAP and focus on methods of self-care and self-soothing. Remember, this is a safe space and that you are deeply loved.
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For those who find solace in meditation or want to give it a try, there are the Headspace and Calm apps. Headspace is more of a teaching tool to learn how to meditate, but some find the instructor’s voice a little grating. I like Calm because of the ambient noise it has, combined with soothing, dynamic backgrounds, like a quiet, shimmering lake.
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Sarah: Three years ago, I Storified a whole long list of suggestions for comforting yourself when the standard advice of “bubble baths” doesn’t work for you. (It doesn’t work for me – I get cold too easily.) It seems appropriate today to share the list again, with a gentle reminder to please take good care of yourself today and every day.
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Sarah: A small change that has made a large difference: Momentum Dash extension for Chrome.
New tabs have a truly beautiful picture of somewhere on earth, with location and photographer information in the corner. There’s also quotes, a basic to-do list, and weather. The picture changes every day, and they are all peacefully inspiring.
Amanda: I can vouch for this as well, having downloaded it after Sarah’s recommendation. I love seeing beautiful photos when I wake up or when I’m rushing through work, opening a new tab, and I’m suddenly greeted with snow-capped mountains or a beachy sunset. I like that you can also save your favorite photos and quotes to revisit later.
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Laptop Cord Winders
I have one of these from Above the Fray, and it's great for keeping my MacBook cord contained and safe from being pulled or frayed. There are earbud winders, too! -SW
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Food is great self-care, but if you aren’t able to go out and order a nice slice of cake or eat a rich piece of chocolate, maybe these gifs will help. I personally love watching food gifs, especially when they’re so satisfyingly perfect. They will make you hungry though!
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Lastly, how about some cute animals! There are tons of great animal cams to provide a good distraction. There’s the National Zoo Elephant Cam, an adorable puppy cam that had (last I looked) some sleepy golden retrievers, and my personal favorite – the Monterey Bay Aquarium Otter Cam!
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Please share some of your favorite self-care suggestions with us!
Finally home from the looongest day at work and have decided that the thing that may finally do it for me now that headache (mostly) and nausea have passed that shortbread with lime curd and a giant mug of kahlua spiked hot chocolate while watching the Food Network holiday Baking Championship. And if that doesn’t do it, I’m going for the episodes of This Is Us that I dvr’d while in Arizona with Dad.
Mostly, I’m just crying still. Election day was already going to be awful for me. My dad died the end of July and it would’ve been his 85 birthday and The 20th anniversary of my mom’s death. He was a die hard democrat and the only other one in our family.
I made the awful mistake of trying the audio book version of the second Bridgerton novel as a distraction. it’s been awhile since I’d read it and I forget how key all the parental death was to the plot.
I took a moment to remember the bad times I have seen in my lifetime (Kennedy assassination, civil rights riots, 1968 assassinations, Viet Nam war, Nixon, 9/11) and to realize that this will not last forever either. Things will get better again.
Then SBTB and some escapist romances (the more humor the better).
I will end the day by watching kittens and puppies on the internet.
What I reach for when I need to “escape” or just breathe:
*cooking/baking (I stress bake…last night included TWO Date Spice Loafs (recipe from Smitten Kitchen))
*reading anything that’s escapist
*counted cross stitch – it’s meditative, and with Subversive Cross Stitch I can stitch my rage with inappropriate patterns
*watching PBS shows like Nature, NOVA, Masterpiece, various miniseries, America’s Test Kitchen/Cook’s Country, Martha Stewart’s cooking shows, etc. (yes, my cooking/baking/kitchen obsession extends to my TV watching)
I am already daydreaming about our comebacks midterms (2018) and the next four years (2020). It gives me hope that there is a long list of people I would like to run.
I am taking solace in being not alone. Reading comments like yours makes me feel better. My facebook feed is full of fellow mourners.
I go down to the basement when everyone is asleep and scream since no one will hear me.
I plan to watch political shows I trust (particularly Sam Bee).
The In Death book I’m finishing isn’t cheering, but it is distracting and helping me cry.
Neil Degrasse Tyson posted an exert from Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot that is comforting.
