Hi there. I know for some, it’s a particularly tough morning in the wake of the U.S. election results. So instead of posting links in the afternoon, we figured it might be beneficial to post them ASAP and focus on methods of self-care and self-soothing. Remember, this is a safe space and that you are deeply loved.
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For those who find solace in meditation or want to give it a try, there are the Headspace and Calm apps. Headspace is more of a teaching tool to learn how to meditate, but some find the instructor’s voice a little grating. I like Calm because of the ambient noise it has, combined with soothing, dynamic backgrounds, like a quiet, shimmering lake.
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Sarah: Three years ago, I Storified a whole long list of suggestions for comforting yourself when the standard advice of “bubble baths” doesn’t work for you. (It doesn’t work for me – I get cold too easily.) It seems appropriate today to share the list again, with a gentle reminder to please take good care of yourself today and every day.
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Sarah: A small change that has made a large difference: Momentum Dash extension for Chrome.
New tabs have a truly beautiful picture of somewhere on earth, with location and photographer information in the corner. There’s also quotes, a basic to-do list, and weather. The picture changes every day, and they are all peacefully inspiring.
Amanda: I can vouch for this as well, having downloaded it after Sarah’s recommendation. I love seeing beautiful photos when I wake up or when I’m rushing through work, opening a new tab, and I’m suddenly greeted with snow-capped mountains or a beachy sunset. I like that you can also save your favorite photos and quotes to revisit later.
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Frixion Erasable Pens
I love these pens far more than is probably natural. They write smoothly, they erase for real (yes, way!), and they come in a bunch of colors. I have one with me at all times.
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Food is great self-care, but if you aren’t able to go out and order a nice slice of cake or eat a rich piece of chocolate, maybe these gifs will help. I personally love watching food gifs, especially when they’re so satisfyingly perfect. They will make you hungry though!
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Lastly, how about some cute animals! There are tons of great animal cams to provide a good distraction. There’s the National Zoo Elephant Cam, an adorable puppy cam that had (last I looked) some sleepy golden retrievers, and my personal favorite – the Monterey Bay Aquarium Otter Cam!
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Please share some of your favorite self-care suggestions with us!
Thanks for this post. I’m probably going to treat this with my break-up self care, which is as follows:
1) Get to the gym. Get those natural endorphins going, get the body feeling grounded & strong.
2) Cooking & baking at home, which helps me feel more in control.
3) Escapist TV & books… I can’t imagine watching ANYTHING political, however I just started The Crown on Netflix (at 3am last night, frowny face) and so far it’s great.
4) Rereads. I’ve been in a romance reading slump, but I’m already planning which oldies/goodies I’m going to revisit… So far I’m thinking:
Flowers from the Storm (Laura Kinsale)
Morning Glory (LaVyrle Spencer)
Multiple Lisa Kleypases
Hard Evidence (Pamela Clare)
Outlander (ONLY book one, Diana Gabaldon)
What I Did for a Duke (Julie Anne Long)
Archangel (Sharon Shinn)
Daughter of the Forest (Juliet Marillier)
Kingdom of Dreams (Judith McNaught)
Heck I might even reread the entire “Slightly” series by Mary Balogh.
Anyone else going to their old reliables?
Thank you for thinking of us, as you always do. I’ll be watching the Blade movies, walking in the sunshine, and figuring out how to help friends who are so scared right now.
I’m currently watching movies where the heroes overcome seemingly overwhelming odds and save the day. (So far Pacific Rim and Guardians of the Galaxy) It’s helped my mood quite a bit, but it might just be escapism.
Browsing coat sales online. I find coats soothing.
I woke up this morning and (after checking Facebook) thought, I bet Smart Bitches will help. ❤️ I’m on my honeymoon, so self-care for me this week means trying to focus on the wonderful now and not letting it be ruined by this. Crying at last night’s luau doesn’t top my list of best ever moments.
I second the rereading of comfort books. I just started “The Secret History of the Pink Carnation,” so I plan on binge reading that series until my eyes fall out. Also going to the gym. A lot. And nature walks. And not looking at Facebook.
Reading Sharon Shinn’s Elemental Blessings novels, watching Twelve Angry Men, and I like Kathleen’s idea of re-reading Balogh’s Slighty series.
