This cover came to us from anonymous, and we salute anonymous with all the anonymous wine glasses.
RedHeadedGirl: ….
What….exactly… is the dark void?
Sarah: Ummmm.
RedHeadedGirl: It’s the butt, isn’t it?
Carrie: Is that really a question you want answered?
RedHeadedGirl: no
Carrie: Well then
RedHeadedGirl: I have some anatomy questions
Carrie: I like how the tall guy looks super bored or possibly mortified and the short guy seems to find something in his line of sight to be terribly amusing.
RedHeadedGirl: One: why does the short one’s 6 pack start at his armpits?
Two: why does short dude look like he has a forked dick?
Elyse: They have matching friendship necklaces tho…
Amanda: Yeah, I’m sorry. I can’t stop staring at short dude’s speedo long enough to form a coherent sentence.
Elyse: Her boob…
Amanda: Is disorderly.
Elyse: It’s a different color than the rest of her dress!
Redheadedgirl: There’s a lot going on with that dress
The bodice, the skirt, and the sleeves are all different fabrics.
Sarah: I keep looking at it, scrolling down, scrolling up, looking again, and everything in the composition seems to be pointing at her boob, right? It’s not just me?
Redheadedgirl: Is he wearing a disco shirt?
Elyse: Is she smelling his nipple?
Sarah: Why are they so shiny?
Amanda: It looks like he’s gently trying to push her away. “Ma’am, please. Stop.”
Sarah: Blue wolf? Why? Why blue?
Elyse: Why Colorado?
Redheadedgirl: IDK
It’s not exactly where one expects Vikings.
Of any hue.
Amanda: I just wish we could pan up and discover it’s Tobias Funke.
Elyse: So, to summarize: he’s a neon blue, red-haired Viking-wolf from Colorado.
Redheadedgirl: I mean, if we’re judging by the cover.
Elyse: That sounds like a prompt you’d give an improv group
Redheadedgirl: We are judging by the cover.
Carrie: Nothing about this says Viking to me. Alien, maybe. Or dude at rave who is very committed to his lifestyle. But not Viking. Not even Pict, and they actually did paint themselves blue – but not glow in the dark blue.
Also, nothing about this says wolf, and like the rest of you, I ask, why Colorado? But now I wondering: if this series involves all fifty states, what did the other states get? And I’m down this OCD rabbit hole of thinking of a list of fifty kinds of romance heroes that could be in a series. So…good job, cover? I still don’t want to read the book, but my day has been completely derailed.
Did I miss Bartender/Bar Owner on the list? You know, the one that teaches the uptight woman how to really live?
Am I just not seeing the second right arm? (sentences I never thought I’d write)
@MsCellany
I’m with you. I just don’t see it. I keep looking though!
Perhaps @Gloriamarie Amalfitano is just trying to mess with me?
Ok, I make the list at 103. The only one that was duplicated was “spy.”
1. Actor
2. Amish
3. Angel
4. Archaeologist
5. Archangel
6. Artist
7. Assassin
8. Astronaut
9. Atoner
10. B&B Owner people secretly believe is gay but isn’t
11. Beta hero
12. Billionaire
13. Bodyguard
14. Boxer/prize fighter/MMA fighter
15. boy next door/neighbour
16. Bratva member
17. Broke dude with a castle and/
or manor
18. Chauffeur
19. Chef
20. Contractor
21. Cop
22. Cowboy
23. Cyborg
24. Demon
25. Detective
26. Doctor
27. dom/master
28. Down-Home Country Boy
29. Dragon Shifter
30. Duke
31. Earl
32. Explorer
33. FBI/other government agent
34. Fire Lookout
35. Firefighter
36. Forest Ranger
37. Gargoyle
38. government officials (e.g. senator, etc)
39. Greek shipping magnate
40. Hairdresser/beautician
41. Hermit
42. Highwayman
43. Ice climber
44. Inheritance Seeker
45. Injured/handicapped hero
46. Investigative Journalist
47. Knight
48. Landscaper
49. Lawyer
50. Librarian
51. Lighthouse Keeper
52. Lumberjack
53. Magician
54. male escort
55. male model
56. male steward
57. Man orphaned as a child, left with nothing but four younger siblings to put through college who succeeds at it.
58. Mechanic
59. Merchant Marine
60. Merman
61. military, any type
62. Motorcycle-riding, tattooed bad guy
63. Movie Director
64. Navy SEAL or other special forces
65. Noble Savage
66. Outlaw
67. Paramedic
68. Photographer
69. pilot
70. Pirate
71. Politician
72. Pool boy
73. porn star
74. prehistoric animal (t-rex and friends)
75. Prince
76. Race car driver
77. Rancher
78. Revenge Seeker
79. Rock star
80. Royal Navy ship captain
81. Scientist
82. Scot
83. Secret Society grand master
84. Sheikh
85. Ski instructor
86. Smouldering Latin Lover
87. Sports star
88. Spy
89. Star Ship Captain
90. Stevedore
91. Surgeon
92. Tattoo Shop Owner/Artist
93. Teacher/coach
94. Valet who’s actually Duke
95. Vampire
96. Veterinarian
97. Viking
98. Voyageur
99. Warlock
100. Warrior of “the past” trapped in a statue or some other work of art.
101. Werewolf/shifter
102. Widower
103. Wilderness Guide
Here’s a thought…. And maybe it would have to be moved to a different category, that is for the SB to decide… which of us can assign a title to more of the heroes?