I keep reading the same bible chapter and I particularly like the verses
1 Kings 19:11-12.
Most importantly I trying to stay positive. That we can survive this and we can beat this.
I did a bit of frustrated writing on Facebook. Just my response to this fuckery and how I felt about it. Then I read and worked, and brought doughnuts for my coworkers, and took my son to the doctor. I looked at pics of kittens. I also enjoyed some of the darker jokes that are coming out, because at this point, dark humor is all my humor. And I continually reminded myself that I have to take care of my kids, and to be the best I could for the, I would have to be at my best.
i am at heart an optimist. So much
that, I was convinced Hilary would win. So yes, I am
struggling with this shit, where do we go from here? I am very afraid.
here
Sending love to everyone who has commented. I’m so grateful to be a part of this community. Like so many, I was just in a total state of shock last night. My wife and I headed to bed when the outcome was inevitable, only to lie awake for a long time after, trying to assure each other that somehow it would be okay.
This morning I brought the remaining 2/3rds of the ‘Election Day’ cake (actually the 1-2-3-4 Cake from ‘American Cakes’) which I’d baked Monday night into the office because I figured people would probably need a slice of cake, and it was gone in about an hour! It’s just a tiny thing, but I was glad to help comfort other people even just a little bit.
It’s so hard to see everyone so scared – and I’m scared too, honestly. But I’ve been thinking about an old SBTB podcast where Sarah mentioned being comforted by the thought that other people in history have faced the same type of problems and emotions, and gotten through them, and that’s actually been a comfort to me.
My comfort ‘read’ has been alternating between the audio books of my second favorite Heyer, ‘Cotillion’ (my favorite is ‘Friday’s Child’ but I listened to it recenty), and Eloisa James’ ‘Pleasure for Pleasure’.
Whatever the next four years bring, we will get through it, and we will be there for each other.
Comforting to be with like minded company. Such a wonderful subject for a post. I did read recently some billionaire book where the heroine was in a heated bathtub–the ceramic tub had a heating unit. Sounds devine.
My warmest wishes to all who are sad and especially to all who feel scared. This is a scary time. The things that helped my most yesterday were talking with friends and doing some handcraft work (I sell the results for charity).
We are in for a long, ugly fight. I’m just trying to find the next right thing to do. One day at a time.
Crystal (46) – you said “I also enjoyed some of the darker jokes that are coming out, because at this point, dark humor is all my humor.”
Where might one find those darker jokes without having to fling oneself blindly into the interwebs and losing valuable time that might be better spent… reading more “darker jokes”?
As for self-care, I ended up not speaking a word to another person for 24 hours. After all of the yelling back I did to the incessant TV/radio ads (PA suburbs; it was ENDLESS), it was a relief to not hear my voice for a while. Couldn’t drown out the crying, though…
Future self-care? Thinking of trying Krav Maga (again). I would like to feel more capable of defending myself against any (newly) emboldened/entitled a**h**e intent on harassment and worse. I would like to specifically recommend Krav Maga to Heather S. in order to help reduce some of your fears.
As for (re-)reading, Kubler-Ross’ “On Death and Dying” seems appropriate. I’ve got the Anger, Denial & Bargaining stages all jumbled up right now. Wondering how long it’ll take to get to Acceptance. And what happens if I refuse…
My husband’s self-care is a bubble bath, lol. Mine is either killing monsters in an RPG, knitting while watching anime (preferably with magic or vampires), or rereading favorite books. “Dune”, “Jane Eyre”, “Sunshine” by Robin McKinley, James White’s Sector General stories, and “Neverwhere” are frequent go-tos.
It’s funny (or not), but before the election I joked about moving to Canada–as one does. Now I’m thinking about moving to Ohio or maybe Florida. Living in Connecticut, I want to print up an addendum for my “I voted today” sticker that would say, “And it didn’t count.” I feel sad and scared but mostly angry. Even yesterday, I was less interested in self-care than action. However, as a young senior citizen of apolitical leanings and limited means, I’m kind of at a loss.