On a day like today, only a Balogh helps. Halfway through The Secret Pearl…
Doing some donating (not huge sums but something!) gave me a few endorphins, and reaching out to people I’m not in continuous contact with to say that I love them and hope they are able to take some time for self-care today also helped.
I am just so disgusted and disheartened right now.
At a time like this, I think books are more important than ever before, both reading and writing them. Days like today remind me of one of the reasons that I write books in the first place — to entertain people and let them escape for a few hours into another world.
So I’m going to finish writing my words for the day (which is an escape for me as well). Then I’m going to eat some comfort food for lunch, eat some dessert for dinner, take a nap, and watch Hallmark Christmas movies.
This is going to sound bad, and it might be a little controversial, but my self-care this morning involved finally cleaning out my friends list on Facebook. For such a long time, I would just unfollow my “friends” who would post hateful garbage. I figured that as long as I didn’t have to see it, I could maintain some semblance of a friendship with these people I’ve known for so long. Last night proved once and for all that they don’t care about my safety or rights, so I no longer feel compelled to care about their feelings.
Note: I didn’t just wholesale unfriend all my Republican friends. I don’t think that all Republicans are bad people. But those who post racist, sexist, misogynist, or anti-LGBT bullshit? You bet your ass I blocked them.
Unfortunately I have already reread all the romance novels I care to – repeatedly – this year (Balogh and Heyer easily my top two recommendations for can’t deal days). Ordinarily I like a Wodehouse or a Trollope depending on whether I want a nice, hilarious alternative universe in which bad things never happen, or a cozy sweet alternative universe in which everything will really always turn out all for the best. Right now my misandry is running too high for that. Sometimes I turn to a nice explosive mystery when I’m unwell, but violence is too dangerously appealing.
Running away from my feelings is probably my best coping mechanism. Except I broke my fucking foot because of course I did, so I can’t run right now.
Knitting it is. Madame Defarge style.
Thank you for thinking of us! I’m maintaining a total news blockade and playing lots of solitaire on my iPad. I find that the rhythmic clicking on the cards is very soothing and hours pass without my noticing it. In a bit, I think I’ll start yet another re-read of Patricia Briggs’ Alpha/Omega series. It’s my ultimate comfort read.
I just installed the Momentum Dash extension. Thank you so much for the recommendation. I’d already exhausted how much cute animal photos could cheer me up–it was a long election cycle.
Thank you for this “extending of a hand”. I am going to walk my mean bastard of a dog, and don a pair of sunglasses to hide my streaming eyes.
Oh, yes – I’m definitely going to drag out old comfort reads today. Balogh, McNaught, classic Deveraux, LaVyrle Spencer historicals, Nora, SEP. I plan on binge reading.
I’m going to avoid the news and social media for now, have comfort food, , play some games on my iPad, spend time with the people I love most, play with my pets, enjoy a glass of wine tonight and eat chocolate.
Thanks for thinking of us and posting this!
Similar to Momentum, I use the Tabby Cat Extension for Chrome at work. Fortunately my boss is sympathetic to my need for cartoon cats with funny hats.
For comfort reads, nothing beats Know Not Why by Hannah Johnson. It’s the very definition of a comfort read — funny and heartwarming and so very relatable.
I’m also not ashamed to say I carried my favourite tiny plushie in my bag today for comfort. Every time I’m being negative and feel like going on a twitter rant, I snap a photo of the plushie instead. It’s been soothing.
Oh, also tea. Lots.
An application of sadness pie is warranted. In case you didn’t know, sadness pie is coconut cream pie.
Yesterday was a trifecta for me: the election, an awkward dinner with friends including my son’s ex-girlfriend and her new fiance, and the news that one of my best freelance gigs just went under.
I just started Tai Chi and am finding it very soothing and empowering. At class last night the Master taught us to Kick Some Shit and that helped too.
Otherwise it’s comfort reads, chocolate, crocheting like a madwoman and throwing myself into work for the companies I still have left.
I’m so happy many of you are liking Momentum. I’m not involved in the company in any way, but every time I boot up and see a beautiful picture of somewhere on earth, it starts my day with beauty and peace – and I’m very happy to pass the recommendation along.
@Kim W – congratulations on your wedding! I hope you have a lovely honeymoon, and a wonderful happily ever after, every day.