I assure you, not messing with anyone. There is lump that looks like a shoulder to the front of his body so presumably his arm is attached to that. And then there is a second right arm hanging off to the side. If he doesn’t have two right arms, then he must be deformed in some way. Not that that’s a bad thing.
Hmmm, let’s see… we’re missing:
Architect
Professor
and no Author/Writer/Novelist? I know that’s usually a heroine gig (hello to the self-insert) but I seem to remember reading at least one reclusive novelist hero — Wait, yes, I did. It’s the first Kowalski book.
Boat-builder
Carpenter
Forger
Thief
Private investigator
Undercover agent
I somehow accidently (yes, really accidently) clicked to the Amazon description of Into the Dark Void. Apparently they are some type of space marines and are on a secret mission to find some deep space probes. There is one review on the book. The reviewer liked the book and in the last paragraph talked about the cover. Amazingly she liked the cover.(To each their own.)
@Christian
Sorry, I was blithely assuming there were merman-themed romance novels out there. I haven’t actually read any, though. *hangs head*
But but! I did a search on GoodReads, and lo and behold:
Popular Merman Books
Gay Mermen
Not all romance, to be sure, but a lot of them are, e.g. Craving Distant Tides and Love Rising.
I may also have made up the ‘Voyageur’ category *whistles innocently* but on the same principle… *Googles* Voila! Song of the Voyageur!
Actually the “lump” in question doesn’t look like a shoulder to me. It looks like an overgrown/overdeveloped (badly photoshopped) trapezius muscle. Also, where’s his neck?
@Christian – Virginia Kantra’s Children of the Sea series has male and female selkies and various mer-creatures. It’s also very good.
Joey Hill also has at least one erotic romance with mermaids and I think mermen (I only read the review, not the book, so I’m foggy on the details). IIRC, the guys had a flap / pouch thing to protect their genitals.
104. Nerd
Movie Producer
Record Producer
Opera Singer
Street Hoodlum
Professor
Yard Man
Garbage Man
Dry Cleaner
IT guy
Postal Worker
Dog Walker who is secretly a Billionaire
@kitkat9000 about the missing neck, I thought one of the arms was growing out of it.
Loving the Marquess: Her earring is caught on his nipple stud…happened all the time back in the day…:D
Must be the woad less traveled.
Great list. Here’s a few I didn’t see or could have overlooked:
Game developer/programmer
Gamer
Psychic or Psy abilities
Accountant
Security Specialist
Drifter
And those covers are crazysauce
This “hero” list is fabulous. Should there be a category listing for “Heroes that look like Fabio for some unknown reason”?
And–that Dark Void cover. Alrighty then. I just keep picturing the tall one saying to the shorter one, “Oh, don’t worry, Olympic Platform Diving is really hard. On your manhood.”
I didn’t see:
professional athlete: football, basketball, baseball, hockey, soccer, etc.
mercenary
gangster/mobster
private investigator/private detective
alien
stripper
manny (male nanny)
male nurse
Venture capitalist
Luthier
Non-billionaire CEO who actually knows how the heiress’s business is run
@PamG, what is a Luthier?
I’m so glad I happened upon this site. The rest of it is relatively sane, but Cover Snark has the tears flowing and I can’t catch my breath. Love it. Can’t wait to read more. Hope to the heavens, if I’m ever published, my cover(s) won’t appear here. Too funny.
A luthier is someone who makes or repairs stringed instruments like guitars.
@Pat, but consider this. If your cover(s) make it to Cover Snark, then you know your has proven itself and you are now a household name.
@Joan, thank you. It occurs to me that I could have googled it but, oops, lazy me.
Another hero: djinn (or genie)
One book example – “Oracle’s Moon” by Thea Harrison
a wonderful book with a wonderful hero.
bumping up the historical heroes – although admittedlly, the below seems a overly western european
spartan/trojpan/mcedonian
gladiator
Roman (slave, senator, centurion etc)
Gaul, Briton, Helvetian, spaniard (ie from country invaded by romans)
Goths (take this anywhich way you like, modern and ye olde goths)
Picts
Saxon
Danes
Norman
Knight
Crusader/infidel
Roundhead
Cavellier
Muskateer
Captain/Major
Priest (was also covered somehwere upthread but somehow missed out in the compiled list)
Druid
Horse trainer/jockey/master
Troubador
Circus acrobat
Falconer
Blacksmith
Playwriight
Archer
Extending the earlier merman question , anyone up for matching the compiled list with actual covers/ titles?
@k brum,you wrote: “Extending the earlier merman question , anyone up for matching the compiled list with actual covers/ titles?”
I suggested this a few days ago, but no one seemed interested. I;ve been working on it on my own. Good way to make me remember the details of the stories I’ve read.
Mermen books:
Lords of the Abyss (mermen/mermaids series by Michelle M. Pillow
The Mighty Hunter (Lords of the Abyss 1)
Commanding the Tides (Lords of the Abyss 2)
Captive of the Deep (Lords of the Abyss 3)
Surrender to the Sea (Lords of the Abyss http://michellepillow.com/lordsoftheabyss/
Nicole, I think the tall guy is all “I’m tall and manly with a bellybutton tramp stamp, and I shall nail that triple spin that ends with a daring feet-first entry!”
Short guy: Hehehe. Get ready to have your balls permanently front-and-centered. Ask me how I know.