If I were into meditation, I’d be chanting “One term – one term – one term” So I have a request. Can you do another post about ways to get involved? Ask for ideass from the enthusiastically political of the Bitchery? I’d like to see suggestions for people like me as well as others with limiting circumstances to find ways of working for positive change that they can fit into their busy and stressed out lives.
Conservatives and haters have been sabotaging and gaming the system literally for generations now. And I am so sick of feeling helpless.
So forgive me for not being soothing, but I need something to virtually and virtuously punch.
@Pam: I love your idea. Thank you – we’re on it.
Love all of you! I am self-caring by fiercely loving my kids and those who need it most. My husband and I are on opposite sides so I feel very alone in my devastation.
Currently, I am listening to a Missy Elliott station on Pandora at work and loving the rap and dirty lyrics. I have an upcoming birthday and plan on donating money to a charity to help refugees. Also started re-reading Austen’s Persuasion, cross-stitching and on a total news and Facebook black out.
My husband and I laughed our way through “Dave” for the umpteenth time last night to negate all the angst and bitterness we were seeing on Facebook and elsewhere. The United States has been through worse before and has prevailed. I still remember my total fear when Ronald “Ronnie Raygun” Reagan was elected.
In this year’s election, small-town America has spoken, and not in a cutesy romance novel way. The guys and girls in camo at Sheetz or Wawa, the small business owners who have guns at their hips to protect their livelihood and families, the virtually-teamed geeks who deal with network security and/or fear HB-1 visa workers taking their jobs, but most of all, the coal miners and blue-collar folk, spoke with their votes. If you look at the Electoral College map, people who don’t rely on the government or the military-industrial complex for a job, but pay taxes just the same.
Anyone who is not happy with their government leadership should do something about it at the grassroots level because it trickles up. I know from my own civic participation. (My favored local candidates won on Tuesday!) Participate with your home owners, co-op, or neighborhood association when they deal with your local government, start a dialogue with your local county supervisor or city council representative or your local legislator or school board member to see how you can help or to voice your opinion on what they are doing. If there is a candidate for any political race you like next time around, volunteer to help with her/his campaign. Please, after your finish those comfort reads and chocolates, wipe off your tears and work to make it better next time around!
@Varian – sending you lots of love (plus I’m donating to civil rights / LGBT rights groups). Take care of yourself – you are important.
Heather S’s post reminded me of a useful link I saw. So for those of you whose self care includes liking to feel prepared, here’s a lovely link to cartoon about how to safely and effectively intervene in an Islamaphobic attack.
@cleo – and here’s the link:
http://aplus.com/a/tumblr-maeril-artist-guide-on-what-to-do-if-you-re-witnessing-islamophobia
What a brutal, brutal let-down this election was. I am fearful for our future, and I feel lost, in shock and totally numb.
But, anyway. My big comfort thing has always been candles. Since it’s fall, I bought myself a bunch of warm, autumny scented candles, in every variation of “pumpkin this” and “autumn that”.
Also music. When I was a baby, my dad would put on his Motown records and walk me up/down the hallway when I was colicky. I still listen to Motown when I’m upset: Jimmy Ruffin, Marvin Gaye, Mary Wells, The Temptations, etc.
I haven’t been able to focus on reading over the past few days, but my usual comfort reads are historical romance: The Bronze Horseman (Paullina Simons), Devil’s Cub (Georgette Heyer), Outlander (Diana Gabaldon), Bound by Your Touch (Meredith Duran), Sunne in Splendour (Sharon Kay Penman) and Bliss (Judith Ivory), among others.
And, finally… The Sims. 2, 3 or 4. I drink wine and create little family soap operas. Please don’t judge me.
@vaultdweller111: I don’t think anyone here would judge you for playing The Sims. Not only are there a lot of gamers here, but playing video games where you control your progress through the story is very soothing for many. I’ve been debating starting over with a new character in Dragon Age: Inquisition this weekend, partially for the comfort and control aspects, but also because I’ve reached a point with my current character where I have to start killing the dragons, and, well, I can’t kill dragons.
Back reading comments on this thread today. I just wanted to say how grateful I am that this community is here and how comforting it is to know I’m not alone.