The BBC Pride and Prejudice and Miss Fisher. One has a happy ending, and one has a woman who beats the crap out of jerks. That’s how I make myself feel better.
Last night, I dragged out my Chuck DVD’s and watched Chuck vs. the Beard, which is a total comfort watch for me.
While I got ready for work this morning, I watched White Christmas because it was that kind of morning.
Right now, I’ve got my Christmas playlist going.
Tonight, after cleaning the apartment, I will throw myself into NaNo.
My boss has a really great attitude about this whole thing (which I’m trying to adopt): Accept it, learn from it, and do better next time.
I want to wrap you all up in a big ole Canadian bear hug, we’re kinda shocked up here to be honest. Self care for me is getting out into a park with a stream and woods and connecting with nature (no bugs please). If I have a book with me, even better. Throw in some chocolate and I’m golden :). Also, I avoid TV news like the plague – I found that getting my news in the written word is so much better for my head.
I am a wreck today, honestly. As a hijabi Muslim, I am legit afraid of the future now. I woke up to posts with tips on crisis safety for Muslim women and my friends all distraught and not knowing what to tell their kids. I have 4 assignments due tomorrow and I can’t do anything but curl up in my bed and cry. The only thing that gives me respite at this point is sleep.
I turn to comfort re-reads when I’m upset. I’m not sure that will cut it, today. Sorry, Lois McMaster Bujold.
I put this up on Twitter, but wanted to post it here, too: I wrote “Bad Penny” to be a low-stress read, & it’s liberal AF. Use books as self-care? Here’s some free erotica: https://www.instafreebie.com/free/aMBkZ
I would also recommend checking out the Department of the Interior’s Instagram. Beautiful places & animals in one place. Beware, it is a huge time suck if wonder.
Between my Dad’s health, a pretty frustrating assoc meeting last night and election fallout, I don’t think anything is going to be comforting today- especially when you take into consideration that I started this morning by finishing the first Bridgertons book. If that couldn’t do it, what would?
PS, DPR, you are my hero.
I’m not even American and I’m devastated over this disgusting result. I held off the tears last night by taking solace in reading “Daughters of a Nation”, A Black Suffragette Historical Romance Anthology. This morning, however, I cried…HARD, and am still weeping, in part because of the results of the election, and in part because this historical anthology is so good, so REAL, and so relevant, even in 2016.
Like Milly, sending Canadian hugs to all, especially to those who will be most affected.
When I had massive homesickness years ago, moving halfway down the country, my first-season DVD of BETTER OFF TED really helped me on the down days. Sometimes a silly comedy is the best medicine!
@SB Sarah thank you! ☺️ I really appreciate the well wishes today.
@Heather S I know it’s not much, but I’m sending good thoughts for safety and wellness to you and your loved ones ❤️
@Heather S – I don’t even know what to say except that I hear you.
@Heather S, I’m sending good thoughts across the sea to you, and wish I had something better to offer.
Comforts for me are chocolate and tea (of course, being a Brit), and Wodehouse and Heyer. Getting into the country helps a lot too.
Ooh, also Spirited Away or Kiki’s Delivery Service or Totoro – any of the more cheerful Miyazaki’s.
I have never cried after an election, but I did this year. I deleted my twitter, and as soon as I figure out how to get the videos of my nephew saved from facebook, it’s going too. I am on total news blockade, deleted all my news feeds from feedly, and my instagram is now 100% dogs. I’m re-reading Cherise Sinclair, which I find soothing, I think because of the aftercare cuddling after the BDSM scenes. Wodehouse is a great idea though, may try some of that. I’ve also been listening to David Gray’s Babylon on repeat all day at work. Switched my Amazon smiles charity to the local animal shelter. I plan to donate to planned parenthood for the holidays this year. I’m avoiding my Republican friends for awhile. I love them, and believe them to be basically decent people, but I can’t look at them right now.
Next week I’ll pull out the rage playlist, and get back to fighting the good fight, but for now I need to curl up in a blanket fort with my dog.
