We’ve got some pretty prime cover snark this Monday, one of which is very NSFW and many of which is not very subtle, so be warned!
WARNING
WARNING
WARNING
Amanda: Oh, I’ll take that road. Also, “best selling author of The Back Passage.”
Sarah: Wait, is this a euphemism for something?
Elyse: I think this book might be about anal. But I’m not sure. Hard to tell
Sarah: So if one of them takes the high road, what happens when that person gets to Dublin? Or is that also part of the euphemism.
Elyse: Is Dublin the prostate ?
Amanda: If a train is taking the low road going 80 mph at 3pm and hopes to reach the prostrate by 8pm…
Redheadedgirl: I DID NOT GET INTO ROMANCE TO DO MATH, AMANDA!
Elyse: If you started at 3 and haven’t reached the prostate 5 hours later, you’re doing something very wrong.
Amanda: Maybe he’s taking the scenic route, Elyse. IT’S NOT ABOUT THE DESTINATION, BUT(T) THE JOURNEY!
Carrie: Is everyone on drugs? Can I have some? The sparkly dove kind.
Redheadedgirl: Do you see the disembodied baby head? I think that’ll be a trip that turns ugly.
Carrie: Wait what? I can see it well enough to know something weird is happening but not well enough to see what it is. THERE’S A BABY HEAD? Maybe I AM on drugs!
Redheadedgirl: On the left side.
Elyse: Ahhhhh no!!
Carrie: I can tell where it must be I just can’t see it for which I am so deeply grateful.
Redheadedgirl: The eye is next to the L, and the mouth is just above the W.
ELYSE YOU WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN
Carrie: OMG THERE IS A BABY HEAD
THAT IS A BAD TRIP
Elyse: Ugh. Nooooooo.
Amanda: I’d like to see his Big Ben.
Sarah: Very subtle there.
Wait, is he in True Peril from epic priapism? Did his erection last so long they built a clock out of it?
Redheadedgirl: No, he’s just keeping a REAL CLOSE look at the time, because once he hits the 4 hours he turns into a pumpkin (or he needs to go to the ER, whichever).
Sarah: Same thing.
Redheadedgirl: …Sarah should totes read this while feverish.
Sarah: Nice … bib?
My eyeballs are bouncing between his bib and his bangs and now I’m dizzy.
Amanda: I just want to know what’s going on with his hair. Hair doesn’t do that.
Redheadedgirl: He’s got the Something About Mary style DOWN
…er, up?
Elyse: He dyes his eyebrows. Clearly.
Amanda: Also, she looks pleased to be carrying the Dragon King’s baby.
So that’s good.
Sarah: Choice is important, especially with Dragon King babies. I imagine the kicking is brutal.
Which leads me to wonder if he chose that bib or if it was thrust upon him
Redheadedgirl: I’m trying to think of where in the MFA I’ve seen stuff like that.
Sarah: If it wasn’t in the Museum of Fine Arts, I can guarantee you at least two MFA students wrote about it. Ironically, of course.
Redheadedgirl: Breastplate with gold necklace.
Sarah: Aw, poor dude got the one without rattles.
Redheadedgirl: That style shows up in a lot of cultures, from South America to the Hmong hill tribes, to 1970s rich people, to “hey it’s the early 21st century, let’s bring the 70s back!” jewelry designers.
Sarah: Can we stop the bringing of the 70s back?
“Clean cowboy romance novel”? How clean ARE cowboys in that era? Also there is enough of an audience to have reached vol 20 in this series. So clearly the sparkly dove drugs are working for *somebody*
That dove cover looks like they imported elements into Photoshop and forgot to get their layers in the right order.
I’m surprised nobody commented on the absurdly happy looking dragon on the last cover – I didn’t know that they are even able to look happy, but this one? It must be drugs or something…
Is it the high road or the low road that’ll get me to Loch Lomond? At least now I know what’s under the kilt 😛
A dove that farts fireworks seems like something natural selection would have wiped out thousands of years ago.
My eyes keep moving to that dark area between the legs on the first one. It almost looks like a cave.
Did no one else notice that the Dragon King is Tom Cruise?
Just going to say the same thing, Heather! That is definitely Tom Cruise.
I wish birds pooped glitter on my horses! Would be much easier to clean up. And could we get deer to poop glitter, too?
Anyone else see the horse on the Druggy Dove cover, or is that my cough syrup kicking in?
@Katharina – the dragon is absurdly happy because she’s having his baby! Forgive me Paul Anka.
The first one is subtle isn’t it? And can we just admit that having the dragon’s baby means that you’re pretty much guaranteeing that your friends and family are going to have to lie when they tell you “what a cute baby! The scales are just adorable!!!”
I also love how *normal* the woman on the last cover looks. Like, she could be that nice pregnant lady sitting at the table next to you at a semi-decent Italian restaurant…with her insane dragon king husband.
I can see the resemblance to Tom Cruise, but my first thought re: The Dragon King was that he looked like David Beckham in a very weird wig.
What time period does the dragon king novel take place in, exactly? Because, he’s got a half-naked Egyptian sorta thing going on, while she appears to be dressed in a cheap cotton sweatshirt she bought from the maternity section at WalMart.
Can we stop the bringing of the 70s back?
Yes please yes OMG PLEASE YES
Patricia Eimer – to be honest, if I was the mom’s friend-or-family, it would guarantee exactly the opposite. I would say all those things and mean every word.
Oh great, I broke the italics. My apologies.
I love the way the gold bib is cupping one nipple, and by hanging off-center probably exposing the other nipple. It’s a look, right? Also, by the expression in his eyes, he’s remembering details of the powerful union . . .
All of those James Lear books have similarly, er, scenic covers. I refuse to say how I know this.
Is no one else concerned that the man on the Low Road cover seems to have dislocated one or both of his hips?
Also @Heather T – Tom Cruise with a really bad mullet!
KSwan – the powerful union – is that the Teamsters?
@Meg, I saw the running horses before I saw the baby and then panicked because clearly the horses are going to trample floating baby head!
A “clean cowboy romance” with a dove, a baby, a mommy and horses. The Second Coming or “clean” does not = not kinky?
Are they bringing the 70s back or are they bringing *sexy* back?
Is the baby moonlighting from Teletubbies?
I ❤️ Cover Snark…
I just checked out James Lear’s other books for sale. Great titles like The Secret Tunnel and A Sticky End. Quite the titles for this genre, especially since the covers are similar to the cover snark one above.
So you have a dragon king with a bib, dyed eyebrows, crazy hair, a miniature golf castle, a happy dragon…and his babymama is wearing a cardigan set? With balayage hair? She looks like she’s a cutout from a Destination Maternity ad.
He looks like Khal Drogo smashed together with a hipster. And one of those ceiling lights from the ’70s that used to have a hanging chain all the way to the ground.
I think something scary happened to the pregnant lady’s spine- her back is bent in a way no human vertebrae can take.
While I appreciate the information contained in the site, particularly the new book releases, the Cover Snark has me doubled over, howling with laughter every time. Thanks for so many moments.
I think the fuchsia on the cover made me trip. I saw a unicorn at first glance, all that fuchsia deserved a unicorn.
Anyone else want to read the Dragon King? Anyone expecting it to involve Scientology?
That sparkly dove cover is doing the most.