@vaultdweller111 – I’m definitely not judging! I’ve spent a lot of time drinking wine and creating Sims dramas (2 & 3; I haven’t gotten to 4 yet). It used to be one of my favorite forms of stress relief – maybe I need to try it again.
Last night, I donated to the ACLU and have pledged to donate to one organization per month until fuckface is out of office in 4 years. Next month, is probably going to be RAINN or Planned Parenthood. Maybe CAIR–their Santa Clara office is in the same commerce park as where I work. I’ll be putting a spreadsheet together this weekend and if anyone wants a copy of the organizations, I’ll be happy to get it to them.
Once we’re done with self-care, we need to take care of all the people he is going to harm over the next several years.
@LauraL you have it right. Also, those states are most likely have a smaller percentage of highly educated people, and are most likely to be influenced by organized religion, which has a long history of fear-mongering, xenophobia and emotional blackmail. The Republicans use fear like a magician’s assistant; if they can keep us focused on fighting each other, we’re less likely to pay attention to what they’re doing and call them out on it.
@vaultdweller111 – could be worse, I’ve been writing Stormtrooper soap operas. Right now I need to believe that love can be found under the most repressive regimes, and that the Evil Empire can be subverted and escaped, if not defeated outright.
I too have been on a social media and news blackout. I had been active with GOTV for Hillary, and was totally blindsided that half the nation gave in to fear and hate. I had a very scary panic attack on election night. I don’t post much here, but it was the first site I felt safe to venture onto since the 8th…and I found all you lovelies sharing self care tips — truly balm for the soul.
For self care, the hubs and I are watching IT Crowd and The Great British Bakeoff. I’ve also been meditating with the Stop, Breathe & Think app. I downloaded the Happify app this morning, and though I’m far from happy, it is helpful. I’ve been exchanging cute animal gifs with friends via IM. We’re going to spend sometime in nature this weekend.
We’ve talked about planning (once we’re over the shock) what we can do to make things better. I’m definitely planning to donate monthly to the causes that are going to help those most hurt by this new regime. But, I also want to find ways to volunteer time.
Seeing so many more comments here, I came back to this post to catch up and must thank you–all of you, the Bitchery, SBSarah–for making today a little better. You are so caring, generous and empathetic that I am again in tears, but the good kind right now. I should have known we would take care of each other.
The gaping wound in my chest is not quite as raw and I’m able to breathe a little easier. I sent donations to NARAL and Planned Parenthood; to Stonekettle and Wonkette, bloggers whose loud and outraged voices helped light the darkness. There are more and I’m encouraged by so many here thinking along those lines. We will rise.
I too have been on a total social media and news blackout. No radio, no tv, except pre-recorded shows my daughter and hubby watch, and that’s it. For self care, all I could do is sleep. I’ve taken meds for that the last two days to ensure I do and have my hubby watching out for a depressive dive as we are in fall and I have SADD issues. This is also the first site I’ve felt safe going on. I’m afraid of even going to my groups on Goodreads.
I’ve been playing a lot of Sudoku started pulling out the Kate Daniels series last night. It’s more about trying to stop my thinking. It helps to have a little one that I have to pretend for. She knows I’m upset and why but if I force myself long enough I can make it real. At least I think I can.
Thanks for posting this.
Like Kerry, I’ve been watching THE IT CROWD (Moss forever!). Good coffee has helped (Verve’s La Patepluma is my jam right now, makes a hell of a latte), and so has the new Teenage Fanclub album, which is soothing and lovely for the harmony lovers out there. I’m sure I’ll turn to Muppet therapy soon (no matter how bad life gets, at least we don’t have to fear turning into chickens, right? There’s also a very eloquent post-9/11 SESAME STREET that’s the most eloquent anti-profiling statement I’ve ever watched, hope they re-air it soon).
Book-wise, I just finished Simon Reynolds’ SHOCK AND AWE, about the history of glam rock (a bit grad-school thesis at times, but certainly comprehensive). Right now I’m reading the 20th anniversary of PLEASE KILL ME (Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain’s oral history of punk), which is incredibly inspiring right now.