@Heather S. – not being Muslim myself I can honestly say I have no idea how you feel right now and I certainly can’t speak for everyone in the country, but what I do know is my husband, our families, friends and I are proud to have Muslim friends, neighbors, and fellow US citizens (not to mention global citizens outside of the US) as part of our community and world. I hope I am not overstepping any boundaries or making you in any way uncomfortable to say you are not alone.
As for the topic of self-care, to kill time yesterday waiting for elections results I read a Harlequin Blaze In the Boss’s Bed – it was fine, nothing great about it but nothing horrible either.
I didn’t sleep well last night and was kind of walking around shocked today so I knew I need more escape so I just read The Billionaire Bachelor (First in the Billionaire Bad Boys series) by Jessica Lemmon. This one was meh – there were a few minor problems I had too, but overall the relationship just wasn’t that convincing.
Tonight my husband and I have plans to laugh our way back to normalcy (at least that is the plan). We have a huge backlog of sitcoms to watch including Blackish, Modern Family, The Big Bang Theory and Brooklyn 99 – so many we won’t get through them tonight!
Sing at the top of my lungs and dance like an idiot. Read, especially comfort reads, but last night I chose to start Signs of Attraction by Laura Brown instead. Liking it, so good choice. Cook (then eat). Snuggle with at least one, probably more, of my five cats. Watch something funny or something that makes me feel powerful and capable (Alias, Buffy, etc).
Top of the list: Remember that tomorrow is another day, and every day is what we make of it, each of us.
@Nancy C – thanks for the reminder about pets! Our two dogs are a constant sort of comfort and source of good vibes. One of our dogs is has several anxiety problems, but when he is sleeping he is the most peaceful looking thing in the world – just watching him sleep is calming (and when he is awake he is a good and loyal friend who happens to have issues). Our other second dog is adorable and cute and amazing and makes us laugh!
Thank you for this post. It has been a tough day. I work from home, so it has been a blessing to read posts like this one and get a little comfort from knowing that I am not alone. When I am stressed, I clean, which is actually a blessing, because there is a donation truck coming to my street next Friday. They will get getting more stuff than I originally thought, so at least a non profit will get some benefit from my stress.
@Heather S — Although I we’ve never met, I feel as if I know you at least a little bit, because of your podcast interview with Sarah. My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and others who feel unsafe as a result of these election results.
I’m reading (for the first time) Sarah Morgan’s second book in the O’Neil series. Contemporary small-town romance is definitely a comfort read right now.
Also, I have started putting a couple drops of lavender oil on my pillows, which I think has been helping me sleep better. It certainly makes my bedroom and my sheets smell great.
I’m on a news block out– I had a close friend pass away out of no where last week & have had to help deal with some lay offs in our department this week. I seriously can’t take more anxiety at this point. Plan is to watch silly YouTube videos and Gilmore Girls until the existential dread passes. Plus maybe a little Victoria Dahl… I’ve been saving one for a “Break In Case of Emergency” type mood.
Thank you to all the Bitchery: this is one of my favorite places to be when I just need some fun and escape
I feel that someone should wrap a blanket around me, speak in soothing tones and perhaps feed me spoonsful of warm soup. While I rock myself.
I finished a good nonfiction book last night which helped me settle down enough to sleep … unfortunately it was about a disaster which seemed kind of TOO apt. :/ (Floodpath, by Jon Wilkman, about a catastrophic dam collapse north of Los Angeles in 1928).
That was after a pleasant 2.5 hours with my favorite Millenial having drinks and dessert. Once I got home and checked the status, I didn’t want dinner, just waited for husband to get home so we could watch Dancing with the Stars.
Tonight I think it will be a loud special-effectsy movie, plus the pot roast we didn’t eat yesterday, plus wine. Lots and lots of wine.
As a visibly disabled (and mostly closeted) queer trans man, I am terrified of what my life might become. I’ve been trying not to cry all day, I feel devastated and horrified. Between this, my uncle’s emergency surgery, and schoolwork, I’m scared I might just have a breakdown.
I’ll be reaching for my comfort reads, A History of Barbed Wire by Jeff Mann (beautifully written gay BDSM erotica) or Where Thy Dark Eye Glances by Steve Berman (it’s an anthology of queer stories based on Poe’s work.)
I honestly don’t know what I’ll do for self-care right now. I don’t know if knitting would be enough of a distraction. I might play video games (I’m playing Dishonored right now) or something.