Even though I’m very worried, I’m also hopeful, aince I’m heartened by my local and state candidates who got elected. I’ve vowed to brighten the corner where I am, and to accept that we’ll all have to be extra-vigilant and look out for each other, since pretty much EVERYONE is part of a vulnerable population now. The people are the government, and we’re going to have to remind the people in Washington of that constantly. It’ll be hard (I lost my dad a few years ago, so I’ve definitely had a few “why does all change have to be HORRIBLE?” freakouts lately), but it’s long overdue. Love and best wishes to my fellow smart bitches!
Thanks for this post and I am sending love to you all! Especially Heather S and others who feel scared. For me, self care didn’t kick in until late yesterday. At first I could not stop reading the news, looking for something, anything that would make me feel better. But then I had a good cry in the car on the way home from work and then came home and hugged my little girls as much as I could. That helped. I just downloaded two new books including The Hating Game as recommended here, so my self care plan for this weekend includes family time, new books,and probably more wine than is strictly necessary. But I told my girls on Wednesday morning: this makes it more important than ever for us to truly show what we value through our actions. We believe it is wrong to judge or hate someone because of skin color or who they love, we believe in being kind, we believe in taking care of the environment. So we have to show it, every day. My daughters are still little so to them I said, just be good friends. But I can do more. I will be making some donations, as much as I can, and trying to find ways to actively support the organizations that are trying to do good in the world. That is the only thing that really makes me feel positive again, right now.
I have been rereading “Pride & Prejudice”- pretty much my #1 comfort read – and snuggling my cats. Also eating. Menchie’s has non-dairy chocolate fudge sorbet that can salvage a lot of negative feels. Also watched the sea otters on the Monterey Bay Aquarium otter cam and video clips on Esther the Wonder Pig’s FB page. Lots of cute animal vids.
@Betsydub, Buzzfeed has a few pretty good lists.
I’m a nerd, so for me self care involves video games and anime, but preferably of the gentle and relaxing sort right now.
I’ve been playing a new romance game, Rose of Winter, which is cute and funny and sweet. A lady mercenary takes up bodyguarding one of four princes (your choice) and hijinks ensue. I can also recommend Hustle Cat, a sweet paranormal romance game about feline shapeshifters working at a cat cafe.
Anime wise, I’m watching stuff like Flying Witch and Sweetness and Lightning, cute slice of life stuff.
I’d like to speak a word in defence of bubble baths, if I may! I didn’t used to like them either, but I gradually figured out how to do them right.
1: Quick shower first, so you don’t feel like you’re marinating in your own grime.
2: I start by pouring a bath that’s shallow and almost too hot. Then, as it cools down, I add more hot water, thus stretching out the hot water time.
3. Snacks and hydration! You SWEAT in a hot bath. I like something I can eat with a spoon so I’m not touching it with soapy hands (yogurt, sorbet), and a big pitcher of water or iced tea. I also put a cold washcloth on my head so I don’t feel like my brain is cooking.
4. Entertainment! DIDJA KNOW TOUCHSCREEN DEVICES STILL WORK THROUGH MULTIPLE LAYERS OF ZIPLOCK FREEZER BAGGIES?! I double bag my phone and tablet, sucking all the air out first, and then I can read ebooks or watch streaming video without worrying too much about dripping on them. I wouldn’t submerge em, and there’s still risk, but this way dropping or splashing my devices is likely only a momentary annoyance rather than an expensive disaster.
I have more tips (I have strong opinions on baths) but those are the most important ones.
I’ve just been lurking around social media. It helps to know that there’s so many people that feel the same as I do, even if many around me don’t. I’m not in shock. I was warning friends about this two years ago, and oooh how I was laughed at.
We have Deadpool rented from Netflix so I’ve been using that as a bit of dark comedy relief. I scored S2 of Outlander on DVD off of eBay so a re-watch of the show is in order.
Any historical romance is a comfort read to me. I always suggest Love’s Legacy written in the 1990’s by various authors because it has a little something for everyone when it comes to historical romance.
@vaultdweller111: No judgement here. We’re even planning to set up an older computer for gaming so I can play Sims 2 again. 😉
[…] a social media or news blackout. Lean on like-minded friends – either in person or online. http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/2016/11/links-self-care-self-care-self-care/ http://www.stopbreathethink.org/ […]